


a place for love up among the stars

by Signel_chan



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Attempted Assassinations, Children, Disability, F/M, Family, Friendship, Growing Up, Hospitals, Illnesses, Medical Procedures, Mental Health Issues, Over The Top Celebrating, Partying, Romance, Secrets, Slice of Life, Violence, descriptions of injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-01-24 05:54:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 129,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18565276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signel_chan/pseuds/Signel_chan
Summary: An astronaut's biggest dream is to go to space, and when Kaito ends up being part of a space mission, there's a lot that he chooses to let happen between finding out and when he'll take flight—not to mention all of the things that he doesn't choose to have happen to him and Maki. From the good to the bad, and everything in between, there's nothing quite like the pair watching their lives crumble and be rebuilt much different than they'd been before.





	1. taking flight

**Author's Note:**

> tw: vomiting, female anatomy (non-sexual)

Whenever Kaito had something important and positive to say, he usually could make it a couple minutes before his news would fall out of his mouth, the excitement of keeping it secret too difficult for him to contain. He could begin to bait someone with a tease about having a secret and reveal the secret in the same breath, he was that horrible at keeping his mouth shut about details. This was just a quirk of his that everyone had grown used to in the many years since they’d first met him, and he tried his best to work on eliminating it but any and all attempts seemed to be fruitless.

That was why it came as a surprise to Maki when she came home from yet another day of working to preserve her assassin title, only for Kaito to be waiting by the door, the largest grin he could have on his face. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here when I got back,” she admitted, kicking her shoes off and feeling relieved when she could spread her toes on the floor. “Figured I’d have some time to myself before—”

“There’s something big, huge, gigantic that I’ve got to tell you, that’s why I’m here!” He was nearly yelling, his voice almost cracking with some of the higher pitches it hit. “I can’t tell you right this second and it’s killing me, but you haveta believe me when I say that I’ve got the best news I’ve ever had for ya!”

His exuberance was fairly standard whenever he had news to deliver, but as Maki waited with brows raised for him to once again fail to keep his secret and tell her prematurely, she found him staring at her with that grin, blinking blankly. “This is the part where you go ahead and tell me whatever this is.”

“Huh? I can’t do that this time, Maki Roll. Had to promise I wouldn’t say a word about anything until you heard about it from someone else first.” His grin faltered as she continued looking suspiciously at him, him raising a hand to scratch at the back of his head. “It’s kind of a crazy situation but trust me when I say you’ll know what I have for ya when you hear the first thing about it.” He was trying to sound convincing, but he wasn’t doing a very good job of it, not in her opinion.

Even still, she wasn’t going to call him a liar to his face, not in plain terms. “I’ll play along, sure. Just don’t blame me when you end up telling me whatever you’re trying to hide because you can’t keep positive secrets worth a damn.” His reaction to that was to laugh, pulling her into a one-armed hug that she tried to push herself out of but their size difference always made it more of a struggle than she was willing to commit to most days. He was a lot to handle at once, but at the end of the day he was still the love of her life, the reason she stuck with assassin work even though she could get out of the field at any time, because the pay was nice and helped support them both when he wasn’t making anything substantial (which was all of the time, it seemed). Being an assassin was messy and far from glamorous, but she was paid so much better than he was at his ground-based astronaut job.

Kaito was making a lovely effort to keep his mouth shut on whatever his secret was, but she was already starting to think about the possibilities for what it could pertain to. He’d specifically mentioned how she had to hear it from someone else first, which made her think that one of their friends had made the wrong choice in trusting him with some big news, and if that were the case then she could narrow it down to just a handful of options. To test that theory, she brought up each of her options at random, seeing if she could get a reaction out of him that spilled the beans he was keeping to himself, but everything she said was met with that same blank stare she’d gotten before.

“You’re really not going to let me find this one out early, huh?” she asked after she’d exhausted all of her possibilities and was beginning to consider trying a second round. “This isn’t like you, Kaito, I’m impressed.”

“I was sworn to secrecy until you hear it elsewhere first, that’s all I can say.” Stroking the hair on his chin, trying to make himself look wiser than he was, he was promptly met with an icy glare courtesy of Maki, who didn’t believe that was _all_ he could tell her. “I’d love for you to know now, I really would, but we have to wait. Not too much longer, though, unless the time got changed on me without me knowing…”

She could see his confidence in his own ability to keep his mouth shut waning, and as much as she’d like to break him of it completely and get the news for herself early, she was beginning to get bored with the topic. “If it’s not anything to do with a world tour, some monster case being solved, or someone confiding in you, of all people, something exciting happening in their lives, you can count me disinterested,” she said, throwing herself down into her usual spot on their ragged couch, him jumping on next to her and causing all the wood supports to creak. “I don’t have the patience to play this game with you.”

“That’s funny, this is the first time you’ve ever had to play it,” he reminded her, setting a hand on her thigh and giving it a tight squeeze, at which she grumbled and tried shoving a decorative pillow in his face to silence him. If anything, their relationship was aggressively playful, if sometimes more on the aggressive side than the playful one, and neither of them would change a thing about that.

They tussled on the couch for a few minutes, until the alarm on his phone began blaring in his pocket, which made him startle himself into a proper sitting position, rather than the half-laying one he’d found himself in, with her on top of him. As he turned the alarm off, he turned their tiny-screened TV on, the poor thing taking nearly a minute to begin working well enough for them to see what was playing. Neither of them were that interested in watching things, so buying an old piece of junk from a yard sale had been the most cost effective thing they could do, for moments like this where apparently they needed to be watching something.

The moment the news broadcast that they’d tuned into started mentioning big news for the space program, Maki felt herself sitting up a bit straighter, her spine tensing up at the topic of discussion the anchors were having between them. Next to her, Kaito seemed like he was focused on their every word, almost as if he was waiting for one of them to say something that he knew was coming—and it was then that she began connecting the dots as to what was going on. Specifics weren’t coming to her mind, just the fact that the person she needed to hear the thing from first was one of the people on the screen, but with everything they added to the discussion about preparing a team for spaceflight and a departure date that was to be determined, as well as how invested Kaito was in hearing about it, she began to come to a shaky conclusion about what was going on.

When the broadcast went to a different topic, Kaito turned the TV off and looked at her, that grin from earlier back on his face. “So, uh, here’s where I tell ya that I know when that flight’s gonna be, and that I know that because I know a guy who’s gonna be on it,” he said, trying to moderate his volume a lot better than usual, but the way he was speaking loudly only made his words hit her harder when he followed with: “That guy, of course, is the one and only Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars!”

“You’re…actually going to space?” she managed to ask after a handful of seconds staring at him in a stunned silence, him clearly wanting her to have a reaction of any kind. “This isn’t a joke, right? You’re really going?”

“In just under a year, yeah. The roughly planned date is next November. Should be for about six weeks, then I’ll be back down here with all you non-astronauts in time for Christmas.” She choked out a half-laugh as he said the length of the trip, but before he could say anything else she had thrown herself forward and to her feet, her whole body visibly shaking for some reason. “Er, what’s the matter, Maki Roll? Aren’t ya happy? I’m finally getting to live my dream!”

“I’m beyond happy for you, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that…” Her thoughts were running wild with all the possibilities of how this could end in disaster, stripping her of the one and only person she could say that she loved. “Don’t you think it’s dangerous to actually do that, and then?”

He shrugged, joining her in standing so that he could wrap her tightly in a proper hug. “I mean, it’s not the safest but it’s not a death wish. I’ve been wanting to get to do this since I was a child, so this is pretty exciting stuff for me. I just want to know that you’re excited about it too!”

As much as she would have loved to lie through her teeth and tell him that she was excited, something wasn’t sitting right in Maki’s mind about the news. “I’m sorry, Kaito, I just need a moment to really accept that you’re going to space next year. Even if it’s only for a few weeks, and even if I’m sure it’s safer than what I do for a living.” She could hear his breathing, hear the rhythmic thumping of his heart as she had her head pressed against his chest while they hugged, and yet she still couldn’t bring herself to accept that this was actually going to happen to him. There had to be some element of a joke to it, this seemed too big for him to have been able to keep it to himself like he had.

And yet, it was completely serious and over the following days she was shown just how much he’d been telling the truth. The long delay before the launch and orbit was due to one of the astronauts who was expected to go needing a longer time to recover from some sort of surgery he’d had in recent weeks, and rather than replace him with someone inexperienced they just pushed the launch back. Kaito only told her those details because she’d thought she’d discovered a way to catch him in his lie, but his words weren’t enough to convince her so he had to bring a patch from work to show that he was, in fact, speaking the truth. Seeing his name stitched into the fabric with several others, as well as the date of the launch, made it far too real to keep denying that it was true, and she spent the rest of that night angry at herself for failing to believe him from the start.

The next morning, when she woke up to the sound of her phone gently ringing, playing a tone that only went off when it was one of her bosses trying to get her to take on a job, she considered never answering the call and retiring from the assassin life. If Kaito was going to be going to space for real, that meant that he’d be getting paid better in the near future, and that meant that they’d be able to survive just off of his money rather than both of theirs. She wouldn’t need to keep killing people in dark rooms once he started getting paid like the astronaut he actually was, and they’d be set for a while even without that second income that she provided to cover for when he wasn’t making money.

“You’re thinking about not answering it, huh?” he asked her with a tired voice, the sound of the ringtone waking him up next to her, his face down in the pillow and an arm draped over her, as if they’d been cuddling in their sleep. “I wouldn’t do it if I were you, there’s no need anymore now that I’m livin’ the dream!”

The problem with choosing to quit by refusing to answer a call was that it was no secret on how to find her, and her bosses could easily send someone to come take care of her if they felt they’d been wronged. “No, I think I have to do this for now,” she said, affirming her decision to reach for the phone out loud so they both knew her plan. “But someday soon, I know I’ll be able to get off their payroll and be done with all this.”

“That’s the spirit, Maki Roll!” His cheer was followed almost immediately with the soft sounds of him falling back asleep, a perfect background noise for her to answer the call coming through. When he woke back up she was gone, her nightgown wadded into a ball on her side of the bed and a bag of her belongings missing from the corner of the room; this was completely typical behavior whenever she went out on a job, her disappearing into thin air with as much as she felt she needed. While it bothered him that she’d left without another word on the matter, he was so used to her slipping in and out of the house that he didn’t think too much of it.

It only became bothersome when she didn’t come back until late that night, her clothes looking almost perfectly pristine with the exception of her shoes, which were splashed with blood. “Had to wait until the sun was down, couldn’t risk anyone seeing the kill,” she told him completely nonchalant, as if it was normal for people to murder others for a living. “I had a chance to talk to some…people about the situation while I waited, the best they can do for me right now is cut back on calling me for jobs but I guess I don’t have a solid ‘reason’ to stop working for them. As if the love of my life being a real astronaut isn’t good enough.”

“Something’s better than nothing, isn’t it? I’ve never liked you doing their dirty work for them, but if they’re gonna ask you to do less that’s what matters!” The smell of the blood on her shoes was starting to become noticeable, almost like she’d walked through a puddle of it after the kill, but he didn’t want to dwell on that possibility. She was too careful to track bloodied footprints back to her location. “Now let’s hope they start that right away, because we’ve got a lot of celebrating to do!”

Dropping her bag of weapons that she’d taken with her, Maki gave him a cold glare for a moment before she bent down to carefully get the stained shoes off her feet. “I’m sorry, but what kind of celebrating do you have in mind? A nice dinner? I can do that, if that’s what you’re talking about.”

“Might be a bit of what I’m talking about, sure!” There was grin creeping its way onto Kaito’s face, the appearance of it informing Maki that she shouldn’t exactly take his words for what they were. “I want to celebrate this whole thing as much as I can, with as many people as I can, for as long as I can! It’s not every day that dreams come true, y’know?”

If her shoes weren’t so bloody and disgusting, she would have reached up with one in hand and smacked him with it for his explanation. It only made sense that Kaito would be so wrapped up in the excitement of what he was going to get to do that he was going to completely forget that almost everyone they knew had some form of a professional life to attend to, herself being one of the few exceptions. How he intended for their busy with work and family friends to drop everything to go out celebrating with him, she had no idea, but hearing him begin to ramble about the visions of grandeur running through his head she had half a mind to buy into his fantasies. He was so confident in what he was saying, in his plans to go try this fancy restaurant, or go to that limited time event, that she wanted to believe in what he was saying too.

That was the problem with being romantically intertwined with a dreamer like him, it became hard to remain rooted in reality forever—but Maki knew that the realities of all of his friends would drag him back down to the Earth he was currently living on.

* * *

For as certain as she’d been about others making it difficult for Kaito to get his wish of constant celebrating his impending visit to space, Maki was completely blown away by how willing everyone was to drop their lives on a dime to go out and spend time with him. Now, it wasn’t as simple as him saying he wanted to do something and everyone making it happen, there did have to be some forewarning and planning done to get as many people as possible to each night’s event, but it was still amazing how many attendees there were night after night. “I would’ve thought that by now they’d stop coming,” she muttered to herself one night, over a week into the non-stop celebrating. “It doesn’t make sense, showing up is only making him keep going.”

“Okay, but some of us never have a reason to go out like this, and I think it’s fun that he keeps asking us to come along!” Sitting next to Maki, and catching her by surprise because she hadn’t expected to be heard, Kaede had a large, peaceful smile on her face as she leaned in closer to the woman she was speaking to. “He’s been so understanding that some nights we’ll have to come in late, and others we can come early but have to leave early too, it’s honestly really cool that he’s so understanding like that!”

“The two of you have been the only ones to come every night, so…yeah, it makes sense that he’ll bend to what you need.” Stealing a glance towards Kaito, as he was in the middle of an enthusiastic conversation with a couple restaurant workers as well as some of their other friends, Maki sighed as she looked back at Kaede, who looked like she was having the time of her life. “What’s it like, going from performing in a fancy concert hall to shuffling into some dive bar like this?”

She shrugged, the expression on her face not changing even slightly as she contemplated her answer. “It’s not as weird as you’d think, because duh I know I’m here for Kaito, not for myself. He’s the one picking these weird late-night hangouts for us to come to, I’m not going to question it.”

“Last time you came in wearing your concert dress, at least tonight you changed before people tried robbing you.” Once again Maki looked over to where Kaito was being loud, excited, and dominating the conversation with everyone he was with, and she had to resist calling out to him to get him to act his age. “I wouldn’t trust looking like I’m important in a place like this, especially not with a name as recognizable as yours.”

“As if people who come here would know anything about classical music,” Kaede pointed out, her smile finally fading as she accepted that Maki was going to remain pessimistic about things no matter what. “I’m just glad that I remembered to have a change of clothes for tonight, last time I didn’t have one and _that’s_ why I came out wearing my performance gown. Of course, you know what I did forget tonight, don’t you?”

Pressing her eyes closed for a moment, Maki reopened them as she replied, “You’ve only told me like eight times since we got here, yeah. I thought you said that Shuichi was going to handle it because you forgot to?”

“He is handling it, I just can’t believe I forgot to let her know that when she got to the house earlier.” Reaching to put an arm around Maki’s shoulders, Kaede managed to get a couple fingers on her friend’s arm before she was pushed away, the contact unwanted. “Between making sure I knew where you guys were going to be tonight, and making sure I got to my show on time, I guess I let it slip my mind to tell the babysitter we’d been needing her late again tonight.”

“Seems like you need her to do that pretty often,” Maki said after recalling several other instances of being told similar things. She brushed off a second attempt of Kaede trying to get her arm over her shoulders before asking, “Do the two of you even parent those kids, or is it always up to others?”

“H-hey, this has been a weird time for all of us, they’ve just been getting babysat a bit more than normal while we come out celebrating with you guys!” Laughing, Kaede gave up on trying to get to hug Maki and instead used her arm to prop her head up, her hand curled up under her chin. “They’re young enough that this isn’t going to be something they remember, anyway, so it’s no big deal.”

Not knowing the first thing about responding to that, Maki did nothing but sit there in silence, her mind trying to come up with something to say. There were no words that seemed appropriate for the moment, so she did as she did best and continued watching Kaito in the middle of his conversation, which resulted in her being waved over by him to get involved. “Can’t tell him no, hold my seat for me.” The short statement was all she could spit out as she was standing and briskly walking to where the group he was talking with had situated themselves, and if Kaede had responded she hadn’t heard it.

“There’s the woman behind me through all of this!” Kaito announced as she came up beside him, his exuberant behavior in stark contrast from her unamused straight-lipped expression and crossed arms. “What’s the matter, Maki Roll, something bothering you? You just say the word and we can go, no worries!” Even though those were the words he put out into the open, she knew it was a cover to make people think he would take her opinion of the situation into account. The only person deciding when they left would be him, and that was the reality of it.

“Nothing’s bothering me that you can take care of,” she told him, her mind admittedly still focused on trying to come up with a late response to what Kaede had said. “So don’t worry about it. Why’d you wave me over here?”

He froze for a second, before nodding at nothing in particular. “Right, I did have a reason for ya getting over here. I’ve got some people you need to meet, so that you’ve got names for faces and all that.” Kaito proceeded to then introduce her to all of the men he’d been talking with, who she quickly found out were members of the same crew that would be going to space with him. How he’d managed to get them to come out, to a dive bar of all places, she wasn’t quite sure, but he seemed beyond proud to be able to introduce her to them as his co-pilot in life, the woman he was committed to no matter what happened.

While the men were all beginning to talk to her about who they were and how much they enjoyed Kaito’s young and interesting interpretation of life, the only thing Maki wished was that he’d drop the theatrics and simply call her what she was. The only reason they’d gotten married in the first place was in case he was ever sent to space and something went wrong, so that she would know immediately, but he was so insistent on never labeling her his wife (but instead labeling her other things) that it came off as him trying to forget they were married altogether. At least his current names for her put her on somewhat equal footing with him, unlike ones he’d used in the past, or ones he used for other friends of his.

She must have never stopped looking unamused with the meet-and-greet, because the conversation died off despite having been very intense before she’d joined it, and slowly the other astronauts were taking their leave, until they were all gone and Kaito was left looking down at her, his grin prominent on his face. “Aren’t those guys just the greatest?” he asked her, looking for her to agree and not give any actual opinion of her own. All she managed to do was shrug, which he took in stride. “Yeah, pretty happy that I’ll be spending six weeks up among the stars with them, couldn’t ever ask for a better crew.”

“That’s lovely,” she said, looking back to where she’d been sitting before to see that her seat had been taken not by who she’d expected, but by a different one of their friends who was now badgering Kaede about something. Dealing with that scene wasn’t anything that sounded like a good use of her time, so she turned her attention to Kaito once more, her head tilted up so she could properly see his face. “So what’s the plan now that all your space friends are gone? We get to go home, right?”

“Hell no, it’s far too early for us to be quitting! We’re here to party, we’re going to party! It’s just about the time I asked everyone to show up by, this place’s got some great specials for late nights and I figured people’d appreciate not having to spend so much if they came out tonight!” Kaito was gesturing towards where Kaede was sitting, where there were supposed to have been seats saved for them but nothing seemed to have been done on that front. “We can’t disappoint everyone who’s got a big, important job in their busy life!”

“Right, because calling it a night early once in your life is going to be such a disappointment.” Rolling her eyes, Maki wasn’t exactly ready to jump right in to more social interaction out there with everyone, but at Kaito’s insistence she decided that sticking around was what she’d have to do. By the time rounds of drinks and food had been ordered and everyone had managed to get a chair at one table, she was even closer to being done with actively participating than she had been before; by the time they were on the third or fourth round, she was just as eager to be there as everyone else was, and she hadn’t even been ordering drinks for herself past the first time.

Somewhere in the middle of the glasses being passed around, she began to feel like she was losing any and all sense of where she was, and the last thing she could vividly remember was Kaito’s grinning face, his cheeks lit up with the heat of the drinks he’d been sharing. He said something to her, but the words were lost on her ears among the other voices that were competing to be heard there in that moment.

Waking up in her own bed the next morning threw her for a loop, but her wake-up call was that soft ringtone alerting her to needing to take on another request at work. She couldn’t recall how she’d gotten home, and was honestly surprised that she hadn’t gotten taken back with someone more sober than she’d been, but to be there alone when Kaito should have been sleeping soundly next to her turned that surprise right into worry. There was no choice but to answer the call and find out where she was needed to go, who she needed to take out, and the moment she had her assignment she hung up, wanting to devote what little time she had before she’d need to leave to trying to find where he’d disappeared off to. 

Between her having had a multitude of unpleasant experiences during assassin training (which did include having to drink straight poison to know the taste and symptoms of ingesting it), and him having gotten rather used to subpar food in preparation for the lack of proper cooking in space, they both had strong stomachs that would take a near miracle to destroy. That was why it came as a surprise to find him laying on the floor right outside of their bedroom, a trash can within reach that he had his fingers tightly wrapped around the edge of. She didn’t need to look in it to see what it was there for, the revolting smell wafting up out of it indication enough, but she did need to make sure he wasn’t dead there on the floor before she left.

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” he assured her, lifting his head after she’d called his name and trying his best to smile up at her to ease any fears she might have. “I might’ve overdone it last night just a little, but when everyone’s buyin’ you a drink because of how cheap they are, you don’t just say no to that, now do ya?” At the end of his question he coughed, his smile turning to a grimace as he swallowed down whatever he’d choked up. “I’m pretty sure that most of those drinks used the worst liquor money can buy, I know I’ve had more than that and been completely okay.”

“How about maybe next time you just don’t drink yourself stupid?” she replied, ignoring the fact that she’d had enough with just splitting drinks to nearly black-out the whole experience. “I don’t even know how we got home with both of us still alive. We’re putting an end to these big celebrations, got it?” In return, she got another cough, which was followed once more with a forced swallow. “Kaito, you moron, if you’re vomiting it’s best if you just let it happen. I’m not cleaning up your mess if you make one.”

He didn’t say anything to that, and she went back into the bedroom, her head beginning to pound as her body realized how dehydrated she was from the night before. Making the mental note to hold him to her decision to end the celebrations, Maki changed out of her nightgown and into clothes more appropriate for doing her line of work. By the time she was finished he’d crawled into the room, having left his can behind, and was trying to get himself up onto their bed without standing up too fast. “You’re gonna take care of me while I’m like this, yeah?” he asked her, almost as if he didn’t notice how she’d dressed herself. “I could use only the best care right now.”

“Can’t, sorry. Work called.”

“You’re gonna pick murdering someone over taking care of me? That’s a pretty bad choice to make, don’t ya think?” He was halfway into the bed, his legs still off the edge but he was making progress in getting them up onto the top of the mattress. “C’mon Maki Roll, you know that you don’t need that job anymore. Stay here and keep me company. There’s even half the bed with your name on it.”

As tempting as it was to change back out of her clothes and get in bed with him, there were agreements that had to be kept and her assignment for the day was one of them. “No, you’re not an excuse I can use to get out of this,” she said after giving his request far too much thought. “Besides, the last thing I need right now is to be stuck here listening to you puke all day. I’ll be back later.”

She left the bedroom listening to a list of his attempted retorts, only turning back to take him his trash can so there’d be a chance she’d have clean sheets to sleep on when she got home that night. Kaito was on her mind the whole day, the desire to check in on him strong within her heart but the ability completely out of her hands, and she wanted to get done with her job quickly to be able to see if he was okay. Sometimes, the person she was meant to kill just didn’t end up dead, and when she spent until the mid-evening hours scouting out where they were rumored to be for nothing to happen, she chose to go home without wasting her night on something that wasn’t meant to be.

The only thing that could have made her return home worse would’ve been if she were covered in blood, but it was already bad when she got to the door and could hear the distinct sound of a child crying on the other side. That was a sound that make her stomach turn, an anger bubbling from deep down within her, and she knew that if there was _one_ child there, then there were bound to be _more_ , depending on who all had gotten invited over. One of the things she remembered from the night before, shaming her friend for not spending a lot of time with her children, came back to rest in her mind, and she cursed at herself for inadvertently asking for this to happen.

As it turned out, even though he was in no shape to be doing anything except trying to get better, Kaito decided that there needed to be celebrating that night anyway, and invited anyone who was interested over to their modest home to make it happen. That meant children underfoot as all the adults mingled around, and none of this was anything Maki wanted or asked for in her evening. To say she was unamused would be putting things too lightly, but when she’d see how happy Kaito was to be surrounded by all these people that were still super excited for him to be going to space, she let it slide. There were worse things that he could’ve done, she could’ve walked into the house to find strippers or some other woman that he was seeing, so all things considered a last-minute house party was pretty low on the list of worries.

There was just one problem about everyone being there that kept gnawing at her mind, until she couldn’t keep herself from asking about it anymore. “So, whose idea was it for everyone to show up over here tonight?” she whispered into his ear while he was sitting in a chair that had been drawn into their crowded main room, his once-again emptied trash can between his knees in case he needed it. “If you say it was yours, I’m going to strangle you.”

“Don’t worry, I actually only invited one person over to start,” he replied with a laugh, sounding much livelier than he had that morning, the energy coming from everyone else enough to send his spirits skyward. He wasn’t even answering her whole question, just the part that he felt like giving a response to, which irritated her more than words could express. “I just started thinking about how lonely it was here after you’d left, and about how gross I was feeling, and I figured, hey, why not ask someone who’d be willing to help me out to come over and do just that?” He waved a hand towards a wiry woman standing with her back towards them, who Maki recognized as being their somewhat-friend Kirumi without missing a beat. “She’s a lifesaver, tell ya what.”

“Kirumi being here doesn’t explain everyone else, though.” Pinching the bridge of her nose as she tried to understand the way Kaito had gone from asking a maid to come take care of his hungover self to inviting every person they were on good terms with in for a house party, Maki saw Kirumi turn around at the sound of her name, giving a polite wave to her. “Great, now we’re going to have to talk to her. Is she going to tell me why so many people are here?”

“I mean, she might have some idea but it was really all me who decided to do it.” Kaito flashed his grin in Kirumi’s direction, and she turned to go back to talking to whoever it was she was mid-conversation with, much to Maki’s relief. “Look at that, she’s not coming over here after all. Even though she’s great to talk to, she’s always good for ideas for what to do and how to handle things.”

Deciding that she was just going to be blunt about things, Maki said, “Yeah, honestly, not interested in any of that right now. I want to know why people are here, at our house, when you were so close to dying this morning I thought you were a corpse on the floor.”

“That’d be because Kirumi felt bad that she hadn’t come out with all of us yet, and I told her to stick around tonight for a good time. Pretty good reason, right?” Now with the grin being shot in her direction, the only ammunition Maki had in her arsenal to fire back with was a glare that Kaito shrugged off without hesitation. “I know that I probably should’ve warned ya that you’d be coming home to all this, but it’s not like things can get too wild around here. No one’s ordered food, no one brought drinks, it’s just a social hour.”

“Do you forget that the only ‘social hours’ I like are the ones where I can hide behind everyone around me getting utterly wasted?” This was, without a doubt, one of those situations where Kaito had put minimal thought into his behavior before he went through with it, and as happy as he seemed to be about what he’d done she was not amused in the slightest. “I’m not going to let this go all night, not if people are just sitting around talking. They can go somewhere else to do that.”

“I thought about planning this for somewhere else, but Kirumi thought it’d be best if I hung around here tonight, just in case I end up making myself sick again.” Tapping the side of the can in between his legs, Kaito gave a single laugh before earnestly smiling at Maki, no longer giving her the grin that irritated her so much. “Please just roll with it for a little bit, I bet people will start heading home soon enough at this rate.”

Her hand still hadn’t left its place on the bridge of her nose, and to avoid looking at the smile that could melt her heart Maki had closed her eyes. “They better start leaving, I’m not afraid to call out bad parenting again if it happens under our roof.”

“Whoa there, don’t ya think you calling that out last night would have something to do with why those kids are here tonight?” As she didn’t recall mentioning that she’d done that to Kaito, it came as a surprise that he could refer to it right then. “When I invited them, I got asked if it’d be fine if the kids came too, because it’s an off night and getting a babysitter didn’t feel right, and Kaede might’ve mentioned that you were giving her shit for relying on babysitters so much anyway.”

“I’d much rather them keep shipping those kids off to some stranger than have them in my strictly no-child house,” Maki replied without an ounce of care about how rude she sounded, the topic at hand being something that weighed on her heart. “The last thing I want, or need, is for you to start _bonding_ with one of them, because then you’ll get ideas and—”

“You’re jumpin’ to conclusions here, Maki Roll! Me spending a little bit of time with some young music genius children isn’t going to do anything to influence our lives!” While she knew his words to be true, she didn’t want to risk him lying through his teeth, so before he could say anything else she walked away from being at his side, hearing him call after her but not deciding to follow her wherever she went. Her destination was rather simple, all things considered, and it was one of the few places in the house that she figured she’d be able to get away from all other people and let the stresses of the day roll off her back.

The room should have been empty, it wasn’t a guest bedroom and it wasn’t used for storage, it was completely empty aside from the contents of the closet (which was larger than the one in their bedroom), yet when Maki opened the door she found the lights to be on and a couple of women sitting in the corner, one on top of the other. She stared at the scene for a moment before closing the door quietly, deciding that leaving them alone was the best way to handle what had happened and that she’d find somewhere else to go decompress, at the expense of not having any of her weapons to aim at blank walls.

She knew that things were completely out of Kaito’s control when she opened the door to their bedroom and found people in their as well, but when the people in question were the closest friends they had it was a bit more forgivable than an escapade in an abandoned corner. That didn’t mean she was fine with it, however, and she made that clear as she spat, “What are you all doing in here? Did the idiot tell you that our room make a good playroom for your brats or what?”

“Seeing as we’re trying to get them to sleep so that we can go mingle with everyone before they leave, I would assume he didn’t,” Shuichi replied, motioning for Kaede to keep her mouth closed even though she looked ready to respond as well. “This was such a last-minute plan that being properly prepared for it wasn’t possible, usually we tire them out more before we drag them somewhere.”

“Asleep or awake, I still don’t want them here.” Maki’s eyes could have been focused on either other adult in the room and she’d have felt like she were in a better mood, but she managed to let her gaze narrow in on the two children in a half-awake state in her bed, one with their dark-haired head resting on his mother’s lap, and the other’s light-haired head slightly raised off of the blankets, staring back at her. “And it doesn’t look like they’re doing much in the way of sleeping. Come on you two, I know I was talking bad about your parenting last night but I didn’t need it to come back to bite me right away.”

“I say this because I love you as a friend and as a person, but maybe it would be best if you opened up your heart to these two sometime,” Kaede told her, her hand stroking the long hair of the child in her lap, him giving soft murmurs at the touch. “I know they’re, like, a huge pain in your life and that you can’t stand them, but they’re really great to be with when you get the chance.”

Maki could tell that this was still an attempt to get back at her for what she’d said before, and she wasn’t going to back down from how she felt. “I bet your dear babysitter’s reports made you start to think that. I don’t think you’ve spent a full day with either of them in their lives, and that goes for both of you.” Even though she wasn’t talking to the kids, Maki still couldn’t look away from them, from how they seemed to want to be as close to their often-absent parents as possible, from how they were so small and so unaware of anything in the world around them aside from what was fed to them by human contact. She could remember the time in their lives when these children didn’t exist, and how things seemed to be happier then than they had ever been since, because the moment small lives got added into the mix the couple she was in the room with had _changed_ , for better and for worse.

They spoke a bit longer about the children and how her accusations were far from the truth, even if it did seem like the kids were mostly raised by people that weren’t family, yet when Maki walked out of the room because she wasn’t going to get privacy in there, she didn’t feel like anything notable had actually happened there. She still wasn’t convinced that two incredibly busy and somewhat famous people having small children to their name was a good idea, to the point that the only idea worse than that would be if, for some reason, she and Kaito decided to follow in their footsteps. That idea was laughable, and the absurdity and humor in it was what carried her into the night, giving her the ability to push through the unexpected social situation until every last person was gone.

Just like clockwork, the next day they were right back to going out and having a good time wherever Kaito decided they should check out, much to her dismay and weariness. Her love of seeing him in a good mood was allowing him to make all sorts of reckless decisions on the matter, and as fearful as she was that he was going to get himself in a bad situation while partying so much she couldn’t bring herself to actively try stopping him. The smile that he’d give her whenever he could tell she was about to kick up a fuss about his behavior was nearly irresistible, to the point that there were some nights that she couldn’t even begin to fight the battle that asking him to stop would become. It got to the point that she told herself, over and over, that the first time they went out and no one else showed up, that’d be the last night of their celebrations.

The nightly revelry came to a temporary and premature end after a few weeks, by no one individual’s choice but rather the fact that almost everyone who would’ve been interested in an invitation out was physically not going to be able to make it. When Maki had woken up that morning to find that Kaito had managed to make himself sick with a hangover, she’d thought it strange given their different trainings to be strong in that regard; it was therefore even stranger when she was the one who woke up feeling like there was something actively antagonizing her insides. Unlike when he’d gotten sick, she didn’t choose to go find a trash can and drag it around with her, but rather she took her business into their bathroom, so that she could get it out of sight, out of mind faster.

Possibilities of what could have been making her stomach so upset flooded her mind, some of them innocent and some of them horrifying to even consider, but as bad as it was she was thankful that most of those options seemed to disappear when she was joined on the floor in there by her husband, him finding that he had the same problem as her. It was far from glamorous, both of them sitting there by the toilet, having to empty the meager contents of their stomachs if even so much as a single drop of saliva made its way down their throats, but having the other there for company in their weak moments was pleasant. Somewhere in the mess of it all (time didn’t seem to be a constant while they were trapped there, any movement almost a summoning call for another round of throwing up), they were both informed that the people they’d dined with the night before were saddled with a similar fate, which brought the potential causes down to a single answer, and Maki was not going to let it go unsaid, even if speaking was a bad use of her limited energy at the moment.

“This is the last time you _ever_ decide we’re going out to a cheap dinner,” she groaned, leaning her head against the wall behind her with her phone at her side, her arms wrapped around her body to try soothing it into behaving better. “Cheap drinks almost killed you last time, and now—”

“We’ve had cheaper dinners before, Maki Roll,” he interjected, his voice shaky as he tried to sound assertive although he looked quite like death, with pale skin and sweat glistening all over his face. “I’m not saying it was the place itself, but I told ya when we were eating that something on my plate didn’t taste right. Just wish I hadn’t had all of you taste the fish to check, then maybe…” His voice trailed off as he began heaving, and she couldn’t do anything but sit there helplessly and listen to him, the sound setting her own stomach off once more.

By far that was the most miserable day of their lives together to that point, and the one after it wasn’t much better, but by the time it had been three days since their ill-fated dining experience they seemed to be mostly recovered from what had to be assumed was a food poisoning-type ordeal. In typical, boneheaded Kaito fashion, to celebrate their survival from that, he decided that going out and restarting the original celebration cycle was for the best, and just like when they’d been sick Maki felt helpless in trying to get him to stop. He had definitely bounced back from everything much easier than she had, as she still felt sluggish and like she shouldn’t have done more than lay around and rest, but she was the one getting called for new assignments and he was the one who didn’t have anything currently going on.

Within days it was like nothing had happened, more or less, and that was how she hoped it would stay until he got bored with this celebratory lifestyle. In those weeks following their near-death experience, the nights out felt more subdued, going to more familiar places with less people (but still too many to say that no one was interested any longer). Occasionally they’d head home early, but if that were the case it was for one of two reasons: one, there was something going on the next morning that required a sound mind and a rested body, or two, more commonly, the physical attraction between the two of them had reached a fever pitch and needed to be dealt with swiftly and privately.

Sleeping together was one of those things they’d been doing for as long as their relationship had been committed and serious, because the moment Maki had opened up her heart to him she knew that she was willing to give him so much more. He’d never made too much of a deal of the various scars that covered her body, all sustained from various work mishaps that she felt it impossible to properly explain, and she appreciated that about him. If he could stare at her as she lay naked in their bed, nary an inch of her usually-covered skin that wasn’t marked in some way, and say nothing of the flaws except that they reminded him of stars in the night sky, he was certainly an overdramatic and highly romantic keeper.

Their carnal desires were pretty well-hidden from their friends, which was why any time they decided they needed to handle them excuses were made for why the night was being called early. Oftentimes the excuses were related to his work, because no one was going to question if he said he had some important meeting early in the morning, but sometimes they would say that they just weren’t feeling the group thing that night and would get back to it the next day. That second one was the flimsiest excuse that Maki ever heard, and she knew that no one bought it at face value and knew why they were slipping back home, but she loved hearing the attempt at telling it with a straight face and flat voice that Kaito gave every time he used it. Of all the things he was, smooth was not typically one of them, and they were able to laugh about his bad lying skills all the way back to their house, after which their laughter turned into other exchanges meant for their ears only.

This was something that had been going on for literal years, and never once had the possibility that things would go wrong genuinely crossed Maki’s mind. As part of her job, she’d been told that she needed to be as close to sterile as possible to keep herself in the proper mindset for working, and between several injuries she’d sustained to her abdomen during bad assassination attempts and the implant her employer paid for her to keep inside herself, she was almost positive that if the universe wanted to strike her down and saddle her with something she never wanted, it would be a miracle. She knew this, Kaito knew this, and while it was one thing they didn’t see eye-to-eye on, the fact that she was nearly physically unable to have children was a bit of a blessing for them, especially when they’d get to sharing body heat after a few drinks together.

It was about a week after the food poisoning incident that Maki realized something wasn’t right with her own body, something she’d experienced before and truly had zero desire to experience again. There was a distinct lack of pain, something that had been prominent the last time she’d managed to dislodge the implant keeping her from experiencing monthly cycles and allowing her to be a bit more free in sleeping with the man she loved, but she could tell whenever she moved that the little piece of metal wedged inside her wasn’t right where it belonged. Telling Kaito that there was anything going on would undoubtedly put an end to his plans of celebrating his successes a lot sooner than he wanted, and even though that was what she wanted she wasn’t going to do it because of her body’s inability to keep a foreign object in place.

Handling that situation while maintaining the somewhat willing to be social exterior she’d been forced to keep up was harder than she would’ve thought, especially after being given the typical runaround from her work-assigned doctor in order to get the implant looked at and ultimately removed. How she’d managed for it to lodge itself inside a patch of scar tissue, both she and the doctor assigned to her case couldn’t quite figure out, but she was given strict orders to limit her physical activity for a little while—and that included any kind of bedroom activities that she most definitely would want to be having—until the tissue was healed and she could have a replacement inserted.

Having to tell her bosses that she wasn’t able to work for a bit was easy; telling Kaito that she couldn’t go out partying or staying in and sleeping with him was harder, to the point that just imagining the heartbreak in his eyes made her try to come up with some way to dance around the subject. He wasn’t stupid, he could tell that she wasn’t completely fine when she came home from that appointment that afternoon, but when he asked her about it she stared at him for a few moments before leaving him without an answer. “C’mon Maki Roll, if something’s going on, you’ve gotta tell me about it! Can’t do anything if I’m left in the dark!”

“I don’t know what to tell you, there’s nothing going on,” she lied, still not sure how she’d break it to him that she was going to be putting an end to his plans of grandeur simply because her beat-up body decided to do something weird. “We’re going to go out to dinner like you planned, isn’t that right?”

“Well, yeah, but if there was something else going on you wouldn’t hide it from me, would you?” Now he was beginning to get concerned, evident by the tone his voice had taken on that sounded more worried than confident. “You’ve got me here to help you out through anything, and that’s a promise!”

She winced at his insistence, the decision having just been made in her head that she was going to keep her personal problem to herself for the handful of weeks it would take to get it taken care of. He’d never have to know that she was missing part of her for that time, as long as she made sure to be smart about it. “You’re being dumb like usual. If something was going on I’d have told you by now. It was a normal, boring trip to the doctor just to keep my bosses off my back, nothing big.”

Deflating a bit at her nonchalant way of responding, Kaito took a moment to finally nod in acceptance of her words. “If that’s all it was, there’s no reason for me to not believe you, I guess. As long as you’re not dying, or they don’t think you might be dying, that’s really what matters. I wouldn’t wanna have to turn all this celebrating into something sad!”

“Don’t worry, you won’t have to change a thing.” She meant that as much as she could, even though she knew what the doctor had told her about needing to avoid physical activity. For her to suddenly not want to act on any romantic desires with him would be too weird, but as long as they kept it calm and not too aggressive she supposed things would be fine. This was, of course, in addition to the other preventative methods she’d have to take on herself, because so much as mentioning them to him would clue him in to the fact that she was actually hiding the truth from him.

It was easy enough, faking feeling physically fine and keeping all of the control in her own hands, and never once did Kaito suspect that anything was radically different from normal. Not when she’d refuse to drink too much because alcohol would interfere with one of the medications she’d been given to help with healing, not when she’d disappear for a few extra minutes between the end of their escapades and when they’d curl up to sleep, him holding her tightly to his chest, and even not when she’d spend her days a bit groggy and pale after waking up. It seemed that he assumed these little changes were done as a sign of tiredness with their routine, because as he slowly wised up to the differences he began suggesting potential alternate ways to go about things.

“How about tonight, instead of coming back here when we’re done, we find somewhere else to stay for the night?” he threw out as an idea they could pursue if she so chose, but the mere mention of sleeping somewhere else—of ultimately getting risqué wherever they ended up, in foreign sheets in a room where the walls could very well be watching them—set off red flags in Maki’s head. She had to reject what he’d said, much to his surprise. “That’s weird, I would’ve figured that you’d want a change of atmosphere.”

“Honestly, right now? All I want is a night of peace and quiet, no going out, no doing anything except relaxing and sleeping.” The only nights they’d had where they hadn’t been busy were when they’d been kneeling at death’s door, begging for mercy, and that had been a completely different kind of exhausting. Maki might have had the social energy to withstand a couple half-hearted conversations, but physically she felt like she’d been through the wringer in the past month of her life and she needed a break. Her lower abdomen was screaming at her, throbbing pain radiating across her back and right above her hips, and she was certain that even though Kaito wasn’t bright enough to notice something was wrong with her, that would be the night where someone else _did_.

He took her rejection rather well, but there was one issue that he managed to kick up about it, that being that his attendance to the night’s event was still required. “I guess you can stay home, Maki Roll, but I’ve gotta go out. If I skip checking out the little concert scene we saw those posters for, I’m never gonna get to live it down. You probably wouldn’t like it much anyway, so maybe it’s for the best if you don’t go.”

“Fine by me. Can’t believe you’re dragging a concert pianist to that kind of event, but I bet she’d still like it more than I would.” The thought of impeccably-dressed Kaede being part of the crowd at some kind of mini electronic music festival was one that Maki somewhat wanted to see become reality, but she couldn’t do it. It was Kaede in specific that she was wanting to avoid, because she knew that she’d take one look at her and start throwing out a million concerned questions about why she looked so unwell.

Having the chance to avoid being forced to talk about the tear her implant had caused, and subsequently the fact that she was experiencing her monthly cycle unexpectedly for the first time since she was a teenager, was something that Maki was going to take with open arms. She could tell that Kaito was a bit unsure of leaving her home by herself that night, and she could only assume that he was jumping to the conclusion that she was getting roped into some work thing that she didn’t want to tell him about. To get that worry out of his mind, she made sure to show her phone, showing the lack of recent calls from her bosses, and he definitely perked up to know that she really did just need a night resting at home. He wasn’t thrilled about it, but it did set him at ease to know that she wasn’t spinning lies in his face.

She spent that evening laying on the floor, stretching and contorting her body in every way imaginable to try and relieve the pain that she was feeling, the medication she was still taking be damned. It was beyond miserable, to know that something she’d been forced to do (she was considered “too young” to have anything removed, but being a young, sexually active woman was seen as a liability in her line of work, so something had needed to be done) had ultimately put her in this position. Not just that, but the fact that there was nothing that seemed to want to stop the pain from getting worse and that there was no guarantee this wouldn’t happen again in the future, and that it had ruined one of the many celebratory evenings, was bothering her. This was her time to be an ideal wife, lover, friend, whatever word she felt like using to talk about herself in relation to the man that she was so enamored with, and she was spending it helpless and in pain.

When he came home that night, Kaito was bursting with all sorts of energy and stories to tell about the night that Maki had missed, but the moment he saw her curled up next to their bed, tight into a ball, he forgot everything he’d wanted to share and devoted the rest of the time to checking on her, to making sure she was okay. She wouldn’t ever admit how far from okay she was in that moment, but she did clue him in to the fact that her problem had something to do with the implant that, as far as he was aware, she still had. “Maybe if that’s what’s bothering ya, you should go get it looked at?” he suggested, after pulling her up to her feet and watching her hands immediately grasp around her hips. “I’d offer to do it for you, but that would, uh, lead to some other things.”

Based on how his face seemed to be reddening as he spoke, Maki was pretty sure she knew what he was referring to, and a quick glance down past his belt gave her a slight confirmation, but she was in no mood for that behavior. “I’ll get a professional to look at it, thanks,” she replied snappishly. “You can calm yourself down and get over the fact that I’m not interested in having you down there right now.”

“Heh, I get it, no worries. Wouldn’t call me a professional about women’s bodies by any means. Celestial bodies? Sure. But not—”

She cut him off with a simple, “Kaito, do us both a favor and shut up.”

Yet at Kaito’s insistence, Maki “attempted” to set up an appointment to get checked out the next day, but she knew that she’d been given a certain amount of time to wait before she could go in and get a new implant taken care of. Thankfully, she was aware of the runaround she was always given whenever setting up an appointment, and she knew that he was aware of it as well, so when she claimed to have called and gotten told it’d be a month before she could get into an office, he completely bought it without question

Now that he knew that she was suffering through some kind of medical problem, even if it wasn’t quite what he thought it was, he was a lot more lenient on forcing her to go out with him to keep up with his newfound partying lifestyle. There were still many days a week where she went out, sipping on non-alcoholic drinks that she insisted were more in line with what he expected, while he was dazzling friends and strangers alike with his constant excitement for what was coming up in his life. Time was passing slowly for her, being unable to work too often without breaking the agreement she’d made at her last appointment, and she couldn’t wait for that day where she’d go back in, have her life set back in order, and she could resume living the way she wanted. The days that passed felt like weeks in themselves, but it came to the week of the appointment, then the day before, and then finally the morning of the day she knew everything was going to go back to normal.

As she usually did, because of confidentiality things related to being an assassin by trade, she went to the doctor’s office alone, riding in a company car driven by a bulky man that could’ve snapped her spine without breaking a sweat had she spoken out of turn. He didn’t intimidate her, but she knew that anything she said in his presence could theoretically get back to the person signing her paychecks, and the last thing she needed after her past two-plus months of being a physical wreck was to have other assassins after her before she had the chance to get back into fighting shape. The limited activity agreement hadn’t told her she couldn’t work out, but when most of her workouts came in the form of carrying out kills it was safe to say that she hadn’t done too much on that front.

The office she’d been sent to that day was the same one she always went to when it came to her reproductive health, one of the few providers willing to work with the group that employed her. There were a handful of people in the waiting room when she walked in, everyone’s eyes on her as she headed up to the counter to check in, and the way that some of those women looked disgusted to see her made her wonder what was so offensive about her to earn a reaction. It didn’t stop her from glaring back at any of them, though, as she found a seat to chill out in while she waited for her appointment time.

By the time she was called back, those other ladies were gone, some of them still in exam rooms and others having gotten what they needed and left. They were all definitely older than her, Maki noted, but they were embroiled in the assassin culture just as much as she was so she could only guess what they thought she was there for. A woman in her mid-twenties showing up to a seedy office in a car with tinted windows? It was a no-brainer what that assumption would’ve been, and she was glad that they were dead wrong about her if that was in fact what they had thought when they’d seen her.

She was visiting with the same doctor she’d seen when her implant had needed to come out, but before they could get to the reason she was there, some questions had to be asked. It was normal for Maki to answer those questions, and she was just as confident in answering them that day as she’d always been; even with that couple of days with spotty bleeding vivid in her mind, she couldn’t say that she remembered with certainty when her last cycle really was, or if that was actually one to begin with. “Even if you could tell me one hundred percent, ‘that’s when it was’, I’d have to do a check on you right now anyway,” the doctor said with a smile, sliding on a pair of gloves after writing some notes on a heavily-filled document. “If you aren’t healed we have to reschedule the implantation, but knowing if you’re having menstrual cycles would allow me to know how your hormones have bounced back from the traumatic removal.”

“Trust me, I get what you have to do. You have to know if I followed your directions and all that.” Watching as the doctor began setting up the device that she’d need to do her exam, Maki felt a tinge of fear hit inside her chest, the possibility that she wasn’t healed enough to go back to normal crossing her mind. She’d have her answer in a few minutes, she knew that, but if she was still showing signs of that tissue being torn she’d get asked a million questions about what she’d been doing to prevent it from healing, and she didn’t know how well replying that she’d been having very frequent sex with her husband would go over, even if delivered in the flattest voice she could manage. “But if it’s all good, which it _should_ be, then how long do you think this is going to take? Twenty minutes? Thirty?”

“Somewhere in there, certainly. Now get ready, the faster you’re in position, the faster we get done with the speculum, the faster we get this over with.” By position, the doctor meant completely nude from the waist down, up on the table with her feet on the rests and her legs spread as far as she could get them, and she hated how being on her back like that made her think of spending that personal time with Kaito but she did it without being prompted. The doctor had been fiddling with her metal device the entire time, so when she looked up and over to Maki and saw her completely ready to go, she couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re roarin’ to get out of here with everything intact, good. Let’s see if your body’s going to cooperate with us today then, hm?”

For as friendly as the doctor was, she was not exactly the gentlest when it came to doing her exams, and in the second directly following that speculum being inserted into her body Maki closed her eyes and braced herself for the pain that she knew she was about to experience. No matter how many times she’d been through it, and no matter how many times she’d had other things inside her, there was nothing that could prepare her for the splitting, stretching pain of that little device’s metal mouth opening to give the doctor a view of where the tearing had taken place. The pain was maintained for as long as the device was open, and usually that was for a minute or two at a time, but this time it stayed open for much longer.

“Let me guess, it’s not fully healed?” she asked, trying not to let it be too obvious that she was in genuine pain. When she didn’t get an immediate response, she cracked open her eyes to see the doctor’s face still staring between her legs, a slight tilt to her head as she continued looking through her magnifying glasses. “You usually say something about how it all looks by now, so what gives?”

“Oh, it’s plenty healed,” the doctor replied, glancing up at Maki for a moment before continuing her examination. “I’m just making sure that everything else looks fine, since I’m already here.”

“Do you think you could hurry it up, then? That stupid thing hurts to have in there.” Of all the reactions she could have gotten, having what felt an awful lot like a gloved finger shoved up into the space the speculum had created was not what Maki expected, and she gave a genuine yelp in surprise. “What are you doing now?”

The doctor pulled her hand back and closed the device, removing it at once. “As I said, I was making sure everything else looked fine. Now, I normally don’t dive into personal details and take my patient’s words for what they are, but you haven’t noticed anything weird going on down here lately, have you? Aside from that spotty bleeding you told me about, that is.”

“Weird? I mean, there’s been some things that’ve happened, but the weirdest was that bleeding and all the pain that came with it.” Everything else that she’d gone through had a perfectly valid explanation that she knew of, the medication she’d been prescribed had came with a long list of side effects, and there were some pretty rough reactions to taking the emergency contraceptive that had been her friend over the past two months. “There’s not an infection or something in there, right?”

“I can’t say for certain. Sorry, but I’m going to have to run a couple tests to clear all that before we get back to considering putting another implant in there.” Disposing her gloves after setting her device aside, the doctor got up from her chair and motioned for Maki to close her legs and put them down, but said nothing about getting re-dressed. What she thought was going to be a quick appointment had quickly turned into anything but, and she stayed there on that table, only her top half clothed while her bottom half froze, for quite some time as the doctor put in orders for the tests she thought were necessary. The blood draw was simple enough, once it was cleared to happen, and once it was finished the doctor wanted to get back in between Maki’s legs to get some samples of different fluids just to make sure that there weren’t any infections that might not have been in her blood. After that was finished, then she was allowed to put her skirt back on and leave, with a return date for three days later to talk about all results that would come up.

For three days, she had to explain to Kaito that she hadn’t gotten a new implant because the doctor thought that she needed just a bit of time without one, even though that wasn’t the reason at all. He wasn’t aware he was being lied to and accepted it as the truth, and for the first time in a very long time when they ended up sleeping together he took responsibility for safe practices, because he didn’t want to risk anything while she was vulnerable. For three days, she was under the impression that she was going to go back in, get a clean bill of health, and finally be allowed to return to the life she’d been living before the tear. For three days, she was convinced that she’d played all her cards right, even when the hand she’d been dealt hadn’t been the best, and she was going to walk away a winner. For three days, she believed that there was not a single thing that could possibly still be wrong with her.

And yet, when she went back for her follow-up appointment, nothing was as she’d hoped and now it was her turn to head home with news that she knew would just fall out of her mouth the moment she was prompted to speak.


	2. exploration

Always the caring person, Kaito was waiting at home when Maki got back, and the moment he heard her fumbling with the door he turned off the old black-and-white space program he was watching to greet her with a smile. That plan fell to pieces when she got the door opened and came inside, her eyes slightly puffy and her cheeks freshly tear-stained, and he felt himself tense up at the sight of her being distraught. “Didn’t think it’d hurt ya that much,” he said with a quick laugh as he tried to grab her up in a hug, but she ducked underneath his arms and went to sit on the couch, bringing her legs up in front of her and grabbing them to curl herself into a sitting ball. He opened his mouth to say something about how her behavior was concerning, but closed it when he heard her give a shaky sigh, and instead he went to sit by her, making sure to keep his distance and his hands off of her.

“She didn’t put it in for me,” Maki quietly mumbled, her face pressing against her knees. “I didn’t even get the chance to ask her to do it.”

“That’s kinda weird, don’t you think? If you went to get that done, shouldn’t she have done it?” Used to his own medical experiences, where if he was told he’d have something done, it would happen barring a disaster, Kaito looked to her for any kind of reaction, but all he could see was that she was leaning her head further down to cause her long hair to make a curtain between them. Whatever was going on, she was deeply bothered by it, and it would have been wrong of him to not try to make things better. “Come on, Maki Roll. We can talk to your bosses, see if they’ll let you get hooked up with my doctors rather than your own, even though I know why they want you goin’ wherever you go and all that.”

She lifted her head a tiny bit before sighing again, her shoulders rolling forward as she did. “I think we’ll have to do that anyway, there’s no way I’m trusting these people to take care of me through all this.”

“Through all what? You can’t be so vague, I don’t get what you’re trying to say to me.” In an attempt to get her to open up a bit, he reached over to brush some of her hair back, but when he got to the point of breaking through her curtain she snapped her head towards him, those red eyes glaring even though they were glistening with tears, and he yanked his hand away by instinct. She hadn’t said a word to explain herself, but he could tell that she was on the verge of breaking down and doing it anyway, something that he knew she rarely did.

That breakdown came as she did exactly as she was afraid she would and came clean about what had been going on. In garbled words, stopping frequently to collect herself and try to make it through without being a total wreck, Maki explained that she hadn’t been wholly truthful about some things for the past couple months: “I can’t tell you why it happened, or how, but I ended up losing my original implant a while back, because it tore a hole that needed time to heal. And I didn’t tell you that because I didn’t want to ruin your good time or whatever, and I thought I could handle everything on my own. Without your help.”

“Was that what had you staying in that night, when I found you on the floor?” He got a small nod in return. “Well, why didn’t ya just go ahead and tell me about this then? I would’ve understood a whole lot better.”

“Because I thought that was just my body struggling to handle being in a more natural state for the first time since I was a teenager, I didn’t think anything else of it. Turns out, they fail to tell you that if you take the morning-after pill in conjunction with a _lot_ of other things that were going on at the time, it tends to be less effective and…and…” Her glare softened as she saw him still looking at her, concern in his gaze, and she couldn’t bring herself to say the words that she needed to tell him most. They were caught like a lump in her throat, right at the back of her mouth, so close to being said but so far from being heard, and she hated herself for having to be in the position to tell him what she’d done.

Slowly his mind began piecing together what she was saying, and he leaned back in surprise at what conclusion he’d come to, but it felt so absurd and impossible that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to say it himself. “You’re not dying, are you?” he asked, to test the waters, but she couldn’t respond with anything more than a teary closing of her eyes and a sob. “If it’s not that, then there’s really only one other thing it could be, isn’t it, Maki Roll?”

It took her calming down again, uncurling her body and sitting there like a normal person with her face turned towards him, her eyes locked with his and feeling the anticipation in his stare, but she found a way to say what needed to be said. “Let’s just say that when you go up to space, it’s not just me you’re leaving behind anymore.”

“Well, yeah, it never was going to be just you, I’ve got all my friends that’ll be left behind too!” He laughed for a moment, before noticing that the expression on her face had not changed, as if that wasn’t the response she was looking for, and he quickly stiffened back up, his mind going to that conclusion he’d found before. “Unless you’re not talking about them, and you’re talking about something, er, someone else? Is that how I should say it?”

“Something’s fine, it’s a damn parasite right now anyway.” Turning away from him, one of Maki’s hands ended up resting on the lower part of her stomach, and as he watched her fingers tightly grip her shirt he couldn’t resist reaching over and setting his hand on hers to calm her down. “I’m so angry at myself for this, Kaito. I could’ve prevented it if I’d told you what was happening, or if I’d asked about how that pill works, or if—”

“Stop getting so worked up, you’re gonna…you’ll hurt the…holy _shit_ Maki Roll there’s a baby growing inside of you!” In his excitement, his hand that was on hers clenched tightly for a moment, as he pulled himself closer to her, and while she was beginning to put on an expression that signaled her desire to be left alone, he wrapped himself over her in a large hug. “I never thought I’d be having this conversation with you, but here we are! A baby! Inside you! Ours!”

She could hear the excitement in his every word and it was only making her angrier about the whole thing. “Something that should have never existed, how great for us. Why can’t you look at this situation and see how bad it is? We’re not cut out to be parents, in fact, I know I’m not meant to be a mother. It’s just not how it’s supposed to be.” Since she’d had the doctor matter-of-factly tell her that her blood test results had come back with zero sign of infection, but an undeniable sign of pregnancy hormones, all Maki had been thinking about was how she’d been trained to try avoiding this with every fiber of her being. She wasn’t meant to have children, but now that she’d conceived one there was nothing she could do except go through with having it, no matter what the consequences would be. “I thought about getting rid of it somehow, before you found out it even existed, because I knew you’d act like this when you learned and I didn’t want to deal with you, or it.”

“But you didn’t do anything, because you came in crying and I know that that’s not something you exactly do often.” He was now mostly on top of her, moving his hand to steady himself by pinning her against the couch. If it were under any other circumstances he’d most likely have been getting a bit flustered at their posing, but he was doing this solely to keep her in place, to have a chance to keep talking to her.

In that moment she looked so small, so scared, like she was about to start doing something that she wasn’t ready for; that was, naturally, because that was exactly what was happening. “You’re right, I didn’t do anything, because what right do I have to do that to it? My parents didn’t want me and they had the courtesy to let me live, that’s the least I can do for it. Except,” she paused, shifting her eyes so she wasn’t able to see the emotion in his, “I know that you’ll want to keep it, no matter what, and I can’t deny you that. You get to have your family that you leave behind when you go to space, just like all your astronaut friends do.”

He could feel the way she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to be taking her own words, like she was just talking through everything that had been thrown at her at once. “I was gonna have a family that I left behind anyway, ‘cause I have you, but I guess this makes it a whole lot different. A kid, I mean, that’s a huge life decision we’ve got made for us, and I don’t even know where to start with it!” Leaning in to kiss her forehead, she tilted her head up after he broke off the contact and he came in for her lips the second time, quickly moving onto her cheek, then to her jaw, and then down onto her neck. The whole time he was showering her with kisses, she had a feeling of uncertainty bubbling deep within her, not sure how she was supposed to be taking his romantic gesture.

Her reaction to the news she’d been given was to break down and become vulnerable, his was to become more lovey than he typically was to try and comfort her about what they now knew. All his actions were doing was making her feel more despondent about everything, to the point that she ended up pushing him off of her, sending him stumbling backwards as she came to her feet, her body turning to the door once she was standing. “I’m going to go take a walk by myself for a bit, don’t follow me,” she told him, seriousness dripping from every word even though she was still obviously tearful. “I’ll come back when I get back.”

“I don’t think so, you’re either staying right here, or I’m going with you.” It wasn’t a normal thing for him to have to jump into her business like that, so him matching how serious she was felt a bit strange to Kaito. But there was something bigger than either of them present in that moment, he couldn’t let her wander out into the unknown without his company. “Sorry, Maki Roll, but now that I know you’re not just caring for you, I’ve gotta step up and make sure I’m doing what’s best for everyone involved. If you leave, I’m leaving too.”

“Don’t treat me like I’m suddenly incapable of fighting for myself if something were to happen. I’m still a skilled assassin, that hasn’t changed.” The mere thought of needing to fight someone off while so emotionally off-kilter was unappealing to Maki, but she knew that the chances of being attacked while walking around their part of town were so small, she’d have a better chance of suddenly winning a lottery she’d never entered. He gave a couple sputtered rebuttals, but her refusal to back down, as well as her perfectly-timed questions of if he wanted to die were enough to get him to drop the subject, and so she was able to go out and clear her mind along the evening streets.

The possibility that something would happen while she was out did rest heavily on Kaito’s mind the entire time she was gone, but he couldn’t sit around and let his worries dictate what he did. There were plans to cancel, people to assure that everything was fine, a brand new life to start building now that they were going to have a family, and he knew that leaving any of that in Maki’s hands would result in nothing happening. Going through the list of everyone who’d been going out with them regularly-to-nightly for over three months, he had to make a lot of calls and send a lot of messages informing everyone that as of right then, he was going to shift his attention from celebrating his good news to preparing for what was coming next. To most people, that “coming next” seemed to be in reference to the whole trip to space, but those who didn’t have a response to that might have thought up a different possible answer.

At least one of those people decided that they’d see if they could get any explanation for the sudden cancellation of their frequent bar crawls and fancy dinners, but asking for it from the person who’d delivered the news seemed to be too easy. That led to Maki coming back to the house once night had fallen, her phone pressed against her cheek as she was roughly whispering to the person on the other side about something that had her heated. For a while Kaito didn’t know what was happening, until he heard her drop the _baby_ word and he could easily figure out what the call was about. He couldn’t play dumb about what had sparked that conversation when it was over, but the way Maki glared at him and told him to not speak a word of what was happening to anyone until she said so, he figured that she’d played off the whole thing and lied to whoever had called her looking for clarification.

“Don’t worry, I’m trying to get better at keeping secrets, so this’ll be safe with me,” he promised, giving her a proud thumbs-up that she rolled her eyes at. “I didn’t actually tell anyone anything yet, just that we’re done going out so I can get focused on other things.”

“Oh, trust me, I heard all about your cryptic message and how it makes it sound like there’s something big or bad happening between us.” Maki’s words were spoken at barely more than a whisper, her volume not having raised even though she was finished on the phone, and all it did was make her sound even more upset than she might have intended. “I just had to talk Kaede down from her million assumptions for what’s going on. We’re not getting divorced, we’re not moving, and as far as she needs to know right now, we’re not having a baby.”

He nodded, understanding that she wanted to keep things between them for the moment, but the concept of lying to someone who’d find out the truth soon enough felt strange to him. “If she guessed that’s what’s happening, why didn’t ya just go ahead and tell her about it?” he asked, thinking about how if they needed anyone in their corner at the moment, someone with two kids of her own might’ve been a good choice.

“Because the last thing I want is her making a big deal of it.”

“She’s gonna make a big deal of it whenever she finds out, I’m sure.” Now he felt like he was fighting against her decision, and it seemed that she felt the same way, because she gave him a scowl with her eyes narrowed before heading off to one of the empty rooms in the house, somewhere he could’ve followed but chose not to. Hearing the banging against the walls as she worked through her feelings was enough of a sign to tell him that he needed to keep his space at the moment.

Their lives were undeniably changed from that day on, and there was no sense in trying to fight against the decisions that had been made. The moment Maki had to request being allowed to go see other doctors for her specific case, her bosses were let in on her secret, and she (unbeknownst to Kaito, because she knew how he’d feel about it) told them that just because she was pregnant didn’t mean she wasn’t going to keep working for them as much as they needed her, as there wasn’t a “limited activity” label assigned to her anymore. The trade of resuming active work for being able to go to other doctors was one they were willing to make, under specific circumstances such as her not explaining anything about the scars that covered her body or her erratic working schedule.

With that taken care of, she was able to actually arrange to go visit a doctor at an office where Kaito could go with her, as opposed to where she’d been going before. She was dreading going into somewhere new, with her whole laundry list of issues that might’ve gotten brought up in addition to why they were there in the first place, but to have his supportive hand and positive attitude at her side, it made things easier to tolerate. Accepting the reason for the visit wasn’t something he could help her with, though, and she found herself bored and slightly uncomfortable with the bright and cheery talk of the new doctor, who Kaito was having quite the time going back-and-forth with about different things.

In the span of their rather short appointment, he’d managed to talk about himself, what his job was, the fact that he was going to space, and the fact that he’d thought he’d just be leaving behind one person when he went but instead he was going to be leaving two behind; all of this excitement seemed to make the doctor look to Maki for some kind of bubbly additions of her own, but all she received from her were glares and requests that they hurry up and get things over with. After the past two times she’d been in an office like that, she was not exactly thrilled with having to be inside one again, especially not to learn about things related to a child she’d never wanted.

By far the most important part of their time there that day was getting to see the little oddly-shaped baby, but even though Kaito was beyond excited when the image came up for them, Maki couldn’t be bothered to even look at it. “I’m sure seeing it would make me ‘attached’ or something, but I just…don’t feel like it right now,” she said, much to the dismay of the other two in the room. There was some begging done, some insistence that a mother should get to see what she was creating, and even an attempt at forcing her head to turn, but she remained firm in her decision and only gave the screen a quick glimpse in the last moment it was on. It was her personal choice not to get attached to whatever was inside her, not when she hadn’t ever wanted it in the first place.

That changed the moment they got home and Kaito offered her the folded-up stack of pictures he’d been given before they left. “I figured it was something about being in there that made you not wanna take a look, so now that we’re not in there, maybe you could get it over with?” As he was talking, he was shaking the pictures, her eye being drawn to the stack but her hands remaining at her sides, holding tightly onto her skirt. If she let go of herself and took what he was offering, she’d be accepting her fate and would possibly start moving in the supposedly right direction about things, but if she held her position she would show that she wasn’t quite accepting just yet.

Her eyes lingered on those pictures for some time before she sighed, raising an arm to reach for them. “You’re right, I just have to get it over with,” she agreed, taking the stack of smooth paper into her own hand before carefully unfolding them, the multiple images of the oddly-shaped figure with little appendages coming off of it hitting her like a truck. This was something she’d never hoped to see for herself, and yet there she was, staring the truth down and unable to look away. “Damn it, it’s really real, isn’t it?”

“Uh, yeah, I’d say it is!” he replied, cheer in his voice that she wished wasn’t present. “I bet you were so lost in your anger and all that, you weren’t actually listening to a word she was saying to you, were you?” The fact that Kaito knew her so well to be able to correctly guess that rubbed her the wrong way, but he proved himself useful when he started spouting off everything that he’d learned there at that appointment. At least one of them seemed to be in the right mindset to be handling all of the baby nonsense, because she certainly wasn’t going to be anytime soon, if ever.

Those pictures were hidden away under their mattress once they’d looked at them together and talked a bit about what it meant that they’d actually seen their to-be child. As he pointed out, a fact that she’d ignored when it was originally shared with them, the estimation of how old it was had it at about nine weeks, give or take a few days on either side. That meant that, without having known a thing until the week before, that baby had already been growing for almost a fourth of the necessary time before it was born, and if it was able to have stayed secret for that long, there was no telling how much longer it would’ve remained unknown. “I’d be happier if we’d never found out about it because it didn’t exist,” Maki bluntly said, pursing her lips together for a second. “Life would just be better that way.”

“No way, life’s going to be a million times greater now that we’re going to be parents! I’ve seen how everyone else changed once they had a kid or two in their life, there’s no doubt that the same thing’s gonna happen for us!” There was Kaito’s cheerful optimism again, and she so badly wanted to remind him that none of their friends had stumbled into parenthood completely on accident or without wanting the child they ended up with, which set them apart from the others. “I can already see it now, you and that baby waiting for me when I get back from space, it’s gonna be amazing!”

“Of course you’re already looking forward to that, why shouldn’t I be surprised?” They’d known about this for such a short amount of time, yet it was completely reasonable for Kaito to have already let his mind get away from him and start envisioning grand events that he couldn’t be sure would ever actually happen. Maki knew that he was trying to get her to lighten up about the whole situation, but it was going to take a lot more than imagining what potentially good things would happen far down the road to get her to do that.

Right then, her mindset was simple: keep the news between her and Kaito, don’t let anyone else find out until there was no way to hide it, and then once people knew refuse to talk much about it. She had no doubt that once their friends all knew, it would become a game of dodging questions about what had changed her mind about kids, and since nothing had changed her mind at all and this was all a mistake on her part, she wasn’t exactly eager to have to face that problem. The longer she could keep this to herself, the better, and that was what made her so thankful that Kaito had already called off all of their social engagements for the time being.

But of course, just because he’d called off their late-night parties and celebrations, it didn’t mean that others who’d already been planning events of their own were going to do the same. As far as they knew, the cancellation was due to a renewed focus on work and real life, and there was plenty of time for the occasional get-together; when the invitation came in the mail for a casual dinner party at the studio-slash-house that some of their friends lived in, with no room for a refusal to attend, it became obvious that maybe not being upfront with everyone was a bad idea. By the time that invitation had shown up, it’d been a month since they’d found out, and the date of the party was nearly another month away, and there was nothing they could do but go and pretend like nothing was different about them.

The dress code was meant to be a bit casual, but there was no way that Maki was attending in anything that didn’t have an oversized jacket attached to it. There was a small, but very noticeable, curve to her stomach that she’d never had before, sticking out of her small frame and making it far too clear that something wasn’t right with her, and she knew that the moment most people saw her they’d immediately assume the truth. Hiding it under a dress jacket that she’d found among Kaito’s things was the easiest course of action, beyond walking in and surprising everyone with the news, and even though she looked like she was drowning in the long sleeves and hem that went mid-thigh she refused to go any other way.

When they showed up at the party, it was another guest who let them in, greeting them both with a smile and a warm welcome, and once they’d stepped inside the other partygoers stopped what they were doing and came to crowd around them, wanting to talk to their friends who’d disappeared out of their lives for so long on such short notice. It was while they were gathered around that Maki heard the unmistakable screeching of a child somewhere in the building, her ears laser-focused on the sound, and she could feel her body tense up at the possibility of having to deal with kids while they were there. She tried getting herself closer to Kaito, as if he’d be able to keep her safe from what she was worried about, but he was so wrapped up in his energetic discussions with others that he didn’t notice her trying to get underneath his arm. Left alone in that moment, with so many friendly faces that wanted to talk to her, she didn’t know what to do except sneak off and find somewhere to give herself some space, but that didn’t feel like the appropriate choice.

Instead, she had to pretend like she was interested in talking to people she’d more or less cut off contact with since she’d found everything out in the first place. It was harder than she imagined, having to come up with stories about what she’d been doing, choosing to tell everyone who asked that she’d just been dealing with a lot of weird work requests that were taking a lot out of her, rather than come clean about her current physical state. Any time someone would reach out to touch her, or try hugging her, she’d back away or close in tightly around herself, not wanting the contact (and claiming that her shying away from them was related to those work requests). For the most part, it seemed that people were accepting what she was saying and following her wishes, but there was one in particular who wouldn’t lift her eyes off of her close friend.

“I’m not sure you’re exactly telling the whole truth,” Kaede said after giving Maki what had to have been the hundredth once-over in the short time she’d been there at the party. “I want to believe you, I really do, but there’s something that’s totally different about you. A lot of somethings, really. Since when did you like wearing thick jackets when it’s warm?”

“Since I had a run-in with a blade at work, next question.”

Kaede tilted her head from side to side as she considered accepting that response, before giving a firm negative head-shake. “You’ve had plenty of those before and all you did was wear longer sleeved shirts. It’s super warm in here right now, you can’t tell me that you’re actually comfortable in that jacket.”

“It’s not too warm, I’m fine,” she lied in return, wishing that she could take off the jacket and act like nothing was different about her, but she knew that if she so much as let it slip a bit while surrounded by people, someone would notice the change. “I’m wearing something sleeveless under here, so I’m staying cooler than you’d think.”

“I don’t know about that, your jacket looks too warm to let you actually be cool.” That was when Kaede reached for one of the sleeves and Maki instinctively pulled away, even though she knew that her friend was just checking the thickness of the fabric—not trying to sneak a peek at anything underneath. She had to sheepishly apologize for the behavior and hold her arm out to let the fabric be examined, but Kaede came away from the exchange even more suspicious than she had been when it started.

If that were the only mishap that night, it would’ve been easy to sweep all the details under the rug and continue pretending like nothing was going on, but unfortunately for Maki she wasn’t going to get out of anything as easily as she would’ve liked. There were far too many people around at all times, nearly bumping into her and causing her to swiftly dodge wayward hands and feet that were headed in her direction. If she’d been able to stay at Kaito’s side the entire time, things would have been fine, but they’d gotten separated in the crowded room and while she could stand on her toes and make an attempt to see him over everyone else, she was oftentimes too short to be able to do much more than see the people directly around her. On the rare occasion that she could set her sights on his spiked hair she couldn’t even push to get closer to him, unless she wanted to be dodging everyone else as she weaved through the crowd.

It didn’t help matters that it was so unbearably warm there in that room, with all the people who’d come to celebrate with everyone else, and she was beginning to swelter in the jacket she couldn’t take off. This wasn’t the first time she’d been in the building before, and since she was actively separated from the person she’d shown up with it wasn’t like there’d be any cause for concern in his mind if she slipped out for a bit, so that was exactly what she made an attempt to do. The closest offshoot room was a dressing room, for people who came to the studio for actual fighting purposes, not for partying, and with a little luck she was able to get into it without anyone following her in.

The moment the door was locked behind her she let out a sigh, the sleeves of the jacket slipping off of her arms and the whole thing falling to the floor in the mostly dark room, the only light coming in from the skylights in the ceiling. It wasn’t much cooler in there than it had been out with everyone else, but not having those thick sleeves on her arms any longer made her feel much cooler in an instant. After picking up the jacket and throwing it onto an empty table, Maki leaned against one of the walls in the room, the roar of the party on the other side fading from her ears as she became focused on what she’d done and what she was going to have to do when she left that room. Her breathing fell into a rhythm as she ran her hands over her face, feeling the warmth of her skin underneath her palms, before they idly rubbed down her arms and landed on the small, firm curve of her stomach.

“It would just be easier if everyone knew,” she muttered to herself as her fingers traced along the curvature, the difference from her normally thin frame striking to feel, despite having been fully present for the changes happening, “but I’m not telling them anything. They don’t need to know, they’ll just make a big deal out of it and probably try to make me feel worse about things than I already have.”

She hadn’t even touched on how letting all of their friends and acquaintances in on the news would free Kaito from his prison of knowing this _amazing_ secret that he couldn’t tell anyone because it wasn’t his to share. He was on her mind, though, and all she could think about was how excited he’d been when he’d found out, despite having a child not having been something they were ever planning for. “This is all stupid, I shouldn’t be having this baby to begin with, I should’ve just…told him right away that we needed to do things differently.”

Whatever words she was going to say next caught in her throat while she continued running her hands across herself, feeling every inch that had changed in what had felt like no time at all. She was beyond bothered by it, and there were so many negative things she would’ve said in that moment, but the sound of a door different than the one she’d entered from coming open made her jump in surprise. As quickly as she could, she tried reaching over to grab her jacket and cover herself back up, but the bright lights of the room came on and standing in the doorway across from her was a tall, slender woman with her eyes narrowed as she looked around the room. “I was informed that this changing room would be empty, so imagine my surprise when I heard a voice in here, belonging to you, no less.”

“Hello to you too, Kirumi,” Maki mumbled, her jacket just out of reach without taking a step or two to retrieve it. She tried turning herself to make the newcomer be facing her head-on, to eliminate as much chance of her current physical condition being noticed as possible. It was a valiant effort, but Kirumi’s eyes were immediately drawn to what was supposed to be hidden, her smirking and coming into the room with the door closing behind her. “No, you can stay over there, thank you very much. I don’t need you right now.”

“Apologies if this isn’t a subject you want to address, but I found it very strange that you were absent from Kaito’s side, despite him being the reason for the festivities. No one claimed to have seen you leave, so I did some investigative work of my own and began checking all the rooms that should, in theory, have been empty.” Kirumi’s smirk grew a bit, turning gentler and less judgmental, much to Maki’s disgust. “I was expecting to find you in a fit of anger, not in…this situation. How long have you known? Is he aware?”

The questions were unwanted, and Maki really did not want to answer either of them, but this was the first person outside of her and Kaito who’d found out and despite the fact that she knew it would be better to not say a word she felt like telling _one_ person she knew could keep a secret would be fine. “Yes, he knows, he’s known since the day I found out and that was, uh, two months ago?” Keeping her head straight about how much time had passed since that whiplash-inducing day was nearly impossible for her, but she wanted to answer Kirumi as best as she could. “I think that’s about right, two months sounds good.”

“Unless there’s something you’re not telling me, I don’t think you’re only two months pregnant. Not that I would have any first-hand knowledge of that, but I’ve seen enough clients in every stage to have some general ideas. Even with as small of a body as yours, it doesn’t seem realistic for your timeline to be correct.” The smile stayed exactly as it had been, even though Kirumi’s eyes were slightly more narrowed than they had been to begin with. “I understand that this may not be what you want to talk about but satisfy my curiosity, if you would be so kind to do so.”

“Ugh, I didn’t ever say I’ve only been like this for two months. I don’t _know_ how long I’ve actually been pregnant, I’ve just known for like two months-ish, like I just said, but it was somewhere like two months before that when we made this monster. It was…a huge mistake on my part and I’d really rather not have to think about it.” She was spilling words out that she didn’t mean to say, and all she was getting in return from Kirumi was silence, as she waited to hear what came next. “Don’t keep looking at me like I’m an animal in a cage, I know what I did wrong and I hate that I did it, but I don’t need—”

She was going to say that she didn’t need any judgment, but Kirumi sharply turned her head, her profile illuminated by the light she’d turned on in the room. In that moment she looked like she was trying to portray herself as an angel of sorts, and it almost felt to Maki that she was one that had appeared with the sole purpose of providing her an outlet to speak with. “I think that sounds more likely to be correct, but don’t assume I’m looking at you in any sort of negative way. You’re carrying a child, and the burden of not wanting to be in that situation, and you’re coming to terms with your reality here with me.” Every time she opened her mouth her face looked more ominous in the light, all but confirming the idea that she was a mythical being there in that room. “Go on, share your thoughts further, I am here merely to assist you any way I can.”

“And whatever is said here stays between us?” Maki asked, feeling like she could trust Kirumi’s word that she was there to help, but wanting to make sure that this trust wasn’t going to be used against her.

“Not only would I never tell your secrets without your permission, but I’ve learned this secret from enough people over the years to know that this is one the expectant mother should share herself.” Her head turning back to facing Maki straight-on, Kirumi’s eyes gently closed as she gave an honest smile. “Now go on, start talking, I know for a fact that my ears will be much more appreciative of your problems than most others’ would be.”

There were still moments of hesitation when it came to talking about everything that had happened in the months not just since they’d found out about the baby, but that they’d found out about the space mission, but Maki slowly began talking more and more in detail about aspects that were still weighing heavily on her. Kirumi rarely said anything of her own as she listened, only giving small nods and soft noises of affirmation as she listened, but whenever she was asked for her opinion on something she delivered it as quickly and truthfully as possible. The conversation was designed to be Maki’s chance to let everything off her chest and get all of her issues into the open, and Kirumi was making sure that it stayed that way.

They ended up sitting on the floor, Maki’s back to the table her jacket was on and Kirumi directly across from her, hands neatly folded across her lap as she listened to everything that was being said. Sometimes they could hear the party on the other side of the wall getting louder, other times they couldn’t hear a thing outside of where they were, but as long as it was just the two of them and nothing left that room, that was all that mattered in the moment. It was beyond comforting for Maki to know that she had someone there who wasn’t judging her, wasn’t going to be criticizing her, wasn’t going to be getting up in her business over things, and every time Kirumi gave her gentle opinion it only made her feel better about her being the one and only outside who’d found out so far.

That changed the moment the door that Kirumi had entered through came open a second time, and a dark-haired woman came stumbling in, screaming something about whoever was in there getting _his_ hands off of whatever woman he’d dragged into the off-limits room with him. Everything fell silent as she realized there were no men inside, and she saw the two sitting face-to-face and clearly in the middle of some kind of conversation. “I just…you know, degenerate males love luring unsuspecting women into rooms that no one should be in, I figured I’d have to step in and put a stop to it but someone locked the main entrance! I expected the worst and found you two instead!” Tenko threw her head back and laughed, dramatically pretending to wipe sweat from her forehead, before she straightened back up and noticed that Maki had shrank back, her arms instinctively wrapping around her body. “I don’t think that’s a normal behavior of yours, what’s up with that?”

Kirumi mouthed something to Maki, asking her how they should proceed with the situation, but Maki had her own plans in mind. “Stomachache, it’s why I was in here cooling down in the first place,” she said, hoping that Tenko wouldn’t come any closer to see anything for herself. “Kirumi ended up finding me and she’s been keeping me company while I try not to vomit, thanks.”

“You better not have been thinking about puking your guts out in my dressing room,” Tenko snapped in reply, doing exactly as Maki didn’t want her to do and charging over, until she was hovering right behind Kirumi, looking straight down at Maki with murderous intent in her eyes. “I work hard to keep this place clean for all the people who come here to my dojo to train with me, and you wanted to dirty it up? Ew, no thank you!”

“I would have cleaned anything that got dirtied, you know this.” Bowing her head as she spoke, Kirumi’s eyes closed and she sighed. “If I had known that this room was off-limits I would have escorted Maki out the moment I found her here. Instead, I allowed her to sit here to collect herself because it was quiet and peaceful, unlike anywhere the partygoers have congregated.”

Her glare softening, Tenko took a second to turn her eyes down onto Kirumi, and it was in that moment that Maki tried to reach up and grab her jacket off of the table it was still on, but the flash of movement in her peripheral vision had Tenko looking at her once more while she only had half the coverage she had before. The air in the room froze as those eyes drifted towards what was now exposed, and Maki couldn’t get the jacket over herself fast enough to prevent any assumptions from being made. “Okay, look, I know that we were doing a whole lot of partying with you guys months ago, but your idiot of a man decided to cut it all off until tonight, so what gives with that totally obvious gut you’ve got going on? You let all that partying catch up to you?”

“Please, I would never do that to myself.” Even though she was still sitting down, Maki was getting that jacket back on her arms, fastening it in front of her so that she could do things once more. “It’s probably just the weird lighting in here, you’re clearly casting a shadow on me, so that might be playing tricks on your eyes. I’m the same as I ever was.”

“No, I know what you looked like before and I know what I saw now, I wouldn’t say you’re a lot bigger than you used to be, but you’ve definitely put on some weight that’s not muscle by any means, and I want to know why. It didn’t seem like something you’d do, but you’ve totally done it.” Tenko had watched as she’d put the jacket on, and now that the incriminating change in her figure was covered the only place she was now staring was into Maki’s eyes. “Come on, aren’t we friends? Can’t you just tell me why you’ve let yourself go and agree to come work on yourself with me?”

“It may be in your best interest to let her in on your secret, unless you want her going around spreading speculation,” Kirumi quietly told Maki, her head still turned down. “I know that it’s not your first choice, but who do you want everyone to figure out the news from, you and Kaito, or her?”

Even though she knew that telling Tenko might have just meant that instead of people hearing that she’d become a slacker and stopped caring about her physical health, they’d hear the actual truth, Maki also knew that she was backed into a corner and screwed either way. Finding it in herself to explain for a second time that she was actually, legitimately pregnant and that it wasn’t intentional, it wasn’t something she’d wanted, but it was entirely her fault, was difficult and yet she managed to do it quickly enough that Tenko wasn’t able to react before she could add, “If a word of this leaves this room until I say it can, I’m going to murder you. Am I understood?”

“I’ll keep your secret all to myself, promise. I won’t even bother Kaito about it, although I can’t believe that you let a disgusting man like him actually _do_ anything to you.” It was clear that the part about everything being Maki’s fault had gone right over Tenko’s head, but that was to be expected with how vehemently she hated men. She continued chattering about her own thoughts on the matter for a few minutes, before remembering why she’d come into the room in the first place and restating the fact that no one was supposed to be in there that evening. The last thing the three ladies did before turning the lights off and leaving to rejoin the party was promise once more that what had been discussed there stayed between them until it was common knowledge for everyone, and then they could talk about things openly with others as they wanted.

It was a dangerous pact to make, but Maki knew that not making it would lead to someone letting the secret slip unintentionally and without consequence, so if anything it gave her the ability to make whoever talked about it first pay. She wanted to believe that they’d take things seriously and keep the news to themselves until she shared it on her own, but there was nothing saying that the secret would be shared as soon as they left that room. On one hand, that fear didn’t materialize and she was able to go home that night without anyone else knowing, but on the other hand she did have to tell Kaito that they’d found out as soon as they weren’t going to be overheard talking about things. He wasn’t upset about it, just confused about why she’d decided to share the news, and even with explaining that it wasn’t her fault that it happened she wasn’t sure he was convinced she was speaking the truth.

That resulted in either a colossal slip of the tongue later, or a badly-timed attempt at retaliation, because about a week after that party Maki ended up getting an oddly-timed phone call and an earful from Kaede about the whole thing. She was beyond upset about not being the first person to know their happy news, and she wanted an explanation for why she hadn’t been told the moment they’d found out. “Trust me, I didn’t want to tell anyone anything when I learned, and that included Kaito, so don’t think you’re special for not knowing sooner.” Maki’s explanation did nothing but fuel the fire burning in Kaede’s soul more, and she was forced to listen to how she’d been one of the first to learn about her two kids, and how that courtesy should’ve been given back to her. “Except you wanted those brats, and I didn’t think I’d ever be having a kid, that’s the difference here.”

“How can you say that about your own baby?” she asked in return, clear anger in her voice that managed to surprise Maki a bit. “I can’t believe you’d ever even think that! Kaito was so excited when he was talking about it today, but now I guess I can see that he’s the only one who feels that way, isn’t he?”

“That’s how it’s been from the start.”

“You’re setting yourself up to be a horrible mom, I hope you know. Don’t expect any help from us if you’re going to be like this.” The line went dead in Maki’s ear and she sighed, knowing that Kaede had just gone slightly overboard with her anger but she was being honest at the same time. Going into everything with a negative mindset wasn’t going to do anything except make things harder in the end, and she needed to change that unless she wanted to resent every moment of her life for the next many years.

* * *

It took quite some time for the rift that had formed due to keeping things secret to fully disappear. By the time that Maki was able to actually talk to Kaede and not be met with some excuse for why she couldn’t commit to anything (she had practice or a concert, or she had plans with someone, or she was going to be spending with her kids), it had been over a month since that short, angered phone call had happened and she felt it was dumb that they still hadn’t settled things. Things were not made any easier by her insistence that they meet in-person to discuss it all, so that they could know the other was being genuine and that there weren’t any outside influences in the discussion.

There was one flaw in that plan, and that was that Kaito refused to let things happen without him being present for them. “Y’know, it’s kinda my fault that she found out when she did, the least I can do is be there when you talk with her about it,” he said, sounding a bit ashamed for his responsibility in the matter, but that was masked by his excitement about the other aspect of everything. “And then, once you’re back to being friends again, I know she’s going to want to talk about the baby, and I’m beyond ready to handle doing that for you, since I know you’re…still not exactly happy about it.”

“Oh, trust me, I’d love for you to do all the talking there, but if you show up and she wasn’t allowed to bring someone to help her, there’s no telling what kind of freaking out she’ll do.” It wasn’t that Maki didn’t want his company, because she honestly did, but rather that she didn’t want things to be harder to manage than they already would be. She felt physically miserable, most of her body aching and her head pounding with exhaustion as she’d barely been sleeping due to not being able to get comfortable in bed anymore. In the moments where she could think clearly, all she could notice was what felt like her sides slowly ripping, her scars that covered her midsection not taking too kindly to being converted in many places into stretch marks that were appearing faster than she could do anything about them. The last thing she really wanted right then was to have to face Kaede by herself, get past their stupid fight, and then be treated to being shamed for not thinking all of this suffering was beautiful and going to be worth it.

Fortunately, no matter how much she argued otherwise, Kaito insisted he was going to be going with her, and so when the agreed-upon time came they were both waiting at the meeting spot for Kaede to show up. Unfortunately, it seemed that she had predicted that he’d be there, because she brought with her not one but both of her children, pushing them along the path at the park in a stroller that did not look like it wanted to cooperate with her. “Good, there’s a strong man here to take care of this for me,” she laughed, offering the position at the helm of the stroller to Kaito, and he groaned before doing it anyway, taking a couple large steps to get it rolling faster than it had been already and breaking away from them both. “And now I guess we take care of…whatever problem you have with me.”

“I’m the one who has the problem, huh?” There was something about what Kaede had said that rubbed Maki the wrong way, and she was not going to let her get away with saying it. “I don’t know where you’d get that idea, I wasn’t going to tell anyone and it’s not my fault that Kaito told you before I wanted you knowing.”

“Then why’d you tell Tenko? She said that you told her to keep it secret but when I said I knew she said she’d known too, and I know that the two of you aren’t as close as we _used_ to be!” With an indignant huff, Kaede crossed her arms over her chest and looked away from Maki, acting immaturely simply because she felt she’d been wronged. “I can’t believe you chose her over me for this, she doesn’t even have kids!”

Knowing that the truth of that issue might not have been believable, Maki decided she didn’t have much of a choice but to try going for it anyway. “Who ever said I chose to tell her? It’s not my fault that she walked into a room I was trying to keep to myself in and saw something she wasn’t supposed to. If you’d come in there you’d have learned early too. I didn’t seek her out to tell her anything, and that’s…just how it happened, really. If I’d gotten my way I probably wouldn’t have told anyone until now anyway.”

“Until now?” Kaede repeated with surprise in her voice, turning to look at Maki to make sure that she hadn’t hallucinated what she looked like. “You know that people so would’ve been able to guess without even asking by this point if they saw you, right? Someone as skinny as you doesn’t just suddenly look like that without there being a baby involved.”

“Oh believe me, I know that,” she replied, one of her hands instinctively moving to try covering at least part of the bump that she was barely coming to terms with. “I’ve been stuck helplessly watching this thing grow for weeks and I wish it never had started. I mean, I wish I’d never gotten pregnant in the first place but there’s some things that can’t be helped.”

“You really shouldn’t be saying things like that, the baby can hear you talking, you know. Last thing you want is for it to think you hate it.” It was pretty clear that Kaede wasn’t quite over her anger about the situation, but she wasn’t actively acting on it anymore, to the point that the next thing she did was try to cheer Maki up about her disgust towards the child she was growing. “I’m just saying, it’s super exciting that you and Kaito are getting to have a baby before he goes to space! He’s going to get to kiss you both goodbye and you’ll both be waiting for him when he gets back, and I know he’s totally ready for that to happen. When he told us about the baby in the first place, he said that he was so ready to get to be a dad, which is why I kinda hoped he was here with you today, just to see how he does with kids when he’s on his own.”

“No, you’re using him for free babysitting service, but go on.” Maki’s eyes tracked to where Kaito was running along with the stroller, dust from the path being kicked up behind him as they moved. “I know he’s excited but he’s the only one, and this came as more of a surprise to him than anything so how he’s managed to get excited is beyond me. He wakes up one day thinking that everything’s normal and finds out that afternoon that his wife lied to him about a bunch of things and that he’s having a kid, and his reaction is, well, excitement.”

“I mean, can you blame him? That’s pretty exciting stuff.” Now getting a better feel for the whole situation, Kaede’s anger had mostly subsided, and she was also watching Kaito as he ran with the stroller. “I bet he’s going to be an amazing dad, and I’m sure he knew it wouldn’t have ever happened any other way.”

“Okay, but can we not make this about him? How he feels doesn’t matter, not when he doesn’t even have to do anything.” Her hand now moving to rest on her hip, the bone still very prominent underneath her palm, Maki let her eyes wander away from Kaito and back towards Kaede, seeing the calmed expression on her face and figuring it was as good a time as any to bring up their initial problem again. “And now you know why I didn’t tell you about any of this, because this wasn’t intentional and I didn’t want to face what I’d done until I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.”

Kaede nodded, understanding what she was hearing, but when she spoke it was clear she wasn’t fully accepting of the explanation. “I still wish you’d told me first, before anyone else could even find out. That’s how it worked with both of my kids, I think it would’ve just been fitting if you’d done the same back for me.”

“If maybe things had worked like I wanted them to, that could’ve been the case, but you can thank Kirumi and Tenko for that one. They only found out because they walked in on me, I never wanted to tell them anything.” Thinking back to that party, and how she’d chosen to cool off by herself but ended up ruining everything on accident, brought a deep frown to Maki’s lips. If she’d not been so insistent on keeping things secret for as long as she had, then there wouldn’t have been any reason for her to be in that room, or for anything that went on there to have happened. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you myself, though.”

“Hey, finding out from Kaito wasn’t the end of the world! It was finding out that others had already been told that was the problem.” To contrast the frown Maki was wearing, Kaede was grinning, her eyes crinkling with how big her smile had grown. “But I get it, things happened in a way you weren’t expecting, about all of this, and I should’ve thought better about how you probably didn’t mean for this to be how it went. I…also could’ve listened to everyone else saying that too, but you know how people get when they’re hurt.”

“I suppose I do know, yeah.” She couldn’t be sure that the rift between them had been bridged, but at least in that moment things felt like they were back to being fine. In the middle of all these weird life changes that she’d never wanted, the last thing Maki needed was to lose one of the few people she actually trusted. Being pregnant was hard enough, but doing it without anyone supporting her other than Kaito was not something she had any interest in doing.

From there, they made it a point to be more open about things on both sides of their relationship, and try to include the other at all times if possible. That did result in some more awkwardness in the following days, as Kaede wanted to be caught up on everything that she’d missed in the time there had been secrets being kept while Maki, still not comfortable with sharing too much with anyone because she cared so little, didn’t know how to answer so many of the questions being thrown at her. She had to turn to Kaito a lot during the questioning, because if anyone was going to be able to answer those things, the person who was over the moon with excitement would be the one.

“I didn’t think I’d need to be keeping track of any of that stuff,” he admitted when he heard some of the things that Kaede was asking about—everything from how many weeks along the baby was to anything notable the doctors had said about the baby. “Isn’t that something you should’ve been doing, Maki Roll?”

“Why would I care about any of that?” Her voice was low as she asked, because she could already feel the shame being sent towards her from Kaede, and in that moment she so strongly wished she’d been better about taking note of anything she’d been told. “I just go to the doctor when they tell me to, and do what they say, but I don’t really care about what it is they’re saying to me. The baby’s not dead, that’s all that I really care about.”

“So you don’t even know how close to your due date you are, but that’s fine!” Clasping her hands together for a moment, Kaede gave a look of determination towards the couple. “I’m sure you at least remember what they said about that though, don’t you?”

They exchanged a glance between each other, trying to figure out which one could answer that question best, and it was Kaito who took the leap. “Uh, yeah, who’d be stupid enough to not remember that? It’s not super long before I go to space, so it’s easy to remember exactly when it is.”

“When is it, then?”

“The middle of…um, okay the flight’s in November so it was in October, right?” The fact that he was actively asking Maki to verify what he was saying was not helping their case at all, but she forced a nod and he grinned, shooting a proud thumbs-up. “See, I know what I’m talking about! It’s mid-October, because the baby won’t even be a month old when I leave, and they’ll be two months old when I get back.”

Pausing for a moment, Kaede grabbed her phone and began frantically tapping at the screen, not saying a word about what she was doing until she triumphantly flipped it around and showed a bunch of calculations that she’d pulled up. “Based on that, you two must’ve made this baby back in, like, January, but we were all close to dying there at the end of the month and I doubt anything would’ve survived that so I don’t know really when this happened. What I do know, though, is that you’re totally a _lot_ more pregnant than I would’ve guessed just looking at you.”

“Thanks, I think,” Maki replied, her hands interlacing with each other right in front of her stomach, trying to make it look a little less large. “What’s that even supposed to mean?”

“Well, it’s the middle of July right now, and that means that you’re somewhere in the five months range, and trust me when I say that you do not look like you’re that far along at all, based on my own experience.” Kaede turned her phone back around, before closing everything on it and tucking it away. “There’s just one problem if that’s actually the case, and that’s that you guys don’t seem to have any pictures or anything of the little one! By this point both times we already knew what they were and were already making ideas of what they’d look like just based on their cute silhouettes!”

“I remember you doing that, yeah.” Her hands were not moving from their position, but Maki was looking towards Kaito, hoping he’d have any clue where the second set of pictures they’d gotten of the baby were. “We didn’t really care about what they are, but we did get to see them the last time we went in for an appointment. They’re…definitely a baby, that’s all there is to say about them.”

“Well either way, don’t be scared to ask us for anything you might need that’s aimed at a specific gender, we can help you out. It’s one of the perks of having one of each and saving things for friends, just in case something like this happened.” Once again Kaede paused what she was doing, before she started messing with her phone again. “Speaking of my kids, I really hope that Shuichi remembered to take them to the sitter before he went to work today, I told him I wasn’t going to be there to do it.”

In her mind, Maki was telling herself that she was never, under any circumstances, going to become the kind of somewhat neglectful mother that her friend was. Out in the open, though, she was still looking at Kaito, trying to wordlessly convince him to go get the pictures that he cared about much, much more than she ever had. “What’s all that winking for, Maki Roll?” he asked, not picking up her hints even slightly. “Do you have something in your eye, is that what it is?”

“No, you idiot, I was hoping you’d, I don’t know, go get the pictures of the baby so Kaede could see them, since I don’t have any idea where they are.” He stared at her for a couple seconds before shaking his head, which confused her as a reaction. “Uh, you’re not telling me they’re not here, right?”

“I know where they are, don’t worry, and I’d love to go get them for you, but you’re sitting on my leg and I…don’t want to push you off and hurt you or the baby.” Now it was her turn to stare at him, until she shifted how she was sitting and felt what was undoubtedly his leg underneath her. With her face lighting up in embarrassment at how she’d completely not realized that she was on him, she lifted herself as best as she could so that he could get out from where she had been trapping him, him ducking out of the room for not even a minute before he was back with those pictures. The whole time he was gone, Kaede was distracted with her phone, so it came as a nice surprise for her when he came back with grayscale images to show off the profile and some appendages of the baby, but nothing that notated what the baby was.

She was happy to get to see them, but at the same time there was obvious disappointment in Kaede’s eyes as she tried to glean any details from the pictures. “That’s so weird that they didn’t even sneak anything onto these for you two, just in case you wanted to know later,” she said as she was holding them inches from her face, trying her best to make any sense of what wasn’t written about. “If I were you, I’d go in there and tell whoever was responsible for this that they didn’t do enough.”

“Except we, or at least _I_ , don’t actually care enough to cause a scene like that. Whatever the baby is, it’s fine and that’s all that matters.” If she were being honest, Maki would have said that even knowing that much still didn’t fully sit well with her, but she knew that her honesty would get her in trouble if she was so open with it. “I know Kaito would’ve caused that kind of scene if he really wanted to, but he didn’t so there’s that.”

“Yeah, whatever they are they’re gonna be loved just the same.” While talking, Kaito’s eyes had drifted to looking intently at Maki’s stomach, as if he could see inside of her and make any kind of eye contact with the child he was talking about. “I’d definitely like it more if they’re a little guy, but if they’re a girl that’s no big deal, ‘cause then they’ll grow up to be just like Maki Roll, and that’s pretty lucky for them.”

Looking over the pictures to see his focused stare, Kaede gave a soft laugh before resuming what she’d been doing. “I’m glad to hear that you’d be mostly fine with things falling either way, because I really don’t know what guess I can make off of these. Whatever happens, just know that we can get you anything you need, as long as we’re available.”

“Because you spend so much of your time actually doing what you’re famous for, I know. It’s almost like you never go to performances or anything anymore.” Her honest tongue had popped up without her intending for it to, and the sharp gasp she got in return made Maki wish she hadn’t just called her friend out. “I’m sorry, but as far as I know you don’t do anything except go out with people, and neglect your kids but we’ve already—”

“I don’t neglect them, okay? They know that their parents love them, they just also know that we’re very busy people and that we can’t always be around. And don’t say I don’t perform, you just never ask to go to any of my shows!” An idea was beginning to flicker in Kaede’s mind, and within moments of growing bored with looking at baby pictures she was suggesting it for the couple to hear. It wasn’t anything flashy or spectacular, but having date nights with special tickets to her piano performances was something that they couldn’t get offered anywhere else.

At a time where partying was off the table, and doing much of anything that she loved was difficult or even dangerous, Maki had no choice but to accept the offer, and naturally once he knew she was all for it Kaito was as well. Neither of them were exactly into that particular kind of concert scene, but with tickets given to them by the star performer herself there was no reason to not give it a shot. She seemed delighted to be able to give them something right then, because sharing baby care items was seemingly impossible because she didn’t know what they needed, and her enthusiasm was hard to deny. That was how she was going to show them that she cared about their little growing family, and the least they could do was accept her love with open arms.

Open arms and open minds to the possibility that she’d make their attendance something they’d quickly regret, but it would be so unlike Kaede to actually do that sort of thing. “You aren’t going to call attention to us while we’re there, right?” Maki asked after they’d talked through some of the details of the special tickets, wanting to set her mind fully at ease just in case Kaede had any weird plans. “We just get to go, watch you, listen to your music, and then call it a day, correct?”

“Trust me, if I’m going to do anything else I’ll let you know about it first.” It was hard to argue with the genuine smile that Kaede wore, but even still Maki couldn’t shake the feeling that something unplanned would happen if they attended the shows as invited. Her apprehension was clear, though, and together Kaito and Kaede slowly convinced her that everything would be okay, that it would be worth their time, and that it would be the best way they could go on a date that wouldn’t end up with someone drinking more than their celebration-weary body should probably handle. The last point, said with the straightest face that Kaito could manage, was the one that sold her on it, and she agreed to go to one show to start, and then go to more if they had a good enough time.

That agreement was made on shaky terms, punctuated when she said, “But if it’s boring or everything goes to shit, we’re not doing this again. That’s a promise, Kaede. I’m not subjecting myself to what you love if I hate it.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve said that to me about children before, too, and look where you are.”


	3. spacewalk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: violence, blood

It had been a long time since they’d actually gone to one of Kaede’s shows, mostly because the last one they’d attended had been back when she was still waiting to make her big break into the music scene, and once she made a name for herself it was nearly impossible to get seats at her shows without paying a small fortune. Sure, she’d always had tickets she could’ve shared, but they’d never been super interested in going; now that they had special tickets in hand and were assured that they’d be getting the best seats in the venue, it was a bit more appealing to go and see what she’d created for herself since their last time watching.

“Can you believe we actually know someone who’s toured out of the country and around the world playing piano? And not just knowing her, but she’s our friend so we get to live the good life when we go see her?” His hands gripping the tickets as he read them over, eyes squinted to make sure he got all the fine print, Kaito sounded a lot more excited about going to the show than Maki expected him to, but this was the guy who got excited about everything so it wasn’t too much of a surprise. “I hope she’s just even greater of a performer than she was the last time we heard her, she was already amazing.”

“If she’s selling out big concert halls and has to give us free tickets in order to get us to see her, something tells me that she’s not going to be any worse than she was before.” Maki didn’t want to bring up the possibility that perhaps she wasn’t any better than she’d been before, but she was sure that Kaito wouldn’t hear a word of it if she did. “I’m hopeful that, wherever these seats she’s gotten for us are, they’re not somewhere that a lot of people are going to want to get by us. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle a lot of getting up and sitting back down tonight.”

“Why’s that?” he asked, before using the tickets and both hands to smack himself on the forehead, not even bothering to look in her direction. “Wait, duh, Kaito, you know the answer to that one. Someone’s finding it a little hard to move as fast as she used to, isn’t she?”

Feeling her face heating up in embarrassment as he’d called out her exact problem, Maki wrapped her arms around her stomach and hoped that he wasn’t going to continue talking. When he didn’t say another word, she grumbled something under her breath about how she hated when he was right—because honestly, he had no business even bringing up the fact that she wasn’t as slender and agile as she had been when she was a full-time assassin. “No one even mentioned me needing to get up _fast_ ,” she spat, letting her anger at how easily she’d been read show. “I just would rather not have gotten comfortable only for someone to need me to get out of their way.”

“Yeah, and there’s no chance of you being able to squish back into your chair if someone’s trying to move quick, because you can’t make yourself that small anymore. It’s not really a problem, you’re not gigantic or anything like that, but you’re definitely different than you were.” Not quite realizing that every word was only angering her further, Kaito continued going on about what Maki’s problem with the situation was for a couple more sentences, before hearing her give a loud, huffy sigh that perked his ears to her. “Hey, what’s up with that sigh there, Maki Roll? Everything okay?”

“Everything would’ve been fine if you’d decided to shut up about how I look before you’d said anything at all.” Hearing him talk about the fact that she was noticeably different, that she no longer had her tiny assassin body and that she had very clearly put on some weight as her body was being used for growing their child, it had bypassed upsetting her completely and had gone right to making her furious about things. The problem was, Kaito was absolutely right about everything he’d said, even if saying it had been unwarranted, and she couldn’t be angry at him for too long about telling the truth. She could, however, be angry at the one responsible for what was happening to her, and as that was her own fault that meant having to combat feelings of self-hatred that he’d provoked.

“H-hey, don’t start beating yourself up over anything I just said, I didn’t mean any harm with any of it!” Without much in the way of a warning, he threw his arms around her, bending over to press his face against hers as he did. “You’re so gorgeous even though you don’t look the same, I don’t want ya thinking I don’t think that still! You’re like a…star nursery in the center of a galaxy, except you’re making just one star and that star’s our child!”

“Only you’d find a way to make this about space,” she muttered, her cheek feeling squished up against his as he nuzzled himself against her, “but I guess you’re right about that too.”

“Of course I’d make this about space! What else can you expect from Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars? Some kind of comment that someone who only knows the Earth would get?” He quieted down for a moment after his question, as he positioned his head to facing hers, only to start covering her face with small kisses that she tried shying away from to no avail. As he was attacking her face with those kisses, his hand that no longer had a grip on the tickets had moved from behind her in a hug to resting with its palm on the lower part of her stomach, his fingers gently tapping as he moved it slowly across, back and forth.

This continued for what felt like hours, but couldn’t have been more than a minute at most, until she finally found it within her to pull her head away from his unrelenting barrage of kisses. “Kaito, please, we have things we need to be doing right now that aren’t being all over each other.”

“I’unno, I think Kaede will understand if we’re late to her show, I’m kinda feeling whatever’s going on here.” He leaned back as well, grinning at her with a wild look in his eyes, and she felt nearly every muscle in her body shudder as his grin became more seductive. Turning him away was going to be nearly impossible, not when she wanted him just as bad as it seemed he wanted her, but they had plans they were supposed to be keeping. If it were any other night in their lives, she might’ve given into what they both wanted and let him lead her onto their bed, but she just couldn’t right then.

When he began kissing her once more, this time with more passion, more force, more attempts at getting her to change her mind, she replied to his messages of love with her own kisses, moving her head to brush her lips against his jaw, or to take his lower lip in between her teeth in a gentle bite; all the while, his hand was still moving idly across her stomach, trying to find any way to get past the clothing she was wearing. Yet the moment she felt his fingers begin lifting up her shirt, to get into the top of the skirt underneath it, she knew that she had to stop things before they went any further. “Look, Kaito, I know you want me but it’s not a good time,” she told him, breathless as she saw those wild eyes meet hers yet again. “We can get back to this later, I’m not disappointing Kaede for a second time because we couldn’t keep our clothes on.”

“Fine, later works. But I’m holding ya to that, Maki Roll, you’re not getting out of this that easily.” He laughed, sounding almost as out of breath as she did, and he finally pulled himself away from her, returning her clothes to their original position to not make it so obvious how he’d tried to get under them. “That was a lot of fun, even if we didn’t get very into it. I don’t know what all I can do, since there’s a baby in there and all, and I wouldn’t wanna hurt either of you.”

“You think that…okay, one, you don’t need to worry about hurting anything or anyone, that’s not how it works, and two, you were definitely aiming to finger me right there.” In her mind, Maki was losing it over the fact that Kaito, a grown adult who was qualified enough to be going to outer space in a matter of months, wasn’t completely sure of all the details about pregnancy, but on the outside she was trying to stay calm. “Besides, we’ve heard it from a certain friend of ours that sex while pregnant is one of the better things in life, despite, well, what it requires being to have it.”

He glanced around a couple of times at hearing that, before meeting her eyes again, this time with a much less intense expression. “I guess I must’ve thought she was talking about something else,” he said, stroking his chin hair to make him seem less confused and more thoughtful. “Good to know for later, when we absolutely get back to this.”

“Right, I’m looking forward to what might be one of the best sexual experiences you ever give me,” she replied with a serious tone, trying to not sound like she was making a joke but coming off that way anyway. It wasn’t that she didn’t believe what she’d heard, it was just that if it were true she was going to absolutely hate it. Being pregnant felt like a curse that she was currently saddled with, and if there was a redeeming factor that came in the bedroom it would be disappointing that she’d never, ever let herself get to experience it after her nine-ish months were served.

For the most part, their evening at the concert went about as well as it could have, given that they were both itching to get home and get out of their nice clothes in the presence of no one else but the other. The seats they’d been given were nearly perfect, the one issue that came up with them being that they weren’t quite close enough to an easy exit from the concert hall (and that was only an issue because Maki realized minutes into the performance that she _could not_ stay sitting down for very long without feeling like she needed to leave). Never once were they asked to let someone by, never once did they have to do anything for anyone else, they got to enjoy things for themselves and got to stick around after the show a bit to meet with the star performer and some of the people who’d made the night’s show possible, but after those commitments were done it was back home to follow through with the promise to return to what they’d been starting beforehand.

Even though they were clearly antsy to leave and didn’t have any desire to be there a second longer than necessary, it was considered by both to be a successful concert trip, and the following day they were both sure to let Kaede know how great of a time they’d had. The method they’d chosen to do that was in person, because it wasn’t like either of them had anything else they needed to be doing, and since she’d just put on a show that previous night she wasn’t going to be busy herself. It was decided that they’d go over to her house and talk to her there for a change, rather than her coming to see them, or them finding some neutral middle ground to meet at.

That decision was a big mistake, as they found out after being let in the front door not by the bright-eyed blonde they were expecting, but her husband. It wasn’t that they didn’t like Shuichi—in fact, he was Kaito’s best friend and sidekick, and him and Maki got along spectacularly—so much as it was that they didn’t like talking to him when there were other things on their minds. “Why does it look like the two of you have something you want to share with Kaede that has nothing to do with her show last night?” he asked them as they came inside, catching them both by surprise at the quick timing of his statement. “Is this going to turn into a conversation not meant for little ears?”

“You weren’t going to let your children be there for it anyway, were you?” Maki’s words came out at the same time that Kaito was beginning to sputter something out about how that accusation was silly and that they were completely honest about why they were there. She gave him a light shoulder-punch to get him to stop, while countering Shuichi’s knowing eyes with a glare of her own. “You know how I feel about them, you wouldn’t do that to us.”

“Maybe I would and maybe I wouldn’t, but that’s irrelevant. I know now that they’ll be far from the room when you get to talk with Kaede.” His wink clued her in to the fact that he definitely knew what else they were there to talk about, and she covered her face with her hands in shame for it. How he was so good at reading body language and figuring things out, she would never know, but it certainly did wonders for his line of work. “I’ll go tell her you’re here, she should be out shortly.”

As he disappeared into a deeper part of the house, Maki dropped her hands and turned her head towards Kaito, tilting it back slightly as he started looking down at her with his jaw slightly hanging. “I can’t believe you just tried to defend yourself against a guy who can read an expression and tell if someone’s guilty,” she said, pursing her lips as she paused to think of what else to add. “I mean, it wasn’t like he wasn’t going to find out anyway but at least we were going to tell Kaede first so she could be the one to tell him.”

“I don’t know why we’re tellin’ her in the first place, what business does she have knowing what we did after her show? It was just another normal night for us, wasn’t it?” To him it might’ve been, but to Maki it had been anything but normal; she had experienced things that had never been quite as intense when she’d gone through them before, her whole body having been flooded with arousal to a level that she’d never imagined she could attain. There must have been signs of her high still residing on her face, or perhaps in the way she was holding herself, signs that allowed for the deduction about what they’d done to be made so easily with a single glance.

None of that was anything Kaito would really understand though, and she had to address it in a way that he would get, even if it meant being blunter about things than she’d prefer. “I just think it would be nice to tell her about my experience with what she let me know about regarding what we did last night, nothing big.”

He blinked down at her a couple times, before hitting her shoulder with a forceful hand, enough to make her cough in response. “I totally get what you’re getting at, and while I don’t know if I get _why_ you want Kaede knowing about how great I am in bed, if it makes ya happy I’m not stopping you from bragging!”

“That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever walked into you saying, and I’ve heard a lot of weird things come out of your mouth before.” Running her hands through her hair to straighten it up, Kaede seemed to not be too bothered by what she’d heard Kaito claiming, but she did try not to look at him as she continued speaking. “So anyway, I’ve been told that you’re both here to talk to me about some important-ish things, and Shuichi said there was an elephant in the room that I should bring up first, but I think Kaito beat me to it.”

“I wasn’t talking about any elephants,” he replied, completely serious.

“No, but you were talking about sleeping with your wife, and I want to know if it was the best time ever or what, since we’re being totally honest with each other right now.” Clasping her hands together in front of her face, Kaede looked between the pair excitedly for a few moments while they shifted uncomfortably, being put on the spot about that subject not something that either of them were expecting. She eventually backed off, giving a heavy sigh as she let her hands separate to throw them into the air. “Okay, I guess that’s not going to work, now is it? We’ll talk about it later then probably, right?”

As awkward as it was to think about how they would, in fact, end up talking about that sensitive subject, Maki wasn’t going to admit to it there. “Probably not, we didn’t show up only to start comparing sex lives, we’re here to talk to you about last night’s show. The one you invited us to, not whatever one might’ve happened after.” Her second sentence was hastily added when she saw the smug look Kaede was wearing, like she knew that there was lying happening to her face (and she most likely did, given that Shuichi had gone to get her, and he knew the truth about half of the visit’s purpose).

“Oh yeah, that was a thing you went to, wasn’t it? How were the seats? I tried to get ones close enough to the aisle just in case some little baby decided they didn’t want their mom getting to have a nice night, but I think they may have been too far from everything for that to really matter, huh?” Now that she was talking to them about what they were insisting was the point of their visit, Kaede had gone back to messing with her hair, which hang loose over her shoulders, making it easy to play with. She was teasing the ends with her fingers as she waited for an answer, but when none came in a timely manner she focused on Maki, who was watching her as her fingers moved. “Uh, hello? I asked you something, aren’t you going to answer?”

Shaking her head to pull her eyes away from the easy distraction, Maki shrugged before giving what she felt was the only answer she was capable of in that moment. “I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond to that. The seats were nice, but it wasn’t like I was in them much because I was…wait a damn second how did you _know_ that would happen? You’re not the detective here.”

“Doesn’t take a detective to know that sort of thing,” she replied, throwing her hair over her shoulders so no one could use it as any further distraction. “I’ve been in your shoes before, remember? I know very well how hard it is to sit still for too long when you’ve got something growing inside you, except when it would happen to me it was always at the worst times. You can’t exactly get up and leave in the middle of your own performance, no matter how uncomfortable you are.”

“Is that why you were always getting up and leaving?” Kaito asked, looking at Maki like this was a new revelation he was having, and it was then that she realized she hadn’t explained why she never seemed to be in her seat for long to him. “That sounds like a bad time, but you know what you could do to help with that? When astronauts are out on space walks, they have to wear d—”

“I’m not listening to you suggest what you’re about to say, that’s nasty and unnecessary and you better stop.” Her snapping at him was accompanied with her motioning with one hand for him to zip his lips, and he followed her directions without any complaints. With that taken care of, Maki was back to talking to Kaede like nothing had happened. “Yeah, no, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’d know what it’s like, seeing as your job is to literally sit on a bench for a couple hours and play music for people.”

Kaede stifled a laugh with the back of her hand, smiling while she did. “So that’s how I knew what seats would suit you best, and I know for next time to get ones closer to the exit so you don’t have to travel so far every time you need to leave.” She seemed so proud of herself for being considerate of any potential needs, and Maki was honestly impressed and thankful for her mindfulness. “There is going to be a next time, right? I loved having you both there for me, especially since it was kind of a big industry night and having my own special guests in addition to the big-name people was nice.”

“We’ll go again, definitely!” Kaito’s answer came before Maki could say anything at all, so she responded to him with another motion to be quiet, this one something that he ignored. “I mean, it was a great time for me, maybe not so much for Maki Roll ‘cause she was always leaving but I had a lot of fun listening to you. You’re such a great piano player, it’s amazing how much talent those hands have!”

“Aw, thanks Kaito! I’m used to hearing about how talented my hands are from Shuichi, but hearing it from you is nice too!” There was a pause after she spoke, as her face came alight with a bright blush that showed her comment wasn’t intended to sound so dirty. After apologizing a couple times for being so open about her own personal life, she slid right into doing what she’d tried to do from the start, attempting to get them to share details about what they’d done after the concert.

It wasn’t right then that it happened, Maki did her best to steer things back to the concert itself, but a little while later they were all sitting down, talking half about the show and half about what fireworks had come after it. There was awkward laughter shared between them all, and a couple moments of detailed explanations about how unbelievably great the experience had been, and everything only ended when the sounds of small feet running into the room silenced them all. The moment those two children entered the scene there wasn’t going to be any more discussion of the sort, but by then everything of note had been laid out for Kaede to judge, and she was adamant that the best was yet to come, going by her own experiences in being an affectionate and horny pregnant woman.

While Maki was beyond relieved to know that she could be all those things at once and it wasn’t weird, she was also the tiniest bit bothered at how Kaede was willing to share that information without batting an eyelash. She figured it must have been her friend’s way of sharing the love, and as strange as it was it felt like it could be of a huge benefit to them down the road when things started getting more unbearable.

* * *

The concept of things being “bearable” at any point from there on was honestly a foreign one in Maki’s mind, and she regretted ever once thinking that it could get worse than it already had been. Every morning she woke up feeling more miserable than the day before, whether it was her chest aching with the pressure of the milk she’d started to produce, or the feeling of her scars on her stomach getting pulled tighter as she grew, and it took a lot for her to not resort to drastic measures to make herself feel better. She’d more or less stopped assassin work, only taking on jobs that she asked for, rather than ones she was called into, and there were mornings where she considered calling the bosses and asking for the hardest job they had for the chance of something taking her out on accident.

There was one thing keeping her from doing that, and that was Kaito. He wasn’t aware of what she was considering at any point, and she wanted to keep it that way, but he did know that she was not feeling her best anymore and he tried his best to turn her mood around and make her more comfortable in her new skin at the same time. That meant a lot of kisses, a lot of touching and rubbing, and a lot of worship-like praises that would’ve done a lot more if she wasn’t saddled with so much self-hatred. Even though things had been completely unexpected and they still weren’t quite mentally prepared for what was coming for them in a matter of months, he was doing all he could to make things better however he could.

She wasn’t going to tell him that what he was doing did lift her spirits at times, even if she still physically felt disgusting, but the small smiles that she’d give from time to time were enough of a thanks to him that a lack of words didn’t matter. “You just take everything I’m doing and keep it where it matters, in your heart!” he told her one morning, before attempting to smother her in kisses that she had to stop with forceful pushes. “I never realized how much I loved ya until I saw that you really, truly needed all my love.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you can stop trying to suffocate me with that love, it’s already hard enough to be comfortable as is, I don’t need you basically on top of me as well.” He did have a habit of nearly climbing into what available lap she had left whenever he started to get affectionate, and because she didn’t exactly have the longest legs and her stomach seemed to be protruding more every day, he was fighting for limited space. “I get that you’re trying to help me, Kaito, but consider how much you’re really helping before you do it.”

“I happen to know that I’m helping you a lot more than you act like I am, but you’ve gotta keep up that cold exterior, can’t let the world know that you love me back just as much.” To respect her not wanting to be blanketed with his body like he usually did, he decided to blow her a kiss and flash her a grin. “Don’t you worry though, Maki Roll, I know exactly how you feel because I know you so well.”

Without missing a beat, she replied, “Oh, is that so? Since when did you become a mind reader, or someone capable of reading social cues?”

“I didn’t say I was either of those, I said I know you so well, so that’s how I know how you feel. You know what I mean?” His words were getting jumbled, he was clearly becoming flustered there with how non-receptive she was trying to be in the moment, and she knew that she was not helping matters by maintaining a glare the entire time. The moment she softened her gaze he seemed to relax a bit, taking a seat next to where she was still on their bed and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I bet you do know what I mean, because you know that I know you love all this love and attention I’m giving you.”

She opened her mouth to refute his claim, but deep inside she knew that he spoke the absolute truth, no matter how much she liked to pretend otherwise. However, she knew there was one way she could save her skin while making him rethink his actions, and while it was a low blow she felt bad enough to justify it. “I’m sorry, last time I checked you were only doing all this for me because I’m carrying your child that I didn’t even want, so maybe you should consider your reasons before telling me I love something like that.”

“So maybe you’re right, I’m only coming on so strong because of what’s happening to ya, but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you, and I love our baby, and I’ll do whatever I can to make you love them too.” Kaito was talking quieter, almost as if Maki’s words had cut him deeply, but as that had been part of her intent she couldn’t feel too bad about it. He sat there for some time, hugging her into him while she gave him the side-eye, but when he let go of her she would’ve been lying if she said she didn’t wish he’d kept the contact. “I just don’t know how you can have them inside you and not love them, it doesn’t make sense. All you do is see them as a problem.”

“Am I supposed to see them as anything but?” It was a genuine question, even though she already knew the answer to it. When she’d gone to the doctor that day she’d expected to have her life put back on track, not have it be permanently derailed by a physically-altering, life-changing, social and financial burden she never wanted to have, and despite it having been months since that day Maki still hadn’t gotten over that shock. She wouldn’t say she resented the baby she was bringing life to, but she definitely wasn’t thrilled with any aspect of its existence.

Taking his time to mull over the answer to her question, Kaito ultimately decided that answering it wasn’t something that would be productive. “I guess I shouldn’t make you see them the way I do, sorry about that,” he conceded, hopping off the bed and offering her his hands so that she could use him to get to her feet without wobbling. “I’m just ready to get to meet them and spend time with them and get to know them, because I bet that every moment I’m around you’re going to expect me to be doing that, aren’t you?” She shook her head, not wanting to get into that discussion, but he read that differently than she intended. “So then you’re going to actually help beyond watching them when I’m gone? That’s amazing, I didn’t think you’d say that!”

“I didn’t say anything, moron.”

“You thought it though, I know you did!” He considered pulling her into him for a big hug, but several obstacles stood in the way of doing that, the biggest one being that he couldn’t be certain he wouldn’t cause her to topple over with the sudden movement. Instead, he chose to wrap her up and lift her on his own, hearing her complain about how he was squeezing her and how he was making her stomach hurt more than it already did. When he set her down she was visibly angry with him, her hands clutching the places where he seemed to have hurt her most, but she said nothing and instead chose to leave the room, causing him to chase after her, flinging apologies like they were going to do anything.

More or less, it became a daily routine for their mornings to go somewhere along those lines, until there came a day where they were both woken up by something other than themselves and their normal lives. It was a call coming in on Maki’s phone, that Kaito had to answer because her response to hearing it ringing was to bury her face under a pillow, and when it was his voice that answered he got an earful about how it wasn’t right for a man to answer a woman’s calls, even if they were married. “Cut to the chase, I’ll hang up on you if you just wanna yell at me,” he said the first chance he had to get a word in. “C’mon Tenko, there’s got to be a reason you’re calling this early.”

“First thing, it’s almost noon so you shouldn’t be calling that ‘early’. Second thing, I was calling Maki, not you, so what I have to say might not apply to you yet you’re trying to get it out of me.” She paused, while he rolled his eyes at her attitude, thankful that this wasn’t an in-person conversation; her next word came with a completely different tone, as she delivered the news she’d called about. “Third thing, you two need to come over to my studio as soon as you can, there’s someone here that I think would like to see you both. Especially Maki, though, and maybe not you so much.”

She might not have been yelling there at the end, but she was making a dig at him being a guy and he wasn’t going to put up with it, so he hung up on her and set the phone on top of the pillow covering Maki’s face. “Get up, we’ve got places to go, people to see, I guess,” he told her, throwing his thin sheet off of himself and getting out of bed without seeing if she was even beginning to move. “I’d do the whole morning routine thing with you, but I’d hate to anger Tenko more than she already is angry at me, and I don’t think me saying I was late because of you would really fly.”

“That’s nice, but I’m not going anywhere.” Maki’s voice was muffled by the pillow, as she pulled her half of the blanket tighter to her, the deep red and black of her pajamas visible through the thin fabric. “I’m staying right here, the last thing I want right now is Tenko, or any of those others you know she’s got with her, getting anywhere close to me.”

The answer was expected, but Kaito was not one to just let Maki have her way without giving a fair fight. “She said that there’s someone who wants to see us, and I doubt she was talking about herself. That means we’ve got to go see who it is, talk with them a bit, and then come back here. You don’t think it’s someone who doesn’t know about the space thing, do you? Or maybe it’s the baby thing they don’t know about.”

“Listen to yourself talk, they obviously know about everything if they want to see us.” Taking the pillow off of her face, Maki narrowly missed hitting her head with her phone as it fell off, and to retaliate for it being placed there she chucked the pillow over at Kaito while he was getting dressed, but missed and heard it hit the floor anticlimactically. “I’m not interested in someone, I don’t even know who, fawning over how ‘cute’ they think I am, or how excited they are for us, or any of that. I’m over all of this, I’m over being pregnant, I’m over being treated like something everyone needs to stare at, I’m staying home and that’s the end of that.”

“You wanna stay home and have me tell you how cute you are and how much I love you?”

Maki groaned, having walked herself right into that trap. “I’ll get stuck with that anyway, whether we stay here or go wherever Tenko wants us to go. I’m just not interested in being watched like some kind of animal, because that’s how everyone acts towards me now.”

“If anyone starts doing that to you, we can leave, how about that? I really don’t want or need Tenko’s stupid nonsense today, and if we don’t go you know that’s what I’m gonna get.” Now fully dressed, Kaito walked himself over to the side of the bed and began pulling the sheet off of Maki, her holding it in place to try and stop him. There was a bit of a struggle, which ended when he tugged one way and she gripped it tighter, pulling him into her. She yelped when he fell on top of her, but before he could get out an apology he felt a sensation underneath his side that he’d never experienced before. “Whoa, Maki Roll, what was that? You learn how to move your core muscles on their own or something?”

She had a deadly glare come into her eyes as she slowly, intentionally, told him, “Get off of me right now, Kaito. This is your one chance before I kill you.”

“Heh, sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to fall, you know.” Picking himself up, he could almost feel that slight movement as an echo against his body, but he wasn’t sure what it was or what he was supposed to think of it. Asking her a second time seemed like a bad idea, but he was curious as to what it was he’d felt.

It seemed like she could tell he was still thinking about it, so as she got herself out of bed and changed into appropriate clothing, she explained it to him. “That’s a big part of why I don’t want to go see anyone. They’re going to find out this kid’s a damn acrobat in there and want to feel them moving, and I…don’t want that. How you’ve never felt it before now’s a miracle in itself, but at least I can tolerate you touching my stomach. Everyone else, not so much. Please, just let me stay here and you can go and deal with everyone.”

“No can do, if I go you’ve gotta come with me.” Scratching the back of his head as he thought about how to proceed, Kaito found himself watching as Maki was dressing herself, almost wishing that he was helping her, or at least closer to her than he currently was. “But I can promise ya that if we go, which we are going, then I’ll keep everyone’s hands far away from you. The only people who get to feel them move are you and me, and that’s just how it’s gonna be for now, yeah?”

“That’s how you’ll try to make it be, but we both know that we know some pushy people and the queen of pushiness happens to be the one who wants to see us.” Pulling her shirt down as far as she could, the length of it similar to a very short dress even though it was clearly not meant to be worn as one, Maki looked over to see Kaito’s eyes fixated on her and she grimaced, trying to stand a little taller, inhaling as much as she could to make herself look slimmer than she was.

“Wh-what are you doing that for?” he asked, noticing immediately what she had tried doing, and when her breath was exhaled and she went back to looking her new normal, he took a couple large steps over to her side. Once she was within reach he took both of his hands and grabbed her stomach with them, his hands easily able to cover most of it without fingers overlapping, and despite her trying to shake him off he remained exactly where he was. “I don’t know why you’re trying to hide this, Maki Roll, there’s no way you’ll make it work. So maybe you still hate yourself for letting all this happen, but I think it’s beautiful and amazing and the best thing that’s ever happened to us, except maybe space and each other.”

She had been preparing to counter his claim with the first thing that came to mind, but when he ranked their child as a potential thing better than his one true love (which she had long accepted wasn’t her), her words found themselves lodged in her throat. There was no way she could argue against him when he was so passionate about this being a wonderful thing in their lives, to the point that he considered it possibly better than the thing he’d been dedicated to his whole life. “What do you want me to do?” she managed to ask, as he pulled her in closer to him with his hands still wrapped all over her stomach, them both feeling the kicks and punches from within her. “I’ve gone this long without being excited about any of this, what do you want me to do to change that?”

“I don’t know, stop being so hateful towards the baby? They didn’t do anything wrong, you know.” Cracking a smile as one of the kicks hit underneath his fingers, Kaito let his chin rest on the top of Maki’s head, sighing as he got comfortable at the same time that she sighed in disgust at the suggestion. “I’m being serious, all you’re doing is setting yourself up for a bad time once they’re out here in the real world. I get that you didn’t have the greatest childhood and all that, but we’re gonna give our kid the best that they can get, and that means you’ve gotta be a bit more open-minded about things!”

“And being open-minded means going along with whatever it is that Tenko expects us to go see her for, huh?” The possibilities of what it was they were getting summoned for had not stopped crossing Maki’s mind since she’d heard her phone ringing, and the fact that Kaito was completely ready to partake in them was not something she’d wanted. But he seemed to think that there was nothing better for them in that moment than to accept what their friends wanted to do to support them, and she could only argue with him for so long before she soured her own mood and made him want to prove her wrong more than usual.

His lack of a verbal answer was all she needed to know that she was going in the direction he was trying to lead her in, and that there was one option right then. That meant that, after they were both as ready to go as they were going to get, they headed over to Tenko’s studio to see what she had planned for them. Kaito hadn’t actually told Maki that there was going to be someone out of the ordinary there to see them, so for their whole trip she was making the list of who was most likely going to be there. Tenko was the obvious one, as were Kaede and potentially Shuichi if he was free, and since it was them being called over that meant that Kirumi was probably there as well, she tended to show up whenever they were around. After that, it was a game of guessing who might be free, or might be back in town after trips abroad, or might just want to see them and see what kind of trouble they’d caused for themselves since their last visit.

Aside from the obvious attendee, there was one other person sitting on a mat at the studio when they let themselves in through the front door, someone who came to their feet when they saw the pair enter. “Don’t rush them,” Tenko warned from where she was still seated, the sight of the two not as big of a surprise to her as it was to her companion, “I already told you that doing that might have you end up with a couple broken bones, Maki might be looking a lot different but she can still kick your ass.”

“She wouldn’t need to lay a finger on anyone, I’d do it for her!” Kaito proclaimed, hugging Maki closer to his side and not noticing who the person that he had somewhat just threatened to harm was. “There’s no need for her fighting or getting herself hurt when she’s carrying _my_ child, I can do all that work and then some!”

“That’s great, but you’re going overboard. I can fight my own battles, and…” Maki’s voice trailed off as she got a good look at the person approaching them, hands clasped in front of their face as their eyes were barely widening at the sight there at the door. “You’re really talking about me hurting Himiko? Really? What kind of monster do you take me for?”

Kaito made a sound as if he was going to say something, but then he saw the tiny woman coming towards them and nearly knocked Maki forward as he jumped in surprise at seeing her, of all people. “I didn’t know it was her we were talking about, okay? Tenko’s the one who said you’d kick her ass if she rushed us, I didn’t think I needed to actually know who she was talking about!”

“Yes, yes, it’s me that wanted you to come here,” Himiko said, her voice slow but showing clear amusement in every word, as she spoke over what was unmistakably Tenko grumbling something about pushing the blame for the misunderstanding back on Kaito’s shoulders. “I got back from my mage duties a lot sooner than expected and wanted to see you two, and Tenko said that inviting you here would be better than going to your door.”

“Of all the people you’d want to see after coming home, why us?” It wasn’t a question that Maki really needed an answer to, as she was fairly certain she could answer it herself, but she was curious if Himiko had some other reason that went beyond their friendship, or beyond the baby aspect of things.

Nevertheless, Himiko gave the predicted answer without any hesitation. “I just wanted to see how you were doing, since I know you didn’t want this baby you’re having. If I saw that you weren’t doing too well, I was thinking about casting a spell on you to make things easier. But it looks like you’re doing fine, so that may not be needed.”

“I told you that it wouldn’t be needed,” Tenko added, still sitting on the mat and cupping her mouth to amplify the sound of her voice to be heard crisply near the door. “Even though he’s a degenerate for doing this to our dear Maki, you can’t say that Kaito isn’t doing his best with making her happy through everything.”

“Coming from you, that’s a high compliment, thanks!” Kaito was beaming at Tenko’s words, even though they were just barely able to be considered positive. “But yeah, I’ve got everything under control. Me and Maki Roll, we’re doing great, even though we’re really going into this whole ‘parenting’ thing kinda blind. Got a spell to help with that?”

While Himiko thought about if she did know anything she could say to help, Maki turned her attention towards Tenko, noting that she hadn’t bothered to get up and that she was intentionally keeping her distance. Carefully lifting Kaito’s arms off of herself, she stomped across the studio floor towards where Tenko was, every footstep as heavy as she could make it to non-verbally express her suspicion. “So, if you didn’t want Himiko showing up at our front door, even though you know she knows where we live and she’d be welcome to do that, you have to have some reason why you wanted us here, of all places. Spill it.”

“Huh? There’s no other reason, don’t be so silly.” A sly smile was forming on Tenko’s lips, proving that she was telling lies as opposed to the truth Maki wanted. “I just wanted to be the one responsible for your reunion, it’s not like, you know, I’d be doing anything behind your backs. Last thing I want is for you to try to fight me, it’d be a fair match if you weren’t carrying all that baby weight there, but since you are I’d have the upper hand.”

Maki’s eyes narrowed as she leaned down, having to steady herself as much as possible to keep from falling. “I don’t believe a word you’re telling me, Tenko, so stop lying and get to the point. You’re not even a good liar, I can tell just looking at you that you’re hiding something and I want to know what it is.”

“Your intimidation tactics won’t work on me, I might be attracted to ladies but I’m not distracted by them, and you trying to bully me would work on others but I’m immune to it. If you want to use your force to get me to share what’s going on, you’re messing with the wrong woman.” Tenko didn’t flinch when Maki raised a fist towards her, proving that she wasn’t just talk in that moment, but when the narrow eyes turned into an even colder glare she did drop the smile, for at least a little while. “I’m not Miu, you can’t turn me to putty by making those mean eyes at me, that’s just the truth.”

As Maki realized that she was fighting a losing battle and began backing off, that was when Tenko returned to smiling smugly up at her. “Look, I get that there’s nothing I can do to get you to tell me what you’re doing, but can I say that it’s cold to drag Himiko into it when she’s been out touring. You couldn’t even be bothered to go with her, but you expect her to go along with your plans the day she gets back.”

“Himiko’s involvement here today was entirely her idea, she wanted to come over here before going to see you, I just…gave her a reason to stay here and wait for you both to come.” Leaning back, Tenko once again cupped her mouth before calling, “Isn’t that right, Himiko? You were here before I said anything about you not going over to their house?”

“That’s right,” Himiko answered, giving a small nod. “You told me that if they came over here, then everyone else would be able to go over there and—”

“Everyone’s going over to our house without us there? Excuse me?” Maki let her glare resurface much stronger than it had been before, and she was met with a sorry excuse of a smile from Tenko. “What business do you think you have inviting people to go raid our home while you’ve got us hostage here? We need to be there while there are others present, if they decide to start messing with my training room I’m going to murder you, Tenko.”

“—oh, I didn’t know they didn’t know that, sorry.” Apologizing for spoiling what was supposed to have been a secret, Himiko looked to Kaito and saw him angry, but nowhere near as furious as Maki was, and she tilted her head to the side as she sized him up. “What’s got you so upset? Don’t you like knowing that your friends are helping you?”

He had to think for a couple seconds before he could answer, and when he spoke his attitude had changed completely. “Yeah, it’s pretty nice knowing that everyone’s willing to stop their lives to help us out, I just don’t know what it is they could be helping with. It’s not like we’ve got anything for our kid yet, I have no idea when we’re gonna do that but Maki Roll always says it’s gonna be someday soon.”

“So you had no idea that people already bought stuff, I guess?” What Himiko asked seemed to be genuine, and if Maki had heard it she might’ve gone further off the deep end in her anger, but as it was directed at Kaito it had a relatively positive reaction to it. He gave a couple quick nods to her question, and she gave a single one in return. “I understand, I guess it might have all been supposed to be a huge surprise. I only found out before I came back, because I got asked what I was going to get for the baby and I didn’t know. I still don’t know actually, because I don’t even know what everyone else got.”

“That’s a shame, I bet you’d get something cool.” Kaito tapped his mouth a couple times as he though about possible gifts that Himiko would choose. “Like…a magic set? Do you think that’d be something you’d get for a baby?”

“Why are you acting like any of this is okay, idiot?” Standing up tall, nearly losing her balance once she did because she’d somehow gotten half on Tenko’s mat as she’d been staring her down, Maki spun to look at her husband as he was still entertaining the idea of the surprise gifts. “We have people in our house right now, without us there, doing things that we don’t need and didn’t even ask for, and you want to pretend like it’s fine?”

There were another few taps before Kaito replied, “Yeah, I’d think it’s pretty fine. Who do ya think would be over there, strangers? It’s probably just Kaede and anyone she could get to help her out, knowing how everyone we know is. Worst person that could be there would be, like…I have no idea, there’s not really anyone terrible that would get invited.”

“When we get home to find that all our stuff’s missing and someone was sleeping in our bed, I’m going to kill you. No, correction, I’m going to kill all of you.” Maki first pointed back at Tenko, then to Himiko, then finally at Kaito, who was the only one of the three to make any kind of defensive motion, trying to figure out what he’d done wrong. “I can’t believe that any of you thought this was okay, and that I’d want this kind of stuff happening in my life. Since when did I ever seem like the type of person to want this kind of surprise?”

“If you’re going to act like this about the initial setting up of all the baby stuff, I can’t wait to see how badly you take all the parties everyone’s planning to throw,” Tenko remarked quietly, earning the glaring eyes back in her direction, Maki almost beckoning for her to continue what she was saying, a bit louder so that everyone could hear it. “Don’t think that just because you’re not interested in having a kid means that no one else wants to see that kid thriving. We’re going to celebrate them, and you and your poor choice of a spouse, as much as possible. After all, wasn’t this all supposed to be a time of celebrating something else?”

All eyes in the room slowly made their way to looking at Kaito, who was counting on his fingers and trying to make sense of what Tenko had said on his own. When he saw that the three ladies were all looking at him, he tensed up, dropping his hands and telling them, “The only thing I can think of right now is me going to space, and hell yeah we would’ve been celebrating that still if there weren’t other things to focus on! I couldn’t ask someone to sit out every night because partying would be bad for her, duh.”

“And yet here we are, being told that they’re planning different kinds of celebrations,” Maki muttered, her hands clasping together on the top of her stomach’s curve, the movements within calm enough that she couldn’t feel them. There were so many things wrong with the situation, and all of them came back to the existence of that child inside her; it was far past the point of her being allowed to say she didn’t want to keep doing this, and now that everyone was planning things to celebrate the baby her mouth was going to be permanently closed on the matter. “How great, I can’t wait to see how you all screw this up.”

* * *

Much to Maki’s dismay, there really wasn’t much that got messed up in terms of what everyone planned on doing for them. The unexpected visit to their house without them being present turned out to be simply to scope out what space there was to use for baby-related things, as when they got home after their visit with Tenko and Himiko nothing was different about the place. That changed within days, with friends constantly calling and asking what furniture they wanted, or if they needed help with reorganizing to accommodate for the new things they were going to need.

For every bit thankful for their friends’ kindness that Kaito was, Maki was considerably less so, as she was still unhappy that anything was happening in the first place. However, when people who weren’t herself were starting to put in the work that they should have done over the previous months, she came to terms with the fact that they were all just trying their best to be helpful and that everything they did meant that she got to sit around and do very little. Of course, it wasn’t quite that easy, she still had a lot of things she was expected to do, which included every-other-week doctor’s appointments and the occasional call from her job asking her if she thought she could help with scouting potential assassinations, but as far as rigorous activity her schedule was rather clear.

Knowing this, and knowing that there were not much in the way of reasons to prevent anything from happening, Kaede made it a point to keep inviting the couple to as many of her local shows as she could. She wasn’t able to be a part of the redecorating or the furniture building, and as eager as she was to go clothes shopping for the baby she knew that not knowing what they were would put a damper on the fun of the activity, so she was doing what she felt was the best contribution to everything she could make. “You really should come to another show sometime,” she said after offering up free tickets to them once again, “because remember how much fun you had last time? Both before, during, and after?”

The look that they shared between them was one that was full of regret of ever letting Kaede know personal details about their romantic lives, but turning her down was a lot harder than it should have been. She made a strong point that they _had_ had fun at her show, and that they would have fun if they went again, but getting dressed up to go out to a concert was a lot of work, especially for someone whose wardrobe for those kinds of events was severely limited. “Listen, it was a great time, but I don’t think we’re interested right now,” Maki ended up saying, after having a silent debate with Kaito over what to do. “If that changes, we’ll let you know, but I doubt it’s going to change.”

“Okay, but you have to promise me that you really will remember to ask for tickets if you do change your minds. I love having faces in the crowd that I know, that aren’t just, like, Shuichi and the kids when they go.” There was a tangible sadness in Kaede’s voice, as if she’d been hurt by the rejection, and it tugged at Maki’s heart in ways that she was not prepared for. She didn’t want to be responsible for her friend being sad, when her only reason for turning down the offer was because she just didn’t want to go, not because of conflicting plans or anything like that.

It became a point in her mind that she was going to make good on her word and go to one of those shows again after all, but of all the ways that it could have happened the one that stuck was the strangest of all. The morning started with Kaito being called into a meeting with some of the astronauts that he was going to space with, to discuss more logistics of their upcoming flight, and as excited as he was to get to go talk about things he loved, he was also wary to leave Maki’s side for most of the day. “I know there’s nothing I’ve gotta worry about with you, but it’s just…you know, we’re getting closer to this whole baby thing happening and what if something happens to ya here and I’m not around to help?” He was wringing his hands as he stood at the front door, Maki behind him with her hands on her hips and rolling her eyes. “You’ve gotta promise me that you’ll find someone to spend the day with. Like, uh, maybe Kaede? She’d be good for that sort of thing.”

“I’d love to, but she’s got some big show tonight,” she replied, thinking about how she’d already been invited to the show and had turned it down with the excuse of not feeling like she had the energy to go out later in the day much anymore. “If I ask her to hang around her, she’ll expect me to actually be eager to be there and we both know that’s not the case.”

“Then Tenko, maybe? Or Himiko? I think she’s still around, haven’t heard about her having another magic show tour. There’s just so many people you could go spend the day with, and it’d help me if I knew you weren’t just here alone.” Looking back over his shoulder, Kaito could see that Maki did not seem to appreciate how protective he was being, and he gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Maki Roll, but I just can’t stop thinking about how this is the first time in weeks that I’ve had somewhere to be while you don’t, and it’s not sitting well with me.”

“You’re treating me like I’m completely incapable of doing anything on my own.” Rolling her eyes again, she stepped closer to him, stopping right before her stomach would have brushed up against him. “I know that I’m not the same that I used to be, but seriously, I can handle myself in most situations. You focus on your space stuff, I’ll find something to do to pass the time here on my own.”

That didn’t seem to make him relax any, but he didn’t argue with her insistence, knowing that pushing Maki into fighting would result in him losing anyway. “Okay, sounds like a plan to me. Just be safe, no deciding you’re gonna practice with any of your weapons, got it?”

“Yes, _dad_ , I’ve got it.”

“H-hey, I’m only mostly a dad, and you’re not speaking for our kid so I don’t know how much I like that,” he said with a laugh, finally feeling comfortable enough to get out of the house and on his way to his meeting. Once the door was closed behind him Maki could immediately feel the emptiness that him being gone created—and all she could think of was how that emptiness would be a constant when he was actually out in space. The one difference would be, naturally, that she wouldn’t be at the house alone when he was on his space flight, because she’d have their child there with her to care for the entire time.

She shook her head, trying to erase that chain of thoughts from her mind as she made her way back to the bedroom, a sway in her step that had become prominent the moment her center of gravity had changed to account for her growing stomach. There were so many things that she hated about her current situation, and every single one of them related back to the baby she was carrying inside her; yet, if she were asked how she felt right then she wouldn’t say a negative word about the little person clinging to her for life. As much as she refused to admit it, she was becoming more at peace with her upcoming role as a mother by the day, because of how much things around her had convinced her to take on that mindset, but now that she was alone she was able to feed back into her disdain and hatred of what was happening to her and going on in her life.

Things would have been much simpler if she’d never made the mistake of thinking she could singlehandedly prevent herself from getting pregnant, but the past was the past and she was having to deal with just the first round of consequences of her choices. She got back into the bed, planning on laying there until she inevitably needed to get up for something or other, so that if Kaito asked her what she did she had a satisfactory answer. The only blanket she pulled over herself was the thin sheet that she used nightly, and she only got it up to right below her shoulders before finding that the end was tucked in under the other side of the bed, which frustrated her as that was not something that usually happened. It must have been done on accident whenever they’d made the bed after getting up, because if she couldn’t get the sheet all the way up to her face, that meant that Kaito wouldn’t be able to get it anywhere close, and that wasn’t acceptable.

But because she was planning to just lay there, potentially napping for a bit but certainly reflecting on current events in her life, it didn’t bother Maki enough to make her get up to fix it. She merely resigned herself to not having as much sheet covering her as usual, and found something to blame for the problem, that being the large bump creating a bit of a tent under the sheet. One of her hands, above the blanket, went to rest on top of it, while the other stayed up by her face, cradling her jaw as she looked at what had become of her body. Some people wore being pregnant proudly, others made it look effortless and kept a model-like physique the entire time, but she’d somehow lost everything her years upon years on being an assassin had given her and she hated it.

“No, stop that, being negative is just going to make everything worse once that kid’s out of there,” she grumbled, gently smacking her cheek to get herself away from that mindset. She needed to look for the positives of the situation she was in, even if it seemed like there were none, and she needed to get over the fact that she’d never wanted a family because it was meant for her to have one. After all, children had always loved her, even if she wanted nothing to do with them, and it would only lead to years of struggles if she hated her child that loved her so much.

Any further debating about the baby that she’d meant to have then was put on hold by her phone quietly ringing next to her, the tone it played the soft one she’d set for assassin work-related calls. It surprised her enough to hear it that she actually missed the call, a huge mistake if she were taking on actual jobs but she figured it was fine to have not answered it, yet as she went back to thinking about how she was going to feel once she had her child in her arms, the phone started ringing again. That second call was the one she answered, and in the few minutes she was on the line everything she thought she was going to be doing that day changed, even if she wasn’t taking jobs.

The first thing she did after the call ended was place a call of her own to Kaede, asking her if the offer of tickets for that night’s show was still on the table. “Of course it is, everyone else I invited turned me down so if you’re interested in coming it’ll be just you, but hey! That means no one to distract you from my beautiful playing!” Kaede laughed on the other side of the phone, before asking for herself, “Why’d you change your mind about tonight? You decide you need a night out?”

“I got to thinking about how Kaito’s actually right and that I shouldn’t be home alone right now, and since he’ll be out until late there’s no harm in me spending time with you.” Maki was lying through her teeth, but she couldn’t admit to Kaede that she’d just been told about a potential security nightmare at the show and that she wanted to be there as a pair of eyes in case something were to happen. She’d been told to keep her hands out of the situation by the person who’d called her, but being informed was done out of respect for her friendship with the woman who was rumored to be the target of a murder plot.

Kaede was too happy to hear that she was being picked to spend time with that she hadn’t noticed the way Maki’s words had been forced, how they were clearly come up with last-minute and weren’t the truth. “I’ll come by and get you before I head over to the concert hall then, okay? I’ll totally let you know when I’m on my way, but if you need me to bring something for you to wear don’t hesitate to let me know! I know that’s been a huge part of why you don’t come to my shows as much as you’d like!”

“Uh, yeah, go ahead and bring something for me, I’d appreciate that. Don’t even worry about what color it is, that’s how desperate I am for something to wear.” If she was wearing something belonging to Kaede, it wouldn’t be in her own personal style, and if whoever was being sent to carry out this possible hit was someone she’d crossed paths with before, a change in wardrobe and physical stature might be enough to keep them from recognizing her, she figured. “I’m glad you’ve still got a ticket for me, I got worried you’d turn me down and I’d be alone until Kaito gets home later.”

“If I didn’t have one, I’d find a way to get one, but everyone else is either busy or just doesn’t want to come out tonight, and that’s fine! The two of us will have a great time together!” Even though they were talking over the phone, Maki knew exactly the expression Kaede had on her face in that moment, and she knew how she could’ve ruined it, but she chose not to as she knew that informing her of what was rumored to be happening would cause a nightmare scenario that she didn’t want to be responsible for. Causing a show to be cancelled would be the least of her worries if anyone found out what she knew, and that was the cold, hard truth of the matter. She just had to hope that the rumors were only talk, and that everything was going to run smoothly all night.

Now that she had plans for the day, laying in bed wasn’t the best option any longer; after ending the call and letting Kaito know that she had plans after all, Maki decided that, in order to fully sell herself as not being the assassin she once was, she needed to change her appearance for her night out as much as she could. It was always hard to wash and style her hair, but her twintails had become an identifying feature, even when she changed them up with braids and twists, and she needed to do something different. After taking a long bath (it was nice to sit and soak and doze off in the warm water, rather than be stuck standing on aching feet), she washed every inch of her hair and tied it up in a high ponytail, which she then braided and let hang down her back, It was beyond heavy and made the top of her head ache, and the end of the braid hitting her just above her hips was obnoxious, but she’d already gotten good at carrying one cumbersome weight, adding a second for the night wouldn’t be the end of the world.

When Kaede showed up to pick her up a bit later, she was surprised to see Maki wearing her hair in a new style, but didn’t think too much of it beyond it being a wanted change. “It’ll go great with the dress I brought you,” she said, holding up a garment bag that she pushed towards Maki as they were both in the doorway. “Go, put it on before we leave, I’m not in a rush right now and I want to make sure you look fabulous in it!”

Maki tried to peek in the bag to see if she was going to regret asking to be brought something, but Kaede told her not to look, just to go put in on, and so she went back to the bedroom to change into it quickly. It was a knee-length light purple dress, with thin sleeves covered in fake gems, but the part that bothered Maki most was how loose the chest was on her while the part over her stomach felt very, very tight. She couldn’t complain, though, when it was that or wear something that didn’t fit her at all, but when she left the room to show Kaede she did tell her about the strange sizing. “It’s a nice dress I suppose, even if I’m pretty sure if I bend down I’m going to flash everyone and bust out of it.”

“Turn around, I think I can fix your problem real quick.” Maki did as she was told, and Kaede gave a firm nod once she was staring at the back of the dress. “You didn’t adjust any of the straps on this thing, there’s the issue. You can’t expect to fit into one of my dresses without making the top smaller, after all.” She untied the ribbon that was laced through the back of the dress, making the entire thing feel much looser, and together they made sure that it was the perfect level of tightness from top to bottom before they left the house.

The conversation on the ride to the concert hall was dominated by Kaede, who was so thrilled to have gotten Maki to come with her in the end that she wanted to talk about a million different things all at once. By the time they’d arrived, Maki knew the entire setlist for the show, she’d heard several things about each composer, and she’d gotten exactly one mention about why no one else was going to be there, when there was a husband and kids that could have been attending. She knew that everyone else having their reasons for not attending was in her favor, given why she had asked to go after all, and she was glad that she wasn’t going to have to subject anyone, especially not a pair of innocent children, to the fact that someone might just want Kaede dead for whatever reason.

Unlike previous times when she’d come to concerts, the ticket that Kaede had for her was a special one that granted her backstage access before, during, and after the performance. “I usually get these ones for Shuichi and the kids if they come to the shows here, but since it’s just you, you get to see what it’s like to be my super-special guest!” Kaede explained as she showed off the box seats that were reserved for guests of her choosing. “It also means that you can get up and leave without disrupting anyone around you, and, best part, there’s a bathroom literally right outside these seats that no one else should be in at any point. Best seat in the house for you, am I right?”

Putting a tiny smile on her lips in amusement from how excited Kaede was about that point in particular, Maki replied, “You’re definitely right, thanks for that. It helps knowing that I’m not bothering anyone else if I have to leave while you’re playing.”

“Tonight’s just coming up Maki, isn’t it? Great seat, great outfit, great everything!” Grinning as she headed back to the backstage area, Kaede was walking backwards as she watched her friend becoming genuinely amused at what was happening. “If you keep coming down this way, my dressing room will be one of the doors on the left, and it would mean the world to me if you met me there after the show, so that we can go out and meet with fans together. Shuichi sometimes does that with me, but I think the people will love seeing a new face tonight, if you’re fine with it.”

“I’ll do whatever you want me to do, I’m here to be with you so…” Swinging her long braid side to side, Maki’s cheeks were beginning to hurt from the smile she was forcing to remain almost invisible. “You just say the word and I’ll be wherever you want me to go. As long as no one out there tries touching me, it’ll all be good.”

That was where Kaede’s grin faded slightly, as she glanced from side to side in thought about that request. “I mean, I can’t say they won’t try, but you aren’t the person they came to see so I hope they all have the decency to keep their hands off of a stranger. I know that I do have a lot of mommy fans that absolutely love babies, but…it should all be fine. They never touched up on me too much, so I don’t see it being a problem.”

“Reassuring, thanks.” It didn’t feel reassuring at all, but Maki wasn’t going to let her mood be soured by the possibility of strangers putting their hands on her when they were just doing what everyone thought was socially acceptable. “Don’t you have practicing to get to or something? Can you really afford standing around talking with me all day?”

“I probably should go warm up and make sure my piano’s tuned, yeah. Remember how to get to your box, and remember how to get to my dressing room when everything’s over! I’ll be waiting to see you there after the show!” Hugging her quickly, before blowing a small kiss at her stomach, Kaede gave a quick thumbs-up before disappearing through a doorway that must have headed out towards the stage, as minutes later piano scales began being played. Maki didn’t head to her box right away, choosing to make sure that she knew where the dressing room was before she headed back that way.

Aside from the music once it started, the backstage area was uncomfortably quiet, and Maki didn’t know what to make of it. She was sure things would change once the audience began to fill their seats and more workers began buzzing around, but if they didn’t change she’d be able to hear if someone unsavory was loitering around, waiting to make their move. Even though she shouldn’t have let herself keep thinking about that threat she’d heard about, it was the only thing she could focus on, even when people started arriving and the show began right on schedule. Everyone there seemed to be there because they genuinely loved classical piano music played by a young, beautiful woman, and it puzzled Maki that there was even the possibility that someone had come in with ill intent.

The thought that the warning had been given to her just to get her to go to the show crossed her mind at one point, but it was such a strange thing to consider that she couldn’t bring herself to do so. There simply was no threat against Kaede’s life, and whoever had heard that must have jumped to a conclusion somewhere and attached the wrong name to the actual threat, whoever it might’ve involved. It did annoy Maki that she’d been steered in the wrong direction, but she couldn’t bring it up because she’d been told to stay out of things, and attending the show was the exact opposite of staying out of it. With that realized, she leaned back in her seat, put her feet up against the wall in front of her, and made it a point to enjoy the rest of the show as much as she could.

She got so absorbed in the music that she nearly forgot what she was supposed to do when it finished, the sounds of the applause from the main audience bringing her back to reality. Kaede was still on the stage, taking bows as people threw things in her direction, which meant that she hadn’t accidentally been late to meeting her at her dressing room, but she didn’t know how much time she had left to get down there. As fast as she could, she left the box and went down the hall, the sound of her shoes tapping against the cement floor loud with every step, and she found the dressing room with ease. Opening the door, she noticed that the light inside was on, and the first thing she saw within was a large bouquet of flowers sitting on the vanity.

It was while she was heading to the flowers, to see who in Kaede’s life had sent them there, that she noticed something in the mirror that she shouldn’t have, a figure just barely in frame that was undeniably a person. “What are—” she started, cutting herself off with a shriek as she saw someone come up behind her, a second person in addition to the one that was still standing to the side. “—explain right now, who are you and why are you in here? I’m not going to put up with this.”

“Such a feisty tongue on this one,” the person behind her said, shaking his head as she began turning around. “Familiar tongue, though, I’m certain I’ve heard this whiny voice before.”

The other person chuckled, jumping into the scene with a tumble that put him landing on his feet right in between her and the mirror, distracting her to look at him rather than the one behind her. “Oh, definitely. She’s fallen a long way since we last saw her, I don’t understand why anyone would send the world’s heaviest assassin after us but…”

She tried lunging at him for the jab at her size, but the person behind her prevented that by taking hold of the end of her braid, wrapping it around his hand until it was tight enough to tug her backwards. “Get your grimy hand off of me,” she spat, “and leave this place right now. I’m not here to fight you, clearly. I’m here for my friend that you want to kill for some stupid reason, and you’re not touching her, no matter what.”

“That’s cute that you think you can stop us,” the one in front of her remarked, reaching behind him and pulling out a butcher’s knife from a modified holster at his hip. “Last time I checked, one against two is a losing situation for the one. You want to live, you better step the fuck down and let us do our job.”

“Like hell I’ll step down and let you hurt Kaede, even if I’m—” Once again she was cut off by her own shrieking, but this came not from a surprise appearance but from the force of a heel hitting her right under her shoulders, then being drawn back and hitting her a second time a bit further up. She coughed after the second hit, all the breath in her body being forced out with the blow, and in that moment Maki realized how much trouble she was in.

Trouble that Kaede would’ve been in if she hadn’t been told to meet her there. “Now, now, don’t you know that bargaining with people paid to murder gets you nowhere?” the one holding the knife asked, while the foot of the other dug deeper into her back. “If you’d agreed to leave we wouldn’t have had to hurt you, but you didn’t give us much of a choice. You’ve got loose lips, you’ll squeal that we were the ones who killed the musician girl.”

As much as she could with how her braid was being held, Maki shook her head, trying to get her breath back to argue why killing her was a bad idea, but fighting for her own innocence wasn’t going to work. Outside the dressing room, voices were beginning to pick up, something that made the duo begin to get nervous. “I don’t know how well this is going to work out for us, man. Just stab her and let’s get out of here, we may not be able to kill the bitch tonight but we can kill the squealer.”

“But we don’t get paid for her dying, we get paid for front-page headlines about a musician being murdered.” The knife being twirled between his fingers, the one brandishing it was staring squarely into Maki’s eyes, getting a first-hand look at the fear she was feeling. Her hands had instinctively moved to covering as much of her stomach as she could, and when he broke eye contact with her that was the first thing he saw, making him lean back in shock before giving an amused snort. “Huh, never thought I’d see the day that one of those ‘great’ assassins strolls into a clear set-up like this.”

“What’re you talking about, ‘like this’? She already said why she’s here, because she’s friends with the target or whatever.”

“Not why she’s here, you dolt. Look at her, she ain’t just fat like we thought she was when we heard her. Of course they didn’t send the heaviest assassin ever after us, she sent herself and her damn baby after us!” That struck up laughter between both men, while Maki still struggled to get to say anything at all, her chest tight and her breaths coming sharply and after a lot of force. They were taunting her at that point, and the only thing she could do with how she was being held would be to attempt disarming the one while hoping the other wasn’t armed as well. It was that, or be killed right there, and she couldn’t let that happen, not when she had things to live for, and not when her dying meant certain death for the child she was carrying.

The moment she chose to go for it by kicking up a leg to try knocking the knife away, the man holding her hair dropped his own leg and tugged her hair back before letting go of it, sending her slipping to the ground forcefully. In the seconds before her head hit the floor, the one with the knife, having gone wide-eyed at the sudden change in her position, threw the blade down at her. One of her hands, having not moved even as she fell, was first to feel the metal as it pierced her skin on impact, and the last thing she felt before being knocked cold was the blade digging into the upper part of her stomach, blood already beginning to stain the front of the dress from the first entry wound.


	4. tethered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: hospital, description of injuries

There were three distinct times that Maki could remember waking up. The first, there was a bright light shining down over her and she was surrounded by faces that looked to be adorned with halos of similarly bright light; the second, she was somewhere a lot dimmer and there was something obscuring half of her vision, but she felt just as disoriented as she had the first time her eyes had opened. It was the third time that she didn’t feel the immediate need to slip back under, but she only managed to keep her eyes open for under a minute before she’d drifted back off into the black nothingness her world had become. When they came back open, she had Kaito’s face right in front of her, his eyes teary and whole jaw trembling at seeing her back on the side of the living.

“I thought I’d lost ya there,” he managed to choke out, before having to cover his mouth with a hand to keep his sobs to a minimum. She attempted to reply to him, but became aware of the machine that was attached to her face, which led down into her throat and rendered her voice completely unusable. Instead of comforting him by saying that it would take a lot more than whatever had transpired in that dressing room to kill her, she had to relegate herself to just letting Kaito do the talking. Once he’d collected himself a bit, he uncovered his mouth and wiped some of the tears from his eyes, drawing himself closer to her. “It’s been one of the worst times of my life, Maki Roll, waiting for you to wake up. Day in, day out, I’ve been waiting for this to happen.”

Her only method of communicating right then seemed to be blinks, as she couldn’t move one arm due to the needles and tubes in it, and the other one was splinted and plastered and stuck at her side. He saw that she was trying to prompt him to speak, but all he did was tear up once more and fall victim to his own emotions, which merely frustrated her. She didn’t know what specifically had happened to her, she could barely remember the encounter that she knew she had before she’d woken up in what was clearly an intensive care hospital room, given that Kaito was dressed in sterile clothes and there was barely anything in the room itself. “These past couple weeks have been horrible, watchin’ you laying here and not being sure if you were gonna wake up,” he finally said, turning his head to not see her reaction to his words. “They said it would be a miracle if everything ended up okay, but I guess it’s fitting that we get all these miracles in the end.”

Hearing Kaito sound so upset made her feel like she was going to start tearing up, but she was in such a daze in that moment that she wasn’t sure if she ever actually cried or not. She was looking around, trying to see what she could find out with her limited viewpoint, but the only thing in the room that gave any indication to what was going on (aside from Kaito himself, but she couldn’t prompt him to continue speaking) was a whiteboard across from her bed, littered with little notes that the medical staff seemed to have made for themselves. Her knowledge of hospital terms was sketchy at best, although she did recognize a couple abbreviations for body parts that she knew from debriefs after assassinations, but their exact meanings were far from her mind at that time. The only thing on there that she knew, without a doubt, was that a room number was circled several times, but she had zero idea as to why it was there.

While she was trying her best to decipher what little information she had access to, Kaito stood up and walked across the room, catching her eye as he passed between her and the sign and she followed him as far as she could. All he did was open the door to the room and poke his head out, she couldn’t hear anything he said, before closing it back up and crossing the room back to his seat. “I was just letting the nurses know you’re awake, so they can come check on you without worrying why your numbers are all weird. Last time you woke up, it freaked them out because by the time someone got here, you were back out cold.” He still sounded distraught, even though he was trying his hardest to put on a brave face and stop his crying. “I don’t want them thinking you’d died again, there’s been enough of that these past couple weeks and I don’t know if I can handle going through it another time.”

The door to the room came open, a team of doctors coming in to check on their patient, and for the first time Maki was completely aware of all of the things they were doing to her. One was checking vitals on machines, one was adjusting the flow of medications that were being injected into her arm, and two were taking notes and discussing what to do going forward; with all of this happening Kaito was sitting right beside her, watching everything with worried eyes that occasionally glanced at Maki’s face, judging her limited reactions. “Hey, since she’s awake, when do ya think she’ll be able to get off that breathing machine and actually talk to me?” he asked, upon seeing her trying her hardest to figure out what everyone was doing to her. “Not that I want anything to be rushed, of course, but I do miss her voice.”

“At this rate, we could try moving her off the ventilator as soon as tomorrow morning, provided she doesn’t relapse,” the nurse notating the readings on the machines replied, not even looking away from what she was writing. “But I must warn you, sir, it could be a day or two before she’s able to properly speak with anyone, given how long she’s been intubated.”

“You hear that, Maki Roll? They might let you start breathing on your own tomorrow!” His happiness felt hollow to her, but she couldn’t tell him that, and all she did to let him know what she thought was close her eyes for a moment, before opening them with a slow roll. “I know, I know, hearing that you’re not breathing by yourself might be a bit of a shock, but you…kinda needed it, after how they found you.”

Without her realizing she was doing it, she started getting a bit worked up, to the point that the machine the nurse was looking at started beeping due to a rapid change in the patient’s physical state. “Sir, you need to not worry her right now,” that same nurse warned, shaking her head as she wrote down a few notes about the incident. “If anything, wait until she’s out of intensive care to start talking to her about these events, so that these spikes in activity don’t impede documentation.”

“I’m sorry, I just think that she deserves to know what’s happened to her.” Sheepishly, Kaito turned to look away from the nurses and from Maki, standing up after a few moments of them getting her back to her current normal. “I’ll leave you to keep doing this, it was good seeing her awake but I’ve been in here for hours and I know there’s somewhere else I need to be too. I’ll be back in a bit, Maki Roll, just like I’ve been doing.” He gave a wave as he left the room, and the two nurses doing work followed him almost immediately, leaving her in the room with the doctors who’d been talking at the foot of the bed.

She didn’t know what to do now that she didn’t have someone in there talking to her, and the doctors didn’t seem to be paying attention to her so much as they were paying attention to what she was there for. “If that man doesn’t slow down and rest here soon, he’s going to end up in a room for himself,” one doctor said, while the other nodded in agreement. “I understand that he’s been through a lot but needing to be here for others should inspire him to take things easy when he can. They’re both moving in the right direction, that should be enough to give him peace of mind.”

“Of course, but…” The second doctor looked at Maki, motioning towards her but she knew that she wasn’t pointing towards her face or her currently awake state. “Until _she’s_ better, he may take it upon himself to do all the worrying. And you and I both know the extent of her injuries, and we know it will be quite some time to reach that moment.”

The first doctor gave a firm nod, moving to crouch by the side of the bed, as opposed to be standing at the end, and when he touched Maki’s splinted arm she grew worried when she couldn’t feel a thing, but expressing that worry was impossible beyond widening eyes. “I’m most worried about the temporary paralysis never subsiding, by all means it should have faded before she properly woke up.”

“Let us test then, shall we?” That was when the second doctor, still at the end of the bed, tapped one of Maki’s feet underneath the blanket she was covered with, and the feeling of her hand on her toes made her curl them. “It seems perhaps you picked a limb still afflicted by nerve damage, I could have told you she was no longer medically paralyzed just by looking at her facial expressions.”

“Yes, well, based on the other injuries to her spinal cord I’m surprised that she’s responding to touch at all. We’ll have to keep an eye on the damage to her hand as healing progresses, but at least not being paralyzed is a good thing.” He smiled at her as he tapped up her arm, watching one of her eyes squint as the fingers touched just above the elbow. “How interesting. If she isn’t paralyzed, which it seems that is the case, tomorrow may be a suitable day to both remove her from ventilation and move her to a normal room.”

They looked at the machines for themselves, and checked to make sure that everything was working correctly before leaving the room; one of them did make a couple alterations to what was written on the board before they left, clearing away a handful of notes and adding just a few new ones. “If he’s following the schedule he’s been on since your arrival, your husband should be back in here in about an hour,” the female doctor told her as they were heading out the door. “And we’ll be back before shift change. Please, by all means, don’t allow him to upset you before then, we don’t want to keep you here longer than needed.”

There was nothing she could do to let her know she’d heard the message, and the moment the door closed Maki realized that an hour there alone would easily be the longest hour of her life. She had no idea the extent of what had happened to her, and she wasn’t going to be hearing about that any time soon, but she was curious to hear about what had put her in this state. Her chest felt strange every time her machine forced her to breathe, almost as if her lungs were struggling to accept their help, and she so badly wanted to move her arms and get into a different position than the one she was in.

Twitching her fingers on her undamaged hand, she thought about trying to lift it and move it to drape across her stomach, but that thought quickly derailed as she realized she had no idea what had happened to her baby. As far as she could recall, no one had mentioned them to her, so she could only assume that either they were fine and part of why they were working so hard to keep her not stressed, or they were dead and they were trying to keep her from freaking out about that. Her eyes shifted as far down as she could get them, trying to see her stomach for herself, but the tube in her mouth and the mask holding it blocked her vision—something she found herself remembering from one of the other times she’d woken up.

Until Kaito came back into the room, Maki was determined to figured at least one thing out for herself, but she couldn’t even lift her arm to move it, and seeing anything wasn’t possible. Her only hope was on the board, reading the new notes and trying to make sense of them. _Patient responds to touch of lower extremities, no response to touch in lower right arm._ the first new note read, followed with _Vital sign spikes potentially caused by emotional responses_. She felt like the second one might have been something that could be said for most people, but she looked past it to the third new note on the board, which was simply _Unaware of any details of current situation, refrain from informing until out of ICU._

That was, without a doubt, meant for Kaito when he came back, and she could only hope that he followed it when he saw it. Unfortunately for her, the moment he entered once more with his sterile gown on and his eyes shining even though they were clearly sunken in from his exhaustion, he didn’t seem to care what was on the board. “When you get to leave this room, I’m gonna see what it’ll take to get you down the hall before wherever they’re moving you to. You’ve missed so much since you got attacked, Maki Roll. It’s really…” He sighed, getting into his chair and letting his head knock backwards. “It’s a lot to tell you all at once, but I promise you that I’m gonna tell you everything I know.”

If he didn’t fall asleep almost immediately, she might have had to listen to him disregarding the note the doctor had left for him. Instead, she was given a bit longer to lay there alone, listening to him softly breathing and thankful that he was sleeping, based on what she’d heard about his behavior from the doctors. In fact, when the medical team came in a little while later, the male doctor commented on how it was the first time he’d seen Kaito actually asleep in the weeks he’d been a constant fixture at the hospital. “I don’t like to act like it’s possible for a man to go so long without rest, but for him it seemed like it was happening. You’re lucky to have someone so devoted to your care,” he added, looking at Maki with a small nod in Kaito’s direction. “He’s been making sure you get simply the best.”

“We should let him get his sleep, so that he’s well-rested for whenever we move our patient into her new room,” the female doctor said, turning to the board on the wall and adjusting things that were written on it. “It’ll be a bit sad without him charging through the halls in the ward while he’s coming and going, but it’d be better for everyone to not be stuck on this floor a second longer than needed.”

The idea of Kaito having somewhere else he needed to go when she was a big part of his life and she was right there confused Maki, but with no way to ask for an explanation she had to do without. There was the possibility that he had to keep leaving for work-related things, but it seemed unlike him to actually put space before her in such a dire situation. That left her wondering who else had gotten hurt in the entire ordeal, and it was then that the first sharp memories of what had happened to her came flooding back to her mind. She could see the blade, the faces of the men there to kill Kaede, the— _Kaede_.

She hadn’t heard a single thing about her friend since she’d woken up, which, in the grand scheme of things might not have meant much but she knew that Kaede had been the target that she’d taken the blow for. It was completely possible, to the point that it was even likely, that those men had hung around and attacked her in the panic of entering her dressing room and finding someone dying on the floor. They could have killed their target and injured the person who’d stumbled into their plot on accident, and she wouldn’t know it until she could ask, or until Kaito could tell her the entire story.

That time came the following afternoon, although the time of day wasn’t a very good thing to use to describe events while there in a windowless room in the intensive care unit. The only reason Maki knew it was afternoon was because her doctors, who’d made sure to see her off as they moved her down to a different room on another floor, made the date and time clear to her before beginning the moving process. It was nearly two and a half weeks after the last day she remembered living, and hearing how much time she’d actually lost made her feel sick inside, even though that feeling seemed to reside in her chest more than anything.

The last thing they’d done before leaving her and Kaito in the room to themselves was completely remove her from the breathing machine, even though they were still supplementing her lungs with oxygen just in case they weren’t quite ready to be back on their own. They were given the warning to not overexert her in the first couple days, and to not try and make her move an inch beyond where she was; he seemed to understand why that warning was given, but she was left confused without any explanation as to why that was the rule. Some form of clarity came when she tried moving her head and found that her neck was stuck in place, the movement not having been restricted by the ventilator mask like she’d thought but rather something else. “Guess I can start talkin’ whenever you’re ready to listen,” Kaito told her, drawing one of the chairs in the room right to her bedside. “I wish I had someone else here to help make this easier, but I can do it all myself for ya.”

For the first time in the day she’d been awake, she mouthed a message to him, her voice completely shot and unable to be used as she expressed it: _Tell me what happened to me_.

“That’s the plan, Maki Roll. Now lemme see, where is it that I need to start…”

* * *

The evening with the astronauts was supposed to conclude with a dinner, and Kaito figured that by the time he’d finish up there, Maki would be finishing at the concert and they’d end up at home at the same time as one another. He was glad she’d decide to go spend time with Kaede after all, knowing that she was out with a friend meant that she wasn’t home alone and that helped him worry a bit less about her. It was ridiculous how protective he found himself being over her, to the point that he was constantly bringing her up when he was talking to his colleagues, and if he wasn’t making comments about space he was undoubtedly talking about his wife and unborn child, both of them being a point of pride in his life.

It was most of the way through the dinner when he felt his phone vibrating in the back pocket of his pants, and as rude as it felt to answer it when sitting with such company he knew that he needed to at least see who it was. Finding that it was Kaede’s number calling him, he assumed it was Maki having misplaced her own phone (she hated when he pointed it out, but she’d gotten scatterbrained at times and couldn’t help it) and told the men at the table that he needed to take the call. In the moments between stepping away and pressing to answer, his mind was thinking about how he’d have a chance to tease Maki for her forgetfulness and hear her angrily insist that he was just being stupid.

Crying on the other side of the phone, coming from the actual owner of the phone and not his wife, was the furthest possibility from his mind right then. “Y-you need to meet us at the hospital,” Kaede managed to spit out through her almost wailing sobs. “There’s b-b-been an accident and I…don’t know h-how she’s doing but I f-found Maki in my dressing room and someone re-really hurt her.”

“C’mon now, Kaede, do ya really think I’m gonna fall for those tears?” he quickly replied, trying to force himself to laugh and pretend like the situation wasn’t real. There was no way that Maki, of all people, would let herself get hurt, and he was going to stand by that belief for as long as possible. “Now tell me what’s really going on, where am I meeting you guys for an after-show treat or something?”

Her silence was telling, giving him the answer that his method of coping with her news wasn’t the right way to go about things. When she spoke again, she was still crying but it was obvious she was trying to curb it to sound more believable. “I’m being serious, they said…they told me that there’s a h-high chance she won’t make it to the hospital and I…can’t imagine who’d hurt her like they did. There was so much blood, Kaito, I’ve never seen so much…”

There was no assuming that she was lying when her voice cracked with her last couple words, and he felt his chest tighten to the point that he was struggling to get any response out. “Tell me where I need to meet you,” he said after looking back over at the table of astronauts he was supposed to be sitting with to finish up the meal. “I’ll head wherever you need me to, just say where and when.”

“I’m on my w-way over to the hospital closest to the concert hall right now, it’s where they were taking her. I’m so scared, Kaito, I know she was…there’s no way she wasn’t dead when I found her.” That was where Kaede lost it completely, anything further that she said completely drowned out by her crying, and to prevent himself from losing it as well he promised her that he’d meet her there and hung up.

The men at the table could tell when he returned that something wasn’t right, as the smile that normally hung from his lips had vanished and he looked distracted by something beyond them. “Oh, I, uh, just have to go take care of something,” he told them when one asked where he was going without finishing. “Kind of a big deal, you know how things get sometimes. I’ll see you all later, yeah?” Based on how his voice was wavering, every person who heard him knew that he wasn’t speaking the truth, but he was moving so quickly to collect his things, throw money down for his portion of the meal, and head out that no one wanted to stall him longer.

He managed to follow Kaede’s vague directions and arrive at the hospital without incident, although there were several moments where he couldn’t see the road with how much his eyes had teared over. A real man never cried at most things, but hearing someone close to him insisting that his wife had been injured to the point of death had pushed him and his tears over the edge. There were a couple moments spent after he’d parked his car collecting himself to look a little less distraught when he went inside, but any sort of steeling himself for the inevitable went right out the window when he entered the building to see Kaede sitting directly inside the door, her face red and a tissue pressed up to her nose to stop it from dripping everywhere. “I don’t think we can go back to see her yet,” she explained after he’d half-ran to her and awkwardly hugged her, pressing his face against the top of her head. “I know I got here minutes after she did but…if she’s dying then we want them to do their work without us hanging around, don’t we?”

“No way, if she’s dying I wanna be there for her last breath!” The thought of Maki dying wasn’t one that Kaito was keen on entertaining but since it seemed to be the probable outcome of their current situation he couldn’t hide from it. “C’mon, let’s go see if we can go see her, I’m not waiting around to learn that we missed seein’ her for the last time!”

“Right, because they’re going to let two complete wrecks back into the heart of the hospital to see someone who was brought in barely alive.” Weaseling out of his grasp, Kaede dabbed at her eyes with her tissue before puffing out her cheeks, thinking about what to do. “I know that we both have important jobs and all that, but I don’t think it’ll work if we just go up there and demand to see her.”

As much as Kaito knew she was speaking the truth, he was not the kind of guy to sit back and not take any action when possible. “Let’s try it anyway, I’m not going to let her die without me there with her!” He still couldn’t get her to budge, however, and that meant going up to the reception desk on his own, asking to go see Maki with his voice cracking in the middle of his request. The receptionist was friendly, but did have to turn him down for at least the current moment, due to the nature of the patient’s arrival and the extent of her injuries. Defeated, he went back to where Kaede was still waiting, watching her slide down into a chair as he came closer. “Guess we’re waiting out here until something happens then, something ‘bout us not being able to see her because of how hurt she was.”

“I told you I’ve never seen so much blood in my life,” Kaede reminded him, cradling her head in one hand while the other continued trying to dry tears that were still freely falling down her cheeks. “But if she made it here alive, that’s good news. They were worried she wouldn’t even do that, that’s how bad things looked.”

He sat in the seat next to hers, leaning into her shoulder for some support while he tried mentally processing everything that was going on. “Can ya tell me what you saw, at least? I know it’s gonna be hard, but I know nothing right now other than her being here and I think having some clue as to what the hell’s going on would be nice.”

“Right, I just said there was an accident and all that blood, let me just…” Sniffling, Kaede tried her best to keep herself composed as she recounted, exactly, what she’d seen. “I got to my dressing room after the show, which is where I told Maki to meet me, and when I got inside she was laying flat on the floor, completely still, with a knife—”

“A _knife_? Where’d she get a knife?”

“—Kaito, please! She didn’t have the knife herself, it was stuck inside her. Someone got into the room with her and stabbed her with it, and she…and there was…she didn’t fight back for some reason, and I think it was because of your baby.” Her voice getting squeal-like as she continued, Kaede pushed through what she felt she needed to say by adding, “I don’t even know if that baby’s going to live after this, there was a knife right in Maki’s stomach and that just screams ‘bad news’ to me, and I don’t want to see you losing both of them to whatever happened.”

The fact that it wasn’t just Maki in danger right then had not crossed Kaito’s mind since he’d been called, which was strange given that he was typically all about talking about his child. He found himself at a loss for words when faced with the possibility of losing not just Maki but the baby as well, and even though he knew doing anything would be pointless part of him wanted to charge back up to the counter and beg to be allowed back to see them, even if it was for final goodbyes. Kaede could tell how upset he was, and she offered him her hand to hold on to, as a friendly gesture, but he brushed it aside and buried his face with his own hands instead.

“I understand, you’re going to handle this however you feel you need to,” she quietly said, taking her hand back and using it to hold her head up once more. “I’m just glad you’re not blaming me for any of this, I had no idea telling her to meet me in my dressing room would end up like this.”

If he wanted to, he could have told her that he did blame her for all of it, because it had been her invite that Maki had acted on. But alienating Kaede when she was the only person there to keep him company seemed like a bad idea, and it wasn’t like she’d intended on the person she was supposed to be keeping safe getting hurt. He didn’t even know if she was aware that Maki going to the show had been done so that she wasn’t alone and therefore wasn’t in danger, because it was silly that the time she went out to have someone watching her was the time that she ended up on death’s door. “Don’t think like that, whatever happened to Maki Roll couldn’t have been your fault, it’s not like you’re the one who stabbed her.”

“And I wouldn’t ever do anything like that to a friend, no way! She didn’t deserve this, whoever hurt her needs to be punished for what they’ve done!” Dissolving into sobs again, Kaede spent most of their time sitting there in the waiting room acting like a complete wreck, constantly falling back into heavy bouts of crying. It wasn’t like Kaito was doing much better, as he was tearing up from time to time and trying to play it off like it was nothing. He couldn’t stop thinking about the sight that Kaede had expressed to him, the mental image of Maki laying on her back with a knife sticking out of her enough to make him shift uncomfortably as he sat. If he wasn’t able to handle it just from a vague description, he had no idea how Kaede was staying as strong as she was despite having seen it for herself.

Then again, Kaede wasn’t the one that was married to the person in question, so her reaction might not have been as violent anyway. He couldn’t bring himself to ask her what she was thinking about at any given moment, and he didn’t want to start her heavy crying yet again, so together they sat, absorbed in their own interpretation of what had happened and not knowing what the other felt. It was hours before the receptionist called him over, and even then it was just to tell him that it’d be a long while before he was given clearance to go back, and that at that point it would be beneficial to go home and rest there before returning.

He glanced back at Kaede to see that she was wearing heavy-lidded eyes, her concert and all her crying having completely drained her, but he knew what her answer would be if she were the one being told that news, and he was going to stand his ground. “No thanks, we’ll both be here until we’re allowed to see her, don’t wanna be away and miss anything,” he said, trying to sound confident in his stance but coming off as a very concerned and scared man. “Just make sure someone lets us know when we can go see her.”

The receptionist nodded, going back to whatever it was she’d been doing when prompted to pass the message along, and he slowly walked over to his seat, feet dragging along the ground like cement blocks. He knew that he’d made the right decision then, but the idea of sleeping comfortably at home while he had no idea what was happening with Maki (and the baby, he couldn’t forget about that key element to everything) made him feel sick to even consider. It was right then that he promised himself he wouldn’t rest more than necessary until he knew they were both okay, because there was no way he was going to let himself think that there was any other outcome.

He did drift off a couple times while sitting there, the sound of someone walking by waking him up every time he’d start giving into the deeper sleep his body felt he needed. The waiting room never filled up with more than a few people, which made for a rather boring experience whenever he was awake; as wrong as it might have been, he did wish that there was more excitement there to keep his mind entertained and away from dwelling on what could possibly be taking so long. After sunrise, there was a slight uptick in activity but nothing relevant to why they were there, and it was then that they realized what they’d done, spending the night waiting at the hospital for news that wasn’t coming.

As Kaede had been driven over by one of her managers (she had been far too distraught to even consider driving herself, and it wasn’t like she’d driven to her concert on her own anyway), she was stuck there until someone could come get her, and there was no way that Kaito was leaving the building until he had answers. That was understandable, but Kaede was thinking about the one person outside of there that knew what was going on, and would be interested in updates. “I should let Shuichi know I’m still here, I’m sure he knows but it’s better to be safe than sorry, right?”

“Seems kinda pointless, but I think you’re right. He might be worried sick about how you’re doing, since you never went home.” Kaito couldn’t even manage a smile to assure Kaede that she was doing the right thing, but she excused herself to make her call, coming back a few minutes later wringing her hands and blinking back tears, a reaction that made no sense given why she’d left. “What’s got you upset now? He wasn’t mad, was he?”

She shook her head, the wringing of her hands gaining intensity. “No, he totally got why we didn’t leave, because it’s all over the news this morning. Everyone can’t stop talking about what happened, since it happened at my concert!” By the time she sat back down she was crying, and he had to try comforting her as best as he could because he wasn’t mentally ready to begin crying again for himself. She explained that she hadn’t even said a word to start the call when Shuichi had told her that information, and the rest of the call was him trying to relay everything the media had about the situation while she was crying at him about how the world must’ve known more than they did, and they’d been waiting all night.

Through her tears Kaito was able to piece together the story that the media was sharing about what had happened, and the only thing that it seemed they were saying that they didn’t know for themselves was the condition of the “nameless” victim. “Look, they’re not even saying how she’s hurt, the only thing we learned from this is that she’s definitely not in a good way, which you already knew from seeing her.” It hurt his heart to have to talk about Maki like that, but he needed to do something to keep Kaede from crying too hard. “I know that us finding that out this way isn’t good, but at least it was him telling ya and not, like, someone who we barely know.”

“You’re right, but…” There were so many places that sentence could have gone, and yet Kaede chose to end it right there, leaving the rest up to his imagination. She continued wringing her hands, or fiddling with the dress she was still wearing, or combing her fingers through her hair, until she’d gotten over her tears and was able to calm down. The whole time she was in that state, however, Kaito was left watching her, trying to figure out what there was that he could’ve said, or what he could’ve done, to help her more than he had, because what he’d already done felt so hollow.

It was about lunchtime when he was called over to reception once more, neither of them hungry despite several people coming in with meals they were intending on enjoying while visiting with someone. He tried his best to prepare himself for disappointment with whatever he was going to be told, but the man at the desk seemed to be poised to tell him some sort of good news. In his hand were two visitor badges, which he explained were going to be given to them then, but all they were going to do at the moment was move them from the general waiting area to one closer to the intensive care unit, so that when they could be granted clearance to visit they would be right there. “That’s not quite what I wanted to hear,” Kaito admitted, taking the badges into his possession and waving to Kaede with one of them to get her over to the desk as well, “but it’s better than being told we still can’t go back at all. What gives, what’s different now than last night?”

The receptionist shook his head, stating that he couldn’t speak in specific details but that he was merely passing along the information he had been given. Once they both had their badges, they were allowed to leave the waiting room, a nurse on the other side of the door waiting for them to direct them through the building to where they needed to go. She was silent the entire way, but it wasn’t as if either of them were jumping to ask questions to her when she seemed so focused on getting them to where they needed to go. The waiting room they were sent to this time was darker, the lights turned down to as low as possible without being off, and there were more people sitting in it than there had been at any point overnight in the other area. “I think I get why we weren’t allowed back here,” Kaede whispered to Kaito as they looked for somewhere to sit together, to keep each other company. “There might not have been anywhere at all for us.”

“Sure, that makes sense, but it doesn’t explain why we can’t just go see Maki Roll now anyway, I need to know how she’s doing.” Even though he should have been helping with finding somewhere to sit, Kaito was distracted by trying to see if he could deduce which room might’ve been the one they were going to be going into when the time came. Everything looked so similar in there, and with the darkened lights there was no way he was going to figure anything out on his own, and so once Kaede had found them two seats next to each other he went and sat with her, giving up on his search.

They were sitting there for quite some time, during which she fell asleep on his shoulder and he was focused on watching the people there with them coming and going, groups of visitors being split sometimes, and other times the visitors being calmly told that they’d need to leave for whatever reason. The fear that they were going to receive that message of needing to leave crossed his mind a good many times, but he wasn’t going to let himself feed into it. It was all going to work out, they were going to get to see her before too much longer, and she was going to be mostly fine. That was, naturally, ignoring that they were in the place within the hospital reserved for those who were far from fine, and it was also ignoring the fact that they’d been there for the better part of a day without any information on how she was doing being given to them. Only knowing that she was alive wasn’t going to be enough to go off of forever, and they needed answers at some point.

Those answers came after what felt like another day had passed there in the dark waiting room, when a doctor came up to them holding a clipboard in one hand, and a couple pairs of sterile gowns in the other. After introductions were made, and an understanding of who they were and why they were there was give, the doctor handed the gowns over to them and told them that in order to enter the room, they needed to be wearing them, and would have to wear them upon subsequent entries. “It’s a precaution, as any further infection would have consequences none of us would want to be responsible for,” she said, receiving two wide-eyed, worried stares in return. “Hearing that may come as a shock, but this is not the place for explanation. Change into the gowns and pants, leave your belongings in the bags in the stack, and we’ll go into the room together.”

True to what they were told, folded in the middle of the gowns were bags that held everything they couldn’t wear underneath the new clothes, or things they wouldn’t need to enter a private room. Kaito hated the feeling of the paper-like fabric on his skin, but he was doing it for Maki and he wouldn’t have wanted to disappoint her, even though hearing her ask him if he wanted to die would have been music to his ears right then. He and Kaede met back with the doctor in the same spot, and they left the waiting area single-file, heading down the hall to another area of the unit. While they walked, they were told that their hair would need to be covered and facemasks would need to be worn, and that their bags would be left outside to make sure that nothing potentially dangerous was tracked inside. The severity of what they were hearing was not lost on the two, and yet neither of them asked a thing, unsure of where to even start.

It turned out that any questions they might have had were answered once they were brought inside the bright white and barren room that they were told was where they wanted to be. Laying in the bed, nearly lifeless and looking much smaller than she usually did, it was hard to even recognize that they were staring at Maki due to all of the machines and coverings that she had over her. One arm was littered with tubes and needles, the other wearing a wrapping that had what was undeniably blood seeping through the hand; her face was covered with a mask that was attached to a bedside machine, the air it was forcing into her causing her chest to very gently rise and fall. Her neck was supported with a bulky brace that seemed to have a component holding her back in place, but all of that was easily looked past in comparison to the single worst thing that was wrong with her. Her legs may have been blanketed, but those blankets stopped at her waist, because her entire abdomen was a mess of stitches, tubes, and discolored skin that made both of them feel sick to see. The entry point of the knife was up towards her ribs, a thick line of nearly black skin that was held together by large staples; running down from that, almost to where the blankets started was a large scar that was tightly stitched up, expertly and intentionally given to her. At the bottom of the scar came one tube, while two others were at either end of the knife wound, and every so often what looked like blood appeared in any of them, sometimes all at once. It was disgusting, it was heartbreaking, and it was so much to take in at once that it took several moments for either of them to realize that there was something missing.

* * *

 _What do you mean, something missing?_ Maki mouthed, the last words that Kaito had said to her hitting her hard. The description of what was wrong with her was vivid enough that she could visualize it without needing to see anything, and that was fine with her given that she couldn’t move anything more than her face. _You’re going to tell me, aren’t you?_

Kaito took in a deep breath, before glancing at the closest clock there was to him in the room. “Yeah, I suppose I’ve got the time to tell you now, but you’ve gotta promise me that when I say it, you don’t freak out. That’s what they were worried about you doing upstairs, getting too upset when you hear this.”

She slowly blinked, her mind sharp enough to come to several conclusions about what he was referring to. Now that she knew that Kaede was fine, as well as the extent of her injuries, she had a solid guess as to what it was that he was referring to. _No promises,_ she replied, him watching her lips for that answer and smiling when he got it. _I’ll try my best though._

“Hey, that’s the spirit there, Maki Roll! Now think about what I told ya about how we found you when we first came into your room, what did I specifically leave out mentioning?” Once again she slowly blinked, her lips pushing together, but she gave no word for him to read as her response. “C’mon, you were going along with me before this, aren’t you gonna, like, at least give it a shot?” When she continued staring at him, eyes beginning to narrow into a glare that seemed unamused, Kaito sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand as he didn’t break eye contact with her. “So there we were, coming in here with no idea of how you were gonna be, and when we saw you we were both so shocked at how bad it was that we couldn’t say anything. Except, after we got a good eyeful and had a chance to really get that this was actually you we were seeing…that’s when Kaede mentioned it.”

 _Mentioned what? There’s no reason to be vague._ “I’m not bein’ vague, I’m just not sure how to exactly tell you this because I don’t want you losing your mind when you hear it!” He was struggling to keep his composure, his voice was beginning to get higher pitched (which had happened many times previously in the story, but never before had he been dragging his feel like he was). “I just…she realized that, if that was really you we were looking at, we needed to be told what had happened to the baby, because the you we saw that day was definitely not as pregnant as the one we’d seen the day before.”

Even though Maki had the feeling that she was going to hear that, having to hear Kaito tell her hurt more than she ever expected it to. She hadn’t had any interest in being a mother, and the whole situation had been one she’d wished to avoid, but knowing that something horrible had happened to her child in all of this had awoken a deep part of her soul, and that part was calling out to what it had lost. _And what came of that?_ she managed to ask before her mouth was trembling too much for her lips to be read. She was beyond shocked that she was actually beginning to feel like crying over a baby she hadn’t wanted, and all that feeling did was make her actually start to cry.

“Whoa there, what’re the tears for?” Surprised to see her crying at what he’d said, and what he’d said alone, Kaito motioned for her to calm down before he continued talking, but the damage was already done and he was also getting misty-eyed because of her. “I can’t even remember which one of us it was who brought it up, might’ve been Kaede ‘cause I was totally focused on making sure you were still alive there, but it did get brought up and when we asked, it wasn’t the best kind of news but…”

His pause was intentional, making sure that her tear-filled eyes were locked with his before he continued to speak. “She’s come a long way since that day, but she never was in as bad of a place as you were, they weren’t as worried about her dying after the first couple days as they were worried about you. I spent every day until you woke up running from your side to hers and back, and—” He cut himself off by jumping to his feet, the sudden movement more shocking to Maki than what he’d just dropped on her. “—damn it Maki Roll, we’ve got a child to be worrying about now! She’s real and I’ve met her and I’ve held her, and you’ll get to meet her and hold her too soon, I’m sure!”

Even though that had been a rather happy news delivery, Maki couldn’t exactly be at peace with it in that moment. She did feel relieved to know that things ended up okay for the child (for their…daughter?) but at the same time, everything else that she’d learned had brought her mood so low that she couldn’t imagine expressing that relief. She’d been attacked, she’d been seriously hurt to the point that the consensus was that she was going to die, and yet the baby that had been inside of her was fine and living on her own. _Do you know why they took her?_

“That’s something we found out almost immediately after learning she’d been born in the first place. The knife, when it stabbed you, damaged too much of your insides to allow for her to stay in there to keep developing, so in order to save your life they thought they needed to get her out.” It was clear that Kaito was struggling with some of his own emotions over retelling that part of the story, but Maki didn’t know how emotional he was going to get until he broke down crying. “But that almost killed both of ya, and that’s why we couldn’t come back to see you the night all this happened. You technically died a couple times after everything, and they almost lost her once or twice, but ya both pulled through in the end.”

 _I died? Shouldn’t they not have brought me back? There are documents._ The events might have been completely foreign to her, but if what Kaito said was true then someone had disregarded paperwork somewhere along the line. Maki knew that she’d signed something years in the past that told medical professionals that they should not revive her if she were to somehow be considered medically dead. He didn’t see what she’d mouthed at him because of his crying, so she waited until he’d calmed down enough to look her in the eyes again before repeating her message.

“About that, I told ‘em that you signed that for work-related purposes only and you weren’t gonna want them to follow it in this situation, since this was just a freak accident.” The fact that Kaito had no idea that she’d been attacked because the assassins recognized her and wanted her dead before she could report them weighed heavily on her mind, but she couldn’t tell him that bringing her back to life would result in those assassins coming after her again. He seemed to be so at peace with the fact that he’d made the decision to speak up about why she had those papers signed and that he’d told the medical staff to disregard them based on a fact that was technically true. “Besides, I wasn’t gonna let you die like that, there were other ways you could’ve gone but that wasn’t gonna be one of them.”

She thought about how she was going to reply—was it appropriate to thank him for his choice? Or was she supposed to stay silent about the truth? While her mind was wrapped around that, he took the opportunity to stretch in his seat, arms flailing every which way and nearly knocking into one of the machines. When he felt sufficiently limber, he stood up, walking around her bed to her other side, grinning at her as he hovered over her while her eyes followed him. “It’s about time for me to head down to the baby intensive care place and get in some time with our girl, but before I go, there’s something I’ve gotta tell ya before someone else mentions it.” He was still grinning, so whatever it was couldn’t be bad news, but Maki didn’t know what she should’ve expected him to say.

 _Go on, say it, I don’t want to be responsible for holding you up_.

“Hey now, Maki Roll, I wouldn’t call spending time talking with you being held up, no way! I just need to tell you that, uh…” That was when the grin faded, and Kaito bit his lip as he looked away from her face for a moment, coming back into their shared gaze with a more serious expression. “That day we got to come see you, all stitched back together and barely alive, we spent most of our time in here with you because you were in a stable condition, and they didn’t know how long that would last. But that night, that was the first time we got to go down to see her, and that was still when they thought they weren’t going to be able to save her.

“Since we’d been with you, we were already dressed appropriately to go inside where they were keeping her. Kaede wasn’t supposed to go, but she said you’d have wanted it and since you couldn’t go, she needed to, so they allowed her in there with me.” His eyebrows were beginning to narrow, as he tried piecing the events together exactly as they’d gone, almost as if retelling this part was more important than everything else. “What we got to see was…not much, honestly. One of the nurses pulled me aside and gave me the papers for her birth, and that’s when they said that the chance of her making it past that night was slim to none. I’ve never been so scared before in my life, Maki Roll, but I was terrified to lose you and her, and I hadn’t even met her yet.”

 _But you didn’t lose us_ , Maki reminded him, feeling those pesky tears coming back to her eyes now that she was hearing this part for the first time. _You’ve still got us._

“I do still have you, yeah. But right then, I didn’t think I did, and when the nurse told me that it’d be best to name her as soon as possible, just ‘cause it would hurt more if I was naming a dead kid, I didn’t know what to do. We’d never exactly talked about names, y’know? It didn’t come up, we didn’t know what she was gonna be and now I knew, but you didn’t know and you couldn’t help me.” Taking in a deep breath, Kaito turned away again, not wanting to lock eyes with Maki while he told the rest. “I got to see her right after that, and I may not have ever seen a lot of babies before but I knew that she didn’t look right. No baby deserves all those machines, all that light, all those tubes taped down in different ways.”

When he looked back towards her, he wasn’t looking at her so much as he was looking at things that were no longer there, the memories of all the machines that had been up in the other room fresher in his mind than he liked. “I got to touch her and…shit, she wasn’t even as big as my hand, she was that tiny! Tiny, not even knowing that anyone was there, just off in her own world and not really in ours, and I thought that that moment right there was gonna be my only time I got to spend with her.

“I wasn’t there long, and Kaede got to see her for a few seconds before they asked us to leave, because something was going weird with her numbers and they didn’t want us present for what was going to happen. I should’ve argued with ‘em, I deserved to see whatever they did to my baby to keep her alive, but I was so tired I didn’t say a word.” Shaking his head to get back to reality instead of whatever memory he’d begun drifting into, Kaito still wasn’t making eye contact with Maki as he kept talking. “If she’d died that night I would’ve never gotten over it, but she was a lot better the next day when I got to see her. That’s not what matters, though, what matters is that when we got back to your room, Kaede and I sat there for hours trying to come up with a name for her.”

He coughed a couple times to keep himself from getting choked up at what he was saying. “I know we should’ve waited for you to be a part of the conversation, but I didn’t want her dying without a name. It took a long time to find something that fit, but Kaede explained it really well when she suggested it. She was born at night, and would be our light no matter what happened to her, and with how much I love space…” That was when he locked eyes with Maki’s waiting ones, as he delivered the news he’d been talking around. “If you don’t like it, that’s fine, but I’m stickin’ with Tsukia as her name no matter what.”

 _That was all Kaede’s idea, I can tell, but it’s cute. I’ll allow it_. Hearing the name made Maki’s heart pang for something she hadn’t ever actually had, but with Kaito’s size description and the name together she had started to come up with a very vague idea of what this baby was like. She saw him smile, before backing away with the reminder that he needed to go see her, and that he’d be back as soon as possible, but she couldn’t say anything to try and get him to stop. There was genuine jealousy in her gaze as she watched him leave as far as she could, her wishing she could’ve gone with him to meet Tsukia for herself. But she hadn’t moved an inch on her own since she’d woken up, there was no way she’d be allowed to go onto a different floor and meet a baby in a similarly bad state as she was.

Being alone in the room with all that information in her possession was difficult, as now Maki could think about the details of what had happened and not be left making too many guesses. She now knew a rough description of what she looked like, and what had happened to put her out of consciousness for as long as she had been, and she felt horrible knowing that she could have prevented any of it from happening. Kaito didn’t deserve all of the suffering he’d gone through over the past couple weeks, but she was aware that if it wasn’t him going through that pain, it would’ve been someone else they knew. She wasn’t the intended target for the attack, but injuring her without death was better in the end than having a friend murdered.

Once again her mind went to the other person hurt in the whole ordeal, her mental picture of the tiny baby rather blank but still something she could think on. It was highly likely that Tsukia didn’t look like either of them yet, but in her heart she hoped that the girl was a perfect image of her father, just in case the worst outcome had happened and Kaito wasn’t left caring for a baby looking just like her mom. Thinking about who the girl looked like—and having a name to think of her with—made that pang in Maki’s heart happen once more, and she realized that what she was feeling was genuine love for that child. She’d never thought she would find herself loving a baby, especially not one of her own, but as she lay there looking around the room for anything at all to distract her from herself, she couldn’t imagine her life without having that baby in it.

This was even without having met her yet, which she felt was a bad omen for things to come. She needed to get to meet her to satisfy her need, but doing that seemed rather impossible when she was in such a state. A nurse came in to check on her, and she tried communicating to him that she would like to go visit her daughter, but the nurse didn’t seem to notice her lips moving even once, and she wished she had a voice to use to get her request out in the air. There were plenty of attempts at trying to talk while he was in there, but none of them went anywhere and he left without acknowledging that she was trying to say anything to him.

When Kaito came back in, he was beaming even though he entered to the sight of a displeased and slightly annoyed Maki. “You’ll never believe what I got to do while I was in there,” he said, taking his seat and waiting for her to be looking at him before he continued talking. “First time they let me hold her without them hovering over me. About thought I was going to break her, she’s not much bigger than my hand now but that’s bigger than she was when she was born, but she’s fine, I’m fine, and you’re fine, so there’s no problem.”

 _I want to hold her_. Maki pursed her lips into a straight line when she got her message across, and Kaito seemed to have seen what she’d said, but he chose not to give any response to it. Instead, he kept talking about his time with Tsukia, from watching the medical team give her a feeding (since she couldn’t eat on her own, but she was working towards that goal) to getting to sit in a chair with her on his lap and watch her trying to understand where she was and who she was with. Hearing about the physical touch with the girl made Maki angrier that she wasn’t being allowed to see her, because all she wanted right then was to get to hold her. It wouldn’t even need to be for long, just a small amount of contact would have been enough to satisfy her desire.

As it turned out, it was still nearly a week before the doctors considered Maki capable of moving out of the bed with any sort of support, and she wasn’t going to be allowed to go down to see the baby until then. It was a couple days before her throat had recovered from being intubated to allow for her to talk, and from there she was making strides every day. First came not needing supplemental oxygen, then came losing the neck and back braces, and from there came attempting to sit up in the bed. Her arms remained the same, one with all the needles jabbed into it and the other splinted and immobile, but she was told that those would not be changing anytime soon. “I’d like to know why I need to be so heavily medicated even now,” she grumbled, lifting her needled arm as that shift’s nurse was adjusting the flow of liquids into it. “I’m doing better, you’ve even let me try sitting up.”

“And what happened when you tried? The sutures started aching and you insisted on laying back down, correct?” The nurse was right, that had been what had happened, but Maki wanted to forget that she’d been so weak about a little splitting pain in her stomach when she’d bent some of those stitched-up places. “That was even with your pain medications, I bet you’d hate to feel what it’s like without those right now.”

“Okay, so the pain meds can stay, doesn’t explain everything else you keep pumping into me.” She was treated to hearing the list of different medications that she needed to stay alive in that moment, from the antibiotics to stave off further infections until she was healed, to what was only described as a hormone that concerned her at the vagueness it was given. “No, you have to tell me what that one is, I’m not a doctor, I don’t know what kind of ‘hormones’ you’re trying to force me to take.”

The nurse glanced at her, before looking to Kaito to ask him something. “You did tell her everything that happened to her, correct?”

“I might’ve missed a specific detail or two, if that’s what you’re looking for.” Kaito leaned over in his chair to look past the nurse to see Maki’s unamused face. “Sorry about that, Maki Roll, but what this is about is kinda…heavy stuff.”

“Heavy? You told her about the attack itself, and the stitches and the fact that she and the child both nearly died, but you didn’t tell her about the irreversible internal damage she sustained?” He nodded to confirm the nurse’s statement, and she shook her head, looking to Maki once more. “Sorry about that, I was unaware you didn’t know of what happened on an internal level. The blade, upon insertion, damaged several organs that were able to be repaired with surgical procedures, but the immediate prognosis after the extraction of the fetus was that all reproductive organs were non-viable due to the damage sustained, and with the infection that was running rampant through your body it was best to remove them.”

“You saved her life, and then sterilized me to save mine.” In plain terms, Maki had summarized the nurse’s story, and when she got a shaky smile in return she felt herself being overcome with a sense of self-hatred. Since she was little, she’d been expected to be childless and had been turned down for sterilization because of her age whenever she’d asked; now that she had a baby of her own she had gotten her wish, and it felt like a hollow victory. “I sure hope that Tsukia lives a long, healthy life after all this, because she’s the only kid we get, huh, Kaito?”

“I always thought she was the only one we’d ever have,” he replied, an honest statement that would have been true before any of this near-death stuff had happened. But with all those days in that room, lost in her own thoughts as she accepted what she’d been through, Maki had started to come around to the idea of giving being a mom a shot, for more than just the one kid, and now that idea was gone before she could even tell anyone it. He noticed that she seemed unhappy with what she’d learned, but he didn’t call attention to it, and the rest of the nurse’s visit went by without any more complaints or questions.

If he knew how to handle the situation better, he would’ve addressed it the moment the door was closed on them, but he was so unsure of how to even bring up what he was sure was bothering Maki. She didn’t seem interested in addressing it herself either, which added to his decision to stay quiet about it all. They talked about all sorts of things in their time there together, but Tsukia overall was a sore subject, because as long as Maki couldn’t sit up she couldn’t go see the girl, and she wasn’t going to cause herself pain for as long as it would take for her to get the visit she so desperately wanted. There was one other thing they hadn’t quite gotten around to talking about, not out of wanting to avoid the topic but rather because it was so far from both their minds that it never was mentioned.

A few days later, while Maki was practicing sitting as tall as she could and resisting the need to lay back down even with how her incisions ached, she distracted herself by looking at Kaito and asking him something she hadn’t thought about before then. “How are you planning on still going to space if you’ve been spending all your time here?”

“Oh, I…guess I’m not going, if that’s what you want to hear.” Taken aback by the answer she got, Maki’s first reaction was to tell him that wasn’t what she wanted to hear at all, but the surprise in her voice was what got him, not her words. “I hadn’t really thought much about it, you and Tsukia have been everything I’ve focused on lately, but I don’t know if I can leave ya both behind when there’s no guarantee that you’ll be out of this place when I’m supposed to go. Who’d drive ya here if she’s still here, and who’d watch her if you’re still here? I’ve gotta be around for my girls.”

“That’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, but there’s no way in hell you’re skipping out on your space trip.” Trying to lean closer to Kaito to grab him and try shaking sense into his brain, Maki reached for him with an arm with only one needle remaining in it when she found that she couldn’t bend any further than she had, and he took her hand in his. “I get it, you want to be this great dad to our kid, but you’re not giving up on your dreams. If one or both of us are still here when you leave, we’ll have someone else take care of us, easy as that. I know some people who’d do it.”

He squeezed her hand tightly as he nodded. “I know some people too, but it doesn’t feel right to expect them to take my role just because I want to go to space. If we asked, any of our friends would jump in and help ya out, but they’re not me and it’s my job, not theirs.”

“So is that why I haven’t seen a single one of them this week? Because you don’t want them doing your job?” Her fingers were still interlaced with his, but she found herself growing irritated with his role-conforming behavior. “Get your head out of your ass and let our friends help us where they can, damn it.”

“Who said I wasn’t letting them help? A bunch of ‘em came in while you weren’t doing well and spent time with us here, and of course Kaede was here every day she could be, but this week they’ve been giving us our time together and…” Kaito smiled at her, a warm smile that did wonders to chip away at the anger she’d started growing. “I know how much you hate knowing this, but they’ve been working on fixing up our house for when we’re all home. All of this threw a lotta wrenches into everyone’s plans, so they’re doing what they can to help us now that there’s a real baby involved.”

“A real baby that I bet all of them have gotten to meet before me.”

“Not true! Kaede’s the only one who’s been down to see her, and it was just the one time. I told everyone else they had to wait until she was home before they got to meet her.” How Kaito would have known to do that, Maki didn’t know, but she was sure it was more of a convenience thing for him than a courtesy thing for her. “But anyway, back to what you were saying, I know we’ve got friends to help us but it doesn’t feel right to put taking care of you two on their shoulders.”

Her eyes drifted up towards the ceiling, as she thought about how stupid he sounded about giving up his dream when there were people actively willing to do what was needed. “I want you to go to space, regardless of what’s going on with me or Tsukia, got it? We can do without you for the six weeks or whatever it was that you’ll be gone, especially since there’s still plenty of time between now and then. Do you understand me?”’

“I…yeah, I understand you, Maki Roll. I’ll get in contact with the team and make sure I’m still going, just for you.” Letting go of her hand, he watched as she went back to laying down, getting herself comfortable despite wincing as she moved. He didn’t like how she was so insistent on the matter, but if she wanted him to chase his dreams instead of being a good father, that was her decision.

One decision, made on the back of so many possibilities that had unexplored outcomes.


	5. journey

It was the following day that the doctors determined that Maki was physically capable of being moved out of her bed and into a wheelchair to go up to the private room where Tsukia was being monitored. The transfer wasn’t flawless, and she spent most of the trip cursing underneath her breath about how much her stomach hurt from being moved like she had been, but she knew deep down that it was going to be worth the pain when she saw the baby for the first time. Kaito kept talking up a storm about how big she seemed to be getting every day, and about how she was slowly becoming more like what a baby should’ve been, but she had been so against children for so long that she didn’t know what she was supposed to be expecting when she got there.

Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t what she got, because the room she was taken to was quiet except for the humming of machines—a noise that she was all-too-familiar with at that point. She turned to look at Kaito to see how he was reacting but in the dim light she couldn’t see much of his face beyond the general profile. “I’m not going to break her, right?” she quietly asked, wanting the assurance from him that she wasn’t going to be able to, but instead she was given an explanation from the nurse pushing her chair that as long as she was gentle nothing would go wrong. The fact that the possibility of hurting her was left in the open made her feel more uncomfortable than she would have liked, but she’d come too far to admit that she was genuinely scared of what might happen.

The chair was pushed up next to a rocking chair, which she was then carefully moved into. It allowed for a bit more reclining than the wheelchair had, so it was more comfortable for her to sit in, but she was still hesitant for what she knew was coming and the feeling of rocking back and forth was not helping that. Her splinted arm was on her lap, completely useless to the situation, while her free arm was positioned to be moved at any moment; that moment came when a different nurse came over with a blanketed bundle and carefully set it on Maki’s chest, adjusting that free arm to holding it in place. She was given the warning to not make any sudden movements, and to be very careful with the pressure she placed on the child, but other than that anything was fair game.

Initially, Maki had thought that the entire bundle was the baby, but when she felt something dangling to the side she realized that they’d brought her over with some sort of machine still attached. What it was became clear when she looked at her face and saw the tube taped across her cheeks and running up into her nose, the poor thing still not breathing well on her own. “Hello there, miss Tsukia. It’s…great to finally meet you.” It actually wasn’t great at all, but there was no way she was going to say anything even remotely negative there with so many other people listening. The negativity wouldn’t have even been about Tsukia being a baby, but rather about how it wasn’t when they were supposed to be meeting; one of the thoughts most heavily lingering on Maki’s mind since she’d found out about what happened was about how unprepared for life that baby was.

“She’s starting to look a lot less tiny,” Kaito remarked, standing right beside them with his eyes focused down on the child’s face. “I know she still _is_ tiny, but it’s not so obvious when you’re looking at her anymore. She must’ve known that she needed to get better for when she got to meet her mom.”

“It feels so unreal to think that this little…person here belongs to us.” Not really sure how else she could’ve referred to Tsukia in the moment, Maki found her eyes transfixed on the girl’s tightly-closed ones, her hand feeling the rapid rise and fall of the girl’s chest from where it was placed on her back. There were so many things wrong with their current situation, but accepting them and trying to make the best of everything was the only way to go. “I hadn’t even started thinking about what it would be like once I had her in my arms, but now she’s here and I just…”

As she trailed off, Kaito swallowed down hard and gave a quick nod. “I getcha, don’t worry. I know what it was like when I first saw her, and when I first held her, and all that sorta stuff, so I can only imagine how much crazier it is to be in your shoes on this one. She’s already three weeks old, you know. Over three weeks and you’re meeting her for the first time.”

“If I hadn’t been attacked we still wouldn’t have met her yet, and we wouldn’t know a thing about her.” Scared to move her hand just in case the movement was enough to jostle the baby awake, Maki resigned herself to just sitting there, gently rocking in the chair, with her hand reaching from the back of the neck down to the baby’s bottom. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that I’m getting to meet her right now and all, but none of this is what’s best for her, or for me.”

“You’ve gotta stop dwelling on that right now, Maki Roll. Yeah, you getting attacked did a lot of bad things to you and her both, but look on the bright side! You’re both alive, you’re both going to be okay, and best of all, you’re both here right now!” Bending down to get a closer look at the baby he’d spent so long already staring at, Kaito couldn’t help but grin when he saw the content, almost peaceful look she was wearing up close. “I’ve never seen her looking so almost happy, I think she knows who’s holding her and she loves it.”

“Oh come on, there’s no way that she—I mean, there is a way but she wouldn’t already love being with me, it’s my fault she’s like this.” Maki was sputtering, almost in disbelief that Kaito would say such a thing to her in a situation where she couldn’t retaliate, but inside she knew that he was speaking as close to the truth as he could get. She hadn’t ever cared much for children, but she knew that they loved to bond with any mother-like figure they could find in their life (which had always resulted in kids trying to bond with her). In this instance, though, there must have been something about herself that Tsukia recognized as belonging to her mother, and even as a tiny baby she was focusing on that.

The nurses, who’d been tending to the child since her birth, also noticed that there was already a strong mother-daughter bond being formed, despite the circumstances keeping them apart for as long as they had been. The conclusion that ended up being drawn was that it was the sound of Maki’s heartbeat, a sound that Tsukia would’ve heard up until she was forcibly brought into the world, that she recognized and was attached to. That explained enough to Maki that she felt more at ease about what Kaito had said, even though she wasn’t sure if she was fine with the child loving her immediately when it had been her father that was there for her up until that point. He didn’t seem to mind that he wasn’t going to be the one that she was super attached to, though, not when it meant that the two he thought he was going to lose were both fine after all.

They sat in there for quite a bit of time, until the nurse spoke up about it being close to feeding time, and because the girl was still unable to eat on her own it was best if she was taken care of by the professionals during that time. As much as Maki didn’t want to give her back, she had to do what was best for the child, not what was best for herself, and soon they were on their way on her to room again. “You looked like a real natural in there with her, Maki Roll, I can’t believe that’s your first time getting to meet her!” Once again Kaito was at her side as they headed through the halls to the room that was basically home for them, and he was letting his excitement come bursting out of his body. “I mean, I know it’s your first time with her, but it didn’t look like it!”

“I’ve always been naturally good with kids, I’ve just never accepted it until I had her there on my chest.” Even without her physically there, Maki could feel the lingering (and tiny) weight of the little girl on her, to the point that she felt she could stroke the air there and feel the tiny back underneath her fingers. “She’s amazing, Kaito. I don’t know how you managed to hold yourself together all that time when you had her without me.”

“There wasn’t a whole lot of holding myself together, if we’re being honest. I spent a lot of time sitting by her little box, cryin’ over her because I felt like I failed her as a dad, y’know? I just didn’t want to think that that’d be the only way I’d ever see her, even though that’s how it looked for a while.” Kaito sighed, his footsteps growing heavier as he started to think more about the past and less about walking back to the room. “It all worked out, kinda, but back before it did it was really scary and really stressful, and I’m glad that it’s gotten better.”

“Oh, trust me, I’m glad it’s better too, I like knowing I’m alive.” That was the truth, although there were parts of her life now that Maki wished she could change. She wished she could walk the halls of the hospital on her own, she wished that she didn’t have one hand completely unusable, perhaps permanently. She wished that her entire abdomen didn’t ache from the moment she woke up until she finally fell asleep, or that if it did hurt, it was because of something that wasn’t life-saving incisions or the infected knife wound that still bothered her. Now having met Tsukia for herself, and having seen the almost miserable existence she currently lived, she wished above all that she hadn’t been forced to bring that baby into the world when she had, and that she could have done a better job as a mother to keep her safe for as long as possible.

But the past was the past, and she was starting to do the same thing Kaito was. Neither of them said another word to each other until they were back in the room, and even then it was just talking about the time spent in the dark room there with the baby. They couldn’t dwell on what had happened, they needed to keep their eyes pointed forward and their minds focused on the things coming in the future. The big event would be all of them leaving the hospital behind, but there was also the still-happening visit to space to keep in mind (as much as Kaito didn’t want to go, he had no choice as Maki continuously refused to hear a word of him wanting to give up on it). With two large and exciting things coming up in their lives, it made no sense to keep slipping backwards into the negative places they’d just gotten out of.

Of course, there were times where going back into the negative was a requirement, not something that could be avoided. Spending time with Tsukia tended to put them back there, as seeing her slowly progress into a state where she could feasibly do things that normal newborns could do made them both remember what had put her in that situation in the first place. She was always so quiet and still, more like a doll than an actual baby, that if it weren’t for the nurse watching over her staying calm it would be hard to tell if she were alive or not. Going to see her became a daily event for both of them, and would have been more frequent if Maki could make it up to her room unaided, but she had yet to be able to take a step on her own without crumpling in pain from her injuries.

The doctors were keeping a close eye on the knife wound in particular, as it had yet to properly begin healing and was still held together with only stitches and staples, the skin not trying to reattach itself. When compared to the other scar, which was healing beautifully, it was concerning for everyone who saw it, but no one was more worried about it than the person who had it on their body. “This dumb thing keeps finding new ways to ruin my relationship with my child,” Maki grumbled during one of the inspections the doctors put her through, the team swabbing the wound to check it for a new infection or for an explanation for why it had yet to heal. “It would be so much easier if it would get its shit together, then I could walk down to see Tsukia whenever I want.”

“That would be nice, wouldn’t it?” one of the doctors replied, while the other stepped away with the needed samples in hand. “You’ll get there sooner or later, hopefully sooner.”

“Hopefully, because I’m tired of Kaito getting to go down there all the time, even when I’m stuck in here.” Now that the check was done, the remaining doctor was re-covering the wound, something that Maki hated watching but did anyway because seeing the dark, stitched skin felt strange to her. She was so pale that seeing something so much darker than the rest of her felt very wrong, but the coloration wasn’t a problem that the doctors saw, the lack of healing was. Once she was covered back up, the doctor wished her well and headed for the door, and usually when they left the door closing behind them was a quick process. This time, though, it took several extra seconds for her to hear it shut, and once it did she could hear footsteps on her side of it; her eyes immediately shot to see who had come in, expecting it to be Kaito or even a nurse.

Instead, she was met with the sight of someone she hadn’t seen since before she’d been attacked, and just his appearance made her jump to the conclusion of why he was there. “Uh, wasn’t expecting you around here today, Shuichi,” she said, trying to straighten up how she was sitting while thanking the doctor for being so careful about covering everything before leaving. “What brings you in, instead of, say, your wife?”’

“Kaede had some other things that she needed to deal with, but even if she was free she wouldn’t come here with me. I’m not here for social reasons, I’m here to know what you know about what happened.” Taking a seat in the chair that Kaito always used, Shuichi pulled out a small notepad and a pen and looked at Maki, serious focus in his eyes. “I’ve decided I have no choice but to investigate the criminals behind this, because of what they did to you, and you’re the only person who might have seen them.”

Her heart nearly froze as she thought about how aiding him in this investigation could negatively impact her. It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought too much about who had hurt her, because their faces and voices were on repeat in her mind when things got too quiet, but rather she was ashamed to admit that she was haunted by them. Every time she fell asleep she was greeted with their appearance, them antagonizing her for not dying and for being a living testament to their failure. “I can’t help you with any of that, sorry,” she lied, shifting her eyes away from Shuichi so he couldn’t use them to his advantage. “If I tell you anything, I’ll end up causing trouble for someone who might not deserve it.”

“Maki, I know you know who did this to you. Not even just a basic description, I know that you’ve got their names and who they work for. This wasn’t a random hit, it was a planned assassination attempt on Kaede. Their note on the flowers told us that much.” It was insane how serious Shuichi could keep himself while talking about people actively trying to murder his wife, but what he was saying was nothing Maki wanted to hear. She wanted out of the room, to be upstairs in Tsukia’s little part of the hospital, getting to spend time with someone that meant the world to her. “I’m not leaving until you give me details. I haven’t decided what I’ll do with them, but I need them nonetheless.”

“You’re lying, you know exactly what you’re planning on doing with whatever I tell you.” It wasn’t typical for Maki to be the one to call Shuichi out for something he’d said, and he was clearly surprised to hear her make that attempt. “Be honest with me, if you’re expecting me to be honest with you.”

He bowed his head for a moment, before raising it with a nod. “You’re right, honesty is the best way to approach this situation. I need to know who attacked you, so that I can assist someone who’s already investigating an assassin ring targeting performers and innocent people—not anyone corrupt, not anyone who people might feel can be killed with justification—in putting a stop to their behavior before any more innocents die.” Laying his entire reason out on the floor for her, Shuichi tried to look her in the eyes to see what kind of response she was going to give, but he was met with her head completely turned away from him. “Please, Maki, it’s for the good of so many others, not even just Kaede.”

“As an assassin myself, do you really think I want to see people in that line of work being shut down? Sure, they’re nasty and attacking the wrong people, but they’re still doing the same job I used to do.” The faces of the men who’d stabbed her were sitting in her mind, and every time she blinked she’d see them in the room with her for a split second. “I’m not going to tell you who they are, because there’ll always be someone that they can send to come after me. I’m not exactly a nobody to them, they thought I was there to provide a counter-attack, which I _wasn’t_ , I was there because Kaede told me to meet her there.”

“You’re defending the people who tried to kill you.”

Maki shook her head, turning back towards Shuichi and closing her eyes to let the men take their spots on either side of him, menacingly staring at her as if they were keeping watch of what she said. “No, I’m defending myself. I have a family to be around for, and ratting them out puts me in danger.”

“Not telling me who they are puts my family in danger!” His hands shooting up to the side of his head, Shuichi was nearly grabbing his hair in frustration at how dense he felt Maki was acting. “I’m here to get their information to give it to someone who’s been trying to put a stop to this for a long time. I’m not here to get involved myself, I’m not here to endanger anyone who wasn’t already playing with fire. You’ll be fine if you tell me, I promise you.”

Once again she shook her head, and when her eyes opened they were brimming with tears, the specters of the men disappearing with the room’s light. “You don’t understand, mister big-shot detective. You might get death threats from culprits, you might have people spit on your name, but that’s all just talk. I know these men who attacked me, I’ve crossed paths with them before while working. They know who I know, they know my bosses, they know my name, they can and will finish the job if their personal information gets out.” Her voice was trembling as she spoke, the thought of being killed genuinely distressing to her (whereas in the past, death wasn’t that terrifying of a concept). “I’d love to help you play knight in shining armor, but doing that for you leaves me dead in a ditch somewhere.”

“If you think someone would be able to kill you after all this, you’re wrong,” he calmly replied, trying not to lose his own composure more than he already had. “Any kind of retaliation on their end results in a higher chance of them being caught, now that they should know half the city is looking out for them. You giving me their details just allows for the right people to know who they’re looking for.”

“That’s all fine, until their boss sends someone after me in specific.” The fact that he could say half the city was invested in the case made Maki feel even more uncomfortable about the topic, but she wasn’t going to ask him anything that would allow her mind to run wild. She had the fear that what had happened to her had, somewhere along the time, had her name attached to it, and if the opposing assassin factions knew her married name, not the name she still used with assassin work, that would be the end of her no matter what. “The only way I get out of this without getting killed is if you take them all down.”

“We’ll do what we can. Now will you please just tell me about these attackers so I can do my job?” Picking his notepad up after he’d dropped it onto his lap while exasperated, Shuichi held the pen and waited for Maki to say something, but he was met with a long silence. “I’m not asking for much from you. Their names, what they look like, anything that can help get them off the streets.”

She opened her mouth slightly, her tongue running against the back of her front teeth as she considered what she could say to him. There was the opportunity to give him a bunch of lies, to tell him details that she knew were false, just to make him think he was getting something useful while protecting herself. But doing that would just result in interrogations later, and she wasn’t going to be able to lie to Shuichi a second time, if she was able to get away with it the first time. When she blinked, she saw the men there in the room, both of them mouthing her name and popping their knuckles, and the possibility that telling him about them would allow her to stop envisioning them all the time crossed her mind. She was in control of the situation, and she needed to make her choice before he tried making it for her.

“You have to promise I’ll be safe,” she said after carefully considering the options she’d come up with, and he nodded eagerly. “Whether it’s you finding someone to keep watch, or me needing to get someone I know, I need to know that I’m not going to wake up in this place again after they try finishing the job they started.”

“Maki, you have my word. I’ll make sure you’re safe, in exchange for you helping me keep so many other safe.” To back up what he said, Shuichi wrote down his promise in pen, ripping the paper from his notepad and setting it on her bed’s tray table so that she could have it. “I don’t know what it will take to keep you from being targeted again, but no cost is too great when you’re giving crucial information.”

“Then I guess I don’t have any reason to not tell you what I know about the men who attacked me.” Talking in specifics about the pair was upsetting, and it took a lot of Maki’s strength to not shut down at times when thinking about their exact faces and names, but she might have been the only person alive who had come in such close contact with them to have those details and be able to share them. Like usual, every time she blinked she could see them there in the room, but they seemed so much less threatening when she knew that they weren’t going to be able to physically haunt her for much longer.

When she’d given every detail she could manage, he finally closed the notepad and rose from the chair, tucking it into the pocket of his pants. “Thank you so much for all of that, Maki. You don’t understand how helpful being able to have this information will be to the overall case, and even though I’m not involved with the case itself I’m glad I could do this much to help the other detectives who are.”

“It’s not high-profile, is it?” she asked, the fear of her identity having been compromised coming to mind once more. “The entire population doesn’t know about everything so far, right? Just that someone was attacked?”

“There are people who know that it was you, specifically, who was attacked, but it isn’t public information, if that’s what you’re worried about. You focus on healing and resting, the task of solving the crime is in competent hands.” Once again bowing his head, Shuichi headed for the door, but stopped and turned back around when he remembered something else he needed to say before he left. “The doctors were talking to me before I came in, are you aware that they think you’re one of the nicest people here?”

She couldn’t help but snort at how absurd that sounded, but the seriousness in his voice clued her in to the fact that he was telling her the truth. “That’s crazy, I have no idea where they’d get that idea but if they want to believe that, they can go right ahead and do that. I’m only here because they won’t let me leave, and because…I don’t want to leave Tsukia here without us.”

“Visiting her happens to be my next stop, before I take these notes down to the office. Kaede asked me to check on her to see how she’s doing, and I’m not going to turn down an opportunity to see that little girl.” He laughed, looking towards Maki to see her having put on a serious face, hints of disappointment in how her eyes were gently narrowed. “I know, I know, talking about visiting her when you can’t isn’t polite but if you’re going to be upset with me over this then how do you handle Kaito being up there all the time?”

“I don’t handle that,” she bluntly replied, rolling her eyes. “I’m jealous that he gets to go and I get stuck here.”

“And hearing that surprises me, because I know how you used to be about kids. Having one of your own really changed your perspective, didn’t it?” If there was anything else Shuichi wanted to say he wasn’t given a chance, as Maki was using her good hand to point him towards the door, telling him to just leave, and he obliged with her demands. Of course, him leaving meant that she was there alone until someone came back for her, but she’d have rather been stuck in relative silence than with someone talking about doing something she wanted to do in that moment. If it wasn’t her attackers on her mind, it was Tsukia, and she preferred that she think about the baby than anything else. Motherhood might have hit her much like a large vehicle with how sudden and violent it came, but she was trying her best to let it be the greatest experience it could be, even if it was marred with so many things having gone wrong.

* * *

The wrongs just kept coming, no matter how positively-minded they tried being about everything; it wasn’t anyone’s fault that what happened kept happening, and the only thing there was to do was to roll with life’s punches. It started first with the results of the swabbing that the doctors had done on the knife scar, which came back with positive signs for an infection that was slowly, but steadily, eating its way through Maki’s skin and rendering it incapable of healing. In order to combat that, they needed to remove any flesh that had been infected and replace it with healthier skin, and in doing so they set her back to square one on her body’s recovery. She didn’t go back to being on a ventilator and unable to move, but she was once again bedridden without any possibility of leaving the room for anything, until the new scars healed and showed no sign of further infection.

That was bad enough, as it meant that her visits with her daughter were now put on hold, but the nurses caring for Tsukia felt that she was to the point that _she_ could take trips down to her mother’s room for short bursts. This was ultimately a mistake, as there were so many unprotected surfaces along the way and many sick individuals whose rooms that they passed that after the first trip the girl fell ill from something that her body wasn’t quite capable of handling. Any progress that she had made towards an eventual discharge was erased as she was back to needing around-the-clock care, to the point that the only person allowed to visit her while she fought for her life was her father.

For the second time in just over a month, Kaito was left having to run from room to room to be able to be present for the two people he loved most. The one positive was that this time, neither of them were considered to be in critical condition, nor were they actively dying, but they were both in states of misery and recovery that they didn’t need given everything else they’d been through. That wasn’t much of a positive, though, not when he’d gotten used to them both being in the best conditions they could be in, and the peace that came with that.

While he was running himself ragged once more to be there for both of them, Maki was wishing that she could do more than be stuck in her bed, in a room she’d been trapped in for so long that she was beginning to forget what it was like to go outside and be around nature. Her stomach didn’t hurt as bad as it had with the infected skin causing more and more damage to her body, but it was still uncomfortable to live with all of the scars that were neatly stitched back together all over. She hadn’t seen what they’d done, because bending even slightly from the laying position they had her in was dangerous, but she knew that they’d moved some of her skin around to replace what had been damaged, and she dreaded to see how bad her now-mostly patchwork body looked.

Thankfully, the infection seemed to have been stopped with the procedure, and once she healed enough to start moving around again progress came much quicker than it had the first time. The first time she was able to sit up, she immediately moved her gown aside and saw the mis-mashed skin that was held together by bright scars, the sight of herself making her freeze up and wish she hadn’t looked. By all means, she knew she was absolutely disgusting, and even as time passed and it healed further that wouldn’t change. “Maybe it would’ve been best if they’d just let it kill me,” she remarked, gently covering it once more with the fabric of the gown. “At least I’d be dead and not looking like this.”

“Whoa there, why does it matter how it looks? It’s not like you ever went around showing off all that skin anyway, so the only people who’ll see it will be me and you, and you know I’m not gonna judge ya for it.” Sounding exhausted from all the time he’d spent at high energy going from place to place, Kaito had been half-asleep in the chair but had perked right up when he’d heard Maki talking negatively about herself. “Give me some time, I’m sure I’ll be able to make up some new constellation names for all those marks, so that you have good things to call them.”

“You’re really thinking about doing that right now?” she asked, her lips forming a scowl. “I don’t even know why you bother. Just, I don’t know, call me a monster or something, I’ve seen enough bodies to know that they should never look like that.” Thinking back to the last time she’d considered herself to look “normal”, Maki’s scowl deepened. That had been so long ago, back when they’d been living the party life and going out every night, and even then, she’d still been aware that her body was marked with scars. Since then, she’d allowed herself to go through so much that had radically changed how she looked, and she wasn’t ever going to get the opportunity to go back to what she’d been like before.

But for every ounce of pessimism flooding her mind, Kaito was trying to counter it with his own brand of optimism. “Yeah, and so what? You’ve been through a lot in your life and your body shows that! It’s a memorial for all the bad things you’ve been through, and for the good ones too! You can’t look at that and think it’s just nothing but horrible stuff, because, I mean, you were growing our baby in there for a while, and that was amazing.”

“Amazing, until they ripped her out because I got stabbed, which I’m sure them taking her like they did only did _wonders_ for my body looking like this.” She couldn’t even bring herself to look at the scars again, and she wasn’t sure how well she’d handle having to face them in the future. Those, and the fact that they did have a child to raise, were forever going to be the two big takeaways from the whole ordeal, and she was never going to be able to move past those.

With the scarring and healing situation now the big problem in her life, the focus for Maki turned to being able to move independently so that she could finally get to leave the hospital. The issue there came in the fact that she’d sustained a spinal cord injury when she’d been attacked, which hadn’t been severe by any means but had been enough to warrant the fear that her ability to walk would be compromised. Her legs were not used to bearing weight after being stuck in bed and in chairs for so long, and the process to re-teach her how to walk took the better part of several weeks, but soon she was once again up on her feet and walking around like nothing had happened.

The first time she walked herself into Tsukia’s room and sat down on her own in the rocking chair next to her little bed, there was reason to cheer for her own accomplishment. But that excitement and pride was overridden when the nurse handed the girl over and for the first time since they’d met Maki was holding her daughter without there being any sort of supplemental breathing tools attached. It was enough to make her cry, overwhelmed at how exciting of a development in the girl’s life that was, and soon there wasn’t a single dry eye in the room, with all of the staff joining in on the moment.

They were told that, even with that progress being made, it was still going to be another week or two before Tsukia could be cleared to leave, but she had come so far from birth, and didn’t even seem like the little girl who’d gotten so sick a few weeks before. Now that she could get there on her own, Maki made sure to spend as much time as she could up in her room, holding her and talking to her, getting to really know the child she’d been separated from for so long. Always sitting next to them while they bonded, Kaito watched everything with pride in his heart, beyond happy to know that he wasn’t the only one who could be with the girl anymore.

It seemed that every day that they were up there visiting with her, she was getting stronger, even though she was still clearly not quite up to the level of function that she should have been. That made it hard on the day that Maki was finally discharged from the hospital, because she was no longer right downstairs from where the girl was, and getting to go visit her was more difficult than it had ever been before. The first day they had to come in as outside guests to see her, she was asleep when they got up to her room; this let them sit there and admire her while the nurses asked them questions about their return home. “It’s definitely not the same place it was when we left it, that’s for sure,” Kaito said with a laugh, looking to Maki to see if she had anything to add, but she was too transfixed on watching the gentle rise and fall of Tsukia’s chest to be paying attention. “I hadn’t really gone back for more than a couple minutes until we got there together, so it was crazy to see how much work our friends did for us.”

“When she leaves here, it’s nice to know that she will be going somewhere with such a strong support system,” one of the nurses replied, sighing when she looked at the baby for herself. “Although it will be quite sad to not see her bright face every day, it’ll be for the best that she gets out of here before she’s too grown.”

“That’s for sure! I’m ready for her to get to see the world outside these walls, get to go out stargazing and learn all about space, things like that!” His eyes shining as he spoke, Kaito was bursting with excitement about what was to come—to the point that he’d begun getting loud without realizing it and Tsukia was beginning to stir in front of everyone’s watching faces.

While he was apologizing for what he’d done, Maki decided to act before any of the nurses had the chance to and carefully reached to touch Tsukia’s face, her fingers gently brushing against one of her cheeks. The girl gave a soft mewl to the touch, before her eyes came open, their purple irises glimmering in the light, and Maki gave a small sigh at the sight. “You’re fine, get used to your dad doing that sort of thing because he’ll always do it. He always will.”

“What’s that about me always doing something?” Kaito hadn’t fully heard what Maki had said, and he expected her to repeat herself, but all she did was shake her head and mutter quietly. “Hey now, none of that behavior in front of someone so impressionable! I can’t have both of you treating me like that when she grows up!”

“You’ll probably deserve it, if you keep acting like an overgrown child.” Her fingers were still brushing Tsukia’s face, to keep her from getting upset at the rude awakening and the loud voices that were around her. “If you don’t want to be treated like that, you’ve got to act like you deserve something better.”

Kaito looked to one of the nurses, who turned her attention away to something else in the room, and when he went back to looking at Maki he was trying to come up with a good response to what she’d said. She was right, even if he hated knowing that she was and that he did act immature at times, especially when talking about things that he loved. “Yeah, well, maybe she’ll grow up fun-loving like me instead of all serious like you, and I won’t have to worry about her not acting like I do.”

“Please, if she acts like you even once I’m going to teach her why that’s not okay. She needs to have some kind of reasonable upbringing.” The idea of actually _raising_ the girl was daunting, but Maki knew that it was either raise her, or drop her off somewhere else that would, and after everything she’d been through in her life (especially in the past couple of months) she could never even consider dumping Tsukia somewhere that would likely fodder her off to an assassin cult. She wasn’t expecting to be a great mother, or even a good one, but she was going to try her best to be the mother that the girl needed, and she needed Kaito to commit to being a decent father as well. “We’ve got to teach her that she can’t get what she wants by being cute, or loud, or anything like you.”

“I don’t know if we should go that far there, Maki Roll. You get things by being cute, don’t you?” His question was asked teasingly, but Kaito meant what he said. The hardest time to resist Maki was when she would scrunch her face, her cheeks gently puffing up as she’d grow frustrated or when she would be denied something, and he’d fallen victim to that tactic many times over the course of their relationship. “I’m just saying, it’ll be hard for her to not get things by being cute if she’s even half as cute as you are.”

Maki found herself stuck in between two possible responses, one being that she hadn’t thought of that, and the other that she hoped that Tsukia wasn’t as cute as her then. But neither of those felt right, like they’d have positive outcomes—so she did exactly as she did while frustrated and her daughter got to see that scrunched face for the first time in her life. When Kaito saw that she had done that, he couldn’t help but laugh, leaning into Maki’s back to look over her to see the baby and her potential reaction, but when he was forcibly knocked away by an elbow into his side, he was left breathless and looking for answers. “I don’t know why I did that,” Maki explained, her arm going right back to how it had been before she’d lashed out. “I just…didn’t like how you touched me.”

“I tried to just kinda hover, but good to know that you’re still sensitive about people touching behind you.” Nodding as he committed that fact to memory, Kaito made it a point to go around the little plastic bed to look from the other side, not too bothered in the slightest by how he’d just been hit. He didn’t bring it up again until they were leaving, that goodbye one of the hardest they’d ever done because they were going home and Tsukia wasn’t, but after they’d both collected themselves and were on their way out of the building he looked at Maki to address what she’d done. “So, uh, this should be where I tell you that the doctors wouldn’t be surprised by you doing that to me, ‘cause they sorta warned me about it.”

“What do you mean, warned you? They didn’t take one look at me and assume I’d be some violent bitch after everything I went through, did they?” Curling the fingers on the free hand she had (her other hand was still braced as she hadn’t begun the therapy to regain use of it, but thankfully the knife wound in it had healed without infection), Maki looked at Kaito with narrowed eyes as she waited for him to explain what he meant. She hadn’t heard a thing about any personality changes she might’ve had due to her injuries, and for him to casually drop it on her felt strange.

He was happy to give her the explanation she needed, though. “Not at all, it was one of the days before you woke up when they told me that depending on how much you remembered of what happened to ya, you might have some issues with being in situations you might see as being similar. Since someone obviously was behind you to damage your spine like they did, it makes sense that me touching your back set you off.” He stopped walking to meet her glare, which had widened when she put the pieces of what he said and what had happened together. “It’s not a great situation, but I know for in the future.”

“It wasn’t you touching my back,” she said after thinking about what exactly he’d done and what she remembered happening to her, “but I think it might’ve been you touching my hair. I haven’t let anyone touch it, and when someone does I just…I don’t know, freeze up and want to fight them?” As she spoke, she leaned her head to the side to let her matted, nasty braid hang down beside her, a testament to how no one had been able to do anything about it in the time since her attack. “You know what might be best to do about this? To keep me from accidentally hurting you when you brush against it?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m not gonna let you cut that whole thing off. You’ve gotta just work through the fear of someone touching it and make it look nice again!” Thrusting a fist into the air, Kaito seemed determined to get his way, and as much as Maki hated the idea of needing to cut off her hair for the first time in her life, she knew that Kaito’s suggestion wasn’t going to work. Even still, she promised him she’d give it a shot, and that was how Kaede ended up over at their house that evening, the two women in the bathroom trying to make any progress on cleaning up that braid.

After several hours, they had a couple broken brushes, a few scuff marks on the wall from where Maki had instinctively kicked at the forceful tugs on her hair, and almost no visible evidence that they’d been trying to fix the hair. “I don’t know how to tell you this, Maki, but I think you’ll have to cut it all off and grow it back out,” Kaede conceded, leaning against the wall while Maki, tears building in her eyes, held the untied end of the braid in horror with how it stayed perfectly in place. “I know it’ll be super hard, but I’ll go with you if that makes you feel better?”

“I’ve never cut my hair before,” she admitted, dropping the braid and feeling it hit her back with force, “so having you go with me will be nice. Maybe they’ll be able to make it look good with whatever’s left, I haven’t had short hair since I was a kid so I don’t know how great I’ll look with it.”

“You’ll look amazing, trust me! I’ll take you to who always does mine, she’ll take great care of you and she’ll make sure you walk out looking like you’re about to go out on stage!” It was obvious that Kaede was a bit excited about the decision, but Maki wasn’t nearly as thrilled about it. She knew it was something that was necessary, given the circumstances, but she wasn’t going to be able to make herself happy about it.

When she showed up at the hospital the next day, her head was much lighter than it had ever been before, and all of the nurses who had been seeing her regularly were shocked at the change. Since they went over immediately after hitting the salon, Kaede was there as well, as she was throwing out the name of the stylist who’d done the amazing work, just in case anyone was interested in doing the same to their hair. “I don’t think they’re staring at me because it looks good, I think they’re looking because I look horrible,” Maki grumbled, her hand going to the completely bare back of her neck and feeling the short-trimmed hair at the base. “They’re all used to me with that braid, there’s no way they could think I look good with a—”

“Just look at yourself in the mirror again, you’ll see that you _are_ cute with that pixie cut! I know it’s way shorter than you were even preparing yourself for, but she did what she could to make you cute and get rid of all the ruined hair!” Kaede cupped her face excitedly as she looked at Maki’s hair, all of it short and close to her head but styled in such a way that fit her as fierce and functional. “And, best of all, it’s hair. It grows back.”

“—I hadn’t ever cut my hair before, Kaede, and definitely never wanted it this short. That was the only thing I’d had my whole life, and now it’s gone because someone decided to use it as a rope to try killing me.” While the weight off her head and her mind was appreciated, Maki sorely wished that there had been some other option to salvaging her hair, but even the stylist had said that the way they went was the only way open to them. “Now Tsukia’s going to not recognize me, and I’m going to have to build that trust back up with her.”

“That’s not true, and you know it. Why, a lot of moms usually go cut their hair short when they’ve got a baby around, because it’s easier to deal with short hair and it’s not like they have a lot of time to wash their hair when they’re raising a newborn.” This was why it was better that it was Kaede that was there than anyone else, because she could be inspirational and have ways to make her point stick. If it were Kaito talking, he wouldn’t have that kind of knowledge, and Maki was thankful that he’d been asked to go in to his workplace to do some space trip preparation that afternoon.

He’d have to see her new hairstyle later, after everyone at the hospital had gotten to and after she’d been able to soothe her soul for a moment by cuddling with a fussy baby, who was clearly struggling with the less-frequent parent visits. As hard as it had been to leave her the day before, it was going to be even harder to leave her then, with her quietly whining and making it clear that she didn’t want to be anywhere but in her mother’s arms. The temptation to take her home was strong inside Maki’s heart, but Kaede was there reminding her that there was a reason she was still there; of course, thinking about that reason made Maki only feel worse about things. If only the girl was able to eat a full meal on her own, without any sort of assistance, then she’d be able to leave and their family would no longer be stuck in the hospital in some way, but she struggled to get more than half her needed bottles down, and had been struggling with that for some time.

They spent a lot of time there with Tsukia that day, for an entire attempted feeding that went nowhere as the girl refused to take in anything despite needing to as well as a lot of other contact time. Leaving was hard, but doable if only because there was always the next day to come back and see her again, and as they were leaving one of the nurses complimented Maki’s new hairstyle, much to her dismay and Kaede’s amusement. There wasn’t much to talk about on the way back to the house, just that things were not quite like they’d been the last time they’d driven around together, and that they’d never be the same again, no matter what.

“Let’s try to make our next day together not last the whole day, when I’ve got kids I need to spend time with too,” Kaede said, not upset in the slightest to have been out away from her children, once she’d stopped in front of the house to let Maki out of the car. “I’ll come with you to see that girl whenever you want me to, but once she’s home you know I’ll be here every single day if you need it, especially after, well, you know what’s going to happen at some point.”

“I’m trying not to think about that. Go home to your kids, tell them all about how you saw a baby and now you want to replace them with her, and let’s not talk about what’s coming.” In her mind right then, all Maki could think of was how she was going to struggle at being a competent mother when the time came for it, and if her closest shoulder to lean on was Kaede’s then she was going to be in for a bad time. Their parting meant that she got to go back inside a silent house on her own, and the first thing she did when she got inside was wander down to the room that their friends had set up for Tsukia when they hadn’t been able to do it themselves.

It wasn’t much of a room, and everything in it was hand-me-downs from various others who had children of their own, but it was special to Maki because it showed just how much the people they knew cared about that baby before they’d gotten to meet her. If anything, when she was finally able to live in it she’d be a perfect fit for the furniture they’d been given, and the clothes that were in the drawers might still have been too big for her even if she was nearing the age range written on their tags. Maki hadn’t spent much time in there the night before, but she’d poked her head inside and given it a quick look, so being inside by herself was her first real opportunity to properly see it.

As it turned out, the most important things in the room weren’t set up at the moment, and she wasn’t sure if Kaito even knew about them because they came as a surprise to her to see them. They were a couple of backwards canvases piled into the corner, something that she had to investigate because as far as she knew, they weren’t much of anything. Instead of finding them blank, or even covered in basic baby-print things like ducks or flowers, she was first met with a photo-realistic painting of what she knew was Kaito with his hand on Tsukia’s tiny back, his fingers nearly eclipsing her entire body. Her breath caught in her chest as she looked at the next one, which was another painting of the little girl, this time alone in her little incubation box; the third picture was similar to the first one, but with her eyes open instead of closed.

It took a second for her to realize that in the pictures, whoever had painted them had made the choice to take out any trace of the machinery and tubing that had been keeping the girl alive at the time, making the pictures look less tragic and more heartwarming than they would have been otherwise. “Whose idea was it to make these?” she asked herself, before setting them back where she’d found them, planning on bringing them up with Kaito when she saw him next. “They’re lovely, but…wow. What do we even do with them?”

Looking around the rest of the room, she didn’t find anything else as uniquely crafted as those pictures were, but there were other signs of the care their friends had put into the place. There were individually-monogrammed towels in the closet, all tied together with a ribbon that had a note attached from Kirumi, which spoke of other little aspects to the room she’d been in charge of herself. Anywhere that something looked polished or in pristine condition despite behind used, she had been the one responsible for it, and she claimed to have done it completely out of love. Also in the closet was a box of books, all of which were about animals or magic, or both, and written in the front cover of each one was a note from Himiko about how she hoped that she’d be able to watch another mage growing up.

Other parts of the room were clearly handled by one person in particular, but with every one Maki found her mind kept going back to those three canvases and what they showed. How was anything else going to compare to those? They could hang them and look on them fondly, even though they didn’t tell the exact truth, and Tsukia would be able to grow up thinking that she’d been in a much better condition when she was born than she actually was. Without realizing she’d done it, Maki had given up on looking for other small trinkets of their friends’ affection and had gone to looking absentmindedly into the crib, which was completely bare except for a pastel pink sheet on the mattress. In her mind, she was imagining it filled with life, with that baby laying in it fast asleep, and when she reached down to stroke the invisible child’s face she heard what was unmistakably a crash somewhere else in the house.

As fast as she could without straining herself, she left the room and went to investigate the noise, finding the front door open and the sound of loud footsteps in her bedroom. She was glad that Tsukia wasn’t there after all, if someone had decided to break in right then, and she went to check the room for who had chosen to invite themselves in. When she got to the bedroom door, her heart racing in fear of what she was going to find on the other side, instead of footsteps or any unfamiliar noises, she heard someone calling her name, but she couldn’t look to see who that was. It was a trap, she told herself, and she wasn’t going to let herself walk right into another obvious trap that would result in her being injured.

The hand grabbing her shoulder and pulling her around was unexpected, as was seeing Kaito’s panicked face as he shook her. “C’mon Maki Roll, you’ve gotta snap out of whatever you’re doing!” he begged, and she blinked a few times as she reoriented herself in reality, rather than the nightmare she’d fallen into. She was still in Tsukia’s room, but she was on the floor looking up at Kaito as he stood over her. “Jeez, what was going on there? I came inside and heard you screeching up a storm in here, and when I found you, you were twitching on the ground like you hit your head or something.”

“I’m not sure what I was doing, last I remember I was…” Somehow she couldn’t place the last thing she’d actually done, compared to what she’d imagined herself doing. “Sorry, I don’t actually remember anything. I must’ve hit my head when I fell.”’

“And they were so certain you weren’t gonna be a fall risk when you got home.”

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t fall too hard, my head doesn’t actually hurt.” The only pain Maki felt in that moment was the sting to her pride, having been caught in such a position by the man who loved her. “Anyway, let me up, I’ve got something I need you to see in here.”

He obliged, stepping from over her so she could slowly pull herself to her feet, only to go to the canvases in the corner to hold them up for him. “Whoa, what’re those? Where’d they come from? That’s our Tsukia, isn’t it?”

“It sure is. Now, who do you think could have taken these pictures and sent them to someone to have them painted?” It wasn’t a serious question, Maki knew who the one and only person who could’ve been responsible for the photography, and she only knew one artist of somewhat decent quality that could have painted them. Kaito, however, seemed to need to take longer to think about the possibilities before shrugging as an answer. “You told me Kaede went there with you the first time you met Tsukia, you know that she has to be the one responsible for these.”

“Sure, but when we went and saw her, she had all those tubes on her face, and the her in those pictures doesn’t.” That was where Maki had to explain the artist’s possible intent of wanting to create happier memories for them to look back on, and Kaito was quite happy with that explanation. “Oh, I get it! So Kaede took the pictures of Tsukia, then sent them to someone to paint them so that they weren’t as depressing. I like it, that’s a nice thing for her to do for us.”

Maki nodded, fumbling around with switching which picture was first in the stack to the one of just the girl in her box. “On top of everything else? I’d say so. And, best part, these seem to be completely detached from any batshit crazy sermons that you’d expect coming from Angie. Kaede must’ve really told her to lay off her nonsense while making these.”

“Hey, I’unno, sometimes that Atua stuff gets kind of interesting, if you really listen to what she’s saying.” The blank look that Maki gave him for that comment was enough to get him to awkwardly chuckle and take it back, before changing the subject by bringing up the elephant in the room he hadn’t addressed. “What’s up with your hair now, anyway? Where’d it all go? I didn’t expect to see you with it so…short when I got home.”

“It wasn’t what I expected either, but it’s what had to happen. Next time I’m out for that long, make sure that someone takes care of my hair while I can’t.” Setting the pictures back down, this time turned around so that the front one was visible from anywhere in the room, Maki brought her hand up to her hair, ruffling what little there was left of it. “I’m not happy about this, but it’s better than it being completely gone, I guess.”

“I miss how long it was, but I think it looks nice on you.” There was something else that Kaito said after that, but he’d intentionally muffled it and Maki was sure that she knew why it was; she could only guess that it was something dirty that would not be taken very well given what part of her problem with her hair had been in the first place. He had to clear his throat before he resumed talking, and once again he was changing the subject when he resumed. This time it was about his day, and what he’d been doing regarding his upcoming visit to space, and as he told her about how close the launch date was, and how he wasn’t looking forward to being away from them for six weeks, the event she’d been imagining came back into her mind and she nearly fell backwards again before catching herself on the wall, him not noticing anything was amiss.

She’d been the one to tell him he still had to go to space, and to not worry about them while he was chasing his dream, but if she wasn’t going to be able to function as a person with him around, she was fearful for how she’d act while he was gone. The last thing they needed was for her to have another episode while it was just her and Tsukia at the house, because she’d be rendered useless and a baby couldn’t do anything to save anyone. As much as it pained her to wish for, she could only hope that there’d be no chance of the baby getting to come home until after the spaceflight was over, and then things could be as they were meant to be, but that would be a sign of bad things if that were the case.

Bad things that were far from happening, no less. It wasn’t right away, but when it was a week before the flight they were finally able to leave the hospital one afternoon with Tsukia in their care, her eyes firmly shut when it came to being in the sunlight and that turning into her sleeping for the entire trip to her new home. She stayed asleep for a while, to the point that it felt like maybe, just maybe, having her around would be one of the easiest things they’d ever do. That became far from the truth, as once she woke up she was inconsolable for what felt like days on end, always crying and screaming and acting restless nonstop, aside from the hour here and there where she’d fall asleep. Her cries weren’t sharp and loud like ones from normal babies, which made them all the harder to listen to, as she’d gasp for air frequently and her whole body would start to redden from the effort she was putting into crying. Even though she’d demonstrated that she could properly eat, she wasn’t doing it for her parents whenever they tried, and it almost seemed like she missed the nurses so much that she was trying to get herself sent back to their care.

But just as suddenly as she’d decided to be a crying mess, her behavior turned on a time and she went back to being docile and calm after the few days had passed. It was hard for them to do anything just in case she chose to start acting up again, but slowly they were able to get into some form of a routine that involved napping, feeding, and cuddles as needed. That routine was shaken up almost immediately, though, as the day of the flight was upon them and it was proving to be beyond impossible for Kaito to give up his time with the girl. If things had gone as planned, he most likely would have had an easier time with it because he wouldn’t have had reason to worry about her well-being while he was gone, but with her months of struggles fresh in his mind he couldn’t be certain she’d be okay when he got back.

“It’s only going to be six weeks you’re gone, not six months or years, she’ll be the same baby she is now when you’re back, just a bit bigger.” Maki was watching over him as he held the now-sleeping girl to his chest, his hand cupping the back of her head and stroking her faint hair with his fingers. “Besides, I’m not going to be here alone with her so you don’t need to worry about anything happening because I zone out or something. She’ll be fine, I’ll be fine, and we’ll both be here when you get back.”

“I know all of that,” he replied, his voice low because he didn’t want to startle the girl awake, “but I just don’t know how I’m gonna be able to handle not seeing you both for that long. I got so used to always being there for ya both that this just feels wrong, y’know? I feel like I’m horrible for needing to leave you for this long, even though you’re the one who told me I needed to go ahead and do it.”

“And I meant that, you do need to do this, if just to get away from everything that happened here with us. Tsukia and I will have so many people around to help take care of us that we’ll be fine when you come back down to Earth, and then you can swoop back in and be the great dad I know you’re itching to be.” She could see the smile forming on his lips, but whatever response he intended to give her she wasn’t interested in hearing it right then. The reality of the situation was that Kaito was leaving for six entire weeks, which was almost as long as she’d spent in the hospital, and she wasn’t ready for that kind of isolation from him so soon after regaining entry to the real world. He did say something about how he loved them, and about how he wasn’t going to let them leave his mind the entire time he was gone, but his words fell on deaf ears as she was too busy thinking about all of the possibly horrible things that could happen to them in his absence.

She wasn’t going to let any of them happen, not on her watch, and she wasn’t going to let him know that she was letting them get into her head like she was. Their proper parting came a little while later, with a group of their friends who’d been invited to the event just to help encourage him to keep going despite everything. With Kaede nearby holding Tsukia for the moment, they were able to properly, obnoxiously, and passionately kiss in front of everyone (including TV cameras that were documenting the flight) as their farewell, only for him to try smothering the baby in kisses moments later. All that did was upset Tsukia once she felt her father’s warm presence leaving her behind, and Maki couldn’t do much to cheer her up because she felt the same pain as well.

It was only going to be six weeks, but watching Kaito walk away from them to the sound of applause and the sight of vigorous waving was heartbreaking to Maki, especially as she had to hear Tsukia’s quiet wailing along with it. She wasn’t going to be able to handle it, and neither was that little girl, but they’d passed the point of no return and the decision they’d made was not going to be reversed for anything. The launch itself went smoothly, and they were all able to leave knowing that everything had gone according to plan and that the flight crew would be fine unless there was some major catastrophe that no one had planned for, but knowing that there was always the possibility of disaster did not help Maki’s mind at all. She got a ride home with Kirumi, who had volunteered to spend the first couple of days at the house with her to keep her company, and she was silent the entire way, trying to focus her thoughts on how to be a good mom, rather than what could have gone wrong.

She barely made it inside the house before the possibilities got the better of her and she started envisioning flames, the shuttle catching fire and crashing back into the Earth without any chance of survivors. When she started breaking down into sobs, she couldn’t explain what was upsetting her without showing that level of weakness that her attack had instilled in her mind, and even though she trusted Kirumi with so much in the past, the idea of trusting her with that information in particular seemed like it wasn’t worth it.

The mental images slowly turned from the possibility of Kaito facing certain death to something bad befalling them there at the house, but most of all the living nightmares of the men coming back to finish what they’d started had begun once more in full force, and those were forever worse than anything else she could experience. It didn’t matter who was there at the house with her, it didn’t matter what they said or what they did, she was haunted by the dark thoughts that she couldn’t shake, and she was not looking forward to having to live the remainder of her life being chased by them.

But she was _going_ to live the remainder of her life regardless, for Kaito and for Tsukia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so concludes part one of this fic! there will be a one-week hiatus before part two is posted!


	6. to the moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: unintentional child abuse, poor mental health

Most of the first week after Kaito had left was a blur in Maki’s mind, everything so stained by nightmares and hallucinations that she couldn’t ever place what was real and what was something she was imagining until whoever was keeping her company brought her back to reality. She was struggling to sleep alone in her bed, which led to her constantly moving down to the couch to feel more like she was back in the hospital rather than somewhere that she shouldn’t have been alone. But when she did that, she’d leave Tsukia in the room alone and when she’d start crying the sound was eerie enough to add to the hallucinations until the other person in the house went and got the girl.

As long as Tsukia was in her mother’s arms, Maki seemed to do better about staying in the present rather than lost among her own demons. That was the story of the second week, where the companion at the house seemed to change daily and the baby never was far from her mother’s grasp—at the cost of her mother becoming increasingly sleep-deprived and barely caring for herself. It came to a head after the switch happened and it was Kaede who entered the house with the intention of keeping Maki company for a while, and she was greeted by the sight of an unbathed, completely delusional woman who shouldn’t have been allowed to get that way.

“Who was here before I was?” she asked, nervous to hear a response that amounted to no one at all, but also worried to hear who it was if someone had in fact been there. But Kaede was not given an answer, not with how unfocused Maki was on anything but the baby she was hellbent on keeping alive at all costs.

What followed was Kaede taking charge and wrangling Tsukia from Maki’s grasp, the girl shrieking at being held by someone who wasn’t her mom for the first time in days, and the sound of crying was what made Maki realize that she’d slipped into a state where she couldn’t _remember_ doing anything except being a good mother. “I don’t know who’s been here since Kirumi left,” she admitted, trying to scour her memories for any clues but coming up with nothing. “I’ve just been so focused on Tsukia that I—”

“You were trying to kill her, that’s what you were doing.” In the few moments she’d been holding the girl Kaede could tell that she hadn’t been fed properly in days, and based on how she was wearing nothing but an ill-fitting diaper she most likely hadn’t been cared for in other ways as well. “Hmph, I can’t believe that whoever was here let her get like this, and you as well! If I didn’t love you both so much I’d call someone to take care of this.”

“—no, please, you can’t have her taken away, I can handle it!” Blinking back hot tears at the mere thought of losing her daughter because of her own incompetence, Maki tried to reach for the girl but Kaede turned to keep her away. “Seriously, give her back, I can fix whatever I wasn’t doing right and keep her here with me. She’s all I have right now, and if she goes to the orphanage I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Kaede kissed the top of the girl’s head, her still crying but softer than she had been before. “I know you can be a good mom, I’m just not sure you can right now. I’ll hold her and make sure she’s fed and cared for, you go take care of yourself for a while. I’m not going to let you starve her as you smother her with your love.”

“I was starving her? But I…I know that I fed her. It’s been like I’ve done nothing but feed her, change her, and let her sleep in my arms.” Maki’s head was pounding as she tried fighting off the thoughts of losing her precious girl, and what Kaede had just said to her made no sense at all. “And if I wasn’t feeding her, wouldn’t whoever was here have noticed?”

“I bet they did notice, honestly, and that’s why she isn’t completely skin and bones right now. Go take a long shower and maybe sleep a bit, Tsukia’s in safe hands here with me.” Even with her assurance, Kaede couldn’t get Maki to leave, and what ended up needing to happen to create any progress was the women and baby all going into the bathroom together, Kaede sitting on the countertop with Tsukia in her arms while Maki started the process of self-care that she sorely needed. From there they went into the kitchen, where Kaede was thankful to see that the cabinets and fridge were stocked with food for both mother and child, but that everything was so filled that it was obvious Maki hadn’t been feeding either of them since the last time someone had shopped.

That wasn’t something she was going to bring up with Maki, though, and so she merely directed her to cook herself something while she took care of feeding Tsukia herself. “Uh, no, feeding her’s my job,” Maki told her, slamming a cabinet door shut without grabbing anything from inside of it. “Give her here, I’ve got to feed her myself.”

“What are you planning on feeding her with?” Curious, as she was beginning to make sense of how Maki could insist she’d been feeding Tsukia but there was no evidence to prove it, Kaede pointed towards the very cabinet that had just been closed. “All of her bottles and formula is in there, you can’t feed her without either of those things.”

Maki followed Kaede’s finger with her eyes, then quickly turned back to face her, lips pursing together as she thought about that information. “I haven’t once touched any of those things,” she said, “and she’s been fine since we brought her home. Now give her to me so I can feed her like a real mother.”

“Oh my god, you’re starving her because you’re trying to…” Bringing her hand back, Kaede gestured to her own chest, which she noticed the girl in the crook of her other arm was eyeing very closely. “Maki, I don’t know how to tell you this, but that isn’t going to work for you. Not only do you not have any milk to give her, she’s never once had it from you and if you keep trying to force her to breastfeed she is going to starve and die. Listen to me, you have to give her a bottle if you want her to eat.”

Taken aback by that news, as no one had actually told her before that she couldn’t do what she’d always heard the typical mother was supposed to do, Maki looked at the girl while regretting everything she’d just admitted to doing. “So you’re telling me that Kaito was probably feeding her when I was failing to, isn’t that right?”

“Honestly, yeah, and then I bet Kirumi was taking care of it too when she was here. But we can fix this problem, you’ll just have to get me a bottle so I can tell you how to set it up.” It was for the best that Kaede take control in that moment, and Maki could do nothing but listen to her friend’s directions as to how to properly prepare a bottle and feed it to a child; the moment the first drop of the milky water touched Tsukia’s lips she showed how ravenous she was and downed the entire bottle in a short period of time. Seeing that made Maki feel worse about what she’d done, but as it wasn’t her intention to cause any bad feelings Kaede had to jump through hoops to make sure that everything turned out okay.

While Maki ate her first proper meal in days, Kaede went and dressed Tsukia up in the simplest outfit she could find for her, taking her back to her mom to show her off. “What did you do that for, she’s going to overheat and die wearing that.” Maki acknowledged that the onesie that her daughter was wearing was clean and put on properly, but all she could think was that the poor baby would roast alive wearing it.

“No, you’ve got it wrong, she’s going to get too cold if she’s not dressed. Her skin was icy to the touch, and I’m sure you remember that the reasons she was in the hospital so long were because she couldn’t eat and she couldn’t keep herself warm. You’re just trying to get her sent back, aren’t you?” It was not a nice question to ask, but it was one that Kaede felt was necessary, given how backwards Maki’s thinking was at the moment. All she got in response was a silent grumble, followed by her friend slowly continuing to eat. When the meal was over Kaede could have given Tsukia over to her mother, but she chose not to, wanting to get one last thing done before she even tried seeing how well Maki could care for the baby now. “I need you to go to sleep for as long as your body tells you to,” she said, holding Tsukia near her mother’s face but turning whenever she tried so much as kissing her. “You’re exhausted and I think that’s why you’re doing stupid things with your baby. Go sleep as long as you can, and when you wake up maybe you can get her back.”

“I don’t think that’s going to work, but whatever.” The thought of actually sleeping sounded pleasant to Maki, but she’d been struggling so much to sleep without nightmares creeping into her mind that she didn’t know how well it would turn out. Thankfully it seemed that Kaede had a plan for how to take care of the situation, and after they went into the bedroom together and Maki curled up on her side of the bed, she was surprised to find that Kaede had chosen to sit on the other side, laying Tsukia down next to her to have her arms free. “What are you doing? That’s Kaito’s spot, you can’t sleep there.”

“I’m not planning on sleeping, I’m just going to sit right here with your daughter until you fall asleep, so that she’s by you but I know she’s safe while she’s here. And then once you’re asleep I’ll take her with me, so that if she needs anything overnight I can handle it for you.” Even as Kaede was giving her explanation, Maki could feel her eyes starting to close, and no matter how much she resisted letting herself sleep she couldn’t do it. Her body was beyond exhausted, and with her friend’s kind presence right next to her she felt safe enough to drift off. There were a couple moments where she jolted back awake, to check to see if she was alive and if Tsukia was around, and Kaede was the one there waiting for her whenever she was looking around, but soon she was fully asleep, her mind finally at rest.

When she woke up the next day, it was past noon and she was in the room completely alone, but she could hear Kaede’s voice outside of the bedroom, accompanied with a smaller voice that she tried telling herself was something she was imagining. Maki hadn’t felt so rested since before she’d left the hospital, and even then that didn’t feel like an accurate comparison, given how miserable she’d been while admitted. In that moment, all she wanted was to get something to eat (not strange, given how she’d been neglecting to eat for so long) and then to try and spend time with her baby, and she knew that to do either of those she’d need to get out of bed.

After getting dressed in clean clothes for the first time in a long while, instead of wearing her same couple of dirty outfits, she made her way out of the room to find that the small voice that she’d been hearing was not a figment of her imagination, but rather belonged to Kaede’s young daughter, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor looking at her mom as she held Tsukia tightly to her. “Who said she could be here?” Maki asked, letting them know she’d entered the room with her question. “Not that I’m allowed to say this is a no-kid house anymore, but really? Couldn’t you have asked? I don’t want those germs near my baby, thank you very much.”

“And that’s why she’s over there and I’m over here,” Kaede replied, holding out a leg to show that she couldn’t even reach the older child with it from where she was sitting. “As for why she’s here in general, she’s just spending some time with me today while her father and brother go do boy things. She’ll be gone before you know it.”

“Good, because…” Maki paused, not knowing what her reason that she wanted to give was going to be. “Whatever, just don’t let her too close to Tsukia. I’m going to get something to eat before I expect her back in my arms.”

Kaede laughed, and the sound made the girl on the floor laugh as well. “I’d be more worried about Sonata trying to follow you around than her trying to get too close to the baby. She’s quite curious about you, since she’s never, you know, gotten to spend time with you.” If it wouldn’t have wasted more time, Maki might have argued about that but she was hungry and she wasn’t going to stand around discussing things that she didn’t believe were true. It just so happened that Kaede was telling her the truth, because when she got to the kitchen she saw the dark-haired little girl out of the corner of her eye and nearly jumped onto the counter in shock.

“H-hi there, kid,” she managed to say, collecting herself as best as she could from the shock of the child standing there. “Go back to your mom, I don’t need you around.”

The girl shook her head, stepping closer to Maki as if she didn’t care. “No, I’m here with you,” she quietly said, taking another step closer and nearly getting hit in the face with the fridge door as Maki tried using it as a barrier between them. “Please lemme be here! I’m a good girl!”

“Oh I don’t doubt that you’ve been led to believe that, but I’m not fond of children so leave me alone.” Trying not to notice that she could hear the child coming around the makeshift barrier, Maki focused on getting herself something to eat, but was promptly distracted when she felt a small hand grab her leg. She screamed, but didn’t kick out as she knew what it was that had grabbed her—and her actions had a consequence she wasn’t intending, as the next voice she heard was not the girl’s but rather Kaede’s.

“I told you she’s curious about you!” Kaede called from the other room, and Maki had no idea how she managed to let herself be so loud while so close to Tsukia but as long as the baby didn’t start screaming she didn’t care that much. “She’s not going to hurt you, she’s just going to try to get to know you. I’ve told her all sorts of great things about you, Maki, you’re going to have to put up with her while she’s here.”

“And that’s why I never wanted her here in the first place,” Maki grumbled, finding something that looked appetizing and closing the door, Sonata’s hand still firmly attached to her thigh. She stood up straight, looking down at the girl to see her neck craned all the way back as she looked up at the person she was currently idolizing. “Can you let go of me now? I’m sure it’s not easy to walk with you clinging to me.”

“Mommy can do it,” Sonata replied, her little fingers digging deeper into Maki’s leg. “You can too.” Maki rolled her eyes and ended up dragging the girl across the floor as she worked to get her meal ready to eat, all while the girl kept staring straight up at her and occasionally giggling about something that Maki honestly didn’t care about. Even though she was now a mother herself, she couldn’t say that she cared about any child other than her own, and being forced into her current predicament was nothing she’d asked for.

It wasn’t until she was headed back to the other room that the girl finally let go of her, once she’d seen her mom was still sitting in there waiting for them to come back. Maki let Kaede know how she felt about the situation as simply as she could as she made herself comfortable across the room from everyone else. “Good riddance, I was way too close to kicking your brat into next week.”

“That’s not very nice, I’m sure she didn’t do anything wrong to you.” Kaede wasn’t looking at Maki but rather at Sonata, who was sitting with her fists curled up underneath her chin, doing the job of looking at Maki for herself. “So, sweetie, how’d that go for you?”

“She’s real pretty, mommy!” Sonata replied, as if she’d been spending the whole time admiring Maki’s beauty rather than annoying her with her constant presence. “Real pretty, and she’s got a lumpy, bumpy tummy! It’s lumpy and bumpy more than yours, but she’s still real pretty like you!”

Both women immediately locked eyes at that piece of brutal honesty coming from the girl’s mouth, Kaede giving a sheepish smile towards Maki, while Maki’s own reaction was to pull her shirt tighter to herself. She hated that her biggest disfigurement had not only just been spoken of out loud, but that a child had been staring up at the mess of scars and transplanted skin and thought it didn’t detract from any sort of beauty she might have had. “That’s nice of you to think that, but it isn’t nice for you to talk about that,” Kaede eventually said to the girl, trying to hopefully minimize the possible damage that had been done to Maki’s fragile mind. “That’s something that we don’t really talk about, okay? Not everyone gets pressured to look their ‘best’ for concerts like I do.”

The girl nodded, still too young to catch that the niceness she was being shown was completely fake. “Okay, mommy.”

“Suddenly I don’t feel like eating,” Maki muttered, setting her food she’d barely taken a bite of to the side. Her mind had slipped to thinking about how disgusting she must have looked to that unaware child, and her method of handling it in that moment was to not eat. She knew that she didn’t have clearance to work out, so there was only one way she could get around to trying to even out any of that mess she called her stomach and that would be to not put anything in it. However, with Kaede right there, deciding that she was going to starve rather than continue looking like she did wasn’t going to fly, and within minutes she was being forced to eat what she’d made.

The biggest struggles in Maki’s life right then were taking care of herself, taking care of Tsukia, and making it through the day without breaking down over what had happened to her. She was quick to let her self-care slip to the wayside, especially when she fixated on her daughter too much, and it was when she’d get hyper-fixated on being a good mom that she’d start hallucinating someone coming into her home and harming one or both of them. Noticing this with their couple of days together, Kaede made it very clear to everyone else that was rotating through being at the house with them that they needed to make sure that Maki was always taking care of herself just as much as she was taking care of the baby.

If it were Kirumi there at the house with her, things went swimmingly. Kirumi lived and breathed to serve others, and she felt compelled to do everything she could to assist Maki with her daily activities, to the point that she was cooking every meal, drawing baths and showers, and even doing laundry by the full load. In stark contrast, anyone else who came in the house (minus Kaede) was a lot less mindful of how much help Maki really did need in that moment, and she’d slowly start slipping into harmful habits until Kirumi or Kaede was back to set things straight.

However, the one thing that made Maki prefer the less attentive companions to the ones who were doing everything for her was that they let her have Tsukia with her all the time, no matter what. When it was Tenko’s turn to be at the house, she rearranged furniture and started practicing her Neo-Aikido moves in the living room; when Himiko was there, all she did was sit and ask about different spells that would be appreciated. There were even a couple days where Angie came over, and she doubled her time at the house as a chance to paint more pictures of Tsukia, who she thought was the cutest living model she could find.

There was one other person who came over a couple times, and she was in some weird middle-ground of competence and helpfulness between Kirumi and Kaede, and the others. It was unfortunate that she was even close to the middle there, though, as Maki could not stand having her around herself or around Tsukia, and even though she appreciated the ideas that the person brought with her, she hated everything else about her. “I’m just curious about which one of you decided to include Miu on your ‘help Maki get through the space mission’ list,” she said to Kaede one day a little over halfway through Kaito’s absence. “Not that I don’t like her modifying all my alarms and appliances, but she’s…you know, Miu.”

“None of us really included her, she volunteered and no one said no.” Brushing through her hair with her fingers, Kaede tried not to look at Maki just in case she was giving her a death glare for her answer. “I know that she means well deep down, but in order to get to those good intentions you’ve got to look past everything else about her.”

“I’ve nearly beat her ass a few times for her pinching mine. And for grabbing my chest and whining that it’s not big enough to belong to a mom. As if I need to hear that kind of complaint.” Maki looked at Tsukia, how she was laying in her arms completely still aside from the gentle movements showing that she was breathing. It had been a month since she’d been released from the hospital, and while she was still tiny for her age she was clearly healthy and thriving, all things considered. “I’m a mom whether I wanted to be or not, and no one gets to tell me I can’t be because of my body size.”

“Just as a warning, she’s not going to stop that kind of harassment, she’s done it to me since before Sonata was born and I’m pretty sure it’s only gotten worse over time.” Her fingers were locked on a knot in her hair, and Kaede was trying not to focus on that even though she would have rather been looking at her hair than seeing the murder slowly building in Maki’s eyes. “But don’t worry, I bet she’ll get off your back a lot faster than she got off mine, she wasn’t ever on yours as much in the first place.”

“That would be because she never had the chance to be, if I hadn’t gotten attacked I’m sure things would have been different.” No sooner had she mentioned what had happened to her did Maki start thinking about it, her mind choosing to play what if about the possibility of her never having been attacked. Not just that, but there not having been attackers there in the first place with the intent to kill anyone. She would have been able to spend the next couple months still being pregnant, rather than being confined to a hospital bed with infrequent contact with her child. There would have been parties she didn’t want, a lot of affection and kindness she would’ve felt she didn’t need, and she would have been completely miserable during all of it; that misery would have been preferable to what she ended up enduring, even if that thought felt horrible to make.

She snapped out of her dreaming when Kaede screamed, and she found herself slumped over, Tsukia out of her arms and tightly held in Kaede’s trembling ones. “You started shaking for a moment, and then it was like you passed out right there,” she explained, her voice wavering all over the place. “Are you okay? You weren’t out for very long, but it was long enough that I almost called someone to help.”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” Maki replied, not sure what had happened because she could clearly remember that she’d been thinking about something. As she picked herself back up, thankful she’d been sitting on the couch, she continued talking. “I don’t know what happened, but I don’t recall shaking or anything like that, everything felt completely normal for me until you screamed, and then I was like this.”

“This isn’t the first time this has happened to you, is it?” Knowing that answering the question honestly was the best choice, Maki gave a small nod, to which Kaede turned her head away, blinking back tears. “I don’t know why you haven’t told me that this has been happening sooner, this isn’t something that you should be having to deal with. What caused it? Why did you suddenly black out for a moment?”

Maki could hear how upset Kaede was just based on the way her voice had remained at a higher pitch, but she couldn’t lie to her right then. “I started thinking about what happened, after what I said about Miu and how she wouldn’t have left me alone if things went right. That’s all I did, I promise. I wasn’t hallucinating the assassins here with us or anything like that this time.”

“I see,” Kaede said with a sniffle. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think that any of this is working out for you right now. Maki, I know you’re really strong and you can get through anything if you really want to, but I think for your sake, and for Tsukia’s sake, maybe you need to go somewhere to get this taken care of.” The suggestion hit Maki a lot harder than she’d anticipated, figuring that she was going to get told to sleep or eat or take part in some kind of self-care moment. She wasn’t expecting to be told to get professional help, yet that was where Kaede had gone and she was going to stick by it. “I don’t think your brain’s been able to rest since you got attacked, and you’re paying the price for it every time that happens to you. I don’t want to come over to find that you hit your head when you collapsed the next time it happens, and I don’t want to find Tsukia in a bad shape like I did before. You need help, and you need help that I can’t give.”

“I’ve been managing everything fine on my own, thanks,” she replied after deciding right then and there that she wasn’t going to do anything about it until after she’d be able to talk to Kaito about things. If he saw it the same way Kaede did, then she’d feel more comfortable handing the care of Tsukia off to him while she took care of herself, but if he didn’t see there being as much of a problem she’d continue to manage it on her own. It wasn’t like she was frequently blacking out and waking up in positions she didn’t remember being in, it wasn’t that much of a nuisance.

But now that she’d had it pointed out to her as a problem that needed to be treated, Maki did notice that she did it a lot more than she’d realized. Sometimes it was while she was alone in bed, other times it was while she was walking around the house, or it would even when she was in the shower, but she would find herself slipping into thinking about what had happened to her and coming awake to the sound of someone calling her name, frantically checking to see if she was okay. She liked to believe that she was strong, but she was falling apart and she knew that she couldn’t keep living life the way she was—but at the same time, she couldn’t make some kind of drastic decision before she got to see the love of her life again. The thought was there that her problem was intertwined with Kaito not being around to spout endless optimism into her ear, and she wanted to see if she could test that theory for herself, just in case it was the truth.

The universe had different plans for her, though, and those came into her life days before he was supposed to get back from his flight. She was sitting at the house with Kirumi, who was doing a lovely job of watching Tsukia while Maki merely sat in her usual spot on the couch, staring blankly into the distance as she tried to focus her mind on something that wouldn’t send her spiraling. “I noticed something while I was cleaning your bathroom earlier,” Kirumi commented, bouncing Tsukia on her hip as she used her other hand to dust off every ledge she could find. “It was a full prescription bottle with your name on it, for some sort of hormone replacement? You must not have known it was there, or at least have never touched that particular bottle, so I moved it somewhere you’ll remember it.”

“I…guess I forgot that I had those to take, thank you.” It was true, Maki hadn’t remembered that she needed to take anything for her completely destroyed hormone balance after she’d left the hospital, but thinking about why it was that she needed to take those in the first place was a dangerous activity. Yet it was something she let herself do, sitting right there, and as her mind slipped into thinking about how she’d felt a poisoned knife sink into her body she fell forward, her face hitting the floor and the rest of her tumbling after. Mentally she had no idea what had happened, as she was reliving the scene of waking up in the hospital after the attack, but when she came to she found herself somewhere that wasn’t home, nor was it the bed she’d been thinking she was in.

In her witnessing of one of the episodes, Kirumi had done what Kaede had continuously hesitated on doing and called someone to get Maki the help she needed, without any consent from the person who was going to be treated. While it was a good decision to make, it was also one that had consequences that would not easily be looked past.

* * *

Space would have been a lot more enjoyable if Kaito’s mind hadn’t been focused solely on the people he’d been forced to leave behind. From the moment they’d left the atmosphere (and even before that, but he did think a little bit about how he could die if takeoff went poorly), every chance he had where he wasn’t expected to be doing astronaut work he was thinking about Maki and Tsukia, hoping that they were okay back in their house with all those friends surrounding them for support. If the trip was going to be longer, contacting them would have been possible, but because it was only for six weeks the higher-ups didn’t feel it was necessary to go through the hoops to sustain contact back to Earth for anyone except to mission control.

That meant, for six whole weeks, his ladies were on his mind and he couldn’t bring himself to actually have fun finally achieving the dream he’d had his whole life. There didn’t seem to be any way for him to look around the space station and think of how he was one of the lucky few to ever get to be inside of it, because all he could think about was how he’d left two very vulnerable people behind to be there. He missed them terribly, more than he’d missed anyone before—and that felt weird for him to admit to himself, given that he’d spent two weeks staring at Maki while she was in a deep, unawakenable slumber. That had been hard enough to see, but at least he’d been able to be there beside her during that time, now he was completely disconnected from her and had no way to watch over her in case she needed him there.

It was a miracle that he was able to do anything related to the mission at all with his mind so clearly elsewhere, but Kaito was aware enough of his current position to know that him slacking off entirely could result in mistakes being made. He did his job well, even if he was more or less a shell of himself while he did it, and if he wasn’t actively working on something he was back to looking outside the space station, waiting for those moments where he could see Earth and think about who was waiting for him there. To anyone who’d later ask him about space, he’d always come up with some kind of grand, fake story about how his time up in the cosmos went, but the truth was that it wasn’t as great as he’d ever imagined it would be.

Even the return trip home didn’t work out like he’d always dreamed it would, after the successful landing there wasn’t the reuniting with the person he loved that he’d been expecting there to be. The first person he knew that he saw back on the ground was Kaede, with Shuichi right behind her, both of them looking like they were hiding something as they stood there, waiting for his approach. “Hey, where’s the balloons? The banners welcoming me home?” he asked them as he came up to them with a disappointed look in his eyes. “And where’s Maki Roll? Shouldn’t she be here?”

“That’s why _we’re_ here,” Kaede replied, at which point she gave a deep sigh. “It’s been a rough time since you left, for all of us who were having to fill in for you as well as the people you left behind.”

“Well yeah, I wasn’t expecting it to be great for everyone, but why’re ya talking like someone’s dead?” The fear that he’d come home and not find Maki there waiting for him had never once crossed Kaito’s mind until that moment, and now that he’d thought about it he really wished it wasn’t going to happen. “She’s okay, right? Tsukia too? Where’s my family, you guys?”

Kaede pursed her lips together as she turned her head to look back towards Shuichi, having brought him along for moral support and to potentially speak when she couldn’t bring herself to. He was looking forward, eyes locking on Kaito’s frantic ones, trying to calm him down without a word, but it became increasingly obvious that something was going to need to be said before conclusions were jumped to, and neither of them felt like they had the capability of doing it. She sighed again, turning back and hanging her head as she explained, “Tsukia’s back at your house with Kirumi, she’s in great hands there and has been for days now. As for Maki…I think it would be best if we told you what happened to her in private.”

The one positive Kaito could take from the delivery of the statement was that neither Kaede nor Shuichi seemed to be crying, so the worst possibilities couldn’t be true. She couldn’t be dead, or dying without him by her side, and that made his mind feel a bit more at ease. “As long as I find out sometime today, that’s fine with me. Can you guys tell me on the way back to my house? I need to see my little girl before I forget what she looks like.”

They were fine with honoring that request, but by the time they’d gotten to the house he wished he hadn’t chosen to see Tsukia first after all. He’d never expected to hear that he wasn’t coming home to the love of his life because she’d spent most of his absence hallucinating and becoming more and more mentally unstable, and now that he was having to enter their home without her having been there in several days he didn’t know how he’d be able to handle it. Still, the desire to hold his baby girl in his arms again was too strong to ignore, and so the three of them entered the house together, Kirumi greeting them at the door with Tsukia cradled in one arm, the girl wide awake and breaking out in toothless smiles at the appearance of new faces.

While father and daughter were reunited (complete with crying on one of their parts), the other three adults discussed what the best course of action from there was going to be. “Now that he has returned, I see no reason for me to continue staying here,” Kirumi said, looking at the other two with a sad smile. “It’s a shame, I’ve loved bonding with that child when her mother has been unable to, but now that she has her father back I assume she’ll have her mother back soon as well.”

“That would be the plan, at any rate,” Shuichi replied, being the one that had the most information about what was going on with Maki simply out of having gone to try visiting her a time or two. He had been working an investigation near the facility she’d been taken to when she arrived there, and so he’d known where she was and due to having investigated people there before he had ways to get inside and meet with her. “As long as she gave up on resisting the assistance, she shouldn’t be there longer than today or tomorrow.”

“Even still, Kaito by himself should be infinitely more capable of tending to Tsukia’s needs than Maki had been at any point.” Kirumi straightened the end of her short skirt, trying to reduce some of the visible wear in it. “I’m confident that leaving her in his hands is something that we can do with a good conscience.”

“I agree, he’s such a loving father that he won’t let anything bad happen to his baby.” Kaede realized what she’d implied in what she said, and she quickly corrected herself to sound less critical of her friend. “N-not that Maki isn’t a loving mother, she just…she was having a lot of problems that we’ve got to hope she’s getting under control now.”

They all seemed to agree on that corrected point, looking towards Kaito and how he was holding Tsukia up above him, bringing her down and smothering her face in kisses just to lift her up again. “Something tells me that him just being back will take care of a lot of those problems,” Shuichi remarked, watching Kaito go through the motions a second time, Tsukia kicking her feet excitedly as she felt her dad’s face touching her own. “It’s hard to remain so wrapped up in your own problems if Kaito’s around to smack sense into you.”

“Her problems were a bit different, though. I don’t know if him being here would have been enough to fix them completely, but it sure would have stopped her from needing to be admitted the way she did.” Not wanting to sound like she didn’t approve of how things had happened, Kaede looked at Kirumi to see if she was upset by what she’d said, but she got a silent shrug in return. “I know you did what you felt needed to be done, and I don’t blame you for it at all.”

“Maki was suffering in front of all of us and someone needed to take a stand and get her the help she needed before it got worse.” Kirumi shook her head, a serious look coming into her eyes. “I’m going to pack my belongings and be on my way. Being here without pay for so long will certainly have harmed my finances, given that I haven’t been able to work my other jobs due to being the primary caretaker of that girl. Please do make sure I am updated on everything that follows this, I care too much for that child to let this be the end.”

“Sure thing, Kirumi,” they both replied, cracking a smile at each other at how they’d come to saying the exact same thing. As she hurried around the house packing her things and getting on her way, they were left trying to figure out where to go from their current position. The logical thing would be to try and take Kaito over to the facility where Maki was staying, but there was zero guarantee that he’d be allowed in to see her, especially as a major part of her breakdown was because of him.

What ended up happening was them waiting until the day she was discharged to take him over, to let him be the one to pick her up and bring her home. It was only a few days after he’d come back from his flight, which he spent making up for lost time with his daughter, but the missing person in the family had weighed heavily on him every time he’d looked at Tsukia and noticed how very much like her mother she acted with a fierce glare whenever she wasn’t being amused. Although he didn’t have someone at the house with him at all times, Kaito did constantly call for friends’ advice on what to do, or to see if someone was available to come talk to him so he didn’t feel like he was losing his mind talking to a baby. That made the day where he could go get Maki and bring her back feel a lot sweeter than it would have already, and that was saying something given that his heart was yearning for her every moment of every day.

The facility she’d gotten checked into was a quiet place, nestled against a decent neighborhood in town, and when Kaito showed up outside of it he was taken aback by how friendly it looked. Ever since he’d found out what had happened to her regarding her breakdown, he’d envisioned somewhere more like a jail than a nice mid-town cottage, and that immediately set his mind at ease about everything. Going inside and seeing that the interior matched the exterior in terms of friendliness was also comforting, and as he carried Tsukia along for her to also get to see her mother he hoped that, despite how lovely the place seemed to be, this would be the only time any of them were ever inside it.

When he got to the desk, he explained why he was there, who he was there to get, and he was told to have a seat and that things would be handled shortly. Choosing the chair closest to the door back to the treatment area, Kaito set Tsukia’s carseat on the chair next to his and carefully took her out, making sure that she was in his arms as they sat there waiting. “I know, I’m excited to get to see your mom again too,” he said to the girl as he saw her deep purple eyes glancing around aimlessly, her face lighting up at the sound of his voice. “She’s going to be so happy to see us both, I just know it. I bet she’s missed us both ever since she got to this place.”

The happy reunion he was expecting to happen didn’t come exactly as he’d pictured it, but it was still good enough to make him start crying. It was after they’d been waiting there for a little while that the automatic door slowly swung open, and coming out through it was the familiar face that he knew and loved—but even though Maki was staring right at him, she remained emotionless as she approached. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel right now,” she admitted as she came nearer, her mouth a straight line and her eyes looking lifeless. “I’ve missed you, but…”

“Hey, it’s okay if you’re overwhelmed about seein’ us again, I think I would be too if I were in your shoes!” Kaito was standing up, trying to offer Tsukia over to her but she didn’t seem to notice, her gaze going from floor to ceiling before meeting her husband’s teary eyes. “You’re looking a lot better about things, less like you’re haunted by bad stuff.”

“I haven’t had any hallucinations in days, so that’s probably why that is.” As Maki blinked, she could feel her eyes beginning to water, but she wasn’t sure if it was because of her own emotions or if it was because she was mimicking Kaito’s tears. “I’ve missed you, but,” she repeated, this time with the intention of finishing her statement, “I can’t say that I expected to see you again after what I went through.”

He shifted uncomfortably, once again trying to get her to take Tsukia for herself but she wouldn’t even raise a hand to the girl. “I bet it was really scary going through all that mental stuff without me around. I don’t know all the details, but I do know what everyone’s told me, and if I’d known you were strugglin’ so bad you can bet I wouldn’t have gone. Space can wait, your health can’t!”

“Typical Kaito, trying to put me before himself.” That was the first time that Maki’s mouth changed shaped, one of the corners turning up into a half-smile. “I’ve missed that about you. I just needed to get things taken care of professionally, my breakdown would’ve happened whether you were around or not.” She glanced down to Tsukia, seeing the girl staring at her with wide eyes, and her mouth turned into a full smile as she reached over to rub the top of the girl’s head. “She looks healthy too, bet whoever was watching her while I was gone did a better job of things than I did.”

“Don’t say things like that, you had bigger problems to be dealing with when you had her by yourself, and besides, I think a lot of it right now is her seein’ ya for the first time in a while.” Kaito was attempting to make Maki feel better about what she may or may not have done while she was not in her right mind, but all it was doing was making that smile fade, her head trying to convince her that she’d been horrible when she’d been alone. “C’mon, let’s not look so gloomy, got it? I wanna see you smiling again!”

“Hard to smile when I’m the world’s worst mother looking at the child I almost killed.”

“She wasn’t anywhere close to dying, don’t worry!” Having only heard the details from the person who’d discovered the whole situation, Kaito wasn’t sure if what he was saying was the truth or not, but he wanted to calm Maki’s thoughts on the matter. “See, if she was dying, do you really think she’d look as good as she does now?”

Maki hesitated as she looked at Tsukia carefully, seeing the color in the girl’s face and how lively she looked. “Probably not,” she finally answered, trying to replace the image of the starving child that she kept thinking back to with the one of her much happier and content with life. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t try.”

“I’m sure you’re not supposed to be dwelling on all this stuff right now, so why keep doing it? Let’s just go home, as a family, and until you think you can do it I’m fine with doing all the parent work. I’ve gotta do what I can to protect you both, and if that means playing like I’m the mom then that’s what I’m gonna do!” Without warning Maki of what he was going to do, Kaito raised Tsukia up, before pushing the baby’s face into her mother’s, catching them both by surprise at the sudden contact. He held her there for a second, before moving to put her back in her seat so they could head out, but that second of contact was enough to melt some of the defenses that had built up around Maki’s heart and make her wish for more interactions with her girl.

Those interactions came slowly, as they worked to rebuild everything that had been lost in the weeks of the flight as well as the time spent in the mental health facility. Finding herself more scared than ever before to be alone with Tsukia, Maki had to re-train her mind to accept that she _was_ a mother, that she _was_ capable of raising a child, and that she _was_ going to do fine as long as she did anything at all. With the help of the medications she’d been given during her stay at the facility, as well as regularly taking the ones she had been prescribed after her time in the hospital, she found herself coming around to the idea of spending time with her daughter more and more, until she was sharing equal duties raising her with Kaito.

They weren’t perfect people by any means, and both of them made the occasional mistake when it came to childcare, but they were trying their best to do what they could for that precious little girl of theirs. And as long as she was alive and growing at the end of the day, they couldn’t ask for more than that.

* * *

Watching Tsukia grow and learn about the world around her was nothing short of amazing, given everything that had happened to her in the first few months of her life. It never seemed that she was catching up with other children her age in terms of size, but just because she was smaller than other babies it didn’t mean that she was still in any sort of danger like she’d once been. Her parents showered her with love and affection whenever they could (although Maki wasn’t as frequent about it as Kaito was), and they celebrated her milestones arguably more than other parents would whenever she’d meet one. It took her longer to learn to crawl, to start sitting on her own, to be able to hold her own bottle when she ate, but none of that was seen as a problem.

Instead, it was seen as a reminder of how resilient that little girl was, never giving up on her own growth and progress even though she very well could have never made any of those gains at all. When her first birthday came around, everyone that had been supportive of her and her parents worked together to give her a party that she’d never remember but that all of them would never forget. There was a challenge to get her to sit still long enough to shower her with all sorts of gifts, as she was highly mobile and loved crawling around wherever she could get to go, but at the end of the day she cooperated and there was no shortage of presents for her parents to have to take care of afterward.

Once she started walking, which was when she was just under eighteen months old, she came into the habit of following her parents around wherever they went, her shaky steps frequent to their longer strides. This allowed her to learn a bit of routine with them as she followed them every day, as they’d go to the same places at the same time every day—and as much as she hated having to go medicate multiple times a day, Maki did love looking behind her to see her wispy-haired daughter standing there, concentration in her eyes as she waited for her mother’s next move.

“You know something,” she said one day to Kaito, after entering a room with Tsukia steps behind, the girl so focused on walking that she looked angry. “I never thought I’d learn to like kids, or have a kid of my own, but I’m glad we’ve got her here with us. I don’t know what I’d do if we ended up with some kind of kid that’s, oh, just like you, perhaps?”

“Aw, c’mon Maki Roll, Tsukia’s plenty like me. You just never see it when it shows in her little face.” Kaito arched his body to look around Maki in order to see Tsukia for himself, and when he saw her angered face he snapped back up straight and laughed to himself. “Or maybe not, she really isn’t much like me at all, is she?”

Maki laughed as well, bending down and holding her arms out to get Tsukia to come over to her as fast as she could, and the moment she could she wrapped her up and lifted her off the ground. She was so small and light, even as she neared two years old, that people who weren’t aware of her actual age always guessed that she was a lot younger than she actually was, but as she was perfectly healthy her size still wasn’t a concern. “There’s an easy way to answer that, Kaito. Look at her and tell me that she’s anything like you.”

As the girl was still angry-looking, although less so, Kaito couldn’t give Maki the answer he so badly wanted to give, and conceding defeat was his only realistic option. But as it was Kaito, he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. “Maybe she’ll grow into looking like me when she gets older?” he suggested, looking carefully at Tsukia and trying to imagine her looking less like her mom and more like him, but as the only thing from him she’d seemed to have inherited from him was the color of her eyes, it was a hard battle. “Or maybe not, who knows. Might be because she’s a girl that she looks so much like her mom, that’s how things are bound to work.”

“I’ll have to tell you that’s not how it works at all,” Maki replied, bouncing Tsukia in her arms to get the girl to break her angered stare and laugh. “Think about some other kids we know, does anything you just said work for them? I think not.” She was referring to Kaede’s kids, who they both knew didn’t look like their same-gendered parent at any point in their lives. “Just suck it up that she’s more like me than you.”

“No way, I’m not just gonna admit you’re right like that! I’ll show ya, some day she’ll be more like me and that’s just how it’s gonna be!” Determination filled Kaito’s voice as he made his declaration, which he backed up by reaching over to gently tap Tsukia on her nose, the girl smiling and attempting to talk in reaction to her father’s touch. “She’ll help me with this too, I know she will.”

“You keep telling yourself that, I’ll keep living in the real world.” It wasn’t that Maki wanted to crush his dreams, but rather that she wanted him to focus on things that were a lot more important than him getting their child to be more like him. She wasn’t a perfect person by any stretch of the imagination, and she’d struggled a lot in being a mother to that little girl, but she found joy in seeing how much Tsukia wanted to be like her. It was almost comforting to know that, despite her flaws and problematic nature, there was someone who blindly idolized her.

But Kaito was not going to give up on what he wanted Tsukia to become, and he took every chance he had to try and make her at least act like him, since changing her physical traits was going to be impossible. That was a harder task to take on than he’d anticipated, given that Maki had completely stopped her assassin work and never picked it back up, therefore giving her every moment she wanted with the girl. Not only that, but right before Tsukia’s second birthday he was given the news that he would be going back to space for a second flight, similar in length to the first one he’d been on. There was a lot less forewarning that time, the departure date mere months away rather than a year like the first flight, and he now felt forced into scrambling to get the girl to pick up his behaviors before he left for the weeks he’d be gone.

As hard as he tried, he wasn’t ever going to make any progress on the matter, and when he boarded that spacecraft he knew deep in his heart that he was going to come home to the girl acting exactly as she always had, and that she’d never change. That second flight went over much better than the first, without much of the worry and anxiety that had kept him disinterested in the overall experience. There were still moments where he found himself thinking about his girls and hoping they were okay, but he knew that dwelling on their condition wouldn’t do him any good, and was most likely not necessary. This was because everything in their lives was stable, everything was going smoothly, and he wasn’t once again leaving behind a broken shell of a woman and a child who needed extra attention and care; he’d left behind a strong, capable mother and their equally strong child, and they’d both be waiting for him when he came back to Earth.

While he was gone, Maki decided that she’d humor him and try to break Tsukia of some of her learned habits to replace them with ones more like what he’d been trying to teach her for so long. The girl was always funny when it came to watching and learning from her mother, having picked up so much from her without actively being taught to, and when she noticed that she was getting instructed to not do things she liked doing (such as pouting whenever she got frustrated, or getting violent to cope with anything), she rebelled against it and continued doing things as she always had. It took a few days of trying for Maki to realize that her keeping on with what Kaito had attempted to do for so long was letting Kaito win anyway, because his insistence on persistence had finally permeated her mind, and she couldn’t let him win in any way, shape, or form.

And thus, allowing the little two-year-old to continue doing things just like her mom was the way things were meant to be, and there was no use in trying to change it. The last hope Kaito would have to have in Tsukia picking up his traits would be in regards to how she spoke, but as she’d yet to really progress past babbles and simple one-syllable words the time for that would come in the future. She simply did not want to talk, as it wasn’t that she wasn’t capable because there was nothing stopping her from opening her mouth and throwing together whatever kind of nonsense sentence she wanted. Much like her small size was, it had initially been a point of concern but when they’d been assured that she was fine and that she was merely waiting until she wanted to talk, that concern flew right out the window in their minds.

However, it wasn’t as easy to shake the idea that something was wrong out of everyone else’s minds, and during those weeks when Kaito was on his flight Maki might have allowed people to come around Tsukia that were firmly in the “she should be speaking at her age” mindset. The biggest believer in that was Kaede, who had her own ideas as to how to solve the problem of Tsukia remaining mostly silent, all of which included inviting her own children to spend time with the younger girl. She was convinced that if she let them talk to her long enough, she’d pick up language from them, and this was something she was not going to back down from.

“I’m sure you think it’s stupid that I think this,” she said to Maki after explaining herself and her intentions, “but I know for a fact that it helps to have someone learn to talk from other kids. It’s what happened with my babies, you know.”

Maki stared at Kaede blankly as she heard her last sentence. “No, Kaede, I wouldn’t know that, and I don’t know how you would either. Weren’t you not present for either of their first words?” She could tell that her friend was about to give a rebuttal, and she went out on a limb to counter it before it could be said. “Don’t try telling me that Shuichi was there for either one, I know that he’s always spent less time with these kids than you have.”

“…I mean, you’re right, I heard that second-hand from babysitters, but if it wasn’t for other kids around who knows how long it would’ve taken for Sonata to speak, and with how much she talked to her brother it’s no surprise it’s thanks to her that he learned to talk so young.” There was a sigh that escaped Kaede’s mouth, almost as if being called out as she had been cut her deeply, and right as Maki was beginning to figure out how to approach handling that, she was speaking again. “I know I’ve been a rather absent mom to these kids for so much of their lives, but I’m going to fix things. Watching you be a great mom has made me want to do the same!”

While it was admirable to hear Kaede declare that she wanted to fix things, Maki was much more concerned with her reason for wanting to do so. “I’m not that great, even though you’ve barely done any work for your own kids you’re still leagues better than I am at everything mom-like.”

“You really think so? Because I don’t think I am, my own children sometimes forget I’m their parent because I’m around so little when I get all wrapped up in music things! You don’t do anything except spend time with Tsukia, and she’s grown so much thanks to your love, you’re such a great mom to her and I’m jealous that I didn’t try to be the same to my kids.” That was when Kaede looked around the living room for said children and found no sign of either of them. “See, they left the room because I wasn’t paying enough attention.”

Maki’s eyes darted around the room and when she couldn’t find her own daughter, she was to her feet ready to go searching for her. “And I wasn’t paying attention either, so now we’ve both got missing kids. Come on, let’s find them before someone gets hurt, and I’m positive it wouldn’t be either of your kids who’d be bleeding or dead.”

“They wouldn’t—you’re just—ugh, yeah we need to go find them, and quick!” Also getting to her feet, Kaede decided she’d lead the way to where she was sure the kids would have gone without supervision, given that they were in her house and that she knew the older two well enough. She was correct in her assumption, finding them down in one of their bedrooms, all three of them on the floor with a mess of toys surrounding them. Everything seemed to be okay, minus the mess and the fact that Tsukia had a doll in her mouth that she was gnawing on without any care in the world. “What are you three doing?” Kaede asked with her best stern mother voice, a job that would’ve been better suited for Maki and her naturally scary tone. “Were you given permission to come in here? I don’t think you were, you better explain why you’re all in here before I have to punish you.”

“You were busy,” Sonata replied, sounding every bit as not-confident as her father would when being asked something in an angry manner, but cheerful all the same. “Busy, and we never get to play in our rooms, never ever! So we came to play!”

“Okay, I’ll give you that you’re never in here, but look at this huge mess you’ve made! Couldn’t you have decided to play without bringing out every toy we’ve ever bought you, or at least with half as many of them?” Pinching the bridge of her nose as she focused on the wrecked state of the room rather than what the kids were doing in it, Kaede happened to glance over to Maki as she was bending down to wrangle the doll out of Tsukia’s mouth. “I also think you should’ve asked before you dragged her down here, don’t you know that her mom needs to know where she is?”

“She came with us, we didn’t bring her.” Now sounding a bit more confident as she corrected her mother’s assumption, Sonata looked at her brother and saw him with a deer-in-headlights look at the two women. “Tell her, Conan, tell her that we didn’t bring Tsukia! Tell her she came with us!” Whatever his response was, it was mumbled and no one was able to make sense of it, but that didn’t stop Sonata from using it for her defense. “See, he knows that she came on her own! Mommy please, we didn’t bring her!”

“I’d believe it, if I didn’t know that Tsukia doesn’t just follow other kids around,” Maki said, putting an end to the discussion that was happening before it could devolve into crying or screaming. “It’s no big deal, she’s fine and I can just take her back with me.”

Even though Kaede couldn’t still be upset about that half of the issue, she was still able to get on the children for the mess they’d created in the room, and making them clean it up before their father came home was the best course of action she could come up with. As the two women went back to where they’d been sitting before, Maki carrying Tsukia under her arm to keep her out of more trouble, they walked in silence, unsure of what to say to the other in that moment. It wasn’t until they were back in their original spots that Maki looked at Kaede, at how she seemed to be deep in thought about what punishment she’d just given the children, that she thought of something that could be said. “So, how’s that plan of wanting to stay home with those kids now?”

“I’m still going to do it, at least until they’re older and don’t need me as much. I’m just…going to need some help with punishing them when they do things like that, I don’t think what I did was good enough.” She shook her head, before fiddling with the ends of her hair that had fallen over her shoulder. “I’m going to be as good of a mom to them as you are to Tsukia, I swear I am.”

Maki looked at how Tsukia had started to fall asleep in her lap now that they were sitting, and stroked the girl’s thin, dark hair to comfort her. “I’m sure you’ll manage to do it, even if it took you a lot longer to come around to doing it in the first place.”

“They’re going to love me just as much as she loves you, it’s going to happen.” Her hands still fiddling, Kaede let her fingers slow down until she was merely holding onto the end of her hair. “It’s not going to be enough to change everything, though. They barely know me, and they still know me better than their father. How does Kaito have such a strong relationship with Tsukia when he’s busy and gone sometimes, and do you think he can teach Shuichi to do it too?”

“He just makes time for her, that’s all it is.” Thinking about Kaito and his insistence on spending so much of his free time with his daughter made the corners of Maki’s mouth turn up. She had been trying not to think too much about him, and what he’d been missing while in space, but now it was an inevitable thing she was going to have to deal with. She missed seeing him at all hours, playing with Tsukia, trying to get her to pick up his traits, attempting to get her to be as attached to him as she was to her mother. Despite everything, he was an amazing father to that girl and the fact that he was actively gone hurt more than she’d be able to put into words. “I’m sure he’d love to give some lessons for being a good dad if you wanted him to. Stroking his ego and all that.”

“It might be appreciated, I don’t know though, that’s not my decision to make.” In the end, nothing did come of that possibility in terms of strict lessons (but in the weeks following Kaito’s return he did spend time over at that house, trying to help as much as he could with getting a busy father to know his kids better). Helping rebuild relationships that were destroyed by people’s insistence on doing things like their parents before them was lovely and all, but even still Kaito made sure that from the moment his feet were back on solid ground, he was focused first and foremost on his own family.

That decision was bolstered by, when he reunited with them both for the first time, the tiny little voice that Tsukia had been barely using chirping out a genuine greeting to her father, who she loved and missed so much that her first string of multiple unique words was aimed at him. Tears were shed, hugs and kisses were given, and the bond between the astronaut and his little moon was proven to be unbreakable. She was her mother’s child, but her love for her father could not be beaten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes those kids are named after music and detectives, what else would you expect?  
> anyway, this single chapter is the entirety of the second part of the fic, which means there's another week hiatus before part three (which is longer than one chapter, don't worry)!


	7. launch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: drowning, vomit

“Daddy, where’re we going?” Tsukia’s voice came from several steps behind her father, as he held tightly to her hand, pulling her through the empty hallway at one of the office buildings the space program held meetings in. She was trying her best to keep up with him, but she had such small legs that even her running steps weren’t enough to not get left behind, and she was on the verge of crying out when he slowed down, allowing for her to catch up before he lifted her onto his shoulders in one swift motion. Giggling, she leaned over to look down into his face with a grin. “Thanks! Where’re we going?”

“We’re heading to an important meal with some of the other astronauts,” Kaito replied, not looking up to see the grin on his daughter’s face getting larger. “It’s going to be super important and super exciting, so you’ve got to act like the big girl we know you are, okay?”

She giggled again, putting her hands up above her head so that she could attempt to skim the ceilings with her fingertips, something she had never done before and couldn’t manage. “Okay! I _am_ a big girl! I can do this for you, Daddy!” she screamed, before letting her hands fall, nearly knocking them into the heavily-styled top of her father’s hair. She looked back behind them, seeing no one else in the hall. “Wait, where’s Mommy? Is she gonna be there?”

“She’ll get there when she gets there, she’s bringing some friends with her.” Not able to walk as fast as he had been before with Tsukia’s weight on his shoulders, Kaito was trying his best to keep up a quick pace but was struggling to do so. He still made it to the end of the hallway a lot faster than he would have if he’d had to wait for Tsukia to keep up with him, and once he got there he took her down, squatting to meet her at her eye level as he spoke to her. “I know you’re excited about this, but I need you to act your best in there when we go in. Try not to cry, or yell, or do anything except be a big, strong five-year-old.”

Tsukia nodded, not knowing why her dad was talking to her like he was but liking that he was giving her such personal attention. “I will be a good girl,” she told him, letting her grin fade so that she looked like her normal, unamused self, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at how her demeanor changed so quickly. Even still, no matter how serious she looked, she had the glimmer of mischief in her purple eyes, and he was always afraid that she would someday act on that at the worst possible time.

He decided that she’d heed his warning and keep to her word without further reminders, and so he opened the door and escorted her inside the boardroom, which had been decorated to accommodate the dinner party taking place there. They weren’t the first people in attendance, but several of the conversations already taking place stopped when they saw it was Kaito and his daughter entering the room, people flocking to come talk to him and get to meet or reintroduce themselves to her. Tsukia thrived with the attention that these strangers were giving her, and she was on her best behavior the entire time she was being spoken to by adults who didn’t always speak in languages she understood.

“Why are they saying weird things?” she asked her father after the flock had moved on and they were able to go to their seats (assigned with their names on them—one had _K.Momota_ on it, one had _M.Momota_ , one had _T.Momota_ , and the other two read _Momota Guest_ , and Tsukia felt excitement seeing those words on all the chairs). “Do space people talk funny?”

“There’s a lot of different cultures represented in this room, and I can’t even understand all of them all the time but it works out because others can. I can speak three languages, which is more than most people, and even that’s not enough.” Pulling out Tsukia’s chair so she could sit in it, Kaito waited until she was sitting still before he pushed her in, choosing to stand behind her chair rather than sit in his own. He was looking around the room at everyone who was there, and kept glancing to the door as if he was waiting for someone to barge in at any moment.

When it next opened, he caught a breath in his chest that he exhaled when he saw it was another astronaut, carrying with him a child who looked to be roughly double Tsukia’s size. They made eye contact, and the man came over to where they were, shifting how he was holding the sleeping boy against his shoulder as he began talking to Kaito in a language that Tsukia had never heard before. She tried her best to listen in, but nothing her father and the man were saying made any sense to her, so when the man moved on towards his own seat, she craned her neck back to look at her father. “Daddy, why were you talking like that?”

“That man right there is Maksim Lebedev, he’s a Russian astronaut that I’ve been getting to know the past few weeks.” Kaito happened to look down to see his daughter’s blank stare at what he’d said and he backtracked to explain himself better. “Mr. Lebedev is a space guy like me, he’s from somewhere else and speaks a different language. It happens to be a language I speak, so we’ve become friends.”

“Friends are good,” Tsukia said with a confident nod, still not quite sure what everything her dad was saying to her meant but knowing how to interpret that much. It did make her think up a question of her own that would take her away from her confusion and put her somewhere more familiar to her young mind. “Am I gonna have friends here too?”

“Not here today, there’s nowhere for them to sit! You’ll get to see your friends again sometime soon, I’m sure of it.” As Kaito went to bend down to kiss her on the top of her head, the door to the room came open once more and three familiar faces entered, distracting him from what he intended to do and denying the girl of the affection she was expecting. When she saw why that had happened, she immediately forgot that she had just been about to get a kiss from her dad, because she saw the single-most important person in her life coming towards her.

“How did you make it in here so fast? I swear we got outside this place at the same time, it doesn’t make sense that you’re already in here. Did you run in the hall or something?” Maki was adjusting the upper part of her dress as she spoke, re-pinning where the extra fabric was being held together underneath her arm. “I nearly lost my outfit trying to find you, that was just ridiculous.”

Smiling at her, Kaito wasn’t given a chance to answer her questions because of the people that she’d brought in with her, one of which was fixing the skirt of her own dress. “This is why you should really invest in your own formalwear,” Kaede remarked, watching Maki struggle with getting the pin to fasten once more. “I mean, if you’re wearing your own dresses then if something happens to destroy it, you’re not ruining one of my personal favorites again.”

“Come on, I didn’t _ask_ to be stabbed, you can get over me destroying your dress one of these days and we’d be better off for it.” Giving up on making her adjustment, Maki found which chair had her name on it and sat down with a huff, only to look at Tsukia next to her and see that the girl had turned to face her and was puckering her lips for a kiss. “Hello to you too, this isn’t the time or place for kisses so knock that off.”

Dejected, the girl went back to looking up at her father, who was still standing there, waiting until he could speak once more. “I’m just saying, part of the reason I’m glad I’m here with you is because if someone’s going to come at you to destroy that dress you’re wearing, they’ll have to get through me first. That’s something I’ve worn to several big concerts, nothing’s allowed to happen to it.” Kaede was very focused on the condition of the dress Maki was wearing, and she was not going to drop the subject of her own accord; thankfully, she had a level-headed husband right behind her to tell her repeatedly to stop until she did.

“I’m pretty sure you weren’t invited to keep watch on a dress, you’re here because there’s something important happening and we’re lucky enough to be some of the first to know,” Shuichi reminded her, looking at the many empty chairs and seeing the names written on all of them. “Whatever this news is, which I’m sure we can all guess, is bound to be important and wouldn’t you rather be focusing on that than a dress?”

“H-hey now, no one’s allowed to guess why we’re here until it’s said, got it?” Kaito interjected, forgetting temporarily that Shuichi was unnaturally good at picking up clues that others might not have seen right away. “I’m just gonna go talk to some of the guys I’ve been working with, you all play nice and tell people you’re with me if they ask.”

“I do believe we’re all smart enough to know this is announcing another space mission.” Under his breath so Kaito couldn’t hear him as he left, Shuichi called out exactly how he’d read the scene to be, and the women there with him both nodded in agreement with the statement. On the other hand, Tsukia heard the words “space mission” and immediately began to think about the glorious missions her father had told her about that he’d been on, traveling around the Earth and getting views that very few others had the chance to get. She had zero recollection of either of the missions he’d been on before, but from what she’d heard him talk about she knew that they seemed to be fun.

By the time he came back over to take his seat, the business part of the dinner seemed to be starting and she wasn’t able to ask him anything, as every time she leaned towards him he’d push her back and remind her to act like the big girl she was. It wasn’t like she was trying to cause a scene or even climb into his lap, so the reminders felt more like she was doing something wrong on accident than anything else, and Tsukia hated the feeling of being naughty in the presence of her parents. She tried to sit a little bit taller, act a little bit better, but she was still curious about what kind of mission her dad might be going on and she so desperately wanted the answers right then.

After being told several more times to stop leaning over towards him, she fell the other way towards her mother instead, who usually was harsher about following the rules but she wasn’t the one enforcing them that night. “Mommy, why’re we here?” she quietly asked, after tugging on the side of Maki’s dress and nearly pulling it down. “Is Daddy going up to space again?”

“Shush, there’s someone talking and you’re being rude. If you’re patient you’ll find out sooner or later.” It wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but it was the one that she got, and Tsukia knew that arguing with her mom would only cause problems that would result in her being taken out of the room. She was trying to be the best five-year-old she could be, she couldn’t allow herself to get in trouble for something like a curious question.

But the business talk was all boring to her, and she wasn’t understanding a lot of what was being said because the man in front of everyone was saying one or two sentences, then switching to speaking what sounded like nonsense words for a few minutes until he was back to normal talk. This went on for a long while, until the sound of what was unmistakably crying began to fill the room in place of the man’s voice. Everyone at that table began to look for the source, but it revealed itself when the astronaut from before, Mr. Lebedev, stood up with his crying son in his arms and left the room in a hurry. Even though they could all hear the crying outside the room, the meeting continued without them present, and seemed to move a little quicker in his absence.

The major takeaway from what was said came at the end, before they were all dismissed to get their food: in six months, an international team of astronauts would be taking flight for a long-term mission into space, with the intention of being gone for the better part of a year. All of the astronauts who’d been invited to the dinner were on the flight team, and their friends and families present for the evening were among the first people across the world to learn about the endeavor. That revelation caused everyone to sit and stare in silence, while the men and women who’d known their intended fates tried to put on their bravest faces, knowing that the time of questioning and bargaining was upon them.

For someone as young as Tsukia, the understanding of how long she’d be without her father was lost on her. That didn’t mean that she wasn’t going right to asking a million questions about what her dad was going to be doing in space, or why he wanted to go in the first place, and he had to kindly ignore her to answer all the questions the others that were there for him had to offer. It was Kaede and Shuichi who were asking everything, as Maki still hadn’t said a word since the news had been dropped and she was in the process of trying to get Tsukia over into her arms to hold her tightly in the wake of it all. So many questions flew about how he was going to manage to be gone so long, and if he’d had any say in being on the mission, and he was answering each and every one of the ones voiced by an adult. The ones that his daughter asked could always be taken care of later, and he was going to make sure to spend time with her to help her understand what was going on.

In the middle of the frenzy, Mr. Lebedev came back into the room, his son asleep on his shoulder once more, and he came straight towards where they were all sitting, his mouth moving and unfamiliar words spilling out. Kaito stopped his current discussion and stood up to talk to the man, engaging in conversation in a language none of them could keep up with; it ended as quickly as it started, with the man laughing and bowing his head respectfully towards Kaito before walking away. “He was curious if everyone in the room knew the big news,” he explained, translating what had just happened in clear terms as he took his seat once more. “I told him they did, and he said that he hadn’t needed to be here for that because he knew the news, and his kid wouldn’t understand it anyway.”

“That’s awfully strange for him to say that, don’t you think?” Shuichi asked, keeping his voice low as to not let anyone not in their small group hear him. “Why would he bother being present if he didn’t want to be here for the delivery of the news to everyone?”

“It was a requirement that all of us going on the flight had to be here for the dinner, but he didn’t bring anyone with him but his son, so maybe that’s why?” Looking over to where Mr. Lebedev had sat back down, his child still in his arms even in the chair, Kaito shrugged. “I’m just trying to translate him the best I can, his Russian’s a little different than what I learned and I don’t know all the small details of what he says all the time.”

Tsukia was in awe at how her dad was able to talk in weird words and then make ones she understood came of it, and even though she was in her mother’s lap at that point she desperately wanted to get over to him to ask him all her questions while in his face. “Mommy, please lemme go,” she plead several times, to which Maki merely grabbed her a bit tighter to keep her in place. Nothing good would come of the girl getting her way in that situation, not when there were people present that didn’t have unlimited time to ask things.

“Come on, Maki, let her sit with her dad, it’s not like she’ll be able to do that all the time once he’s gone,” Kaede said, watching how her friend had a tight hold on the girl’s arms. “If I were in your shoes, I’d let them be together as much as I could, so that she doesn’t miss him too much when he’s in space.”

“My daddy’s going to space,” Tsukia repeated, trying to squirm out of Maki’s hands as if what she and Kaede had both said would be enough to change any minds. “I’ve gotta get to be with my daddy before he’s in space.”

“Cute, but it’s not happening right now. In fact…” Trailing off as she pushed their chair back with her feet, Maki stood up and headed to the door with Tsukia still wrapped in her arms, the girl beginning to freak out at the fact that she had done nothing wrong and yet still managed to get herself removed from the situation. Once they were out in the hall, with the door to the boardroom closed behind them, Maki set the girl down and stared at her, hands resting on her hips. “You need to stop trying to be the center of attention in there, little girl. Is that any way to be behaving?”

The tone her mother was using wasn’t angry, but the glare she was giving certainly was. “I’m being a good girl!” Tsukia retorted, stomping her feet into the ground and mimicking her mother’s pose down to the narrowed eyes. “Daddy said to be a big, good girl and that’s what I’m doing! Mommy please, I’m being good!”

“You’re being a nuisance, that’s what you’re doing. We should’ve found someone to babysit you for the night so we could be here without you trying to involve yourself in places you don’t belong.” Her eyes relaxing slightly, Maki turned her back on the girl and started walking down the hall, away from they room they’d been in. “Follow me, we’re going to do something before we go back inside.”

Gulping, Tsukia’s little mind ran to the possibility of being punished further if she followed, but receiving something worse if she stayed where she was, and she decided that going along with her mother’s demands was best for her. She ran to catch up, taking Maki’s hand once she was at her side, and together they walked all the way down the hall to the entrance doors, which swung open for them as they left the building. “Mommy, where’re we going?” she asked, echoing what she’d been asking when she’d first gone into the building. “Are we going home?”

“Not right now, I’m showing you something.” Maki was leading her down a path that wrapped around the outside of the building, and in the post-sunset dimness Tsukia didn’t know what she was going to be shown but she did know that it was dark. They walked for a short amount of time, until they were on the backside of the building and standing in front of a fountain, the running water a pleasant sound to the girl’s ears. “I found this the last time your father dragged me to something here, back years and years ago. He didn’t know about it when I told him it was here, so I brought him out here and we sat on the fountain and…looked at the stars, I guess. It wasn’t fancy, but it was time we spent together.”

“Daddy sure does like looking at stars.” Tsukia was fascinated with the fountain and how it was operating even though it was nighttime. “Are we gonna look at the stars, Mommy?”

Maki glanced up towards the sky, where clouds obscured most of the viewing area, and what was still visible had too much remaining light for any stars to be visible. “Not right now, and if he found out we did that without him he wouldn’t be happy,” she answered, gathering the skirt of her dress to one side as she sat on the edge of the fountain. “We’re only out here to give him some time to talk to the Saiharas without you interrupting. Sit down before you hurt yourself or something.”

“I can do that.” The edge of the fountain came up to just below Tsukia’s shoulders, her tiny body more reminiscent of a child half her age, and she knew that if she tried climbing the rock to get on top of it she’d be scolded for her behavior. Instead, she flopped down on the ground right next to the fountain, the feeling of loose gravel underneath her strange given that she was wearing a dress. “I’m trying to be a good girl,” she reminded her mom, “and good girls do good girl things like listen.”

“Good girls also don’t sit on the ground where they’re going to get dirty, but you can only try so much.” Maki held out her hands towards Tsukia, who stood up and ran into them so that her mother could lift her up onto the fountain’s edge as well. Once she was balanced on it, she took one hand away but left the other on the girl’s lap to hold her in place. Tsukia wanted to turn around and look in the fountain, or even splash the water as it bubbled, but she knew that if she looked like she was going to play she’d be breaking the rules of behaving. Instead, she took hold of her mom’s hand, her tiny fingers playing with the dark scar that covered most of the back of it.

“You have pretty hands,” she said, not minding at all that scars were typically seen as being less-than-pretty. “I wanna grow up to be pretty like you, Mommy. Can I do that?”

Unsure of how to answer that, Maki flipped her hand over, now holding her legs down with the back of her hand and exposing the continuation of the scar on her palm. “I don’t have any say in that matter, sorry. If you didn’t inherit anything from your father, then yes, but if you got anything from him…”

“Daddy’s pretty too,” Tsukia laughed, “and he’s funny! I like Daddy a lot. Is he gonna come see me when he’s in space?” As she’d spoken, her laughter had faded and she’d become more solemn, as if the idea of her dad going to space was finally starting to make sense in her head. She wasn’t going to understand what was happening completely, but she was trying her best to get it as much as she possibly could. “I love him lots and lots, Mommy.”

“That makes two of us, kid.” Sighing hard enough that her whole body seemed to react to the motion, Maki made the mistake of pulling her hand away from where it was resting, so that she could run her hands through her shoulder-length hair, grabbing it to try and steady her mind from wherever it was going. When she sighed again, she was met with the sound of something splashing into the fountain, a forceful sound that caught her attention immediately to see that Tsukia had fallen backwards into the water, her feet still up on the edge but the rest of her submerged.

Fishing her out was easy, but the girl was sputtering once she was brought back into the air, falling into the water a complete surprise to her. She was crying and coughing, which made Maki feel worse about having told her daughter she couldn’t be on the ground in the first place. If she hadn’t lifted her up, she wouldn’t have fallen in, and now she had to deal with the consequences of that decision. The air held a bit of a chill to it without being wet, and Tsukia was completely soaked, she must have been cold and miserable as she lay there on the fountain’s edge, trying to cough up all the water she’d accidentally swallowed. That was when Maki decided that staying outside wasn’t in their best interest, and even though the girl was dripping with water she lifted her up, tossed her over her shoulder, and ran as fast as she could back into the building.

When they made it inside, they were both soaked, and Tsukia had coughed hard enough to cause herself to throw up several times down her mother’s back, but she no longer seemed to be struggling to breathe after her swim. Dripping water as they moved down the hall, Maki found the first bathroom along the way and ducked inside it, setting Tsukia down on the counter and beginning to take off the dress she was wearing, the smell of the vomit starting to get to her; Kaede was going to _murder_ her for letting that happen to another one of her dresses but in that moment Maki did not care. “Get your dress off too,” she told the girl, who was watching her mother stripping down with weary eyes. “It’ll make you warmer.”

Tsukia nodded, before slowly starting to pull her arms out of one of the sleeves on her dress. She hiccupped a few times while doing it, and when her dress was half off she began to whine in what Maki assumed was frustration at being unable to get it the rest of the way off—a large and incorrect assumption to make. She was whining because she felt herself getting sick again, and she lost control of herself when her mother was working to help her finish getting undressed, vomiting all over her mother’s head and exposed shoulders.

If it were the Maki of her youth, she might have done something she’d regret in that moment, but this was a somewhat understanding and slightly compassionate version of herself that knew that the girl was reeling from nearly drowning. Sure, she now had zero chance of being able to go back to the boardroom, and she wasn’t going to be able to leave that bathroom without smelling completely putrid, but her daughter was alive and recovering from her near-death experience. “Mommy, I’m so sorry,” Tsukia apologized, her voice shaking as she started crying. “I didn’t mean to—”

She was cut off a low command from her mother, “Not another word.” Nodding with her eyes frozen wide, Tsukia watched as Maki finished getting the wet dress off of her, before moving to the sink itself, turning the water on and trying to fill the sink basin with warm water. “I’m going to try and clean up, if you feel like you’re going to throw up again do me a favor and don’t do it on me.”

Tsukia’s eyes were still frozen as she hiccupped again, and Maki braced herself for what she thought was going to follow. Instead, the girl swallowed down and gave a weary smile towards her mother. “I’m gonna try my best,” she said, before leaning back against the mirror behind the counter. “I’m a good girl, good girls try their best.”

“That’s right, now stay there and stay awake.” Maki didn’t blame the girl for looking like she was tired, she’d just been through a lot in a very short amount of time, but the fear was there that letting her sleep would bring about more problems. As the sink filled up, she dipped her hands into the warm water to test it, before picking up Tsukia’s dress (which had been spared from all of the vomit, meaning it was soggy but clean) and putting part of its skirt into the water. Using it as a washcloth, she was able to get most of her head and body clean, although the stench lingered in her hair and on her skin, and once she’d gotten the majority of it off of herself she threw the dress down on top of the one she’d borrowed from Kaede. “I don’t know what we’re going to do now,” she admitted, letting the water that had collected in the sink drain away as she picked Tsukia up and held her in one arm. “We’re both indecent, we can’t leave this bathroom unless someone brought us something new to wear.”

The girl gave a slow blink, looking in the mirror at herself and her mother. She was used to seeing herself in very little clothing, she habitually stripped down to her underwear while at home all the time, but seeing her mother in a similar state was less frequent. If she hadn’t been able to tell the situation was rough, she would have asked questions about why there were so many faint lines over her body, or why her stomach had many dark spots and places where it looked like people had drawn. All she could do right then was stare, and Maki knew that it was her that was being stared at.

To make matters worse, that was when the door to the bathroom came open, Maki having forgotten to lock it when she’d ran inside. Of all the people it could have been to join them, it was the one person who could be of help to them, and Kaede was just as surprised to see Maki standing there, in her strapless bra and a thin pair of underwear, as Maki was to see someone else come in. “Let me guess, someone started feeling bad while you were gone and she didn’t make it to a trash can,” Kaede suggested, her mind jumping to the logical motherly option for what had resulted in the current scene. “It would explain why you’re both nearly nude in a public bathroom, and why it smells so nasty in here.”

As thankful as she was for that conclusion to be jumped to, Maki wasn't the one who responded to it. Tsukia, hearing the suggestion that had been made, put on her best sick voice and replied, "My tummy felt bad and I made a mess." She sounded convincing enough that there was no reason at all for Kaede to assume anything but that she was being told the truth.

"That's so horrible, but…” Kaede was reaching into one of her dress' built-in pockets to pull out her phone. "I have an idea for how to fix this. Kirumi's at the house babysitting for us, she can grab something for both of you to wear and have it over here as soon as possible." There wasn't any time she was wasting in getting someone else in on the problem, and Maki wasn't going to stop her.

"Can you have her bring me some soap or something to watch my hair out with?" she asked, getting hit by another wave of the disgusting scent in the bathroom with them. "I can't go back to the dinner smelling like this."

"I'll see what she can do, sure!" Delicately stepping towards the two soiled dresses, Kaede was typing quickly on her phone before tucking it away, turning towards the mother and daughter with a grim expression. "I don't know how to say this without sounding bad, but this does _not_ look like something just upset her stomach. Has she been super sick lately?"

Looking at her daughter and hoping that a lie would come to mind quickly, Maki ended up choosing to say something she felt could be easily retracted if necessary. "She hasn't, but she has been trying new things lately. Maybe she had an allergic reaction to something we didn't know about? Would that cause all this?"

"It might’ve, poor baby." Kaede gave Tsukia a genuinely sorry-looking expression before bending down to look at the dress she'd lent out, grimacing at how nasty it was. "I hope Kirumi takes these back with her and washes them, they're so cute and don't deserve to be ruined by something like this.”

“Hold on, how in the world is Kirumi going to bring something small enough for Tsukia to wear?” That thought hadn’t occurred to Maki until just then, as the light weight of her daughter in her arms finally hit her mind. “Unless you’re telling me you’ve got access to clothes much, much smaller than what either of your kids have worn in years, I’m not sure it’s going to work.”

“She knows some people, she’ll bring you both something when she gets here.” Having specifically said _when_ , not if, it was clear that Kaede was certain her plan was going to work, and now that she’d been able to locate the missing two and start fixing their problem, she had other places to be. “I’m going to let the guys know where you are and why you’re not coming back right away, but, seriously, don’t let anyone else inside here with you except for me, or them, or Kirumi when she gets here. Last thing I think you need is someone who doesn’t understand a word we’re saying trying to come in.”

Maki nodded, thinking about the multicultural group that they were supposed to be a part of right then. “Got it. How long do you think it’ll take for her to get here, just so I know how much longer I’ve got to sit in this stench.”

“It’s Kirumi, she works efficiently and shouldn’t take too long. Honestly, I bet the longest part of her trip is going to be wrangling the kids to get them to cooperate with her, but even then if they know it’s because of Tsukia they might behave better.” Shrugging, Kaede found her way back to the door and opened it just enough to slide out of it, the gap between it and the wall small enough to easily hide from. “Remember to lock this once I’m out! And please feel better, little one!”

“I’ll try!” Tsukia called back, as the door closed and trapped them inside the bathroom once again. She looked at her mom with somewhat angry eyes, although she wasn’t feeling angered at all by anything. “Mommy, did I do good telling a lie?”

Setting the girl down so that she could give her arms a moment’s break, Maki walked over to lock the door as she answered the question. “Yes, that was very smart of you to do that. If Kaede found out you got sick because you fell into the fountain, I don’t think helping us clean up would’ve been her top priority.”

“Can I tell Daddy that—”

“No! Don’t tell him anything about what we did!” The words came out more like a bellowed yell than anything, and Maki heard Tsukia’s small gasp followed by a couple of coughs that were disguising sobs, which made her feel worse about what had happened. If Kaito were to find out about the fountain and how their daughter had nearly drowned, she wasn’t sure he’d be able to go up into space with an open mind about things. She knew how worrying about his family had ruined one trip already, she didn’t want to be responsible for a second, much longer one, being ruined as well.

The girl meekly nodded after slowly collecting herself, but she remained silent for quite some time after. She would cast upset stares in her mother’s direction, her narrowed brows showing genuine hurt feelings for once, yet she said nothing at all to pass the time. People came and knocked on the door, and Maki had to tell them without opening it to go away, to find somewhere else to go; it was after several instances of that when Tsukia decided she was going to speak again. “I bet Daddy is looking for us,” she said, her voice small. “Did you tell him to go away?”

“He wouldn’t be looking for us, not when Kaede should have told him what was going on, so don’t worry about it. You’ll get to see him soon enough, we just need to get clean and dressed before you can.” It wasn’t enough to get her to stop being upset over being snapped at, or to get her to even come closer to her mother, but it was enough to get her to look forward to what was going to happen.

When Kirumi knocked at the door, she prefaced her knocking with a greeting and a message that her hands were full, and when Maki let her in she was expecting to see replacement dresses and not much else. Instead, she was greeted with arms full of cleaning supplies, a bucket for hair-washing, and towels. “I didn’t know how prepared I needed to be, so I made a stop before arriving,” she explained, setting everything down on the counter before sizing up the two to see what needed to be done. “It seems that Tsukia just needs to be re-dressed, but that you need more work done, correct?”

“Something like that, sure.” Maki was still surprised at how much care Kirumi had put into grabbing things to bring with her, and while she watched her put Tsukia into a clean dress a thought came across her mind that had her glancing towards the door. “Wait a second, weren’t you babysitting the Saihara kids? Where are they?”

“They’re with the person I stopped to see, so that they’re not underfoot while I’m here. If they had been invited to tonight’s engagement they would have already been here, so bringing them seemed absurd.” Tightening the somewhat loose dress with a convenient drawstring, Kirumi sent a message down to who she knew was also present when she felt it was safe to send the young girl out, and after Kaede had come down to get her (with a promise that she’d be taken right to her dad), that was when the focus was turned to cleaning Maki up. “I want you to be honest with me about what happened here, I won’t tell a soul what I hear from you nor will I cease assisting you if you say something bad.”

If it were anyone else in the world, Maki would have refused on the spot and faced whatever consequences might have come of her silence. She trusted Kirumi though, and knew that she had her best interests in mind time after time, plus she’d been able to prove herself excellent at keeping secrets in the past. That meant, while they undid the damage that being vomited on had caused to Maki’s hair and skin, she was explaining in detail what had happened to cause the scene to fall as it had. Kirumi said nothing as she worked, listening to what her friend was telling her with open ears, and even at the part about the accidental dip into the fountain she did not break her concentration.

“That’s all of it, pretty sure,” Maki concluded, having caught up to the moment of running into the bathroom with a sick child. “I didn’t mean to do anything wrong, I just didn’t know that she’d fall backwards the moment I let go of her.”

“It does seem like a total accident, and not something you could have seen coming in such a short amount of time.” Drying her hands on one of the towels she’d brought, Kirumi’s lips were in a straight line but she didn’t sound angry or upset. “I was worried that you would tell me something that could then be blamed on a lack of self-care, but this seems like a genuine accident that could have happened to anyone in charge of watching Tsukia in that moment. It could have been Kaito stuck with her, or anyone else, it didn’t have to be you.”

“If you’re trying to make me feel less horrible about her almost drowning on my watch, you’re doing a great job of it,” she sarcastically replied, before sighing. “But I get it, you’re doing the thing I need you to do right now and I appreciate it. It’s just…hard knowing that everything bad that happens to my child happens because of me.”

Kirumi nodded, dipping her fingers into the clean water she was using to wash Maki’s hair to test its temperature. “I understand that you hold a lot of guilt about past events in your heart, and perhaps what you should do is begin to push past those problems and instead create better things to look back on. Might I suggest you do something family-oriented and safe with your daughter, so that when you look back on yourself as a parent you can point that out in your mind?”

“Oh, that’s totally great, except I don’t have the first idea of what I’d do.” Based on how Kirumi chuckled at that response, Maki should have known that she’d already come up with something to suggest—but she’d had no way of knowing that the suggestion would be so great and so perfect for their current situation.

* * *

When Maki had been able to return to the boardroom, with her hair clean and tied up so that it didn’t drip water everywhere and a new better-fitting dress on her body, she was immediately thrown into a conversation that she would have been completely lost in had she not just been discussing something similar with Kirumi. In her absence, it seemed that the discussion had been struck up about things to do to commemorate time spent together before the flight took place, and when she came back it was obvious that people wanted her input on the possibilities.

There were suggestions of going on trips (which some of the other astronauts seemed to be planning on doing), or spending time doing nothing but sitting at home (which one of the others was insisting on), but neither of those options seemed fitting for them. “All we ever do is spend time around here, we’ve got a disadvantage on the ‘staying home’ thing,” Kaito said with a chuckle, after having laid out everything before Maki. “And I know that traveling too far wouldn’t work, because I don’t wanna just leave our extended family out of this. Y’know, these two and their kids,” he motioned towards Kaede and Shuichi as he referred to them, “and my grandparents, and all the people like that.”

“I’m fine with not doing much of anything, as long as we don’t get dragged into wild and crazy adventures because people think they’d be fun.” The idea of traveling the world was tempting to Maki, but she didn’t have anywhere in mind that she wanted to go, and having to take Tsukia anywhere out of the country seemed like it would end up akin to a nightmare. “But I think we do need to do _something_ while you’re still here, and I might just have an idea that will work.”

As she explained what Kirumi had suggested to her not long before, she had every pair of ears in her general area listening intently to her every word. When she finished with a shrug and an apology for it not being her own idea that she was sharing, but that she’d take the blame if it wasn’t good, the others all looked among each other and seemed to be on board with it, but it was Tsukia who said something first. “I wanna get pictures done!” she squealed, all signs of her having been sick earlier in the night having completely vanished. “Mommy, can we please do that? With you and me and Daddy?”

“It’d definitely be something good to keep around while I’m gone, that’s for sure.” Kaito took a second to look at his friends, who were both smiling at him as they waited for what he was going to finish saying. “So I don’t see much of a problem with it, as long as you know someone who’ll do it for us.”

“If she doesn’t, we do,” Kaede cut in, Shuichi nodding beside her. “It’s really, stupidly obvious who it is, but we’ve tossed around getting pictures painted of our family before, and Angie has totally offered to—”

Without realizing what she was doing until she’d done it, Maki interjected, “How did I know that you’d suggest her, of all the people who do pictures around here? Kirumi told me to ask her about it too.”

“—probably because she’s the best artist we all know, and she does that kind of stuff for us at a cheap price?” Not bothered by being interrupted by something so pointless, Kaede brought her finger to her chin as she tried to think about how to elaborate on what she’d said. “I’m pretty sure she didn’t even charge me when I had her paint those baby pictures for you guys, so I bet if you asked her real nicely she’d consider working for free again.”

“I’m going to space, she better not charge us too much to get memories painted before I go!” Throwing a hand into the air, fist curled as he did, Kaito seemed beyond excited about the possibility of sitting still for a portrait or two, and Maki was thankful that he’d taken the suggestion she’d been given to pass along so well. It had felt like it’d be hit or miss with him, since his fellow astronauts were spending their last months on Earth doing grandiose things or going back to their home countries to spend their time, but if he was okay with something so simple, then she was fine with it as well.

The one aspect to the situation that she wasn’t fond of was that it was going to require Angie getting involved. The memories were faint and not well-defined, but the last time Maki remembered interacting with her in any capacity was back during that first space flight, when there had been mental illness running rampant that was being ignored. She didn’t want to dredge up those bad memories if she even had them, but she had to hope that Angie didn’t remember a thing about those dark days either, and that if she agreed to do the portraits she would be professional about them.

Neither of those hopes were able to come true, as unfortunate as it was, and that was made clear the moment Angie showed up at the front door of their house about a month later, her arrival a complete surprise as arranging everything had been done by Kaede, who’d insisted to get to help her friends out. Angie’s way of announcing her arrival was to bang on the door as loud as she could, and just when Maki was opening the door and telling herself it would only get better from there, things spiraled down further. “Ah, Maki, it’s a pleasure to see you! Atua has told me many things about your struggles in life since our last meeting, shall I bring him into a discussion with you to cleanse your tired soul?”

“I’m not interested in your Atua business today, what are you doing here?” It was an empty question, as Maki could see Angie’s large bag of art supplies and the oversized canvas she had leaning against her side, but asking something felt like the only somewhat polite way to cut through the nonsense. “Are you painting, or preaching?”

“I was hoping it would be a bit of both, Atua loves to speak when I am working, and you know I cannot deny His voice!” Her head tilting from side to side, Angie spoke and acted like a girl much younger than she was, and it was grating to Maki to hear it. “You simply must let me inside at once, the artwork I created in your home when there was so much turmoil in your mind was most divine! I must attempt to recreate that sort of magic! Not only that, but I must attempt to bring the light to Atua’s youngest chosen one!”

It took every ounce of strength for Maki to not close the door in Angie’s face and leave things right there, but she was stopped by a small voice popping up behind her, Tsukia having been called to the door by the sound of an unfamiliar voice. “We have someone here?” the girl asked, pushing her head around her mother’s leg to see who was waiting on the other side. “I don’t know who this is.”

“That must be the darling angel that Atua loves so much!” Angie exclaimed, pushing the canvas to lean against the front of the house so she could crouch down to get more on Tsukia’s level. “There are big plans for you, divine ones that you alone must fulfill! I’ve been waiting for the day I get to properly speak with you, sweet child! Atua has been talking to me day and night about this moment!”

Without moving an inch, even with Angie trying to get close to her, Tsukia did as any overwhelmed child would do in her situation; she looked up at her mom and repeated the last thing she’d said, following it up with, “She scares me a little, Mommy. Make her stop.”

Without missing a beat, Maki knew exactly what it was that Tsukia expected her to say to Angie. “You heard my daughter, stop talking to her right now.”

“She’s only scared because she has not yet been given the chance to let Atua into her life! Do not fear, child, when you get to hear His voice just as I do, then there will be zero room for fear!” The giant smile on Angie’s face was concerning, frightening Tsukia more than she already was, and soon she was bolting into the house in tears, calling for her dad to help get rid of the “scary” lady at the door. Angie did not seem bothered by the reaction, standing back up and grabbing her canvas from where she’d let it rest. “I’m sure by the end of the day she’ll be less likely to do that, everyone loves me and Atua when I’m finished with them!”

Maki was still resisting closing the door, a decision made harder by how terrified the little girl had sounded when she ran away, but she knew that backing out of the arrangement that had obviously been made for a portrait wouldn’t be appropriate. “How about you do us all a favor and drop the Atua bullshit, just this once?” she asked, knowing her vulgar way of approaching the topic wouldn’t make it be taken any more seriously than it would have been otherwise. “I’m not going to let my daughter be crying in our picture because you can’t shut your trap about your fake god.”

“Silly Maki, Atua is just as real as we are, but…if you hand over some money I might consider toning it down for you today.” Extortion at its finest, Maki knew, but she also knew that it was the only chance she had to keep Angie’s mouth closed about religion to some level, and she didn’t want to put up with it all day.

There was really only one question to ask in response to that bribe, and that was how much money she was looking for—and the answer she got made her wish she’d never asked in the first place. “You’re lucky that I can’t send you home, because you’re trying to rob us blind in order to get you to knock the preaching off.”

“You could always just let me speak Atua’s word and save your money.” Angie’s head was tilting side to side again, and now Maki was having to resist dropping politeness and formality and just socking her in the jaw. “Come on, Maki, what choice are you going to make? Money or Atua? I’m fine with either.”

“Of course you’d be fine with either, at that insane rate,” Maki grumbled, before agreeing to give her the money to make the day go by as painlessly as possible. She decided that if Kaito asked her about why she was handing Angie so much cash for the picture, she’d be brutally honest about it and let him know that it was only because she didn’t want to have to hear endless drivel about Atua for as long as Angie was there. He’d most likely understand, and if he didn’t then she’d be sure to make it clear that it was immediately bothering Tsukia, and having her upset wasn’t anything either of them wanted in their lives. Since she didn’t have that kind of money hanging around on her person, inviting Angie inside to let herself get set up for the painting was what happened next, before she headed to the bedroom to get the money from her personal emergency stash.

She was met with the sight of Kaito holding Tsukia when she got inside the room, the girl crying and trying to explain what had happened through her large tears. “What’s all this about something scaring her up at the door?” Kaito asked, just as unaware as to what was going on as Maki had been before she’d answered the loud knocking. “She said that you were trying to fight it but it was too scary? What’s that about?”

“Angie’s here, for that painting that we agreed to get done. Kaede must’ve forgotten to tell us when it was set for, or Angie just decided when she’d do it on her own.” Maki was already at her side of the bed, lifting the mattress up to pull out a faded envelope from underneath it. She could see him watching her, his mind working to try and piece together what she was doing, but as no questions were asked she didn’t feel like explaining it right then. Her fingers counted out the exact amount that Angie had asked for, taking it out of the envelope and tucking it back where she kept it safe, before heading towards the door, Kaito following her with his eyes. “Well? Are you going to go out there for it or not?”

“Shouldn’t we, uh, be dressed nice for it or something?” His eyes were still on Maki, and it was then that she realized she’d answered the door and dealt with Angie there in nothing but a nightgown that barely reached her upper thighs when she was standing, and didn’t do much to cover her chest. Her face lit up in embarrassment at the whole ordeal and she ran to change into appropriate clothes, while Kaito laughed and set Tsukia down to dress himself. The only one of them who was already decent was the girl, as she loved dressing herself in whatever clothes she could match together, which made further preparations easy as they didn’t need to worry too much about her.

When they made it out to the main part of the house, Angie had completely changed how the room was set up, so that she could build her easel and set up her canvas in the way she saw most appropriate. “It’s about time that you join me, I was beginning to fear I’d be painting ghosts or the like,” she said with a laugh, getting Kaito to jump backwards at what she’d mentioned. That made her laugh more, only stopping for a second when Maki dragged her feet over to her and handed her the agreed-upon amount of money. As she tucked it away, she was laughing once again, her eyes glimmering in the light she’d intentionally made brighter for the purpose of doing her job.

She did calm down after a few moments, getting into more of an artist’s mindset about the situation now that she’d been paid off to be quiet, and she directed them as to where they needed to sit and how they needed to position themselves next to each other. “Aren’t you going to ask us how _we_ want this to look?” Maki had glanced towards Kaito as the directions had been given to see how he was taking them, but he was still shaky about the mention of ghosts and was going along with her word blindly, which meant that she needed to take charge on her own suggested idea. “This isn’t just some random picture you’re painting, it’s one meant to be our big thing before Kaito leaves for almost a year.”

“Yes, yes, Kaede made sure to let me know the reason for this, but she told me to let you sit in whatever makes you comfortable and let At—I mean, let myself decide what kind of outfit to paint you in. Surely you’ve seen the work I’ve done of her family, hm?” Taking a paintbrush into her hand, Angie poked the wooden end of it into her cheek as she looked at Maki, waiting for an answer. “They’re all lovely pieces, you must have seen them.”

“I have, but I don’t know what that has to do with…” Trailing off as she understood why Angie didn’t care what they were wearing, Maki rolled her eyes. “Never mind, I get it. You’re going to dress us up however you feel like when you’re painting this, aren’t you?”

Angie nodded, her paintbrush poking into her cheek further. “I am most certainly going to do exactly that! It’s a talent that Atua gave me when he blessed me as an artist, and it makes my paintings so much better than completely staged ones! Have a seat, I’ll give you a picture worth hanging where everyone can see it!”

“Y-yeah, just have a seat, Maki Roll, there’s no point in arguing with her about what she’s gonna do to this painting.” Kaito had already sat down, Tsukia right next to him with her hand patting the spot next to her that her mother was supposed to take, and as much as Maki wanted to know what, exactly, Angie had in mind for dressing them in, she knew that it was going to be a waste of time trying to find out. She gently pushed her daughter’s hand aside as she sat down, only for Tsukia to put it right on her mom’s leg as a sign of comfort. They were squeezed there together, and before any of them could ask if that was how they needed to be, Angie had gasped and started working on something on her canvas.

Sitting still was hard for two of the three there, and while Maki could have spent quite a bit of time unmoving and in position neither of the others could. It was miraculous that they made it even a minute before Tsukia was kicking her legs, and Kaito was already trying to shift how he was due to feeling her moving next to him. “This isn’t fun, Mommy,” Tsukia remarked as she noticed that her mother wasn’t moving at all. “I wanna get up and run around and not be sitting.”

“If you wait just a little bit, you can move as much as you want, sweet child!” Angie called, surprising them all as Tsukia had been talking quietly and shouldn’t have been able to be heard even across the room. “I’ll focus on your beautiful face first, to make it easier for you to not have to keep sitting there for me!”

“She says I’m beautiful,” the little girl repeated, her face lighting up in a large smile that she was able to focus on maintaining with the same energy that had been propelling her legs. True to her word, it was only a little while later that Angie told her she could get up and do whatever she wanted, under the condition that she first came and looked at the picture so far before leaving. Without even asking either parent if it was okay to do that, Tsukia threw herself from her spot and ran over to the other side of Angie’s canvas, squealing once she was there. “Mommy, Daddy, it’s me on there! She put me on her big paper!”

“How much you want to bet it’s taking everything Angie has not to correct her?” Maki whispered to Kaito, who was still fidgeting but not nearly as much now that he had a little more leg room than he had before. “That, and not telling her everything there is to know about her whack-job religion.”

“I’m not betting anything with you about that, Maki Roll. I know you paid her off to get her to leave things like that alone, I’m not stupid when it comes to dealing with Angie.” It was more obvious that Kaito was saying something than it had been when Maki was talking, as he wasn’t as skilled at talking without moving his mouth as she was, but he wasn’t talking loud enough for Angie to look over at them. “I just hope that we aren’t stuck being models too long today, the fact that she’s given Tsukia permission to be doing her own thing rubs me the wrong way.”

“What can we do about it, though? Tell her not to try parenting our child? I bet she gets to tell everyone’s kids what they can and can’t do when she’s doing portraits, and she doesn’t even ask if she’s allowed to now.” The prime example that she could have given for that sort of behavior would have been the Saihara children, but Maki knew that Kaito could guess that she was referring to them without it needing explanation. “Besides, Tsukia’s smart enough to know what she can and can’t do around here, she won’t get herself into trouble while we’re stuck posing like dolls.”

“Damn it, I hope you’re right about that.” Letting his face relax, Kaito paused for a moment before addressing Angie directly: “Hey, Angie, how long’s this going to take you to do? Some of us have real lives to get back to when you’re done!”

“It won’t take long at all, don’t you worry! I know that you have big, important astronaut things to attend to that I can’t keep you from, so I’ll start work right away on your image! Now smile big, I need to get your good side!” Angie’s voice was so upbeat and chipper as she gave directions, it was nearly impossible to ignore them, and that was why Kaito went back to smiling exactly as he was instructed. Since Maki knew it wasn’t her turn to look like she wanted to be painted, she rolled her eyes and grumbled something about how Angie’s method of doing things was rather stupid. She knew that Kaito could hear her, based on how he was starting to move around even while trying to keep still, and she halfway wished that Angie could hear her too.

It wasn’t very long until she announced that he was allowed to get up and do whatever he pleased, and that she only needed Maki’s presence to continue working on the picture. “I haven’t heard a single sound out of wherever Tsukia went, I’m going to check on her before I do anything else,” he said as he stood up, not even thanking Angie for her time or consideration of his schedule when he left the room. His disappearance made for a silence to overtake the room, which was only broken with the sound of him yelling in surprise about something from the direction of Tsukia’s room.

As much as Maki wanted to go see what was going on, her so much as attempting to lift a leg was met with a firm shake of Angie’s head. “Not so fast, miss Maki, it’s your turn to be added into my masterpiece and I cannot have you dashing off to be a good mother in the middle of me working. Leave your daughter in Atua’s hands…oh, and Kaito’s as well, I suppose. Everything will be perfectly fine!”

“You don’t know how things work in this house, but whatever,” Maki replied, her words feeling less like she said them and more like she was spitting them in Angie’s general direction. She knew that if something were wrong, it wouldn’t have been such a shocked yell she’d heard, but there were so many possibilities that would have generated that reaction that she was curious to know what it was. For all she knew, Tsukia had destroyed her room in the short amount of time she’d been able to be in there by herself, and with how many large pieces of furniture there were in there, the chance of her having gotten herself trapped behind or under something was high. That yell could have been Kaito’s reaction to seeing his daughter pinned under a bookcase, perfectly fine but scared for her life.

“Your eyes are beginning to glaze over, is everything okay in your little world?” In thinking about what could have happened, Maki hadn’t realized that she was falling into one of her trances, and she snapped back into reality at the sound of Angie’s voice. That was when she realized that Angie was no longer behind the canvas, but was instead standing right in front of her, the paintbrush turned around in her hand and the wooden back mere inches from the tip of Maki’s nose. “I came closer to admire your features for photorealism but then you seemed to slip away and it was quite worrisome! I hadn’t even been able to ask Atua for guidance in how to support you, but you came back without His help anyway!”

“Yeah, I…I’m sorry that I started doing that in front of you, but thanks for not smacking me to get me back. I’ll be fine, just keep doing whatever you were doing.” Internally, Maki’s stomach was churning at the fact that she’d just fallen back into a trance simply because she was thinking about something bad happening to her daughter. Before when those would happen, it was triggered by her thinking about the attack she’d suffered through, but the attack had been far from her mind and yet it had happened. She might have been comparing something bad happening to Tsukia _to_ the attack without realizing it, and that would have been a good reason for—

Her thoughts came to a halt when she felt a palm firmly hit her cheek, and she was once again staring into Angie’s face, the lighting in the room casting dark shadows over Angie’s entire visible body. “You did it again, so I chose to smack you, because Atua said that you must respond best to that.”

“Thanks, the giant bruise you’ll have left will look so great in your painting,” Maki sarcastically said, before pushing Angie away with both hands. She got to her feet, her whole world spinning as she stood, and despite Angie’s protests that she needed to stay where she was for the portrait, she headed to the bedroom. “I’m going to take care of something first, hold your damn horses for five minutes while I do this, got it?”

“There’s no need for such rudeness!” Angie called after her, but based on her cheery tone she didn’t seem to be bothered slightly by how snappish Maki had been with her. However, Maki wasn’t sure she’d still be so upbeat when she came back after going into the room, slamming the door behind her, and throwing herself onto the bed. By the time her face hit her pillow she was crying, everything that had been running through her mind that she’d been trying so hard to push away from her thoughts coming at her at full speed.

It had been over five years since she’d been hospitalized for her breakdowns and hallucinations, five years of remembering medications and doctor visits and trying to rebuild a life that had been shattered after having already been broken. The sudden blackouts and breakdowns had disappeared almost entirely, having only happened a handful of times since then, so for her to have experienced two within minutes (as far as she knew, she didn’t know how long she’d been out of focus) was concerning. If she was beginning to spiral back down, she’d need to get that taken care of before Kaito left, otherwise it would be a repeat of his first space trip with her completely losing control of her life because she didn’t know how to function as a normal person.

Her tears slowly stopped falling as she rolled over and looked up at the ceiling in the bedroom, decorated with glow-in-the-dark stars that Kaito had stuck up there after he’d come back from his second flight. He said that they helped him sleep at night, reminders of the real stars out in the sky, and that they were good to focus on when everything felt so overwhelming in his life. She’d never tried using them as a coping method before, but to collect herself there in that moment she chose to count the stars, to count the different things that mattered to her as much as space mattered to him.

She didn’t fall into another trance laying there, but she did doze off for a little while, her mind occupied with her attempt to think of everything she loved. “Hey, Maki Roll, naptime’s over, Angie’s looking for ya to get your part of the picture done,” she heard Kaito say as she woke up, meaning that he’d been sitting next to her watching her sleep for some time. “She said that you’d left because you were doin’ weird things and she had to slap you, which I figured meant that you got into a fight but I’m guessing that’s not the case, huh?”

“No, it wasn’t a fight, I was just getting worked up over things that didn’t matter,” she told him, sitting up and feeling him put a comforting hand on her back. “What was Tsukia up to when you found her, by the way? You yelling was what set me off.”

“It wasn’t anything big, she was just in her room staging a war with some of her toys, y’know, kid stuff and all that.” He gently ran his hand down her spine, before wrapping it around her side when he got closer to the bed. “I didn’t think you’d hear me so I didn’t tone it down, guess I should’ve thought about that one better.”

“It’s fine, you didn’t know what it’d do to me if I heard it.” The addition _I didn’t know what it would do to me_ was on Maki’s tongue, but she swallowed the sentence down like it was an extra dose of her medication. “I’m fine now, don’t worry. Let’s let Angie finish up and get her out of our house, and then maybe we can have a normal night to offset the weird day.” He agreed with her decision and together they got off the bed and headed back to where Angie had completely covered most of her canvas in paint, the lone bare place being where Maki’s details needed to be. She apologized for disappearing like she did, which Angie shrugged off as if it wasn’t a problem at all, and they got right back to work.

There was a lot of just sitting in that spot for Maki, completely motionless and unaware of what Angie was doing, until she was asked, “I know this is supposed to be a portrait of how you are now, but I remember how much your long hair meant to you! Would you like me to paint you with that, or with your hair as it is now? Atua says that showing you as you wish you were is acceptable.”

“Oh, uh, how it is now is fine,” she replied, the thought of seeing herself with her impossibly long hair setting up red flags in her mind. She couldn’t look at old pictures of herself without starting to think about what had happened regarding her hair, she didn’t want to have to add the canvas to her list of things to avoid. “It’s probably not going to end up much longer than this anyway, so it’ll look like me for a long time.”

“That’s a good answer!” Angie chirped, her paintbrush frantically working to add in the detail she’d just asked about. Standing behind her, Kaito was watching with wide, focused eyes, the occasional mumble of surprise coming from his lips. He was entranced by how fast Angie was working, but Maki wasn’t sure if the speed was going to translate to something even halfway decent.

When she was told she could get up, that the rest of the picture could be finished without live models, Maki was skeptical, but as she came to see the progress Kaito was there to quell any doubts. “It’s amazing, I’m tellin’ you, she’s like a magician with art or something, because there’s no way this should look this good!”

“Why thank you for the kind words, Kaito, but Himiko’s the only mage I know. My talent comes from Atua’s love for me, without Him I wouldn’t be able to paint like I do.” Angie was blushing at the compliment, her cheeks having darkened to the point that it looked like she’d painted them. “I’m not going to be able to finish this today, which I hope you understand, but it will be done soon enough! My three new favorite people to paint, all in one image!”

Maki came to stand beside Kaito, and when she cleared her throat to let Angie know she was ready to see the whole thing, the artist jumped to the side, giving a dramatic arm-flourish at her current masterpiece. The room was accurately painted, as was the couch they’d been sitting on, and all three of their faces and hairstyles looked strikingly similar to how they did in real life; it was everything else that took the painting to a different level of creative. They were dressed in formalwear, as if they were famous stars or royalty sitting for their portrait to be created, but it was so well-done that it looked like Angie was painting exactly what she’d been seeing. “I’m going to alter the background to make it look formal as well, but first and foremost I needed to get you three finished up,” she explained, her fingers wiggling to direct any and all attention to the art. “I’ve been so blessed to be working on this for you, and Atua will guide me to making it perfect!”

“And we’ll be excited to see it when it’s done,” Kaito assured her, stopping Maki from saying something about the sudden increase in references to her religious figure. “It’ll hang up somewhere in here, and we’ll be able to look at your great art anytime we want. I’ve never had to look that good before, you’re makin’ me wish I had a reason to.”

Stomping on his foot with her bare one, Maki gave him a friendly, yet pointed, reminder: “You looked like that when we got married, moron. Except not quite as old.”

Kaito’s jaw dropped at the comment. “H-hey, I don’t look _old_ , I’m _mature_!”

Even though the painting wasn’t the best idea of something for them to do before he left, it was certainly a good one for them to have chosen. When they got the finished version a few days later, delivered to them by an exhausted-looking Angie (who told them that she hadn’t slept a minute while working on it, as to not lose her creative flow), they hung it up on the brightest spot on the wall to let it be illuminated as often as possible. She seemed to think that the light being there was Atua’s way of saying that was its final home, they thought that it was just fated to be that way anyway. Final thank-yous were given, as well as several hugs from Angie to the couple, but the worst part of the exchange of the painting was when Tsukia came to see what was going on, and burst into tears at how overwhelming the large canvas’ interpretation of her was to her young mind.

She ended up being picked up by Angie, not a single comment about how she was one of Atua’s chosen escaping her lips as she held the girl and told her all of the secrets that the painting held. By the time she left the family to go back to her gallery, Tsukia was crying once again, this time because she didn’t want Angie to leave. “Since she did such a good job with this, I wouldn’t be opposed to asking her to paint us again sometime,” Maki said, having picked her daughter up trying to calm her. “What about you, Kaito?”

“I’unno, having Angie around here too much might cost us more than we’re willing to spend,” he replied, referring exclusively to the fact that she’d been paid off to keep quiet rather than how much the painting itself would’ve cost. “But if it makes you happy, Maki Roll, then I’m okay with it.”

She cringed at how he could even assume that she was making the suggestion for her own sake, especially when they were talking over loud cries for the artist woman to come back right then. “It wouldn’t make me happy. It would make Tsukia happy.”

“Then if it makes her happy, I’d be doubly okay with it. Whatever we’ve gotta do for our little girl.” That was a sentiment she’d never stop repeating in her mind, and she was glad that he’d put it into words for her to hear.


	8. re-entry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: alcohol, smoking

The atmosphere surrounding those months leading up to the launch was joyful and filled with excitement, all of the men who were going to be on the flight finding a strong level of camaraderie despite the language barriers separating some of them from each other. Not a week went by where Kaito wasn’t heading out for a night with the men who had chosen to stick around until launch, and when he’d call Maki at some late hour asking her for a ride home because he couldn’t drive himself she’d be treated to hearing all about the drunken exploits while transporting him back. She could have chosen to go out with him, as the invitation had been extended to her several times but she turned it down time and time again, claiming that her days of getting so drunk she could barely stand straight were behind her and that she wouldn’t be having fun if she were there.

That was a small part of the truth of why she turned down the invitations, but she always neglected to remind Kaito that she _couldn’t_ drink like they used to, because the last thing she needed was for the alcohol to start messing with her mind, or perhaps her medications, and if she weren’t sober she wouldn’t know what was real and what was a potential hallucination. Adding in the fact that someone needed to watch Tsukia but that she wasn’t going to drop the girl on someone else’s doorstep all the time, as well as that if she were drinking, no one would be quite as willing to bail both of them out with a ride, it was just better for everyone if she stayed at home and kept living the quiet life she so desperately needed.

For the most part, Kaito understood that this was her choice and that she was making it for herself, but there were nights where he would be recounting what had been discussed while the men had been slamming down drinks and he would look at her, a wistful gaze in his eyes. “I just think it’d be better if you were gettin' out, doing things with people sometimes,” he would tell her, sometimes several times in a row, and she’d shrug it off, knowing that he wouldn’t remember a thing about what he’d said when he’d wake up in the morning.

As it got closer to launch day, the rest of the astronauts returned to the area and were then able to go out with those who’d been around since the start as well, and the plans for late nights began to turn into ones for all-nighters out with the crew. Even though she knew that she couldn’t stop Kaito from wanting to keep taking part in them, Maki tried to reason with him about maybe not drinking so heavily while he was out, so that he wouldn’t spend the following days in bed, completely sick and miserable over his over-indulgence. “You used to never get hangovers, now you’re getting one every time you look at a drink for too long,” she teased him the morning after what was supposed to be the last “early” night with the men. “I can’t imagine what this kind of behavior’s doing to you inside.”

“Whoa now, I’m not hungover, I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk.” He looked like death, his face pale and his skin clammy, and based on how he kept barely making it out of bed and into the bathroom she knew that he was lying through his teeth. It was like Maki was stuck watching two children right then, and the actual child in the house was the better-behaved of the two, day in and day out. She would come sit with her father while he was feeling the effects of his hangovers, always telling him that he needed to feel better and that he needed to stop letting himself get so sick. “When you’re an adult you’ll get why I’m doing this,” he told her, pulling her in closer to him and watching as she tried to drag herself back at the still-strong smell of alcohol on him. “It’s all fun and games until you can’t do it, but I still can so I’m gonna.”

“Don’t listen to him, if anything it would be best if you don’t become a functioning alcoholic like we’ve both been at times,” Maki said, muttering the second half because Tsukia was far too young to understand what any of that meant. “You’ve got so much to look forward to in life, you don’t need drinking to be one of those things.”

“Got it, Mommy,” the girl replied with a nod, watching the way her father seemed to be side-eyeing both of them at their positive exchange.

“C’mon, Maki Roll, just because you can’t live life like this anymore doesn’t mean you can start telling everyone else they shouldn’t do it. Name one bad thing that came out of us drinking all the time, I dare ya.” It was a challenge that she could easily accept—pointing out that he was mostly confined to bed with a pounding headache and a stomach that was completely bothered by so much as drinking his own saliva—but that wasn’t the first thought that crossed her mind when he presented it. No, she initially let her eyes track towards Tsukia, and memories that she hadn’t thought about in forever came back to her as she accepted that her initial reaction to the challenge was to claim their child was something bad that had happened as a result of drinking.

She felt just as sick to her stomach about that as she knew Kaito felt to his, which was what drove her to quickly come to throwing a different idea out to him. But the damage had already been done, and she didn’t know what to do in order to tell herself that just because she’d had the thought didn’t mean that everyone else knew that she had. For all she knew, it looked like she was merely thinking deeply and her eyes wandered towards the smiling girl, or perhaps Kaito hadn’t even noticed where she was looking in the first place. The only person who knew what she’d thought was herself, and that was how it was going to stay; but the fact that she’d thought it sent home the biggest reason for why she herself wouldn’t drink like she had before ever again, the fact that it was drinking that had changed her life for better and for worse, and that the same kind of love and suffering could never happen to her again, no matter how wasted she let herself get.

For the first time in a very long time, Maki was aware that she was thinking too hard on something and yet her body wasn’t sending her into a blackout spiral there in the bedroom. She wasn’t thinking about specifics about anything that she was blocking out, she was just thinking about the day her life changed forever when she’d found out that she was pregnant despite everything she’d done to prevent it. Those were days she wouldn’t have ever wanted to go back to, but at the same time she longed for how her life was back then, even if she would never trade her daughter for anything. She’d rather go through a million attacks and become more disfigured every time than ever lose Tsukia, ever.

At the same time the girl’s name came across her mind, she could hear her shrieking about something, and that was when Maki realized she’d started losing herself in her thoughts. Her eyes had ended up closed at some point, and she struggled to open them but managed to do it after several attempts. She was face-first on the floor, and based on how her whole face was aching she must have just fallen moments before, which would have given Tsukia the reason to scream. “You’ve gotta stop doing that,” she heard Kaito say, still up in the bed. “I’m not sure I’m feelin’ comfortable with the idea of leaving you here alone if you’re gonna be having those moments again. I thought you said you were fixing them.”

“I _am_ fixing them, it just…takes time.” Ever since the resurgence of the dazed moments where she didn’t know what was happening, Maki had been trying her hardest to make extra appointments with the doctors at the treatment center, but she’d been faced with the choice of either maintaining her normal schedule or being admitted for a few days before coming up with a new treatment plan, and she couldn’t bring herself to do that. Her new manner of fixing the problem was to insist that she needed to change the medication she’d been on for so long, but that was a process that was just in its infant stage and she hoped it would be settled by the time of the launch. “Besides, even if I wasn’t, Tsukia’s old enough to know how to call for help if I need it.”

“That’s not something we’re putting on her shoulders, now or ever, Maki Roll!” Kaito sighed, watching as she shakily got up with a glare focused on his eyes. “I’m sorry, but if it’s happening all over again I’m asking someone to come stay with you, and doin’ that throws a huge wrench into the rest of what I needed you to do while I’m gone.”

Unaware there was more that she needed to do that watch Tsukia and keep everything in order, Maki dropped the glare and asked, “What else is there that you need me to do? I’m not letting you say that then not tell me anything more about it.”

“It’s not my thing to tell you, sorry. I can get the person who needs to talk to you about it over here as soon as tomorrow though, if you’re really interested in what’s going on.” He flashed her a grin, knowing that she couldn’t resist it if she wasn’t intentionally being mean, and when she let her shoulders sink and told him that he should do that, he seemed to be excited at the possibility. “Awesome, thanks for giving it a shot at least! You’re definitely allowed to say no when it happens but at least going into it open-minded is a start!”

“That doesn’t sound reassuring at all,” she grumbled, letting her voice be masked by Tsukia asking if they were going to have someone visiting them for whatever the adults were talking about. The one positive note Maki could take away from it all was that whoever it involved, it wasn’t any of their friends, as Tsukia started naming all of the people she knew off to ask her father who it was that would be coming to see them. However, that came at the trade-off that it seemed to be someone that Kaito knew that they didn’t necessarily know as well—or maybe, just maybe, it was one of his astronaut drinking buddies.

It was the next afternoon when Kaito said he needed to leave for a little bit and for no one to worry about where he was going to be. Naturally, that sparked worry in both Maki and Tsukia, because it seemed odd that he would make such a specific mention to being worried if he was just going out for a short amount of time. “Trust me, I’m not going to the offices or anything, but I’m also not going anywhere you’d expect to see me. It’s all going to be fine though, promise you both that much,” he told them, giving them both a couple kisses before heading out the door, having done absolutely nothing to stop them from jumping to incorrect conclusions.

To try and stop herself from assuming the worst, which with Kaito could have gotten into deep rabbit holes, Maki occupied her time by taking Tsukia into her room and working on cleaning up the always-messy area. The little girl seemed to notice that her mother wasn’t having them clean to actually make it clean, but rather to give them something to do, so she took her time and let the task linger a lot longer than it would have otherwise. They still hadn’t even made much of a dent in the cleanliness when they heard Kaito calling for them, his voice accompanied with what sounded like a low whine.

As it turned out, the astronaut part of what Maki had guessed the night before was correct, the drinking buddy part not so much. When she and Tsukia got back out to the main room, they were met not just with Kaito, but with Mr. Lebedev and his son, the boy the one producing the low whine. “I know I probably should’ve warned you that I was bringing them by, but I knew if you knew you’d tell me not to and you said you’d give this a shot,” Kaito explained, scuffing the ground with his toes. “Sorry that I wasn’t honest about what I was planning on doing up front, but there’s a reason for it, I swear!”

“Your reason being that you’re bringing a man I can’t understand into my house? What good does this do any of us, Kaito? Seriously, what good?” She wasn’t angry, but looking at the unfamiliar man made Maki hesitant to get any closer to him than she already was; there was something about him that felt unsettling to her, and she might have been the only one to see it but she wasn’t going to let him harm her or her family. “Unless he’s learned to speak to me, I’m not interested.”

“I…have learned for you, Maki.” The man’s voice came as a surprise for her to not simply hear, but understand, and she paled at the possibility that he’d understood what she had just been saying about him. “Please, let me ask a question of you.”

“He means a favor, obviously he’s translating in his head the best he can to make this work.” Smiling at Maki, hoping that the shock of his Russian pal speaking words she could make sense of without him needing to be a middleman would open her mind to the idea of listening, he watched as she rolled her eyes, before crossing her arms over her chest and looking between the two impatiently. “There’s your cue, Maksim! Ask her what you’ve been practicing asking.”

The man nodded, adjusting how he was holding his son as he looked at Maki with pleading eyes. “My child Luka, he is all I have on this world. No family besides him. Would you…watch him for me while I go into space?” His question was so sincere, even if spoken slowly to make sure it had the correct impact, that Maki felt bad having such a violently adverse reaction to it. Her eyes narrowed, her lips tightened into a scowl, and she had to resist snapping at him for approaching her, a total stranger, with something so major.

What stopped her was seeing Kaito beside him, giving her a thumbs-up that she knew was supposed to be turned into the expected answer. Of course he would think it was appropriate for this man to ask such a heavy question while holding the very child that was being spoken of, where her turning him down would undoubtedly insult the kid. “I’m sorry, but I’m not a babysitting service. Kaito already thinks I’m incapable of taking care of our child while he’s gone, how the hell would I take care of yours as well?”

The look of surprise in Kaito’s eyes at her comment was enough to get him to start saying something in Russian to the man, and the two of them quickly got into their own conversation that no one else was quite able to understand. “Mommy, why’s Mr. Lebedev asking you to watch his kid?” Tsukia asked, showing that she was paying attention to as much as she could that was happening. “You don’t watch other kids.”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out, something tells me your father is expecting me to do things just because he thinks I want to, not because I actually should.” She bent down to reach the girl’s head, ruffling her dark hair and causing it to stand on end due to static as she pulled her hand back. “Don’t worry though, I’m not going to let it happen, it’ll just be you and me when he’s gone, I promise.”

“I don’t want it being just you and me!” Tsukia’s eyes widened at the promise her mother made her, and she was violently shaking her head (which did not help matters with her completely unruly hair at the moment). “I like when there’s other kids around, but you don’t ever watch them. Can we do that this time?”

“Are you seriously asking me if…no, I’m not listening to a five-year-old about this.” Maki couldn’t believe that she was even having that conversation with someone so young, but when Tsukia began to pout at how her mother was brushing her off, she realized that if she didn’t go along with what Kaito had apparently told his astronaut friend she would do, that it wouldn’t just be two grown men displeased with her. “Okay, okay, I’ll give it a shot if that’s what we really want me to do,” she loudly said, stopping the fast-paced chatter between the men to get them both looking at her. “I’m still not sure _why_ you want me doing this, but if you’re fine with the boy being watched by someone like me, then I’ll do it.”

“I was just telling Maksim how you’re actually the best person I know with kids, and how, yeah, sometimes your brain does some weird things but when it’s working fine, it’s great!” Kaito seemed to be bursting with pride at how Maki had come to the decision to help without him needing to bribe her himself, and he showed that by once again switching to rapid Russian to get the message across to his friend quicker.

“Well, I guess I didn’t pretend to babysit children as a cover for nothing,” she replied, giving a one-shouldered shrug as she recalled that flimsy excuse she used to use back when she was doing assassin work. “There might’ve been some truth to the story I told everyone.”

“I thank you for your choice,” Mr. Lebedev said after listening carefully to what Kaito was telling him, his face alight with joy at how his search for finding a caretaker for his son seemed to be over. “Luka is…good child, very easy to care for.” It seemed that he was speaking the truth, as aside from the one time when she’d first seen him she had never heard the boy so much as make any kind of loud sound. Then the truth of the matter hit Maki much like one of her breaks into hallucinations would, and she covered her mouth as her eyes shifted towards the floor, realizing that she was being asked to take care of the child because they felt that she was capable of handling whatever quirks he had.

“He doesn’t talk, does it?” she asked, dropping her hand’s cover as she tried to not look like she was shocked or surprised at what conclusion she’d come to. “Or walk, I’m guessing, since you’re always holding him.”

Instead of answering her inquiry, Mr. Lebedev responded by setting Luka on the floor, the boy immediately flopping onto his side, unable to even sit up unassisted. He then started saying something to Kaito, who had to translate for Maki to understand just how deep the hole she’d dug herself was. “He says you’re right, he doesn’t talk at all, and sometimes he’ll roll or crawl but he doesn’t do much of that either. It’s why his mother abandoned him at birth, and why all of their family doesn’t talk to them, because they don’t get why Maksim’s spent all this time raising a kid who’s more like a baby than anywhere close to his age.”

The air in the room went cold at that, and Maki’s reaction was not to feel pity for the man, or to regret deciding to help watch the child, but rather to pick Tsukia up into her arms and cuddle her close to her. Just the idea of a parent abandoning their child was a sensitive subject to her, and as a parent herself she couldn’t ever imagine doing that to the child that held so much of her heart. “I’m definitely watching him then, if he’s so easy to care for,” she decided, resolve in her voice. “I’m not going to let anything happen to that kid, he needs more people around for him and I _guess_ the Momota family can be those people.”

“Mommy, we’re gonna have him around?” Tsukia asked, making sure she was understanding her mother correctly. The nod she got was enough to get her excited, and she reacted by planting a long, slobbery kiss on her mother’s cheek, breaking away to screech, “I’m gonna have a friend around while Daddy’s gone!”

“That’s the spirit there, Tsukia!” Kaito cheered, before once again switching to translating duties so that Mr. Lebedev was aware of what they were saying if he wasn’t able to make sense of it himself. To see the man’s face become relieved at the idea that his son had a reliable caretaker so that he could go out into space was a genuinely uplifting experience to all of them there, even the little girl who was more excited about having someone else roughly her age around for the duration. Maki knew that what Kaito had been saying to her, about her not being able to take care of Tsukia on her own, had been done to remind her that she wasn’t allowed to be weak without him around, and now that she understood that there was more to it she was fully accepting of the task he was putting on her shoulders.

The conversation turned to more specifics of what was going to happen now that Maki had agreed to watch Luka while his father was gone, and with every translated sentence she heard, her decision felt more like the right one. She didn’t do much with her time aside from spend it with Tsukia, and now that the girl was more independent and didn’t need as much help doing anything she could easily spare the time taking special care of the boy, who had been moved to laying on the floor at their feet as they all sat on the couch, talking as best as they could with each other. Tsukia decided she was going to try and play with Luka, despite being told that it wasn’t a very good idea to do that, and she was occasionally butting into the conversation with remarks about how he wouldn’t look at her, or move to play with her, or do anything except lay on the ground.

“That’s what he does,” Mr. Lebedev told her, causing her to pout at the news. “Luka does not move more than a little.”

“I’m gonna make him move!” she proudly announced, turning that pout into a look of determination, and as she moved her hands to start pushing the boy all three adults, out of habit for one and out of concern for the other two, commanded for her to stop. She blinked a few times, her hands held up inches above Luka’s body, before throwing them down to her sides in a huff. “I said I’m gonna make him move, I wanna do it!”

Mr. Lebedev’s response was in Russian, and Kaito had to quickly translate it before Tsukia got tired of waiting for a reason why she couldn’t and tried again. “Maksim says that he doesn’t do too well with most people touching him, so you doing that would be a bad idea. Why don’t you just, uh, talk to him or something? He won’t understand you, but maybe he’ll learn the sound of your voice?”

“That sounds like something I should be doing too, if I’m going to be watching him,” Maki said, looking first at Kaito before turning her eyes down to the boy, his face completely hidden by his arms as he lay in a pile on the floor. “I’m not going to be expected to let him just stay like that all the time, right? Guess that means I’ve got to get him to like me.”

She heard the talking happening next to her between the two men, and before Kaito could say anything that Mr. Lebedev might have wanted her to know, she was moving off the edge of the couch to get closer to where Luka was. As much as she didn’t want to touch him and disturb him, she knew that waiting until later to do it would result in problems she didn’t want to burden herself with, and so she carefully reached a hand out to touch his shoulder. Her fingers were just about to touch his sleeve when she heard a squeak beside her, and she froze, looking to the source of the noise.

“Mommy, I said _I’m_ gonna make him move!” Tsukia grumbled once she realized her mom had her eyes on her. “Me! I’m gonna!” The way she was pouting was hard to resist, but her charms were being wasted on the person who’d put up with them most out of everyone. To spite the girl, Maki let her fingers rest on Luka’s shoulder, the gentle tap not enough to get him to stir—but the deranged screech that Tsukia gave as she tried pushing her mom’s hand away was.

At the same time that Kaito was stopping his conversation to pick the girl up to get her away from causing any more trouble, Luka’s arms started moving away from his head, which once it was uncovered he lifted it up to look around at what was going on. Maki felt herself taking in a sharp breath as her eyes met the boy’s for the first time, and while he looked on the verge of breaking down into tears, he had a curious expression as he looked at the person who was sitting right there by him. He held a gaze with her for just a moment before beginning to whine, but it was that small amount of time that completely sold Maki’s heart on this boy.

There was going to be a lot of getting used to his special quirks over time, but she was confident that her and Tsukia would be able to have him in their home without too many problems over the course of the space flight. Even his whining felt endearing to her, making her want to spend more time with him, and that seemed to bode well for the future.

* * *

It seemed like the time leading up to the launch was flying by, and with every passing day the reality of what was going to happen once that ship left the Earth began weighing on everyone more and more. Friends who were used to being able to see Kaito whenever they wanted were starting to have it hit them that he wasn’t going to be around for almost a year, and they were stopping by as often as they could just to get to spend time with him. This was fine by him, but for his family it was a bit frustrating, as they wanted to get to spend that time with him as well and he wasn’t the best at focusing on a large group all at once. Adding in the constant appearance of Mr. Lebedev and Luka, and those last months before the launch were almost entirely spent with people outside of those who lived in the house.

Noticing that there was a lot going on (and that she wasn’t helping matters with her own habit of coming over just to make sure that everything was fine and that people weren’t stressing out over anything), Kaede decided that she was going to throw out a suggestion to everyone who might be interested in giving one last hurrah before the launch happened. It wasn’t something that she’d been able to suggest in a _long_ time, and it brought her a lot of happiness to have the chance to ask everyone if they would attend, but the moment her suggestion left her lips she was met with almost overwhelming positivity—and Maki’s stone-cold glare at what, exactly, it was.

“Are you out of your mind?” she asked Kaede after pulling her into the kitchen to get away from everyone else who was gathered at the house. “You expect me to give up one of my last nights with Kaito for nearly a year, so that we can all go to your concert? Do you not remember what happened the last time I went to one of those for you? I almost died!”

Kaede gave a loud sigh, pushing her hands together in front of her face and taking a moment to collect her thoughts before she explained her reasoning. “I know you almost died, but I also know that you’d really like to put all of that behind you and going to a concert is the last thing you haven’t done since before everything happened. It’s not like it’s one of my concerts anyway, I’m just a guest performer helping out with a song or two, and you’ll be there with all of our friends! You’ll be fine, nothing would happen to you in that crowd!”

“Okay, two things. One, it doesn’t matter if you think nothing would happen, I’m going to hear live music in a crowded place and start hallucinating, we both know this. Two, if you’re going to be performing, and obviously you want Shuichi there for you, what are you intending on doing with your children? And if you want me and Kaito to both be there, what do you want us doing with Tsukia?” Maki could feel herself getting angry over the whole situation, even if Kaede was trying to do a nice thing for their entire social group, and just thinking about the possibility of needing to take her daughter to a concert was starting to make her blood boil. “I’m going to stay home and watch my baby, you can drop your kids off with someone else, and everyone can have a great night out without me.”

“I think you’re being really negative about this whole thing, but if you really want to know, I’ve actually already brought this up with Kaito before today and he said that—”

The mention of Kaito knowing about the idea beforehand was the final straw for Maki, and she snapped, “Hold on, you’ve talked to him about this and he didn’t bother telling me a word of it? What kind of secrecy did you swear him to? Why are you insisting that we do this when clearly I don’t want to?”

“—please, Maki, think about this rationally for just a moment! I talked to Kaito about it already because the invitation was extended to all the astronauts, not just him, and that he was welcome to invite all of them if he wanted!” Kaede’s voice was shaking, the power of Maki’s anger beginning to rattle her, and as best as she could she continued trying to explain her perspective. “He told me that you probably wouldn’t want to go unless I talked to you about it and told you how much it would mean to me to see you in the crowd, which is true, I would love seeing you there after everything. And then he told me that, you know, Maksim wouldn’t want to go and that he’s rather careful with children so maybe we could get him to babysit all the kids together, since Sonata and Conan should probably get to know his son if you’re going to be watching him.”

“I get it, I get it, you did a great job of planning this out behind my back.” Her words were said after carefully considering the pros and cons of continuing being angry about the whole thing, and while Maki wasn’t anywhere close to okay with what she was being thrown into she wasn’t going to keep yelling at her best friend over it. “I’m still not going to a concert though, no matter how much you want me to be there. I’ll find someone to have a night out with, since you’ll have the usual suspects with you.”

“Good luck finding someone you’d want to hang out with that hasn’t been invited, this concert’s a big deal even without me being there as a guest performer and a lot of our friends were already planning on going.” Stifling a laugh as she held up a hand, Kaede began naming off people as she counted fingers. “Kirumi was already going, so were Ryoma and Gonta, pretty sure Miu was one of the first to buy a ticket when the date was announced…last I heard, even Rantaro’s going to be in town to go to it. Can you think of the last time he was around? This thing is huge!”

Maki heard those names as they were listed, her mind filling in gaps that weren’t being mentioned. Obviously Tenko, Himiko, and Angie would all have been invited as well, and herself and Kaito were, and there were so few others outside of everyone there that she could stomach having a conversation with that she knew she was fighting a losing battle. She must have been making a face that showed that she was considering what was being said, because Kaede smiled at her, wiggling her fingers that she’d used to count friends. “You’re telling me there’s a lot of people I know that will be there, I understand,” she conceded, getting Kaede’s smile to grow bigger. “I’m still not convinced on going though, I know there’s plenty I can do around here by myself. Worst case, I just spend the night here helping with all the kids we’re lumping onto a poor Russian guy.”

“Don’t you think you’d be safe there with all those people you know, though? Like, I’d say that’s probably going to be the safest place you could ever be.” Shrugging, Kaede stopped wiggling her fingers to instead use that hand to reach over and brush some of Maki’s hair from where it had begun to rest on her shoulder. “You deserve a fun night out with everyone who cares about you, Maki, and I want you to come to this concert and have it. Nothing will happen to you when you’re surrounded by all those friends, and as long as there’s at least one other person not drinking with you, you’ll always have someone clear-minded to help you if things end up going weird.”

“Right, because asking someone to stay sober at whatever kind of concert this is will work so well.” It dawned on Maki that she didn’t actually know what the concert was, just that Kaede was going to be performing during it, but she was so deep in her denial of the invitation that she didn’t want to ask too many questions. “Look, I get that it would mean a lot to you if I went, but it’s just not happening. I can’t do it.”

“I think you can, though! You just have to believe in yourself!” Her eyes squinting closed as she grinned at Maki, Kaede was trying her best to share her confidence in the situation, but when she realized that it wasn’t working she turned serious. “I’m going to go get someone who’ll do a better job of reminding you that you can do it, since obviously I’m kind of sucking at it right now.”

As she walked past Maki, she seemed to ignore the fact that she was being watched, Maki trying to decide if she wanted to fight to get her to stick around or just let her go. She chose to not bother herself with it and to try and seamlessly re-enter the gathering in the rest of the house, but when she tried following just a few steps behind Kaede, she was almost immediately stopped by her dear husband bounding towards her, a sheepish smile on his face as if he knew something she’d learned. “I saw you were in there talkin’ to Kaede for a while, what was that about?” he asked, holding an arm out to corral Maki back towards the kitchen. “I’m not nosy or anything, I’m just wondering what she told you.”

“I know that you knew about the concert already, if that’s what you’re looking for,” she replied, attempting to duck underneath his arm but having him step in front of her instead, causing her to huff in frustration. “Out of my way, Kaito, I’m not doing this.”

“Feisty, huh? Look, I know that you probably would rather never go to a concert again in your life, but this means a lot to her, and it means almost that much to me. One night out, with all our friends, before I leave for almost a year?” He was crouching down to get more on eye level with her, and even though she was furious and held no reservations in showing her anger, he had the courage to meet her eyes and try to calm her with his gentle face. “I’m not gonna take no as an answer for you about this, Maki Roll. You’re coming with all of us, I’ve got everything sorted out so the only things you’ve gotta worry about that night are how great the music is and how great you look.”

She so badly wanted to slam her face into his to get him to back off, but the senseless violence felt like it would get her nowhere. “I’m going to be worrying about plenty of other things, like my mental state and if I’m going to make it out of that concert alive,” she reminded him, huffing once again and putting on a pout similar to the one their daughter frequently wore. “I’m not doing this, Kaito,” she repeated. “Not for you, not for anyone.”

“So what, I’m supposed to go out and feel good about being with friends while you sit here makin’ that face and acting like I’m in the wrong? Or am I supposed to throw out my plans for one last wild night just to make you happy?” Kaito’s gaze remained steady even as she grew angrier with his two choices, neither of which were what she wanted to hear. Putting it that way made her seem selfish, like she was ruining something for him by trying to be mindful of her own limits. “I get it, you’re scared to go to a concert because the last time you went to one, a freak accident happened. I get it, I really do, but you’ve gotta stop living in the past and start living in the now!”

Words came to the tip of her tongue that she desperately had to avoid letting slip out, words about how it hadn’t been a freak accident, about how she’d known the assassins were there to kill Kaede, about how she’d walked right into their trap. She couldn’t let those words—much less those thoughts—cross into reality right then, as they were fighting over something as stupid as going to a concert. “You’re right,” she finally admitted, casting her eyes down as she broke contact with his, “I’ve got to look past what happened to me and start living again. I can’t always be in fear of things I can’t control.”

“There you go, Maki Roll! Exactly what I wanna hear!” His voice was so joyful, so full of happiness that he’d made her rethink her stance on the whole concert, that the idea of crushing his spirits right then and telling him why she was still so scared crossed her mind for a second. There hadn’t been work contact between her and the assassins she’d worked for in years, something that he knew to be true and that she’d gladly show him if he questioned it, but she knew that if for a second they thought that something was happening that she needed to take care of…they’d rope her right back in. One message about someone trying to take the life of any performers at the concert and she’d be there regardless of anything.

But thinking that there would be people heartless enough to try that again was foolish on Maki’s part, and she needed to stop herself before she got too deep. “Yeah, I’m sure me agreeing to your dumb plans is always your favorite thing. Let’s go tell the others I’m going, I suppose, and see where that leads us.”

For everyone to find out that Maki had decided to give going to the concert a shot (at Kaito’s strong insistence, of course), it required a lot of repeating the story of how she’d been convinced, and by the time the message had been adequately spread she wished she’d never fought against going in the first place. Everyone was making a larger deal of it than needed, stating their personal plans for the concert and how those would impact her being there; she learned that almost everyone was planning on drinking while there, which always came with an apology because they knew she couldn’t. There were two exceptions to that, one of which was Kaede, which made sense as she was performing and couldn’t go on stage in front of the largest crowd she’d played for since her last tour while inebriated.

The other exception was Tenko, which surprised Maki when she first heard her talk about how they’d be sober buddies among their friends. She figured that it had to do with her aikido training or something along those lines, and as they hadn’t been particularly close in a long time she didn’t feel like she needed to get more details on the matter. That changed the night of the concert, though, when they were all gathered there at the Momota house getting divided up into vehicles to get to the concert safely. “You’re sure you’re not drinking tonight?” Maki asked her, holding Tsukia on her hip outside the front door of the house as she wasn’t quite ready to let her daughter be in Mr. Lebedev’s care all night. “It just seems weird to me that you, of all people, aren’t getting trashed.”

“Ha, me, drinking? You’re hilarious, Maki!” Banging her hand against her leg a couple times, Tenko took a second to collect herself before she stood up tall, looking at the mother and daughter with a small smile. “I’m surprised you haven’t heard, figured Kaede would have been all over telling you about it, you know, as payback for when I ran my mouth about you and your little princess there.”

“That was so long ago, I doubt she remembers you did that.” That was true for Maki herself, as she’d barely remembered how it had been Tenko that had told others about her being pregnant back before she wanted anyone knowing. “Kaede’s not the kind of person to hold grudges for over six years, she’d have— _wait_.” The implications of Tenko’s words hit her hard and fast, and she first looked at Tsukia and her carefree expression before looking back to Tenko, whose smile had turned more nervous. “You’re not saying that _you’re_ pregnant, are you? How in the world would that even happen?”

That nervous smile broke and Tenko shrugged, pushing her fingers together in front of her as she watched how Maki was mentally trying to fill in any gaps that had been made. “I’m not, and we’re not at that point yet anyway, but there’s this long process I could tell you all about that I doubt you want the little one hearing so it’ll wait until later, got it?” She sounded so hesitant to be talking about that topic, and Maki was curious about what was going on and why she hadn’t heard a thing, but she agreed to wait until Tenko was going to willingly talk to get more details.

Now that she knew she wasn’t going to get more from that conversation, she decided to take Tsukia back inside and leave her there. Mr. Lebedev was sitting on the couch, Luka laying at his feet like usual, but what was strange was that he didn’t have a translator around to help with communication. The only other adult in the room was Shuichi, and he was standing across from the man with one hand on the head of his kids. “You have to promise me you aren’t going to cause trouble for this nice man,” he told them, not realizing that Maki was walking up behind him and listening in. “If anything does happen, you get a phone and call me first, and if I don’t answer who do you call?”

“Aunt Maki,” Sonata replied, having tilted her head just enough that her father’s hand was on her forehead and she could see the smaller woman behind him. “And if she doesn’t answer we call the police.”

“Smart kid you’ve got there, but I’d suggest giving someone else a shot before resorting to the big guns.” Maki saying anything was enough to get Shuichi to jump, letting go of his children and turning around as fast as he could to see who’d snuck up on him. “If you’ve got Tenko’s number, she’ll be able to help if something goes wrong.”

“She’s on the contact list, I don’t know why Sonata skipped over her.” Sounding a bit panicked, as if hearing someone behind him really did scare him, Shuichi reached over to ruffle Tsukia’s hair, but the girl attempted to bite his hand when it got too close. “You didn’t mention that she’s in the biting phase, are you sure she’s not going to hurt someone with those teeth?”

Knowing that she was being talked about, Tsukia clacked her teeth together a couple times before loudly proclaiming, “I can’t bite people, my teeths will fall out!” To then prove her point, she brought her hand to her mouth and started wiggling several of her front teeth, which were just barely moving to the touch.

“I suppose that answers that,” Shuichi replied with a laugh, looking down at his children and how they were both watching the little girl. “And these two know better than to let her get hurt, and they know that if something happens to her, between the two of us we’ll know exactly who did it and how.”

“We won’t hurt her,” Sonata promised, while her brother mumbled something under his breath that neither adult could hear, but she seemed to giggle at. “No, Conan, we can’t ignore her all night to make sure she doesn’t get hurt, be realistic.”

He mumbled something else, which was a little bit louder and clearer, but Maki still couldn’t understand a word of it. Shuichi, on the other hand, could hear it, and his face contorted in confusion at his son’s words. “I know that you want to get to go see your mother in concert, but this isn’t the kind of concert kids go to. There will be more in the future that we’ll bring you to, but for tonight you’ve got to play nice and behave.”

“Mommy, I wanna go with you,” Tsukia said, hearing what Shuichi was talking about and having her mind get jumpstarted on not wanting to leave her mom’s side. “Can I, pretty please? I can be a good girl for you and Daddy!”

“Sorry sweetie, but you being a good girl for us means playing nice with the other kids tonight. Maybe you can help them talk to Luka, since they haven’t done that before.” That excited the girl, and she started flailing to be let down. The second her feet touched the floor she was reaching for Sonata’s hand to grab, so that she could lead her exactly where her mother had just suggested. Or that was initially what it seemed, until the girls were headed down towards her bedroom, Tsukia blabbering about something the whole way. Shaking her head at the girl’s derailed train of thought, Maki looked to Shuichi, who was bent down talking to his son about what he’d said, before she turned her attention to the couch, where Mr. Lebedev was quietly sitting, watching everything around him.

“You are leaving soon, yes?” he asked when he saw that she had her eyes on him, and when she nodded he smiled. “Good for you. Will be a good time at the show.”

“Something like that, sure.” There was no reason for this man to know why she wasn’t ever going to be completely thrilled with being dragged to a concert. “Make sure the kids play nice, I’m not going to tolerate it if I find out Tsukia’s being a bully because she thinks she’s allowed to be one.”

“They will all be nice, do not worry. Luka will be best, of course!” Mr. Lebedev’s laugh was hearty, coming from deep inside him, and Maki wondered how he could be so loud and yet never disturb the boy at his feet. “Go, have your fun at your show, we will keep watch here!”

She hesitated in thanking him, but did so and slipped out of the house without anything else keeping her there. Outside, everyone who’d gathered there to get rides to the concert seemed to be divided into three groups and waiting for the last two to join them. The group by her car was smallest by far, consisting of only Kaito and Kirumi, who were leaning against the vehicle and talking to each other peacefully. Tenko had quite the circus that she was forcing into her car, and over by the third car was Kaede (who was driving herself to the concert) and some of her and Shuichi’s friends that he worked with, obviously waiting for him to come out of the house.

“I think I’m going to start heading over,” Tenko called to the other two drivers once she’d gotten everyone seated in her car in a way that didn’t result in arguing. “The less time I have to keep taking one for the team and having Miu on my back, the better. See you all there!”

For having such a strong reason for wanting to leave, she seemed rather upbeat, and Maki found herself waving her goodbye long after she’d driven off. “You thinking about something there, Maki Roll?” Kaito asked her as she dropped her hand and came to stand by her own vehicle. “You’ve got a thoughtful look on your face, but not, y’know, the bad kind of thoughtful look.”

“It was something about Tenko, don’t worry,” she replied, shaking it off and telling herself she would get explanations later. “Now should we go too, or are we still waiting for people? Kind of weird that it’s just us three.”

Kirumi bowed her head to avoid meeting Maki’s eyes, while Kaito scratched at the back of his neck. “That’s what we were over here talkin’ about, we’ve gotta wait for two of the guys to get here before we can go. Kirumi’s a real pal, she said she’ll sit in the back with ‘em so that I can be up front with you, but they’re not here yet and—”

“Hey, Kaito! When are those friends of yours getting here?” As if she knew that they were talking about that very subject, Kaede was yelling over at them, her having started the process of getting people into the van she was going to be driving. “You don’t want to be too late to the concert, I think I’m going to be on second tonight!”

“They shouldn’t be too long, they said they were on their way right before everyone else showed up!” he replied, before turning back towards Maki with a pained smile. “You know that it means they won’t be here for a while still, but I don’t want her knowing that. She’ll have my head if she knows that I told ‘em the wrong time!”

As luck would have it, the other astronauts showed up not ten minutes later, but by then Kaede had gotten her last passenger in her car and had left as well, reminding them that they did not want to be late. The worry of needing to get over to the show on time was not sitting well with Maki, not when she was already beginning to rethink going in the first place, but she put on a brave face and pushed everyone to get in quickly so they could leave. While they were driving, Kaito was doing the honors of introducing his space friends to Kirumi, who seemed to be having the time of her life sitting in between the two men. “Do I remain on last-name basis with you, or first name?” she asked them at the start, her face covered in a deep blush that Maki could see even looking at her in the mirror. “I’d like to know before we are properly acquainted.”

“Call them whatever you want,” Kaito answered for them, seeing them both looking blankly at her and each other. “She’s just trying to be formal guys, no big deal! The one on the right there is Jacob MacBride, he’s our head guy on the mission, and the one on the left is…well, we just call him Dinesh. Isn’t that right there, Dinesh?”

Still looking back as much as she could, Maki saw the man who was being addressed nodding eagerly at Kaito’s question. “So it wouldn’t be frowned upon for me to refer to them as Jacob and Dinesh?” Kirumi was looking for clarification, and it was while she was being told that she was correct that Maki understood why she was acting as she was around these men. It wasn’t typical for Kirumi to lose her sense of formality and professionalism, even around friends, but she was clearly inebriated to some extent already and was looking to make new friends who’d keep her in check.

With that in mind, listening to the snippets of the conversation that were going on around her made a lot more sense, and she tried not to let it distract her too much as she got closer to the concert venue. Parking was a nightmare, as was getting up to the gates of the outdoor stadium, but once the five of them were there they were able to meet up with Tenko and her group, and the now-party of nine were escorted inside to join the rest of who they’d been invited with in VIP seating. The crowd down in the roped-off area wasn’t as suppressive as it was elsewhere in the venue, but it was still crowded enough that it was making Maki uncomfortable with being too close to anyone aside from Kaito, no matter what it was that he was doing.

The moment someone passed him a drink and he opened it, she knew that she was going to lose that sole thread of comfort sooner rather than later, and she needed to deal with the feeling that things were going to go wrong on her own. She was one of two there in that part of the group with the responsibility of driving people back afterward, she needed to keep calm and push through the panic rising in her chest to make it through the concert. “Hey, are you okay?” she heard Tenko ask, but she wasn’t sure if it was addressed at her until she felt a firm hand grab her arm. “You look like you’re about to cry, and that’s not like you. Wanna step out of here for a bit to collect yourself?”

It was a nice offer, one that Maki couldn’t refuse, and when she nodded Tenko took control, leading her out of the section and towards one of the smoking patios along the side. The only people they saw out there were some of their friends (and one of the other people in their section, who she hadn’t ever met before), passing around what was undeniably a pipe, which caught Maki’s eye. “You bringing me out here to get me high? Thanks, but I doubt that’ll mix well with medication.”

“I wasn’t aware they were going to be out here too.” To rectify the problem that had presented itself, Tenko cleared her throat and yelled for all of them to go back inside, or else she’d have to fight them; every single one looked at her, saw how serious she seemed and how shaky Maki was next to her, and chose to heed her warning. The last one of them to walk past them was Himiko, looking completely blissful as she gave a gentle wave towards the pair, something that only Tenko returned. “There, I took care of that for us, didn’t I? Now let’s have a seat, I’m not going to let a beautiful woman like you get all red-faced because she’s crying.”

“Flattering, but I’ll be fine. Just being away from the crowd is helping me.” Maki felt like she could taste the smoke from the pipe, the flavor burning her throat and making her wish that she hadn’t taken Tenko’s offer to come out in the first place. “Wasn’t expecting to see our friends out here smoking. How long has Himiko been…you know, doing that?”

“She picked it up on one of her magic tours, it’s a habit she only indulges in around the right people. You know, like Angie and Rantaro.” Even though Maki had turned down the idea of sitting, Tenko was taking a spot on the retaining wall that surrounded the smoking patio, letting her feet dangle against the concrete. “It makes her happy, and her being happy is what matters to me, but it’s a dirty habit that I wish wasn’t happening in our house twice as often as it used to.”

It had been so long since Maki had last been over to the building Tenko called home that she’d forgotten that there were multiple people living there. “Right, if her and Angie are both doing it, that means you’re the only one not. Must suck, you probably can’t have that stuff in your system if you’re doing your aikido, can you?”

“That’s not the part that sucks about it, but you’re right, I can’t.” Tenko grabbed the bottom of her shirt and began playing with it, rolling it under her fingertips. “I started telling you about this earlier, but you were holding your daughter and I didn’t want to alarm her with anything. Such a cute little girl doesn’t need to worry herself with our adult problems.”

“Adult problems?” Maki repeated, noticing Tenko’s fidgeting but trying not to focus on it. “I’m sure whatever you’re talking about _is_ a problem, but Tsukia’s heard some pretty heavy things before. She can take anything.”

“Okay, but I didn’t want to concern her, or you while you were holding her.” That was when Tenko pulled her shirt up, exposing her rigid stomach that was covered in small bruises, some of which had what looked like injection sites in them. Maki immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario and was about to start asking about why it was wrong for Himiko and Angie to smoke but for her to be using other drugs, but her words never formed in her mouth. If Tenko was worried about concerning her, that was obviously the conclusion she was being expected to draw. “I told you earlier, we’re not at the point of trying to have kids, but we’re getting there,” she said, dropping her shirt and letting it fold back down to how it had been before she’d begun to fidget. “It’s just a stupid cycle that I hate that I got talked into, but we’re here and there’s nothing I can do now.”

“That’s, well, not what I was expecting coming from you, but I guess I get why you didn’t want Tsukia hearing about this.” Maki could imagine the little girl hearing about injections and babies and beginning to pester her about doing that too, and breaking the news to her that she’d never have any siblings wasn’t something she was quite ready for. “How’s that working out for you? Where’d you find a man you’d trust to father your kid?”

Laughing loudly for a second, Tenko snapped back to looking rather timid, her hands together in front of her. “Stupid cycle, remember? It’s not going to be my kid whenever it happens, it’ll be one of theirs. They found the degenerate to give them the sperm, they found the money to get the eggs, they’re just using my body because neither of them can ‘afford’ to use their own for it.” Maki raised an eyebrow at that statement, which Tenko then clarified further. “It’s nothing to do with them smoking. Okay, at least that what Himiko insists, but she doesn’t want to give up traveling doing her mage stuff and doesn’t want to be saddled with all that baby baggage. Angie…she’s around so many paint fumes that she doesn’t think she’d be able to keep a kid alive.”

“So they’ve saddled you with it, even though you do physical activity for a living?” That decision didn’t feel right to Maki, not when part of her own problem when she’d been pregnant had been that she was an assassin and that she needed to quit doing that work for the better of her child. “What, are you just going to close your dojo for a year, so whatever brat you birth for them doesn’t get beat up in the womb?”

“No, I…it’s a complicated arrangement but I’m not giving up my dojo, I’m not stopping what I love so that I can help them get what we’ve all decided we want in our lives.” There was a sizeable amount of timidity in Tenko’s voice, showing that she wasn’t fully committed to what she was saying. Her making those decisions that she was not truly interested in was so unlike her, but she was doing it for love, for the woman she loved so dearly and the other woman who loved her as well, and love made people do stupid things. They stayed out in the smoking area for a few more minutes, in the wake of their conversation, and when Tenko suggested going back in because it sounded like the concert was starting, Maki was more than fine with leaving the awkwardness behind. There would be more time in the future to talk about backing out of that agreement if she could, because it felt so unlike Tenko to be putting the wants of the others ahead of her own desires.

The scene they re-entered the VIP section to was much different than the one they’d left. It seemed that just about everyone had something in their hand, whether it was a drink or a snack, and they were all getting louder by the second. The two ladies were split up when Himiko spotted Tenko and started trying to talk to her, which left Maki to fend for herself getting back to Kaito’s side, where he was in the middle of a group of their friends and his fellow astronauts. Every single person in that group was at least halfway through their drink, and the moment Maki poked her head in at Kaito’s side someone was offering her something to join everyone else with. “I don’t drink,” she coldly said, pushing the hand and its offering away from her.

“Yeah, Maki Roll _can’t_ drink, it’s one of those things that comes with her whole problem,” Kaito explained, knowing to be careful about mentioning specifics around her even while he was getting a buzz. “I’m proud of her for bein’ here, but she’s going to be such a drain on all of us without being able to get crazy. She was always more fun when she could let loose.”

 _Is that really how you think of me?_ she thought, her heart feeling heavy at hearing him continue to ramble on about how boring she was ever since she’d stopped being able to drink. As much as she knew it was him trying to sound cool, and the alcohol he’d had was aiding in that desire, it still stung to know that he’d even think of her like that. But, she knew that it’d be a conversation he’d be having anyway, regardless of if she was present for it or not, because she knew that he never shut up about her.

Standing there listening to those who weren’t aware asking why she couldn’t drink was painful, but at least Kaito maintained his stance of not getting too into the details as he answered them. The whole conversation came to a halt when loud music started playing throughout the venue, and just the first note was enough to make Maki bring her arm around Kaito tightly, not wanting to lose him if things started to get difficult for her. The first song was played without anyone visible on stage, completely instrumental with the squealing guitar riffs lingering in the evening air, and once it was finished the curtain came up and the star performer of the night was visible mid-stage, backed by a whole bunch of different guitarists.

The crowd went wild as she came up to the front of the stage, her guitar held up over her head, and when she bowed everyone erupted in cheers. As she stood up, several undergarments were thrown in her direction, one coming from dangerously close to where they were standing, and while the performer was introducing herself and the show she was going to put on, Maki was more focused on seeing who’d thrown their bra from their section. She didn’t have to look far, as Miu was standing over a few people, missing her top and only remaining modest by a couple of well-placed stickers, screaming as loud as she could to try and get anyone on stage to notice her.

“Maybe it’s for the best that you don’t get crazy like that anymore,” Kaito loudly said down into her ear, also noticing Miu’s drunken behavior. “I don’t know if either of us would be okay with you being topless in a place like this.”

She tried to reply to him but the music kicked up again, that chorus of guitarists playing alongside the main attraction, as she played her guitar and screamed her lyrics as loud as she could. This wasn’t _real_ music, Maki knew, and the only reason any of them were there was because Kaede was going to be playing onstage as a special guest—but with how insane things were already, she didn’t understand what Kaede’s purpose there was going to be. It wouldn’t make sense for a classical pianist to be playing with a musician who specialized in making her audience’s ears bleed, and so Maki was able to distract herself that entire first set by just thinking about how the transition was going to work.

It came out of nowhere, the background guitarists fading off into silence one by one, until it was just the woman in the middle of the stage, doing nothing but playing her guitar and captivating most of the crowd. “Now I know there’s a whole group here tonight that’s not here to see Ibuki,” she said into her microphone, letting her playing slow down as the crowd roared to hear her talk, “but they’re here to see a little someone else that I asked to come play with me. Now, you’ve gotta forgive me when I say that Ibuki doesn’t play well with slow musicians, so we’re gonna crank up that speed a whole fucking lot and give it our all!”

Her last word came in time with a distinct piano key being played, and soon the crowd was being washed over by the fastest rendition of one of Kaede’s favorite songs that everyone who’d ever watched her perform had heard. Everyone else in the crowd was stunned into silence at the beauty of the music, and they were cheering once more once it faded off into nothing, only for Ibuki to start playing her guitar and for the piano to follow along with it.

The vibration of Maki’s phone against her leg caught her by surprise, and she pulled it out to see that Shuichi had messaged her, asking her if she was okay. She looked around and saw that he was standing on the other side of Kaito, Kirumi right at his side, and both of them waved at her. Nodding, she expected it to end right there, but the phone vibrated again, the second message asking if she’d had any idea that the show was going to be as it was. That time she needed to type out her own response, explaining that no, she hadn’t known and she was thankful it was more like it was and less like the other shows of Kaede’s she’d been to, just for the sake of her mental state.

His reaction to that was to smile at her, before tucking his phone away and going back to focusing on the music being played. Maki was thankful that he’d at least taken the time to check on her when no one else was going to, even though she was doing fine despite everything she’d feared. As long as the rest of the evening went on like that, she would make it through just fine; however, there was no guarantee of how the show was going to continue once the high-energy piano and guitar duets stopped. All she could do right then was focus on the music and how much of a good time she was having, and hopefully that would carry her through anything and everything else.

That segment of the concert went on for longer than the opening act had, but when it came to a close Ibuki was back mid-stage, talking to the entire crowd about how excited she was to be doing that show, and how fun performing for everyone was. The halt of the music snapped Maki out of her peaceful mindset and she began looking around the stage for wherever Kaede had gone. When she didn’t find her, she could feel herself starting to shake in fear of something having gone wrong while she wasn’t paying attention, and her reaction was to grab her phone and message the one person who’d shown they cared about her. If she’d been less panicked, she would have realized that dragging Shuichi back into dealing with her was a terrible idea, especially when Tenko was right nearby and could have escorted her out for another conversation.

What transpired next was completely accidental, but it had been Maki who’d made the choice to start it. All she said was that she was starting to feel worried, to which Shuichi told her everything would be okay and offered her something to drink, which she refused as she should have. His response was to assure her that they had a cooler over by him and Kirumi that had waters in it for anyone who needed to rehydrate, and in that moment the thought of drinking cool water sounded nice to her, so she accepted the offer without hesitation. The bottle she got handed (behind Kaito’s back, as he was unaware anything was going on with his wife in the first place) was sparkling water, which wasn’t what she was expecting but it was still something to drink and use to calm down a bit.

The moment she took a sip from that bottle she knew something didn’t seem right with it, but she couldn’t place her finger on it as sparkling water always tasted nasty to her. Not thinking too much about it, she downed that bottle quickly and found herself calming down, and attributing her rising panic to her body needing the hydration she tried to resume focusing on the concert. But what she hadn’t known, and what Shuichi hadn’t known either when he’d offered her the water, was that the person who’d packed the cooler had done was fill sparkling water bottles with watered down liquor, to sneak it in without being suspected of doing anything of the sort. By the time the third set of the concert was finished Maki had drank several more of them, enjoying the feeling of peace that the cool liquid going down her throat was bringing her.

There was a specific reason that she wasn’t supposed to drink, however, and she was in no state to recognize it until she found herself standing somewhat out of her body there in the crowd, the activity up on the stage echoing in two sets of ears that she now had. An intermission was announced, where guests could take a break, get some snacks, and move around before the second half of the concert began, and when Ibuki was finished telling everyone about it she put the microphone back in its stand and flounced off the stage—but the sound of the microphone hitting its metal stand sounded like gunfire in Maki’s head and she lost complete control in that moment. The mere possibility that someone had a weapon in that sea of people translated to someone trying to go backstage and hurt Kaede, and she needed to be the one to do something to stop it.

She found that everyone had cleared out of the VIP area fairly nicely, anyone who’d see her erratic behavior and stop her either gone or so drunk that they wouldn’t recognize the signs of her going through one of her hallucinations. Slipping out of the section was easy, as was getting up to the edge of the stage, but she couldn’t just climb up and get backstage to protect her friend that way, she needed to go around. Thinking hard about what to do, she decided to follow the stage until she got to the stairs leading down into the back, which were conveniently unguarded in that moment. “I’m going to save you this time,” she said confidently, not recognizing that her words were slurred, not caring that she had technically saved Kaede the first time by being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Backstage was just as empty as where she’d been enjoying the concert had become, and she was able to find Kaede’s assigned dressing area without much of a problem. The name on the sticker on the door felt off, Maki couldn’t make out the words but she definitely could recognize the old headshot they used to mark it as Kaede’s, and without knocking she pushed the door open to find it completely empty. “Kaede, where are you?” she asked, stepping fully inside, only for the door to slam closed behind her. She gasped and turned to see what had caused it to close, only to find the faces of two men she had been trying so hard to forget. “No, not you again, you’re not getting to kill her this time.”

One of the men smirked, while the other came to her and grabbed her, wrapping his arms tightly around her to hold her in place. “No resistance, huh? Makes our job easier,” the smirking one told her, brandishing a knife from behind his back and raising it as he approached her. “Nothing quite like killing a half-dead woman to get the night started.”

Squeezing her eyes shut as she didn’t want to watch certain death coming her way, she had considered challenging his assertion of calling her half-dead, but the knife entered her mouth before she had the chance to. The taste of the metal was the last thing she remembered, and the next thing she knew her eyes were flying open in an unfamiliar room, sunlight drifting in through half-closed curtains. She raised her hand to her mouth and found nothing amiss about it, no dried blood or signs that she’d been stabbed in it, and while she was investigating herself she heard a voice speak from beside her. “I’m surprised it only took you this long to wake up,” Tenko said, moving to sitting on the bed next to her. “I thought that after you blacked out, we’d need to get real medical help, but it turns out that all you needed was some sleep.”

“Where am I?” she asked her, trying to sit up but being unable to, as Tenko pushed her back down. “I’m not at _my_ house, and I’m not still at the concert.”

“That’s right, you’re in Himiko’s room right now. Figured it would be a brighter place to wake up than Angie’s room, and mine’s not as close as either of theirs was. Bet you’re wondering what happened to get you here, and let me tell you, the degenerates responsible for doing this to you will pay.” For a moment, Maki thought she was talking about the men in her dream, but Tenko’s use of her anti-man language was more of a blanket to cover the people who’d brought in mislabeled drinks. As best as she could, Tenko put together the story of what had happened, showing Maki that what she’d perceived as her getting attacked backstage was actually her being restrained outside the venue by Kaito, while Tenko forced her to drink real water to try and help calm her down.

“I had no idea I was even drunk, I’m so sorry,” she apologized, words that were brushed off by Tenko as not being necessary. “Look, I ruined the night for everyone by letting that happen, let me be sorry, damn it!”

Her hands hadn’t once lifted from holding Maki down, and Tenko used her position to make sure that her friend heard and understood her every word. “No, you made it to the end of the concert in whatever weird state you were in, we were just sitting outside for most of it. The second they said it was over was when you started tripping out and trying to get back inside, and that was when we had to hold you down and get you some real water. It wasn’t pretty but you were _okay_ , and you didn’t do anything wrong. Got it?”

“Yeah, got it. Can you let me go now? I’m fine, I’d like to get home to see my husband and daughter sometime today.” Cue Tenko laughing at her insistence to leave, which reminded Maki that she hadn’t drank in so long that she would probably feel the effects of however much alcohol she’d managed to get the moment she stood up.

That wasn’t worth so much laughter, though, and so Tenko had to explain that as well, shaking her head as she did. “Tsukia is over with the Saiharas, since that guy who was watching them didn’t feel comfortable having her overnight, and Kaito was not going to be able to take care of her with how wasted he was. All these men, failing you when you need them to step up.”

“Then let’s go get my baby and take her home, I’m really fine. Look, I wasn’t even hallucinating until I started drinking, I guess, so there’s nothing to worry about.” In fact, there really wasn’t anything to cause worry, because how Maki saw it was that she was going to survive the concert if someone hadn’t slipped her a drink without her knowing it. She’d learned to manage that fear enough to try having a good time, and if that wasn’t the biggest sign that she was ultimately fine she didn’t know what would be.

* * *

When the day of the launch was upon them, it felt like nothing was going to be different about their lives mere hours later, even though everything was going to change. Kaito tried to keep a strong face the whole morning, no matter what everyone around him was doing, which depending on the minute could have been one of many things. Tsukia was flittering between being super excited to see her dad go to space and crying her eyes out about him missing _everything_ that was going to happen that year. Although she was better at holding herself together, Maki was managing to do so by staying more distant than normal, her mind focusing on how well everything was going to go. She couldn’t allow for herself to dwell on anything bad, she’d be able to handle having her own child, some strange child, and no husband in the house for as long as she was going to and she would come out of it more in love with him than she currently was.

The separation was going to be the hardest part, not just for them but for all of the astronauts and their families. There were a lot of hard farewells that day, every single man on that mission having someone dear to him that he was leaving behind, and they all spent a long while hugging each other and praying that everything was going to be okay. Maki hated that her and Tsukia hugging Kaito wasn’t as long as some of the others with their goodbyes, but she had to be ready to take Luka from Mr. Lebedev and couldn’t leave them hanging for too long, something that Kaito understood.

“You’ve got this all in the bag, Maki Roll!” he assured her, kissing her cheek before planting another kiss on Tsukia’s forehead. “And you, my bright little moon, you be good for your mom so she doesn’t wanna leave you once I’m home!”

“Okay, Daddy! I can be super good!” Even with all her crying that morning, Tsukia was just as good at putting on a brave face as her father was, but the moment he turned to walk away she was tearing up and beginning to sniffle.

This was the first time the girl was old enough to really understand her father leaving, and Maki felt bad that there wasn’t going to be much she could do to help cheer her up if she got too down over it. “Come on, let’s grab Luka and get somewhere where we can watch the launch,” she told the girl, taking her hand tightly and walking along with her over to where Mr. Lebedev was holding his son, speaking to him in quiet words. When the adults locked eyes the man nodded, passing over the unresponsive boy and thanking Maki once again for being willing to watch him before following in the direction Kaito had gone in. “I promise he’ll still be here when you get back!” she called after him, the man waving when he heard the words.

“Mommy, are we gonna keep Luka forever?” Tsukia asked, her voice choppy as she was trying not to cry too hard. “’Cause I don’t think we should, his daddy should keep him.”

“His daddy will take him back once he’s back from space, because your daddy certainly doesn’t want a second kid when we’ve already got you.” Maki managed to crack a smile just thinking about how absurd the girl’s question was, and when Tsukia saw her mom smiling she managed to do it as well.

The gathering place to watch the launch was full of loved ones, as well as friends who’d joined to be there for support. Maki and Tsukia took seats right with their whole group of friends, Kaede placing her hands on Maki’s shoulders to comfort her just in case she needed it. “Everything’s going to be fine,” she whispered as she leaned forward, “and the whole time he’s gone we’ll be here to keep you company.”

“I knew that already, all of it.”

“Just making sure that you did.” One of the hands let go and patted her shoulder gently, before gripping it once more. “We all love you, Maki, and we’re here for you through it all, just like all the other times.” It was a sentiment that Maki knew that everyone there for them shared, and it was through their strength, as well as her belief that everything would go perfectly as it had before, that she was able to sit there and watch the launch without shedding a tear.

Just like always, the sight of the shuttle taking flight was breathtaking, and those who hadn’t seen it before were completely captivated by how quickly, yet slowly, it disappeared up into the atmosphere. It was a flawless launch, and the seven men on board— _Abreu. Collignon. Lebedev. MacBride. Momota. Patel. Walker._ the names that the patch commemorating the international team’s flight read—were on their way to spend most of the next year of their lives floating above the world they knew and loved. It was a couple days until word broke on the news that the team had made it safely to the space station, and a couple days past that until video communication between them and the ground was established.

In that week where things were beginning to get set up, Maki found herself pushing Kaito’s current position out of her mind, as she tried to make her life as simple as possible. She had Kaede calling her every day to check on them, and Kirumi stopped by in the evenings to make sure things were actually going well, and with all the attention she was getting she found it easy to forget that things were now at their new normal. Once the public knew that the astronauts had made it, then she felt a bit more comfortable with thinking about when she’d get to see Kaito’s face popping up in a news report, their entire city eager to hear from their local astronaut.

She got to see him a couple times here and there when she’d be absentmindedly watching the news, or when Kaede would call she’d tell her that she’d seen Kaito in the background of a picture that she’d found online, and they’d bond over that. For the most part, though, it was easiest to keep the visuals to a minimum whenever Tsukia was around, the girl slowly getting used to not having her dad there at the house anymore.

So when Maki got a message, littered with spelling errors, that boiled down to keeping the TV off at all costs and to not listen to any news reports, she was confused and worried all at once; she’d barely had the time to process the message when she saw that Shuichi, of all people, was calling her. “What do you want?” she answered, her voice exposing that worry. “Your wife just told me not to watch or listen to anything, what’s going on? What’s—”

“There’s been some kind of incident on the space station, and no one knows who or what it involves.” Shuichi’s voice was cracking as he told her, and her blood ran cold at the words, the one thing she’d been most scared of with the whole flight rearing its ugly head. “I’m on my way over right now, we’ll get through this together.”

“—together, okay,” she repeated, letting their brief call end right there as she dropped her phone, it narrowly missing where Luka was laying on the floor. There was no way that things had gone from perfect to wrong so quickly, she told herself, it had to be one huge mistake. One huge mistake that was going to be resolved quickly.


	9. disintegration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: death, mental/physical breakdown

By the time that Shuichi was at the front door, Maki had done absolutely nothing to collect herself in regards to what was hanging in the air over her head. She hadn’t picked up her phone, hadn’t moved from her spot on the couch, nothing; she was running through her last conversation she’d had with Kaito over and over, hoping that there would be time to get to build on their last exchange. He believed in her that she could handle him being gone for a year, that didn’t mean he had any faith in her to stay strong longer than that. And Tsukia, her last words she’d told her father were that she’d be good while he was gone, if he wasn’t ever coming back there was no guarantee that promise would hold.

It was the knock at the door that reminded her that she needed to keep living right then, that she had no idea what was going on and that she could very well be jumping to unnecessary conclusions. Stumbling to her feet, barely missing both her phone and Luka with her clumsy footing, she walked to the door and opened it, Shuichi and Sonata both standing on the other side. “Sorry that I brought her, I…wasn’t going to take the time to drop her off at the house and take longer to get here,” he apologized, but Maki wasn’t bothered by the presence of the older girl. “If anything, she can go play with Tsukia to keep her out of our hair.”

“I think that would be a good plan,” Maki said in agreement, nodding towards the dark-haired girl, as she fiddled with the small bow on the front of her school uniform. “Go make sure that she doesn’t come out here while we’re handling our adult business.”

Sonata’s fingers fluttered on the sides of her bow, her eyes cast downward until she shifted them straight to meeting Maki’s. “I can do that for you. I’ll even play whatever she wants to keep her happy.”

As his daughter moved past the adults and broke into a sprint to the younger girl’s bedroom, Shuichi stepped inside and allowed for Maki to close the door, her immediately falling into his opened arms the moment she wasn’t holding onto the door for support. “You can cry, it’s okay,” he told her, carefully walking with her slumped against him until he could lean against the couch until she was ready to sit on her own. “I don’t know what you know, but I know what I know and it’s…rough.”

“What do you know?” she managed to ask, her whole lower jaw trembling as she spoke. “All I heard is what you told me, and what Kaede sent me, and that’s not enough.”

“Someone’s dead, Maki. How, who, why, none of those things have been answered, it’s just that one of those men is dead and everyone’s guessing what happened.” It was clear from the way Shuichi’s voice was shaking that he was on the verge of crying too, and him sounding so upset was what set Maki over the edge. As she let the tears freely fall there in his arms, he reminded her, “That’s my best friend up there, you know. If he’s gone, it’s going to cut me almost as deep as it cuts you and Tsukia.”

“Except that’s n-not the love of your life that’s possibly dead!” She hated how she sounded when she was genuinely crying, not out of anger but out of sadness, and the topic that she was having to talk about was only amplifying her tears. “I might’ve kissed him goodbye for the last time without knowing it was the last time and I…I don’t want it to be him that’s dead!” The feeling of Kaito’s lips brushing against her cheek during their final farewell was prominent in her mind, and she could feel the tears running right over where he’d left that kiss. “I don’t want any of them dead, but especially not him!”

Helpless in that moment, as he didn’t know what else he could say, Shuichi merely kept holding Maki in his arms as they both cried, working through that emotional reaction to what may have happened together. They were interrupted by the door opening a couple minutes later, and Maki’s heart skipped a beat as she thought it could’ve been Kaito coming back to tell her he was okay. Instead of seeing the love of her life standing there, she saw that it was Kirumi, looking frazzled and in a state of shock. “I heard the news about the space station and came to check on the only astronaut wife I’m allowed to interact with,” she said, greeting them with a bow and pulling a tissue out of the pocket of her skirt, offering it to both of them. “But it seems that Shuichi had the same idea I had.”

Maki blinked a few times, her tears still streaming down her cheeks, before she warily reached for what Kirumi was offering. “You’re welcome to be here,” she choked out, pulling herself up off of Shuichi for a moment. “Just don’t go into Tsukia’s room, she doesn’t need to know anything’s going on right now.”

“Certainly, a mother would know best about how to handle the tragedy.” Kirumi made sure that the door was closed behind her before she came inside, choosing to sit on the floor near the couch, but not on it, to leave room for Maki and Shuichi both whenever they chose to sit properly. That moment came soon after, with them both still crying but not as desolate as they had been; Maki took the spot she’d been frozen in while she’d been waiting while Shuichi sat next to her, putting his hand just above her knee for comfort.

The three of them sat there, not saying anything to anyone while the two who were crying slowly came down from the peak of their tears. They weren’t going to calm down quickly, and they weren’t going to move past what could have been happening without at least knowing what was going on. “I just…I don’t want him to be gone,” Maki sputtered, setting herself off on another round of crying. “He can’t be the one, he’s got to come home to us to make sure everything’s okay!”

“On my way over, they were saying that the family of the deceased was due to be contacted, and that they would be handling that shortly,” Kirumi offered, the information rather helpful in gauging what was going on. “There was not going to be a public statement about the specifics about the incident until that was taken care of.”

Shuichi managed to turn one of the corners of his mouth up, Kirumi’s statement enough to give him something to make an assumption with. “That’s good news then, since you’d be contacted in case something happened with him, and since that hasn’t happened—”

He was cut off by Maki’s phone, down at her feet, ringing loudly. He gave a soft _oh no_ at the same time that Kirumi’s face turned to stone, and they both looked at Maki, staring down at her phone and watching the tears fall onto its glass screen. “I have to answer it,” she said, bending down to pick it up, and with wildly-shaking hands she grabbed it and pressed to take the call, only to put it on speakerphone so she didn’t deafen the person on the other side with her crying.

“Is this Mrs. Momota?” the female voice on the other side said, quiet and low but amplified enough that Shuichi and Kirumi could hear the question. Maki was barely able to give that the positive response it needed, her voice was wavering so badly, and when her answer was picked up by the receiver the person she was speaking with sighed. “I’m calling you from mission control to speak with you about an important matter. I understand that this is a tough moment to be getting this call from us, but the news I am here to deliver is not quite as dire as I’m sure your heart is telling you.”

“That sounds promising,” Shuichi whispered, covering his mouth so that Maki could hear him but the person on the other end couldn’t. She felt a bit of weight lift off of her chest but it wasn’t enough, she was still being smothered in her emotions, even with the assurance and support she was being given. She could see Kirumi’s expression had softened, less fearful and more ready to hear what was coming, and hearing what Shuichi had said showed that he wasn’t as upset as he had been when the call first came through.

“As I am sure you have heard by now, the crew aboard the International Space Station has encountered an issue that we were not anticipating having to handle,” the woman said, clearly trying to sound professional even with the news she was going to deliver. The way she was beating around the bush didn’t sit well with Maki, but she was going to stay strong and listen to it like the grown adult she was. “Unfortunately, in the early hours of the morning local time, one of the astronauts experienced a medical emergency and passed away in the arms of another.”

The meaning of those words, in that order, was not lost on Maki, and she took in a sharp breath, clutching her phone a bit tighter as she glanced at Shuichi, who was staring back at her with wide, unblinking eyes. They held their gaze for several moments, while the woman on the phone asked if she was still there. “Y-yes, I’m still here,” she replied, nearly losing her composure and starting to cry right then. “You’re calling me b-because Kaito was involved, aren’t you?”

“I cannot disclose that at this moment, as I do not have that information.” Another set of words that Maki completely understood, but knew could very well be hiding the truth from her. She wanted to believe that the silence was because he wasn’t involved, and she got her answer the next time the woman spoke. “We here were tasked with providing the news of this tragedy to the next of kin of the deceased, but in this case doing so would be impossible, as the only noted next of kin is…” She trailed off, and when the sniffling on mission control’s side of the phone became audible all three adults in the room knew exactly why she was calling Maki when the news didn’t relate back to her in any way.

“He wouldn’t understand if I held the phone up to him and you said it, I know.” Having grown so fearful that the problem was related back to Kaito, it was relieving to Maki to know that it wasn’t the case at all, but now came the flood of negative emotions about what she now knew. “You’re calling me because I’m the one who’s acting as his caretaker.”

“That would be correct,” the woman said, before stifling the receiver to blow her nose, all sense of professionalism having flown out the window. “I have it noted here that the only kin of Russian astronaut Maksim Lebedev is his son Luka Maksimovic Lebedev, who has been entrusted in the care of you, Mrs. Momota, and that said son is physically incapable of speech or any sort of communication.”

Maki’s eyes fell from where she’d still been letting them drift between Shuichi’s and Kirumi’s as they were offering her support, landing on Luka’s curled-up form on the floor. “He’s here right now, and I can tell you that he doesn’t understand a thing that’s going on around him. I…I can’t even be sure his dad going to space made sense to him.”

“That’s okay, I am not going to ask you to let me speak to him. As his documented caretaker, we ask that if he becomes aware of the situation that you pass along the information.” Blowing her nose again, the woman went back to sounding more like she had at the start of the call as she ended it. “We will most likely be in contact with you again in the near future, as we find out more details about the emergency and make plans to handle it. Thank you for your understanding and,” she dropped her voice quieter for her last words, “I’m really sorry that this had to happen to you.”

The screen lit up as the call ended, and once again the phone fell to the floor, this time brushing Luka’s arm before it found a resting place next to him. “On one hand, it’s good news that it wasn’t Kaito, but on the other…” Kirumi shifted how she was sitting, scooting closer to the two on the couch so that she could bend over and pick up Maki’s phone, taking it into her own possession by sticking it into one of her apron pockets. “This is not anything any of you needed in your lives.”

“It could have been worse, it could have been all of them,” Shuichi pointed out, trying to grab Maki in a hug but failing to do so as she got up, beginning to pace around the room. “I’m sure this isn’t going to sit well with you, but you need to not worry too much about it right now, Maki. Kaito’s fine, that’s what needs to matter to you.”

“We don’t know if he’s fine!” she snapped, warm tears beginning to stream down her cheeks once again. “For all I know, whatever killed Maksim is going to kill him too, and you…and he…you know that if something’s up there infecting them, he’ll be next to get it!” She sounded furious, but it wasn’t anger that was fueling her yelling; she was so panicked by the possibility that she was going to lose her husband in outer space that she was resorting to lashing out. “You _know_ this, Shuichi. You’ve known him as long as I have, you know if you breath on him funny he gets sick.”

“I do know that, but we can’t jump to those conclusions. Calm down, before you let the girls know something’s wrong.” It was amazing that Shuichi could keep a rational mind in such a stressful moment, but he did work with solving crimes and couldn’t always let his emotions make his decisions. “We have to assume that something went wrong with Maksim and only him, and it’s nothing the other men will end up dealing with.”

She froze in her step, wanting to turn around to tell him that she couldn’t make such a large assumption, but the realization that she was making large assumptions of her own stopped her from doing so. She couldn’t keep jumping to the idea that Kaito was going to suffer because of what was going on, she needed to believe in him that he was okay and that this was an isolated incident. “I’ll quiet down,” she eventually said, resuming her pacing to try and keep her mind off of things. “Last thing I want is Tsukia hearing about this, she’ll never shut up about her dad and what could’ve happened.”

Finding a source of amusement in that dark moment, Kirumi remarked, “I wonder where she gets that from. Certainly not Kaito himself, that’s for sure.” Her comment was what convinced Maki to turn around glaring, and she cracked a smile at seeing just how enraged that had made her. “My apologies, I was unaware that you didn’t like people pointing out how similar you and your daughter are.”

“I’m fine with it, when it’s appropriate. This, right now, this is as far from appropriate as you can get.” There was a voice in her mind telling her to ask Kirumi to leave for that, but Maki didn’t want to lose one of the two people that were there for her. If someone else were to walk in, she’d consider it, but at that moment she wasn’t going to do it. “I just want to find out that Kaito’s fine and that this is all handled, so maybe I’ll be able to sleep at least once in the next year without worrying my ass off about him.”

Shuichi shook his head, carefully standing up off the couch without touching Luka to go grab Maki and hold her tightly, much like he had when he’d first shown up. “You’re not going to worry about him, because if anyone’s going to manage to make it through this, it’s Kaito. Have you seen how well he handles bad situations? He…you know, he made it through what happened to you and Tsukia almost completely on his own, he can make it through an incident in space with the help of five other men.”

“I know, but…” There were so many things that Maki wanted to say there, but every single one of them felt selfish in her eyes. She was being hugged by someone who didn’t have to be showing her this kindness, in the presence of someone else who could have chosen to stay at work rather than come be with her, without her daughter around so that the girl remained clueless as to what was happening, and she was considering making things even more about herself than they already were. She needed to focus on Kaito, and even then her focus on him needed to be about him being okay than worrying about what could be wrong.

“He’s going to be fine, Maki, and so are you.” It was hard to believe Shuichi when his voice was cracking with every word, him choking up as he was giving her that assurance, but Maki had no reason to doubt half of that statement. As long as she trusted that Kaito was fine, she could move past anything that happened, and deal with the problems regarding the child on her floor when the time came for that.

At some point, Kirumi stood up and joined them in their hug, her wrapping her arms around both of them and letting them soak in her comforting embrace. She was breathing slowly, trying to regulate their breathing with her own, and Maki was shocked at how well she found herself slipping out of her panic and fear and into a more calmed state. Yet when the door came flying open a second time that afternoon, it was enough to spook the trio into falling into each other, almost losing their collective footing and fall to the floor. “I wasn’t aware I was going to be walking into something,” Kaede said, putting a hand to her face as she watched the three separate, all of them in various amounts of emotional distress at her sudden arrival. “I just…Shuichi said that he was coming over and said that he had Sonata with him and that he wasn’t going to make you wait longer to bring her home to me, so I got here as fast as I could.”

“Don’t you live just a few minutes away?” Kirumi asked, as she straightened her clothing after the disbanding of the hug. “I’ve been here for nearly half an hour now, and Shuichi was already here when I arrived.”

Kaede bit her bottom lip, playing with the part that stuck out with one of her fingers, and she kicked back a bit with her foot, causing the boy who was hiding behind her to step out, grumbling something under his breath. Seeing how his son was acting being pushed into everyone’s view like he was, Shuichi remarked, “Of all the days for Conan to have practice, today had to be the one where it ran long, didn’t it? He can go join the girls in Tsukia’s room, they’ll be able to play together.”

“I don’t want to play, I want to know what’s going on.” It was one of the first full, forceful sentences that Maki had heard the boy say in the presence of more than just her and his parents, and it caused rage to start bubbling up in her. Before she had a chance to lose her cool and snap at him, both of his parents repeated what Shuichi had already said, telling him to go join the girls. As he went, he was continuing on with his grumbles, hanging his head as he disappeared into the depths of the house.

“I am _so_ sorry about that, while he was finishing practice one of the other parents started talking to the teacher about the incident and he must’ve overheard it, because the whole ride over he was asking about ‘uncle Kaito’ this and ‘space station’ that and I…I didn’t know how to handle it except to be quiet.” Now that the room was free of any ears that would be overhearing them that shouldn’t be, Kaede was beginning to break down into her own bubbling tears, and by the time she had closed the front door she was absolutely bawling. “I thought that when all the stuff that happened at that concert happened, I’d never feel like this again, but here we are and I’m so worried about him!”

Letting her in on the news that the meat of the incident didn’t involve Kaito was one of the easiest parts of the whole situation, although seeing more of the light in her eyes dim when she heard that it was Mr. Lebedev who’d met his untimely fate hurt more than anyone would have guessed. She looked to be shaking by the time she’d heard all that they knew, and her first order of business was to have a seat on the floor right beside Luka, Kirumi choosing to sit next to her rather than at her further distance, and the other two remained standing, just behind where they were.

“He doesn’t know a thing, poor kid,” Maki said when she saw that Kaede had chosen her spot just to try and get any sort of reaction out of the kid. “He’s never going to know anything either, he’ll never understand what happened.”

“You can’t say that, it’s totally possible he’ll be able to learn someday.” Her hand running through Luka’s hair, finding it littered with knots and tangles that she could barely break through with her fingers, Kaede tried turning his face to see what reaction he had. “I believe that there will be a day where this kid can understand that his father died doing what he loved, up in the sky above us all.”

“Keep dreaming, he’s not…going to get it.” In her preparation for watching Luka for the year, Maki had spent a lot of time with Mr. Lebedev, learning the specifics of the child’s condition and how best to handle it. She’d been handed medical records (just in case something came up and she, as primary caretaker in his father’s absence, needed to make medical decision for him), and while she hadn’t been able to read a word of it, Kaito had been able to translate it and take notes of the important parts. The kid was a conglomeration of different physical and mental handicaps that had been so severe that his father had been ostracized for wanting to keep the child around, and even though he was able to eat on his own, there wasn’t much else he could do without help. He could see but not read, his verbalizations were nothing more than screeches if he made them, he had working ears but showed few signs of using them, his mobility was hindered by all sorts of issues that his father had chosen not to try and correct but rather let stagnate. Luka was nine years old, nearly ten if she was remembering his birthday right, he’d been allowed to be helpless for so long that helping him felt impossible.

Kaede didn’t know any of those specifics about the boy, though, and her optimism in that dark moment shined regardless. “I don’t know, maybe with his father’s spirit around to guide him he’ll be able to make leaps and bounds towards growing to learn things?” she asked, before giving a soft gasp, her head tilting back to look up at Maki and Shuichi behind her. “Better question, do you think we’ll be able to help him do that? I know you, Maki, I know you’re not going to ship him off to the orphanage.”

The word struck a nerve in Maki’s heart and she swallowed down any and all fears about what she was going to say, choosing to remain neutral in that moment. “I’m not going to do that, but what we do with him is a decision for me and Kaito to make, and that’s not something we’re doing right now, obviously.”

“I know, but it’s something you’ve got to think about, since you’re the one caring for him!” It was clear that Kaede had missed the most gut-wrenching part of the afternoon as she was able to stay upbeat after her small bout of crying, while the others were staying serious and somber. She kept chattering on about Luka and making his father proud of what he was going to grow up into, but when Maki’s phone rang again, still in Kirumi’s apron, she fell silent as the phone was retrieved and handed over to its owner.

Maki looked at the screen, the number that had called her before the one that was showing up, and like she had the first time she answered it and immediately put it on speaker for everyone else to hear. “Mrs. Momota, it’s mission control again,” the same voice from before greeted, sounding just as professional as the first call had started. “I have an update on the situation up on the International Space Station, and unfortunately I do not believe this is the news you were looking for.”

Without thinking about what it was she was asking, she blurted out, “They’re all dying, aren’t they? That’s what you’re calling to tell me?”

“No, from what we can tell it was a medical emergency that only impacted the living status of one astronaut, although we are working hard to get confirmation on that. Earlier when we spoke, you posed a question about your husband’s involvement, and with the interviews that have just wrapped up I have been given the clearance to address that.” There was a long pause, uncomfortable for everyone who was in that room listening but to Maki most of all, and she felt her knees getting weak as she waited for what was coming next.

She couldn’t stand there, almost leaning into Shuichi, and hear what was going to be said, and so she took what had been his spot on the couch, clutching the phone with both hands, the scar on the back of one beginning to go pale at the pressure. “It seems that, when Mr. Lebedev experienced his medical emergency, there were two astronauts present for the ordeal from the start. One was Mr. Jacob MacBride, the captain of the mission, and he was the one who contacted us with the information that something was going wrong. The other, as you guessed beforehand, was your husband, and it was in his arms that Mr. Lebedev took his last breath.”

Somehow, that news hit her almost as hard as hearing about the death in the first place, and her hand slowly uncurled from the phone; when she dropped it that time, Shuichi had already seen it coming and was there with his own waiting hand to catch it. “H-he held his friend while he died,” Maki managed to say, not to the person on the phone but to everyone else in the room, as if they hadn’t heard the news themselves. “He had to watch that happen in his own arms.”

“Yes, unfortunately, but you can take solace in knowing that he’s alive and that you can hear the story in his own words soon enough. They should be playing the interview on most local news stations here shortly. Once again I send my deepest condolences to the young Lebedev boy, and to yourself and your child for being mixed up in all this.” The line went cold at that, and they were all left sitting in the silence left by her rushed conclusion to the call. It made perfect sense that Kaito would be the one to hold a dying friend until the end, but to do it in space where he was so far away from everything, it was an act that was beyond selfless.

Beyond selfless and clearly traumatizing, they all found out once they turned the news on and rearranged how they were sitting to watch the small screen, the volume down low so the children didn’t hear the TV and assume they could come watch. It was the normal time for the channels to be doing a news broadcast, so it being on in general wasn’t weird—what was weird was that it was clearly a special report they were airing, as if it had already been on for some time. “It was one of the channels being on switching to this ‘breaking news’ where I was working that alerted me to the crisis,” Kirumi said, when she happened to look at Maki and her confusion at how the broadcast was being handled. “I would have never known then if I hadn’t had it on for background noise while I worked.”

“Funny how things work like that,” Maki mumbled, her face tightening into more of a concerned expression than a confused one. She wouldn’t have known a thing if everyone else hadn’t told her what was going on, or came to check on her, until she got that first call from the lady at mission control, and if that had been her introduction into the mess she was certain she would’ve had a breakdown over it. Now all she could do was wait and see what Kaito said that had been recorded, and hope for the best from it.

The people in the studio were recapping all of the important points of the matter, starting with the name of the deceased, his age, nationality, the fact that he was a loving father to a child currently being cared for locally. From there they switched to talking about the events that had led to their breaking news report, beginning at the point that the original call was made about there being an emergency and moving forward to the conclusion of the contact they’d just had with the astronauts on the space station. They claimed to be switching to a feed of the contact, and right as they faded out and a shot of what had to be inside mission control appeared, a small hand grabbed Maki’s shoulder and caused her to scream.

“Mommy, are you having a party?” Tsukia asked, completely innocent with her question but her timing horrendous, and before Maki could shoo her back into her room she noticed what was now on the screen. “Ooh! It’s Daddy! Can I say hi to him?”

“That’s not—you won’t—Tsukia, back to your room!” With no idea of how she was supposed to explain that her father being on the TV was not a good sign, Maki decided that she was going to tell the girl to go away without explanation. Instead of listening to her mother, she pushed her way up into her lap, flopping down like she belonged there, and balled her fists up under her chin as she watched, wide-eyed and excited to see what her father had to say. Still not sure what she should do, Maki felt useless in stopping her and couldn’t afford to waste another second on solving that problem, not when it seemed like this was the start of what Kaito had told people.

He looked like he hadn’t slept in a while, which felt fair but the horror in his eyes was almost painful to look at, knowing they couldn’t do anything to help him where they were. “It all happened so fast, one second we’re just sitting around, talking about things we left back home and the next I’m holdin’ onto someone as he’s gasping for air,” he said, looking somewhere off-camera to focus himself on what he was talking about. “I don’t even know why I thought to grab him, but that’s what I did. Maybe it was to keep him from floating all over once he went? I don’t know.”

As she was completely clueless about everything that had happened that day, Tsukia had another question to ask that no one wanted to answer. “What’s Daddy talking about? He looks like he’s sad, I don’t like it…”

“We were just talkin’ about our families when it happened, Jacob was havin’ me translate what he’d said to him and that was when we noticed he was going really pale and he just…damn, he just gave up on us right there, honestly. I got him in my arms, Jacob went to contact you guys on Earth, and I spent a while just holding him, hearing him struggling to breathe until he stopped completely.” On the screen, Kaito reached to rub at his eyes, and when he pulled it away what looked like tears were brimming along his lashes, but they never seemed to leave his eyes. “All he was saying was that he was glad to die with me, if he had to die anywhere so young, and I haven’t stopped hearing that since I stopped hearing him breathe.”

Whatever was just out of sight that he was focusing on seemed to be a different person, as they must have asked him something to get him to keep talking the way he did. “Oh yeah, from the moment we saw him go pale it was like, I’ve seen people almost die before and I know what it took to save them, there’s no way we’re gonna manage to bail him out of this. But him dying wasn’t even the worst part, you know? Having to keep holding him until we knew what to do, that was the part that sucked. He was my friend, he should’ve been alive and well and not lifeless in my arms for those hours.”

The broadcast cut back to the anchors in the studio, them talking about what they interpreted the message delivered to mean, but after the first few words Shuichi turned the volume down so they didn’t have to hear it, out of respect to everyone there. No one was saying anything, not even the still wide-eyed girl in her mom’s lap, and it took until the broadcast had turned to someone at mission control talking to the camera for anyone to have anything to say. “He sounds like he’s doing okay, everything considered,” Kaede decided, her facial expression telling them all that she didn’t truly believe her own words. “I’m sure he’ll get through this just fine. I mean, he said it himself, he’s seen people almost die before, this just ended a little differently.”

“Let’s…not talk about that right now,” Maki reminded her, looking down at the top of Tsukia’s head there in front of her. “Not until this little girl decides she’s going to follow the rules and go back to playing with her friends.”

“B-b-but Mommy, I wanna get to talk to Daddy like the people on there did!” It was obvious that all meaning of what was happening was lost on Tsukia, but she couldn’t be allowed to sit there and be present as they discussed what this meant. Instead of waiting for her to get up on her own, Kirumi did everyone a favor and stood up, picking the girl up and carrying her at an arm’s length from her body back to her bedroom, everyone hearing her cries of wanting to talk to her father long after the door was closed and Kirumi was back with them.

“I’m talking about it now, since she’s gone.” Taking a couple deep breaths to prepare herself for what she was about to say, Kaede reached a comforting hand towards Maki, which she took without any sort of hesitation, the ladies squeezing each other to show that they were there for each other. “When you were attacked, I saw Kaito scared out of his mind, completely broken over everything, and he managed to make it through that okay. He wasn’t scared there, he wasn’t broken, he was handling it so much better than he handled those weeks where we didn’t know what was going to happen to you and…I think he’s going to be okay after everything.”

Shuichi let what Kaede said linger for a moment before he added his own opinion on the subject, also offering his hand by placing it on top of both of theirs. “I was worried that if we saw him, he’d be about as broken as we saw him back then, but he wasn’t and I think that shows that he’s handling this a lot better. We have no reason to worry about him, not when he’s as strong as he is.”

Feeling the love coming off of both of their hands as they held hers, Maki felt deep down that she wanted to be contrary, that she wanted to fight that things weren’t okay and that he did deserve their worry. But those feelings were suppressed, pushed down and away from her mind with the thought that even though there was a bad situation, it was handed to the person who was clear-minded and able to push through it. Yes, it was going to weigh on her every moment that Kaito didn’t have her around to help get him through things, but he _would_ get through them. That was all he needed to do right then, just trudge through the bad hand that he’d been dealt and move on to the next one.

The four of them stayed there for most of the evening, eventually turning the news off and trying to act like nothing had happened that had brought them all to the level of crying they’d reached. Of course, due to Tsukia’s inability to keep her mouth shut, the older children knew that something was up and when they all gathered to eat something (it was hard for Maki to stomach anything right then, but she knew she had to do it, for Kaito’s sake), a sensitized version of the story was given to the children. No one needed to know that someone was dead, especially not a group of children, but to let them know that something had happened but that the person they were most worried about was okay, that seemed appropriate enough.

It was appropriate, sure, but it was pointless as the Saihara children regularly interacted with others outside of that little group, and they soon knew the full truth of the matter. Their parents caught it before they had the chance to talk about it within earshot of the still-ignorant little girl who just thought her father was sad about being in space, and so she was allowed to live through the next week completely and blissfully unaware of the heavy news everyone around her had on their shoulders.

Her ignorance only lasted one week, seven full days from the first sign of trouble, and how she found out the truth was in one of those moments that Maki wished she could have stopped before it started.

* * *

After the first day, the coverage of the incident became something that was touched on during the nightly news hours, but it wasn’t anything close to focused on. The anchors would talk about any updates that they’d heard, then move on to more pressing matters—but whatever they said was old news at that point anyway, because everyone who knew Kaito had already asked Maki to tell them what updates she had been given. She’d gotten familiar with the woman at mission control, who called and always greeted her with her formal name before breaking into the latest information she was cleared to share.

For those first days, it was a lot of nothing, just relaying messages that were being shared from the space station down to where they were, but because they often involved Kaito as one of the speakers it felt right to let his wife know what was going on. Maki hated having to play the role of a second middleman in everything, when she wished that she could be the one getting the information from Kaito himself, but she did like how she could expect visits from all sorts of friends every night, just so they could be there for her as she told them what she now knew. She really wasn’t going through things alone, she had people who were constantly checking in on her, Tsukia, and Luka to make sure that they were all alive and managing things however they could.

The fourth day after the news broke, the woman at mission control had off-handedly mentioned that there was a chance that the astronauts would be making the decision to come home or not, completely up to them. Hearing that took Maki by surprise, as she had figured that the men in space would want to stay there, even with the circumstances, but she didn’t ask any sort of follow-up questions about it, assuming that she’d get the “I am not allowed to answer that” response that most questions received. She kept that to herself at the nightly dinner with all of her friends, choosing to say that she hadn’t gotten much of an update that day rather than break open speculation with everyone.

That night was harder than any of the previous ones, her mind struggling to comprehend why there was the possibility that the men got to choose if they came home or not. The only idea that kept coming to mind was that they were more bothered by the death than anyone knew, and they needed to step away from the space station to collect themselves about it. In that instance it would make sense for Kaito to choose to come home, but she knew that he would never leave his dream behind like that, not after how hard he’d been pushed to chase it in the past. He didn’t back down from going to space when he had to leave her behind while she was at her lowest point, he wasn’t going to back down from staying there just because a friend had died. The arguing in her brain over the possibility that he was going to come home because it was bothering him wouldn’t stop, and she had to go down to Tsukia’s room, pick the sleeping girl up, and carry her back into her own bedroom to put her in the big bed to give herself the comfort to sleep.

She woke up with her daughter curled up next to her, eyes wide open and looking like she was waiting to see that her mother was awake. “Auntie Kaede called on the phone,” Tsukia said, her voice so much tinier than it usually was. “I didn’t answer the phone, no way, but she left a…message? for you, and I heard it. She was crying and I didn’t like it.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up when my phone rang?” she asked, shooting up to sitting and looking around for her phone, which Tsukia feebly held up as an offering. The girl didn’t seem to want to explain her choice of actions, but Maki wasn’t going to fight her for her reasoning when something was clearly going on. The moment she had her phone in hand she was finding Kaede’s voicemail, pressing to play it and letting the audio fill the room because there was no point in hiding it from the girl anymore.

“Hey, Maki, I know it’s early and you won’t hear this until you’re awake, but when you do hear this you’ve got to…I don’t know, you’ve got to see what they aired overnight.” It was definitely Kaede’s crying voice that was talking, but Tsukia had failed to mention that Shuichi was audible in the background saying something about how it couldn’t be real, whatever it was that he was talking about. Her heart was sinking into her stomach already, but she had to keep listening to Kaede’s message. “I don’t know how much longer they’re going to be able to do this to them, to…to _him_. They’re going to kill someone else at this rate, they’re handling it all—”

The message cut off right there, and Tsukia’s wide eyes locked on her mother’s as Maki tried to make sense of what she’d just heard. “I said I didn’t like it, Mommy! Why’d you make me hear it again?”

“The fact that you heard it in the first place is what bothers me,” she replied, kicking her blankets off of herself and getting out of the bed without even caring that she’d buried the girl in her haste. “You stay in here, keep an eye on Luka, I’m going to see whatever your aunt was talking about.”

If it were one of the previous mornings, that would have been when Maki carried the boy out to the living room from where he slept on a mattress on the floor (his father had insisted that was how he sleep, close enough to the ground that if he rolled he wouldn’t be hurt), but she needed answers more than anything right then. Trusting Tsukia to listen to directions was always a gamble, but with how bothered she was with what she’d heard in Kaede’s message she was sure that she’d heed her mother’s word for once. That meant that she was able to get out to the main room and turn the TV on, hoping that whatever she was supposed to see would be important enough for a repeat on some channel.

She searched and searched, but nowhere seemed to be playing the video that had prompted Kaede to make that call. Calling her back to see if she could explain things better was an option, but Maki knew that them talking would result in them both getting emotional and she wasn’t about to start her day an emotional wreck. Instead, she shot her a message asking her what was going on, before turning online to see what she could find.

While it may not have been breaking news on the TV, it certainly seemed to be the largest headline on the first news source that she found. It took her a moment to even recognize that the man in the thumbnail image for the headline was Kaito, and it wasn’t because of a poor-quality picture; he looked ten times more tired than he had in the first video he’d been featured in, and his already-narrow face looked positively sunken in. His cheekbones looked ready to poke out from his skin, and she couldn’t bare to look at the picture for too long before clicking the link and hoping that it would explain everything. There had to be some lighting or angle that was causing him to look so gaunt, so close to lifeless, and she wanted those answers more than anything.

The video that played must have been what Kaede had seen, and by the time she was a minute into it Maki wished she’d just called her and asked for explanation rather than watching it herself. It wasn’t anyone in specific talking to Kaito, it looked like he was just talking with no care about who his audience was. “Y’know, they keep telling me I’ve gotta stop caring about his body,” he said, running a hand through his flat hair, the lack of spikes only adding to the amount of pain Maki experienced looking at him. “I’m like…no, guys, Maksim didn’t die up here to get frozen and shredded out there, he died up here to get to see space one last time. He’s comin’ back down to Earth with us. With me. I don’t care what all of them say, he’s not getting left out in the cold up here.”

There was a moment where the screen faded to black, and when it came back Maki audibly gasped at what she saw. The Kaito from before, the one in the thumbnail that had just been talking, had been replaced by one looking even more like he was a stone’s throw away from joining his friend in death. “Yeah, I know they’re sayin’ that I need to eat, but what’s the point? I’m not sleeping, I _can’t_ with that body around all the time, but if I’m not watchin’ it then they’re gonna put him out with the trash. I don’t have a death wish, no way, but it’s making sure he gets home or making sure that he’s got a friend with him until the end, and both of those mean doin’ exactly what I’ve been doin’. I just…” As he trailed off, he leaned closer to the camera he was talking to, his dull, tired eyes becoming the only thing visible. “I’m sorry if you’re lookin’ forward to me comin’ home, but wherever Maksim goes, that’s where I’m going as well.”

It faded out again, but before it could start playing the next clip Maki had shut off the video and slowly made her way down to the floor, collapsing into a puddle of tears and trembling limbs. He claimed to not have a death wish, but he’d just admitted that he was planning on dying if it meant not leaving a friend behind, and he’d said it with so much determination that she was certain he’d completely forgotten about the life he had down on Earth. She knew without a doubt that he wasn’t in his right mind—she knew all too well how that looked and felt—and that the decision he was making then was not the decision he’d make if he were taking care of himself properly.

She stayed on the floor for some amount of time, not caring what was going on in the house around her. The only reason she got up was because Tsukia came out of the bedroom and saw her laying there, and as the curious little girl she was, she had to investigate what it was that her mother was doing. Hearing the girl’s voice was enough to remind Maki that she couldn’t let herself be weak about things, she had to stay strong even if Kaito wasn’t going to do the same, and she had to protect Tsukia from seeing pictures of her father at any cost. It would be too hard to explain to the girl why her father was choosing a dead man over them, and why he looked so rough because of it, and she didn’t want to watch her daughter experience her first heartbreak at her own hands.

For two more days Maki was able to keep the wool over Tsukia’s eyes about the truth of the situation, but after it had been a week since they’d learned about the emergency in space all of the effort proved to be for naught. To be fair, the reason that it happened was one that Maki should have seen coming, needing to take the children with her to the store to get some things in preparation for another week of their day-to-day lives, but she didn’t expect the stockers to be so callous about how they put out the daily paper. It was while they were standing in line that Tsukia saw it, and her hand immediately grabbed it, recognizing the man on the front page much quicker than Maki did when she saw the same image days before. “Why’s Daddy look like this? He shouldn’t look so sad,” she remarked, tracing a finger along those sallow cheeks, which she’d always poked when he was smiling at her. “I don’t like seeing him so sad, Mommy.”

“Put that back, you shouldn’t be grabbing things like that,” Maki scolded, before noticing that her daughter was tearing up looking at the picture and the act of returning it to the stack would only make things words. As much as she didn’t want the paper in her house, not with that picture front and center, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to get around not buying it, and so it was purchased with the rest of their items and taken home. Tsukia, thankfully, wasn’t trying to read the article it was attached to, but she was so focused on trying to come up with ways to cheer up her father while he was in space that she may not have realized there were words that went with the image.

When she went to sleep in the big bed that evening, and after Luka had been put on his mattress and was fast asleep, Maki and the other adults had the paper spread out in front of them all, each of them reading the article to see what it said that perhaps they hadn’t gotten told already. “His name is Kaito Momota, he loves space and will gladly tell you everything he knows about it, and he’s become the face of the disaster that’s taken shape on the International Space Station,” the first paragraph read, before diving into an explanation of the gaunt-faced man from his pre-incident days, if they could even be referred to as such. At one point, it even got into darker moments that they all wished they could gloss over: “This isn’t his first time being part of a headline news story, having been the bedside angel keeping constant watch over his wife and premature daughter when their lives were marred with tragedy after a concert stabbing.”

“Don’t you wish it would’ve just skipped that part?” Kaede asked, nudging Maki gently just to make sure that she was mentally still present. “I bet you could go the rest of your life without having to think about that again, huh?”

Maki stayed silent, her eyes moving through the article as fast as they could until she knew if it had anything of interest to add to their knowledge of the situation. For the most part, it was just a rundown of things she’d been told by the woman at mission control, of things that were public information, or things that Kaito himself had addressed in that video. At the very end, however, there was one glimmer of hope that caught her attention, and she read it out loud to everyone the moment she’d gotten to it. “A replacement crew is expected to be put into orbit as early as next week, to take over duties from the astronauts most heavily affected by this incident. For some, that means stepping into the shoes of a dead man and the people who loved him; for others, that means leaving where they’ve been trapped with a corpse for a week. For Kaito Momota, that means getting to fulfil what he says are his friend’s wishes, and to return to a home that will remind him how to exist as himself—not as a dead man’s keeper—once again.”

“They’re coming home,” Shuichi summarized, having been reading the passage to himself as Maki was putting a voice to it. “No, let’s not think of it like _they’re_ coming home, think of it like _he’s_ coming home. Where he needs to be.”

“Except if you asked him where he thinks he needs to be, it’s nowhere near here, but whatever. He’ll be back on Earth, and that’s what matters.” Feeling like she was angrily spitting her words, Maki wanted to explain why she felt how she did about this news, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. This paper’s spin on what was going on was rubbing her the wrong way, and she didn’t like how irrationally angry it was making her, even though the anger meant that she wasn’t wallowing in sadness again. “Let’s just hope it doesn’t take them forever to get this taken care of, he wasn’t eating and sleeping and if they wait too long, he’ll be dead before they get him out of there.”’

“Who’s gonna be dead?” Just hearing Tsukia’s question was enough to get all three adults to turn to face her, her sleepily rubbing at her cheeks as she looked at her mother. “Mommy, I don’t like hearing you talk about—oh, it’s the picture of Daddy where he’s sad.” The sudden change in her sentence came as Kaede closed the paper back to its front cover, which Tsukia recognized immediately, before standing there, her hands slowly stopping moving. She seemed to be frozen in place for just a moment, until her bottom lip jutted out and she began wailing, “I know who’s gonna be dead, you’re saying that about Daddy! I don’t want him dead, I want him to come back from space!”

The sound of the girl’s crying was enough to shatter every heart in the room, but there was only one person there who knew what to do about it. “I hear you, kid, but I don’t know if it’s going to happen,” Maki quietly and calmly said, keeping herself from crying alongside her daughter for as long as she could. “Come here, let’s sit and we can read what they’re saying about your daddy, since he’s not here to tell you it all for himself.”

It took a while for Tsukia to collect herself well enough to sit in her mother’s lap and listen as the entire article (except for the explicit reference to them) was read out loud to her, but she found herself calming down at the sound of the words. She wasn’t over the idea of her father dying, but she was more understanding about what was going on and why that was what they were talking about by the time the article had been fully read. Sensing that there was going to be a lot of conversation needed between the pair to give the girl a full acceptance of what this news meant, Kaede and Shuichi decided that it would be best for them to leave them for the night, making sure to tell them both that they loved them and were there to support them before they headed out.

Every day until they knew when the astronaut switch was going to happen, Tsukia would wake up screaming about nightmares she was having about losing her dad, and Maki would already be awake to comfort her with hugs and reminders that he wasn’t dead and that they’d get to see him when he came home. No news had to be good news, and they weren’t told about anything else going wrong, which meant that as far as she was aware, Maki was telling nothing but the truth. But the constant, daily reminder that she’d allowed her daughter to get entrenched in this when she hadn’t needed to was enough to send Maki’s mind tumbling back into states that she’d never wanted to fall back into; she was having nightmares of her own about watching Kaito die, about this all having been plotted by those familiar assassins to make her pay for what she’d done.

All they could do was survive every day until something happened, a goal made easier when there were friends coming around to help out whenever they could. If it hadn’t been for all of the people popping into the house at different times of day, Maki certainly would have forgotten to feed the children she was in charge of, as well as herself, and even with reminders she found that she was struggling to remember to take her medications when she needed to, the feeling that her life wasn’t worth managing coming to mind more often than the thought that she needed to survive to be there for Kaito when he came home. Everything felt pointless, even though she was aware of the choices she was making when she’d be laying in bed with her mind yelling at her about neglecting to do this or that, but she couldn’t help save herself in the fight against her demons.

They weren’t told a word about the launch until the day it happened, or perhaps someone had tried to tell Maki but she’d completely spaced out ever being called in her daze. She felt like she was floating through life, her body doing the motions but her mind firmly elsewhere and refusing to budge. When friends would be over she’d put on the brave face and pretend like everything was fine, but the moment she was the only adult in the house she was back to barely living. The one and only reason she got out of bed in the mornings was Tsukia, who would wake up from nightmares on a regular basis and needed to be calmed down, coddled, and sent off to her room so that Maki could then spend her time sitting in the living room, doing nothing at all. That was how people found her, sometimes having forgotten to even move Luka out of his bed and into the room with her, and as much as they knew she was struggling fighting her on it wasn’t going to work. They would get her committed to the hospital again and she’d be leaving two children behind to be taken care of, but she was already pushing the care of them off onto others anyway.

Her one reprieve from her dissociated state came the day that the news reported that the astronauts coming back were due to arrive the following day. She didn’t get the information herself; rather, it was when Shuichi stopped by that evening that he told her, making sure to have her looking into his eyes as he delivered that good news to her. “Tomorrow you’ll get to see Kaito again, and then you can stop acting like you are right now,” he said, taking her hands in his and clasping them together. “You’ve got to be strong for him, he’s going to need you to rely on and if you’re acting like this then…”

“I haven’t medicated in days,” she blurted out, the tenderness of his touch making her snap back into reality in a rush. “I’m unbalanced and hallucinating and I’m trying to hurt myself and the kids and you’ve got to help me right now, Shuichi.” He was taken by surprise at her rambling of what was going wrong in her mind, but he gave a firm nod and brought her to her feet, before escorting her to where she’d traditionally kept her medicine bottles in her bathroom cabinet.

When he saw that they were all empty, every last one, he looked at her with compassionate eyes and tried solving her problem right there. “Maki, when were you supposed to refill those? By the looks of it, you ran every last one dry.”

“I…think I was supposed to around the time all this started, but I don’t remember for sure, sorry.” She reached for one bottle, with a half-torn label. “I don’t even take this one anymore, I must’ve gotten so out of it that I thought I did. Damn, when I’m having a breakdown I go all out, don’t I?”

“This isn’t the time for a joke,” he reprimanded, watching her set the bottle down and take a seat on the edge of the bathtub, her whole demeanor having changed since they’d started talking. Before, she’d looked dazed and unaware of her surroundings, but now she seemed like she had a grasp of what was going on. “I’ll call Kaede and see if she can get your prescriptions for you on her way here, since I think we’re still on the emergency pickup list just in case something like this happens.”

To aid in the solving of the issue, Maki mimed offering up her phone, before realizing that she didn’t have it in her hand. “Yeah, that’d be a problem, you can’t call her and talk on air. I don’t even know where my phone is at this point.”

“I’ve got mine, don’t worry.” True to his word, he was on the phone calling his wife in a matter of moments, and the moment he mentioned Maki being off her medications it seemed that Kaede was completely sold on helping however she could. Their call was brief, and when it wrapped up he set his phone on the counter before walking out of the bathroom. Confused, Maki considered following him but found herself slipping backwards into the empty tub, thudding against the bottom with a laugh.

She lay there, her legs up in the air and her back against the cool bottom, until Shuichi came back in with Tsukia right beside him. The girl seemed amused at how her mother was positioned, coming up to the edge with her hands on her hips and telling her, “Mommy, you can’t have bath time with your clothes on, silly!”

“I wasn’t planning on having bath time right now, I just lost my balance and fell. You know, like—” She shut herself up the second she realized that referring to the drowning incident with Shuichi present was not a smart idea. “—like what happens sometimes when I’m super tired and wanting to lay on the couch, you’ve seen that before haven’t you?”

“Yeah! You go all wobbly and then, boom! On the couch!” Her hands flying up off of her hips, Tsukia looked so happy in that moment, almost as if she wasn’t aware of any of the struggles that had been going on around her in the first place. She wasn’t stupid though, she most certainly had seen her mother in those dark places and was enjoying seeing her back to being somewhat normal, and just thinking about how that girl must have been suffering over the past days made the corners of Maki’s mouth fall into a deep frown.

She really needed to be better about taking care of herself, so that she could take the best care she could of her daughter. Tsukia deserved the world, she really did, and knowing that her current childish happiness was something that she must have been stripped of while the person raising her was moping around half-alive bothered Maki to no end. She was thankful for her friends for helping her out when they knew something was wrong, but she hated that she would let it get so bad before they found anything out.

Kaede’s delivery of the medications came with the added bonus of a nice meal with the rest of their family, and while Maki wouldn’t say she was feeling human while she dined she knew that she was starting to creep back closer to that state. It would take time for her medication to regulate itself again, and she’d be stuck in bad places off and on while that happened, but it was a start to get back to where she needed to be. The entire meal, while the kids eagerly chattered about things they were interested in, the adults talked about what was going to happen the following day when the astronauts made it back. It was assumed that they’d be able to get back to their families as early as that evening, which was key given that one of them was on the verge of dying just to solve problems, and if that return timetable was correct then they would all need to pitch in to help Kaito overcome whatever horrors he’d grown used to on the space station.

The idea of needing to take care of him in the midst of a mental health crisis was daunting to Maki, but she couldn’t let him down when he wouldn’t ever let her fall apart while he was watching. She had already committed in her heart to being strong for Tsukia (and Luka, even though he was a different case entirely), she could commit to the same for Kaito. After all, when they’d gotten married they’d promised to be there for each other at both the best and worst times in their lives, and this was going to be her chance to make good on that promise.

There was somewhat of a delay in getting the astronauts back to their families, and it wasn’t until a day later than they’d expected that they were able to be present for the re-entry to Earth life for the men who’d chosen to come back. That was an event that they all made sure to be there for, every person who’d been around to check in on Maki and Tsukia standing behind them as mother and daughter waited to see the man who meant the most to them. When he came into view, long after the others had, there was a wave of saddened silence that overtook everyone, even the bright-eyed girl who was so excited to see her father again; he wasn’t looking at any of them as he approached, his head hanging down and his spindly legs looking like they were about to buckle under the weight of the rest of him.

It took Maki saying his name, concern in her voice, to get him to look up with those sunken-in eyes and much sharper features, but the way he _smiled_ at hearing her was enough to make her feel confident that things could end up okay. “Heya there, Maki Roll,” he said, that smile making use of every bit of sallow skin on his face. “And heya there to you too, Tsukia. And…everyone else. Heh, some real shit happened up there, didn’t it?”

He may have looked like death had been waiting for him with open arms, but he was right back to being his normal self, despite everything. No one wanted to mention what he’d been through, and Maki knew that dealing with that part of things would have to come later, once he’d started taking care of himself again. As they were headed home, he mentioned that he’d gotten his way and that the body was back where it belonged, to be buried at the expense of the entire space program, and that he was glad that things were getting the ending that he’d been hoping they’d get. She couldn’t bring herself to say that was a good thing, as something felt off about how he was treating the fight that had pushed him so close to dying, but she also couldn’t pretend like she wasn’t happy he got his wish after all.

But when that wish came with such severe consequences as him barely being able to stomach any sort of food without feeling sick, or not recognizing himself in the mirror when he saw his reflection, that was how she knew that the price he’d paid for that wish might have been greater than it should have been. This was not the same man that had left not even a month before to go up into space, but this was the man that she married and that she loved with all her heart and that she would protect and be strong for, no matter what. They could get through the physical changes, he’d be able to learn to eat again and get actual sleep and begin to let his face and somewhat bony body fill back out to how they’d been before.

The mental ones, though, she wasn’t qualified to handle, and when he woke up in a cold sweat, shaking her calling a name that sounded like her own but wasn’t, begging her to come back to life so that things would be okay—that was the biggest price they were paying for his insistence on being a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you're all as sad as me that next week is the last chapter D:


	10. to the stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: blood, physical violence, mental breakdowns

As easy as it would have been for both of them to use the other’s problems to fall completely apart, there were two reasons why they couldn’t afford to do that: Tsukia and Luka. One was the light of their lives, the brightest star in the universe, and the other was a child so dependent on them that neglecting themselves hurt him more than anything else. It was hard to keep pulling herself back up when Kaito was dragging her down with his nightmares and moments of blacking out and panicking he was back on the space station with a literal corpse, but Maki had made the choice to stay as strong as she could until he was managing his problems better. Once he was less unstable, then she could afford to slip here and there.

They began to drag each other down, though, when she found herself unable to sleep through the night because he’d taken to grabbing her, to holding her tightly and clutching her hair, her hands, her face. Going without sleep would’ve been bad enough, but to begin to feel like she was back in that dressing room, with a man’s hand pulling her hair, or back in the hospital bed with a mask over her face, she was stuck dealing with the floodgates opening on those memories she’d been trying so hard to finally forget. Kaito couldn’t help it that he was causing her that sort of pain, he was delusional when it was happening and he wouldn’t have been doing it otherwise, but the truth was that he _was_ doing it and it was harming her every time it happened.

By the time it was a month post-return, he may have physically recovered from the ordeal but mentally he was as broken as he was the day he’d come back, and she was right there with him. It had become far too easy to put on the façade of everything being okay to fool everyone else, especially as Maki really _was_ doing everything she could to try and halt the process of her mental illness spiraling out of control. She was taking her medication, she was going to her appointments, she was just stuck living with someone who wasn’t doing anything to help their own mental state and she couldn’t fight things when it was her husband causing them. “I promise I’m fine, Maki Roll,” he told her as they sat at their little dining room table one morning, the house quiet as Tsukia wasn’t home (she was at school, somewhere she hated being and usually didn’t end up going). “I’m just goin’ through a rough patch, you know how it is.”

“I do know how it is, but I worry about you. You’re not yourself anymore.” The same could be said for her, living the shell of a life she’d already escaped once, but Maki didn’t want to make things about herself. “You need to talk to someone about this. Someone who isn’t me.”

“Yeah? Who do you suggest? I know that I’ve got all these ears wanting to hear me talk but my mouth’s not going to do it. I’m fine.” He was aware of his nightly outbursts, he knew that he was waking her up from fitful sleep by calling out another man’s name, but he was actively choosing to ignore it for the sake of looking like he was stable. “I’m not going to talk to someone about something that’s not that big of a problem, sorry.”

Maki wanted to tell him that it was a problem, but her refusal to make it about herself reared its ugly head. He was right, he wasn’t going to talk about the bits that were the most problematic because they weren’t happening while he was awake and alert, and because they were relegated to while he was sleeping it wasn’t like anyone else would know they were happening. “That’s fine, I’ll just start sleeping in Tsukia’s room or something until you get it sorted out. I’m sure there’s enough room in her bed for me to crash there.”

“I mean, you’re definitely small enough to make it work, but are you sure that’s the way we want to handle this? Can’t _you_ go get help with this, since it’s you that’s bothered by whatever I’m doing?” Kaito seemed to be genuinely suggesting for the person who’d been doing nothing but go to appointments to try and stabilize her mental state for years to continue doing what she already was doing, and his suggestion rubbed her the wrong way.

In fact, it was just bothersome enough that she stood up from her seat and headed for the door, sliding her shoes back on and getting the keys to their car on her way out. “I’m going to go somewhere that isn’t here,” she said, malice in her voice as she felt nothing but rage at how he was pretending that he couldn’t have any problems. “Make sure you don’t hurt yourself while I’m gone, and make sure Luka gets out of the bedroom.”

She slammed the door on the house without him giving her any sort of rebuttal, strange but not unusual given that he was most likely stunned speechless at how she’d quickly decided to leave. But it wasn’t a quick decision, it was one that she’d been considering for days upon days and finally reached the level of anger needed to act on it. She loved Kaito, he’d been her first and true love and that would never change, but she couldn’t sit around and let him keep dragging her down under the water when she’d worked so hard to stay afloat. Her hands were shaky as she started driving around town, not going anywhere in specific but rather just getting out of the house—but when she ended up outside of the Saihara house she knew that she was looking for help wherever she could find it.

Her situation was different than Kaito’s, in that she knew exactly what was causing it, how she needed to treat it, and what she could do to escape it. For over six years she’d been holding in the truth of the situation that had caused her so much pain, and she was beginning to consider the fact that perhaps by letting go of the baggage she still held, she could allow herself to better escape from the cycle she found herself in. Telling Kaede the exact, honest truth of what had happened that night in her dressing room would be a start, and from there she could find the strength to tell Kaito, she was certain. And once she told him, perhaps he’d see how hard that was for her and realize that he wasn’t going to get better unless he started talking out his problem, and he could grow from there.

The world had funny ways of preventing plans from going the way they were meant to, as it proved time and time again, and the first sign that this decision wasn’t going to work out as intended was that Maki was the only one there at the house, everyone else out for the day for various reasons. She couldn’t exactly tell Kaede something if she wasn’t there to hear it, and with a lack of closure but with a newfound sense of direction Maki headed back to her own home, retracing the steps she’d taken when she stormed out but with a completely different mindset on the matter.

What she found waiting for her at the house was Kaito, sitting in the middle of the floor with Luka held tightly in his arms, the boy somewhat blue in the face as Kaito was _screaming_ his father’s name at him, tears cascading down his cheeks. “Holy shit, Kaito, let go of him right now!” she bellowed, throwing the keys from her hand and lunging to pry his hands off of Luka, which was resisted entirely.

“No, you’re not gonna take him from me, he doesn’t deserve to be cast out like you’re gonna do to him! I’m gonna make sure he makes it home!” It was clear that Kaito was trapped in one of his nightmares, a flashback to what he’d endured on the space station, and Maki knew if she didn’t act fast enough he would have the blood of an innocent boy on his hands. She was pleading with him to let go, to stop strangling Luka like he was, but he insisted that it was a corpse in his arms, something he was protecting with all his strength.

Every second was precious, with how the boy was clearly struggling to breathe given how he was being held, but because he couldn’t fight back to prove he wasn’t his dead father it was up to Maki to save him. She leaned back from the situation for a split second, before giving up on prying Kaito’s hands off of Luka and instead choosing to try breaking the illusion he’d gotten trapped in by throwing her lips onto his, forcing him to focus on kissing her rather than the nightmare he was living. Watching him come back to reality hurt, but what hurt more was seeing the absolute regret in his eyes when he saw what he’d done to Luka, who was still wheezing and gasping, even without the hands and arms wrapped around him.

“I…I didn’t know I was holding him,” Kaito admitted once he’d found it within himself to talk about what he’d just been a part of. “I wasn’t here, I was back up in space with the guys, and they were fighting me and I just…I failed him, Maki Roll. I brought him back where he belonged but I didn’t save his life.”

“And you almost killed his son over it,” she replied, her attention having moved to making sure that Luka wasn’t hurt thanks to what had happened. She was aware that guilting Kaito wouldn’t end well for either of them, but she was shaken by what she’d seen and was worried about the child’s safety. “But you’re fine, there’s nothing wrong, I’m overreacting when I say that you’ve got serious problems that you’re taking out on us. What’s next, I’m going to walk into Tsukia’s room one night to see you choking her out?”

“Why would you think I’d do that?” He paused, eyes falling onto Luka and realizing that she thought he’d do that because he’d just done it to the other child in their care. There was a moment where he attempted to defend himself from her accusation, but the fact that she was right and that it was possible he would do that remained true no matter how many different ways he tried spinning what happened. If he fell into another trance, there was no guarantee he wouldn’t bring his hands to anyone, and the shame of that truth sank into his heart, rendering him unable to speak on the matter.

She, however, still could speak and wasn’t done working through her anger. “I’m not leaving you alone with either of them until I know you’re getting help, but since that’s never going to happen I guess that means they’re always with me now, huh?” It was like she was spitting pure venom at him, her attention focused more on making sure that Luka was going to remember how to breathe than being gentle with Kaito’s feelings. “But don’t just assume I’m going to _let_ you walk out on this one, nope. I’m not giving up on you, even if you’re refusing to help yourself.”

“I’ll get help, I promise! I can’t lose any of you, not like this!” Kaito threw his hands to the sides of his face, clutching his head almost as tightly as he’d been holding Luka before. “I just didn’t…I thought that…getting help’s the weak way out and I was gonna power through this, I thought I could do it!”

Even though she knew he was talking to try and defend himself from what she’d seen, Maki felt that every word he added was only digging him a deeper hole, and by making that comment he’d completely lost her right then. “Stay away from us until you admit you’re weak and get help,” she slowly, angrily said, picking Luka up and walking with him into the bedroom, setting him down to lock the door behind her. She could hear him banging on the door, asking her to open it and talk through things with her, but she was so lost in her anger that she wasn’t going to budge on keeping him out.

The only times that day she played friendly with him were when Tsukia was around after she was done with school, but if their daughter wasn’t within earshot she wasn’t saying a word to him, even though he’d shoot her begging glances and would plead for her to talk. She felt so personally attacked by him saying that getting help was weak, when she’d needed more help than she’d ever imagined to pull her out of her dark places, something that he knew to be true. But even if she was beyond furious with him right in the moment, she knew that dragging Tsukia into yet another one of their problems wasn’t the right way to handle things—even if, by dragging Luka’s bed into her little room that night, the girl was already aware something bad was happening between her parents.

Over the following days, the tensions cooled in the house, although there were two constants that Maki held everything to. One was that no one else, outside of them, were to know about what she’d walked into, no matter how much it was eating at her to get her own problem off her chest with someone (because she knew the moment she opened up about one thing, everything else would follow). The other was that she could not, and would not, leave either child alone in a room with Kaito for so much as a minute, just in case he was masking being in a fragile mental state. Neither of them were easy for her, and she could feel herself beginning to lose her footing on her own mentality, but until she heard him tell her he was getting the help she needed she couldn’t back down on either.

Just like always, right when Maki felt she was getting the upper hand on the world around her, the plans she made came crashing to the ground. This time, it came one morning when she woke up, curled up alone in Tsukia’s bed where she’d been sleeping to keep herself safe from Kaito’s vicious grasp. It was beyond strange for the little girl to not be laying next to her so early in the day, when she typically was pretending to stay asleep just to try and stay home from school, and the absence was enough to put Maki into an immediate panic.

Her mind racing with the possibilities of what could have happened, she got out of the bed and went to check the first place she feared her daughter might have gone—to her father’s side, looking for his company when she’d been denied it. The master bedroom was quiet, Kaito still fast asleep with no sign of anyone around him, and as much as it made Maki’s heart pang to see her side of the bed completely undisturbed she knew she couldn’t return to it until he made good on his word. In that moment she had something more important to be worrying with, and so she went to check the next place that Tsukia going seemed likely.

The bathroom door was mostly closed and the light was on inside when she got there, and a sense of relief came over Maki when she knocked and she heard her daughter’s little voice inside saying she was there. “You scared me for a minute,” she started telling her, pushing the door open, “because I thought that—” Her words were replaced with a scream as she saw the state Tsukia was in, sitting on her hands and knees on the bathroom floor.

Blood. It was nothing but blood dribbling down the girl’s mouth and chin, pooling on the rug beneath her face. “Mommy, I…I’m sick,” Tsukia said, her voice sounding less like she was actively bleeding out of her mouth and more like she was having a good time. “I woke up and my tummy felt bad and I came in and I got sick and now there’s blood.”

Swallowing down the feeling of herself getting sick, Maki got down more on the girl’s level and said, “Y-yeah, there sure is blood, isn’t there? You didn’t do anything else besides come in here and get sick, right?”

The girl nodded, before she slumped forward, her whole body working with her as she threw up on the floor, the contents almost exclusively blood. When she finished, she looked up at her mother with wide, scared eyes that shone just like her father’s when he’d been looking for forgiveness. “I don’t like this, Mommy. Can you make it stop?”

“I can try, but I…” Maki didn’t want to tell the girl that she had no idea what to do in order to make that happen. She knew that taking her to a doctor was the only option she had, but there were decisions that had to be made before that; she couldn’t exactly grab Tsukia and run out the door with her, leaving Kaito once again in charge of watching Luka. But she didn’t have much of a choice for anything else, as time was precious and she didn’t have the slightest clue as to what was wrong with the girl. “Here, go get a bag or something in case you need to throw up again, we’ll go get this looked at.”

Tsukia was absolutely shaking when she got to her feet, her whole body tremoring like she was about to collapse and start seizing on the floor. She remained strong, though, following her mother’s word and heading out to the kitchen to find an empty trash bag, while Maki was left asking herself what to do about the mess there in the bathroom, let alone what to do about the others at the house. It was an impossible decision, and she knew that no matter what she chose something would go wrong, so she had to prioritize her daughter’s health above everything and everyone else and focus solely on getting her where she needed to go.

That didn’t stop her from going back into her own bedroom and, while changing into more appropriate clothes to leave the house in, choosing to slam ever drawer and door she could to get Kaito to wake up. He looked to have at least woken up a little by the time she was ready to go, and in the steadiest, most serious voice she could put on she told him, “Our child woke up incredibly sick and I’m taking her to get looked at, if I find out you laid even a finger on Luka while we’re gone there’s going to be trouble.” She could hear Kaito’s half-awake attempt to understand what she was saying, but she didn’t have the time to wait around to make sure he was coherent enough to have processed it all.

With her mind set on her decision she grabbed the keys, lifted Tsukia up to carry her so she wasn’t straining herself, and slid her shoes on as she left the house, breaking several laws as she got over to the local walk-in clinic as fast as she could. If it were an incident without blood, they could have expected to sit in the waiting area upon entry, but the nurse at the desk saw the blood running from the corners of the girl’s mouth and got them checked in as fast as possible, citing the biohazard she could become if she got the blood anywhere in the waiting room. The time they spent in that tiny exam room felt like hours dragging on before they were seen by anyone, Tsukia laying on her side on the table, the bag she’d brought next to her, collecting more and more blood every time she started heaving. To see her daughter in such a state made Maki feel horrible, and she was trying her best to look like she was keeping herself together as they waited.

Eventually, a different nurse entered the room and began the initial parts of the exam, getting the girl’s height and weight, as well as her vitals and finding out what was going on. On a typical doctor’s visit, they always got an earful about how she was in the bottom percentile for her age in terms of weight, and fairly close to it in terms of height, but this nurse was more rightfully concerned with the blood issue than anything else. While they were in there with that nurse, Maki’s phone began buzzing in her pocket, somewhere she’d honestly not realized she’d put it, and when she checked it she saw that it was Kaito trying to call her. To answer the call she’d have to step out of the room, and she couldn’t leave Tsukia’s side right then, so she ignored the call and sent him a message explaining where they were and what was going on.

Given the warning she’d made before they’d left, Maki completely expected that to be the end of things, but when Kaito came into the room before the doctor themselves did, she was caught completely by surprise. “I was callin’ you to tell you that I’d gotten Kirumi to come over to watch Luka for me so I could be here with you,” he explained, standing beside the exam table so that he could stroke Tsukia’s hair. “You know that I’d do anything for you both, and when you told me earlier that she was sick I thought you meant a cough or a fever, not whatever any of this is.”

“I figured you’d be more interested in going back to sleep than dealing with this,” Maki replied, watching the exact placement of both of his hands at all times. “We’re still waiting to know what’s going on, so you could’ve stayed home.”

“What kind of dad would I be if I chose to stay home and sleep over being here for my baby girl when she needs it?” He sounded offended at Maki’s statement, but he had to have understood that she was speaking out of a mindset of protecting the girl from him. “I’m not leaving her side until we know what’s happening to her. Which I, uh, I’m sure I could make a guess or two but we’re gonna hope that—”

Even though she trusted Tsukia’s word on the matter, hearing Kaito say that he could guess what happened made Maki interrupt him with, “That this wasn’t caused by you strangling her? Yeah, me too.”

“—whoa there, Maki Roll! That’s not where I was goin’ with that at all!” Kaito sounded hurt, offended that she’d jumped to that conclusion right then, and when she saw the pain in his eyes over the situation she regretted doing it. “I was just…damn, I don’t even know how to say it without comin’ off as a complete idiot, but it sure wasn’t anything like that!”

“Mommy, Daddy, please be nice,” Tsukia whined, her little body curling up on the table as she clearly was fighting off the urge to vomit once more. “I don’t wanna hear you fight.”

“I suppose I can be nice, for her sake.” Maki’s initial reaction to what Kaito had said was going to be to call him an idiot anyway, but now that she knew that Tsukia did not want to hear a word of it she decided to play nice. “What is there that you could know about this sort of thing that could tell you what’s going on? You secretly hiding something?”

He tensed up at her accusation, but slowly let his shoulders sink, his head turned away from her so she couldn’t see whatever look he had in his eyes. “It’s not much of a secret, it’s just that I’ve been through something like this before. Still go through it sometimes, depends on the weather and how much water I’ve had, but I’m usually good about swallowin’ it down and going on with my business. It’s made me a pro at hidin’ hangovers, or at least, it used to, back before I started getting bad ones.”

“Hold on, you’re telling me that you’ve been through this before?” For as long as she’d known Kaito, since they were dumb teenagers doing reckless things and trying not to ruin their futures, she’d known him to be a strong, able-bodied person, and even when he’d fallen into his mentally unstable state he was still physically capable. Hearing him talk about dealing with something similar to the complete weakness that Tsukia was going through was something that just did not make sense to Maki, and she wasn’t going to simply take what he said at face value. “I don’t believe it, I’d have to have known by now. We’ve been married how long? Known each other _how_ long?”

“It’s not exactly something I wanted people knowing, since it’s not like the space program would take in a guy who’s known for throwing up blood at random.” Kaito went to scratch the back of his head but found himself distracted at the touch of his unshaven cheek, rubbing his hand up and down over his jawline. “I guess now that I’m not doin’ that sort of thing anymore I can come clean about this, but I didn’t expect do be baring that kind of a secret in a place like this.”

“Better than the secrets I’ve got to bare to you,” Maki replied, her eyes finally finding a new place to rest that wasn’t watching her husband’s hands, but rather watching his facial expression. She knew what saying that to him was going to cause, she knew that she was taking a step she could never undo—and yet, when she spoke next with him curiously looking at her, what she said was not the secret her heart was yearning to share. “I’ve seen Tsukia like this before, sort of. It wasn’t blood she was puking that time, it was mostly water, but I’ve seen her like this.”

“Why would she have been throwing up water?”

“’Cause I almost drowned,” the girl answered, barely aware that the question wasn’t meant to be answered by herself. “I fell into a fountain and Mommy said not to tell you, except now she’s telling you.”

Exactly as Maki had predicted, Kaito’s facial expression radically changed at that news being delivered to him. First it was shock, then trying to figure out when it could have happened, then a sense of understanding in his saddened eyes. “This was why you guys were gone so long that night at the space dinner, I bet. That’s the only place I can think of that’s got a fountain that she could fall into.”

“That would be right, and it was a complete accident and I felt horrible about it. I just…never thought that I’d have to see her anywhere close to like that again, and now that we’re here it’s all I can think about.” He’d taken it better than she’d expected him to, going silent and just nodding in understanding with what she was saying, but Maki knew that a lot of his silence came with their current situation, not with what she’d told him. They would always be able to talk it out further once they were back home, once things were looking a lot better than they currently were.

The doctor came in not long after that, finding the family waiting quietly for his appearance, and he began asking a lot of the same questions that the nurse had posed before. With Kaito and his personal experience with the particular issue that seemed to be ailing the girl, the answers that were given were a lot clearer, and the doctor was able to come up with some quick solution to the problem, not a permanent fix but enough to get them by until they could go to a specialist for the issue. Knowing that there was a way to stop things made Maki feel better about the situation, and the moment that the medication the doctor gave Tsukia kicked in, seeing her brighten up and not look as sickly was even more soothing.

Once they knew what they needed to do to keep the girl from getting sick like that again, they were allowed to leave, and it was while they were headed to the car that Maki realized that she had no idea how Kaito had gotten there in the first place. He couldn’t help but chuckle when she asked him about it. “Oh, yeah, Kirumi had a job she was working so she came by, got me and Luka, brought me here, and took him with her. She said to just let her know whenever you were ready for him back.”

“That’s really nice of her to do that, but I’m sure she can handle watching him a bit longer than we were actually here.” She didn’t explain why she said that until they were home and Tsukia was laying in her bed, trying to rest after the crazy start to the day she’d had, after the follow-up appointment for the girl was made for the next day and they’d both agreed to go to it. They were in their room, Kaito sitting on the bed and Maki standing by the door, listening just in case she heard any cries from the other room, but after she’d heard nothing for long enough she went and joined him on the bed, laying so that her head was resting in his lap and she was looking up at him.

That was when she finally let the burden of over six years off of her chest, dropping it on him without prefacing it with anything more than _here’s why I wanted to be alone longer_ , words that he may have thought were leading towards something more risqué when he first heard them. She told him the extent of her involvement in her own brutal attack, how she’d known that they were going to be there but she went into the dressing room anyway, how it would have been her or Kaede and she let herself take the attack to save her friend, how she’d grappled with that choice ever since she’d woken up in that hospital bed with him there at her side. She wasn’t sure when she started crying, but when she began tearing up she could see him above her doing the same, and by the time she’d finished getting everything out in the open he had leaned onto her, his whole body shaking as he sobbed.

“Maki Roll, if…if you’d let me know this sooner it wouldn’t have been so bad,” he said, his voice choppy from crying. “None of it would’ve been, for you or for me. I kept blamin’ myself about it, thinking that I should’ve gone with you, or made you not go, but you went to protect Kaede and I would’ve wanted to do that too, you know? You didn’t have to keep this all on yourself.”

“I protected Kaede and it almost cost me my life, and Tsukia hers, and you think I wanted you to know that? I thought you’d blame me for us almost dying.” Her scarred hand had idly tracked to where it had been trying to cover her when she’d been stabbed, the dark wounds lining up through her shirt. “I’m just telling you this now so that my mental health bullshit works itself out, I’m tired of slipping and I need you to know that carrying burdens isn’t the way to solve any problems.”

It was a two-pronged point she was making, and she hoped that both ends would pierce his heart the way she intended for them. One side was her commenting on the secret he’d been holding about what they’d seen their daughter going through, the other side was her once again reminding him that he needed help with the problems he was facing. He lay over her for a while, collecting himself from the crying he’d been doing, but when he sat up there was determination in his eyes, a sense of direction that she knew he needed. “You’re right, it’s time to stop beating around the bush and just jump into the help I need,” he decided, giving a nod at his own words. “From here on, the Momota family isn’t going to keep secrets, we’re gonna own our choices and make the best ones we can for ourselves!” His proclamation came with another silence, where she couldn’t help but smile and burst back into tears, and he grabbed her hands in his own and held them tightly as he asked, “Hey, uh, do you think you can get me in with your doctor, since they’ve done such a good job fixing your head?”

* * *

The road to recovering from everything that they’d been through was dark and took wild curves backwards to places they’d already been, but once they were on the straight path they seemed to both make leaps and bounds in the right direction. Maki had been right about her problem relating back to keeping the truth secret for so long, and once she cleared the air with Kaito she rarely found herself slipping down into her bad places. He continued having moments of breaking down for a while, but once he’d found a doctor that worked for him and got himself taken care of he was beginning to get back to the man he’d been before that ill-fated space mission.

They couldn’t just worry about themselves, though, not when Tsukia had problems of her own that she was facing. While it would have been easier for her to be told that she had a minor problem that would fix itself over time, she was given a diagnosis of a chest infection that had gone completely off the rails in terms of how it was manifesting itself in her lungs. At first Maki thought she was to blame for it, given that she’d never told any medical professionals about her near-drowning experience, but when she was assured that it had nothing to do with that she was able to feel a bit better. It still stung that their little fighter of a daughter had yet another issue to tackle, but if anyone was going to push past it with zero problems it would be Tsukia. She was still sickly, still sputtering up blood at times, but the prognosis was rather positive when it came to that coming to an end at some point. All she had to do was take a whole course of medications, go to what felt like five appointments a week, and rest her tired body until it healed.

That made for a busy schedule for the family, between both parents needing to go to appointments of their own and her needing one (or both) of them to go with her to hers. As there wasn’t much else going on in their lives, they made it work without many issues, the worst part always being needing to drag Luka with them because he was _their_ responsibility, not the responsibility of their friends. He didn’t do anything except lay around quietly, which made him being present almost forgettable, until another parent in the waiting room at the children’s clinic noticed him and asked Maki and Kaito if she could see him for a moment. “He’s, uh, not really big on strangers,” Kaito started, but when Maki punched him in the thigh for his response he yelped, getting Tsukia to laugh and the other parent to raise an eyebrow. “I mean, I guess you can go for it.”

“I’ve seen him in here a few times and I…” The parent picked Luka up and sat him flat on his bottom in one of the chairs, the boy slumping to one side but not falling forward. In his new position, he slowly looked around the room, eyes squinted from the light. “I’ve been wondering if he would react well to sitting like this. Have you thought of investing in a wheelchair for him, so he can sit and see the world?”

“A wheelchair? Can’t say that we have.” Maki looked at Kaito, before they both were looking at Luka and how peaceful he looked even if he was confused at what was going on around him. Tsukia got out of her chair and knelt down in front of his, waving her hands in his face and chattering at him to try and get any response, and the boy seemed to actually notice that she was there. “I think it’d be worth a shot, but what do you think, Kaito?”

Watching how, for the first time, it looked like his daughter was actually getting to interact with the boy, Kaito replied, “If he actually sits in it and keeps acting like this, I think it’d be great for him! Thanks for the idea, Mr…?”

The man shook his head, walking towards the door to go back towards the actual offices. “My name isn’t important, just knowing that the boy’s going to get a new lease on life is what matters here. I’ve got just the chair for you to start with, I’ll make sure who you’re here to see has it waiting for you.” Even though they both started calling for him to say his name, the man refused and left the waiting room, leaving them there with the two kids meeting each other eye-to-eye and enjoying it.

The situation began perfect sense when they got to go back to see Tsukia’s doctor, and she had a lightly-used wheelchair in the room with her. She explained that the man was a parent of a child who had been born with multiple disabilities that had left him unable to do anything on his own, and they had just recently made the call to put the child into a care home to live out the rest of his days. When they asked her for his name, she shook her head and said that she’d been given permission to explain why they were being given the gift, but that was all she could do. “Think of him as another angel watching over your Luka,” she said, “one that may have been sent to him by his father, no less.”

“Wouldn’t that be something,” Maki muttered, while Kaito worked on getting Luka sitting in the chair as well as trying to figure out how it worked for himself. The wheelchair was motorized, with a little control panel on one armrest that looked like it was disabled for use, and while the doctor was spending time with her patient, he was using that same time trying to get the panel to turn on. It didn’t work, he made zero progress on it the whole time they were there, but the chair still moved if it was pushed and that already made it easier to move it out of the room and out to the parking lot outside the building.

There was the issue of transporting it back to their house, but before they even considered doing that they had to see if it was even worth taking it with them. That resulted in calling up the most tech-savvy person they knew to come meet them over at the clinic, and when Miu showed up she seemed beyond excited to get to tinker with the chair. In fact, she was so excited about it that, after giving them both an earful of crude remarks as well as a couple cheek-pinches for Tsukia, she offered to take the chair home with her and bring it to their house to them once she’d finished making all the modifications she wanted to on it. Telling her no seemed pointless, and so they let her take the chair, figuring they’d never actually see it again.

Miu brought it back a few days later, and while the chair looked mostly the same as it had when they’d given it to her, its functionality was completely different. The control panel was unlocked and made easier for someone to use, with simple buttons for all directions that she was sure Luka would learn to navigate. Some of its bulkier parts were swapped out for lighter ones, or ones that were more suitable for easy stowage and transport, which meant that they’d be able to fold it up and put it in the back of their car. “It’s basically the best fuckin’ wheelchair the kid could ask for,” she claimed, putting her hands on her hips and snorting in laugher. “No need to thank me for it, it was all my pleasure. I sure do love helping other people’s crotch goblins, especially when they’re not your nasty one.”

“I’m not nasty,” Tsukia retorted. “You pinch my cheeks whenever you see me.”

“Damn straight I do.” Cue Miu going in for another cheek pinch, which Tsukia allowed, albeit with a pout on her face. “But seriously, doing this was my good deed for the year, thanks for calling on me to make it happen, losers. If you need anything else like it, you know where I’ll be.”

“I think we’ve missed a step here, we haven’t even tested to see if it works.” Kaito was holding Luka, ready to set him in the chair so that he could get a feel for it, and Miu seemed shocked as she looked at them, almost as if she was offended that he would assume it wouldn’t work. That led to her stepping aside and allowing for the boy to be seated in it, and while Luka wasn’t immediately able to play with the buttons or even acknowledge that anything was different about where he was, the potential was there.

Standing to the side watching everything, Maki shook her head at just how perfect things seemed to be going in regards to getting the child mobile. “I’m sorry, but there’s a catch here, isn’t there? Woman genius Miu Iruma doesn’t just help out her friends without making them beg for mercy.”

“You know, I considered making the two of you kiss my ass—quite literally, might I add—but I realized that it just wouldn’t be right. You’ve been through enough to get you here to this point, I can be nice for once in my damn life and not go through the vulgar motions.” Winking, Miu turned so that she was facing Maki at an angle, arching her back so that she was making her assets all more prominent. “However, I’m not going to turn down some body worship from you, if you’re offering.”

“I’d rather get stabbed again than touch you,” Maki replied without hesitation, finding it slightly liberating to be able to make that joke without causing herself any kind of mental distress, and by weaponizing her attack she seemed to surprise Miu into straightening up and getting somewhat squirmy. “But seriously, thanks for doing this for us, we appreciate your willingness to be nice.”

The kind gesture was lost on someone present, though, as Tsukia looked at Miu and told her, “Mommy and Daddy might like you, but I don’t.”

“Hey now, let’s not be putting words into my mouth there, kid!” Still making sure that Luka was sitting comfortably and would eventually be able to make use of the buttons right underneath his hand, Kaito almost didn’t realize he’d spoken out loud until Maki gently smacked the back of his head, after which he looked over at Miu and how she seemed to be getting more troubled by being put down. “Oh, right, maybe I shouldn’t have said that where she could hear me, huh?”

“I…I’m going to go now, I can’t exactly take care of myself in front of kids,” Miu quickly spat out, signaling her exit from their lives for the moment. She might not have been around as much as anyone else they knew, but she did more for them in that one gesture than some people they knew ever had, and she’d be able to return home knowing that she’d done something incredibly kind.

The modifications she made on that wheelchair were a game-changer for Luka, as he slowly came to understand what the buttons on it did. He may have spent almost all of his life being treated like he wasn’t going to learn anything, and that he wasn’t meant for more than taking up space in a room, but between the “guardian angel” at the clinic and Miu, he was given a brand new lease on life with his wheelchair. He could sit up and watch everything around him, he was able to eat without being on the floor to do so, and he eventually came to know how to move without people pushing him; all of these were things that would have never happened had things gone as intended with the space mission, Maki realized, and as much as she knew that his dad dying was a bad thing, she almost was glad that it had happened. Luka was thriving in her and Kaito’s care, and he wouldn’t have gotten that chance otherwise.

Over the following months, there were nothing but positive steps for all of them in that house, between the adults’ mental health finally hitting high points that neither of them had hit and sustained in years (as Kaito had been impacted by the knife attack as well, he’d just masked it until he had his own trauma to deal with), Tsukia getting completely over the illness that she’d gotten, and Luka learning how to use his wheelchair on his own. Things weren’t perfect, there were always moments where things looked darker than they were, but they were headed in the right direction.

The biggest misstep came when they were contacted by the space program, looking to find out what Kaito’s plans for the future were, and if he would be interested in going for a fourth flight as a senior astronaut on the team. He was so surprised by the call in the first place that he hung up on them, only for them to then choose to come visit the home in person, needing an answer from the man who had once been the face of the tragedy on the space station. There was no denying that he still loved space, and that he would’ve gone up again if he could guarantee that it would be a flawless mission, but that was the problem: there was no guaranteeing anything. He could go with a bunch of young, new astronauts and have every single one of them die on his watch, and he wouldn’t be able to mentally handle that.

Turning down their offer was hard enough, but what he decided to do to prevent another offer from coming in was harder. The media all knew who he was, all the news sources having loved airing the videos documenting his breakdown as they got them viewers, and he felt he owed it to them to give them one last piece of his career. That was how he ended up giving a televised “retirement” speech, completely written by him and checked by the people he’d worked for, just so that the world could know that the man they’d watched fall apart in space was fine, and that he was not planning on ever doing that again. The preparation that went into the speech was minimal, and Kaito honestly threw the words onto the paper the day he took it to get approved, so it wasn’t like there was much meaning to it beyond getting the world off his back about returning to space.

Yet, as he was on the stage presenting the speech to the crowd of interested people who’d gathered to hear it, there was a sense of sadness in the whole scenario. He had spent his whole life preparing to get to go to space, then the moment he found out he was going the first time his life changed forever. That wasn’t something he told everyone that was there, but it was something that his friends and family had in their minds as he was talking, especially those who knew the details of the alcohol-fueled binges, the wild parties and time spent living on the edge. Maki was sure that if the crowd was made up a little bit differently, if it wasn’t so many strangers there, he might’ve gotten a bit more into those details, but at the same time if there were more people he knew he might’ve stayed quiet anyway. She was sitting in the front row to support him, Luka in his wheelchair on one side and Tsukia on the other, with Kaito’s grandparents on the other side of the girl.

The fact that they were there for the speech, over everything else that had happened in their family over the past nearly seven years, did rub Maki the wrong way, because as far as she knew this was the first time they’d properly met their great-granddaughter. They were an older couple, sure, and there were most likely reasons as to why they’d never reached out to them, but for them to show up at the conclusion of their grandson’s career after having never been around for most of it was just weird. The icing on that cake was how, despite sitting next to Tsukia the entire time, they barely said a word to her during the speech or after it, only bothering to learn her name at the start; they never really acknowledged that Maki was there either, and they’d met her way beforehand.

After the speech was concluded and the whole thing was finally put behind them, Kaito didn’t even get much of a chance to say anything to his grandparents, them barely giving him hugs and kisses before they were toddling off with the majority of the crowd. “Why did they show up if they were just going to treat all of us like that?” Maki asked him after explaining how they’d treated her and their daughter. “You should be glad they’re old, I would’ve fought them over it.”

“This is the first time they’ve been allowed to get out of where they’re living in years, they probably didn’t even understand why they were here until they got to see me up close,” he replied, before giving a small sniffle. “I guess we should’ve done better to keep in touch with them, I think we screwed up keepin’ this whole family together.”

She could tell how sad he was to have seen them and have them not really recognize anyone, and immediately she regretted the feelings of spite she’d had towards them. “It’s whatever, they didn’t look too upset by it, and they got to hear you talk about how you’re going to try leading a better life now. They’ve got to be proud of that.”

“Yeah, they’ve gotta be. And if they’re not?” He looked off in the direction they’d headed, seeing nothing but the crowd of attendees off in the distance, no one in specific sticking out. However, around them he not only had his family, but as many friends that could make it as possible, all of them waiting around to get to talk to him. Sighing, he finished, “If they’re not, it’s no big deal. I’ve got you and Tsukia and Luka and just about everyone else I know who’s proud of me, and that’s what matters!”

“That’s right, it’s what matters,” Maki repeated, letting their words linger in the air for a moment before hugging him tightly, Tsukia joining in the moment she saw that her parents were mid-hug. Slowly, people around them noticed what was happening and joined in, until they were a large pile of people, all crowded around the man who’d just put the final nail in the coffin of his greatest dream, showing that they loved and supported him no matter what.

* * *

For Tsukia’s seventh birthday, she insisted on having the largest party that a girl her age could have, complete with face-painting and balloons as far as the eye could see. There were so many details to her plan that, as she was telling her mom everything she wanted, Maki could see Kaito mouthing all of the requests next to her, almost as if she’d run it by her father before presenting it elsewhere. Of course, there was zero reason to deny the girl any of her wishes after the year she’d had, and that was where Maki was sure that it wasn’t exactly just Tsukia who’d come up with all of the details.

“So maybe I gave her a couple pointers for what she could do, but what of it?” he asked when confronted about it. “I’m just doin’ what I can to make sure my baby girl gets what she wants out of her birthday party, and I know just who can help us make it all happen.” That last part was exactly what Maki had been expecting him to say, with all of those extremely specific details that just happened to line up with the interests of people they knew. She hadn’t been expecting him to say that he’d already talked with people to get a place for the party, as well as a date and time and have invitations already in the works—this was nearly a month in advance and that much forethought felt somewhat risky.

Once she learned that there was that much pre-planning because of the sheer number of kids invited, Maki’s level of being okay with the party began to wane, but when she was reminded that there would be so many other adults around that she wasn’t going to have to be in charge of the entire gaggle of children she felt more at ease with things. “As long as no one gets hurt, I suppose it’ll be fine. What’s the worst that can happen, someone gets a paintbrush in the eye? A bird lands in someone’s hair? It’s not like there’s going to be fireworks or anything like that.”

“Exactly my thinking, Maki Roll! But if Tsukia wanted those, I’m sure we know someone who could make it happen.” Smiling to counteract her scowl in his direction, Kaito gave her a strong thumbs-up and watched as her scowl softened into a neutral expression. “I know that this is gonna be, well, a lot going on, but everyone’s willing to help and I think it’s kind of important that it happens just like Tsukia wants.”

“And why might that be?” she asked, expecting his answer to be something cheesy or inspirational, or even just plain wrong. What she got instead was a shake of the head, a lack of solid response, and when she pressed further he said he’d explain later.

She didn’t think that _later_ would turn into the morning of the party, after all of the kids attending had said they’d be there, after all of the events had been arranged and the place it was happening was completely set up for the mob of children running through it. She didn’t think that the explanation would come as they were standing outside of Tenko’s dojo, balloons in their hands to hand off to anyone who came inside, underneath the banner announcing that there was a birthday party inside. What his reason for wanting to go all-out for their daughter’s birthday was the furthest thing from her mind as they stood out there, greeting all of the guests and their parents for a day of fun.

“I’m horrible at keepin’ secrets, especially when they’re good ones, so not talkin’ about this with you sooner has been killing me. So here goes, I think we’ve gotta move away from this place,” he suddenly said, looking to where Maki was standing on the other side of the door, her quickly turning to face him with her eyes narrowing. “It’s not that it’s a bad place, and it’s not that we’re not getting along with people anymore, it’s just that…the memories are getting to me too much some days. I’ve gotta find somewhere else to live.”

“That’s out of the blue,” she replied, the thought of packing up the house they’d lived in since they were young and stupidly in love and moving elsewhere making her shift her stance uncomfortably. “I get it, a lot has happened around here, but moving? Are you sure that’s the answer?”

He nodded, before pretending like they weren’t having a serious conversation as another child came into view. Once that kid was inside, he was back to looking over at his wife, as she tried understanding where he was coming from. “I’ve been thinking about it since I gave the retirement speech, it’d be nice to kick back and find somewhere new to live out the rest of our lives, since I’m getting paid to do nothing for what I went through. We could find a nice, quiet town, you could pick up a hobby and I could work on fixing up our new home, Tsukia could go to a small school and make new friends, Luka would have new sights to see, it’d be…I don’t wanna say perfect, but it’d be close to it.”

“We’d be leaving everyone behind. All of our friends. All of—Kaito, is this why you wanted this party to go like this?” The thought hadn’t ever occurred to Maki that the extravagance of the party could be related to some much larger plan, she thought it was to do with the fragility of life or their daughter’s health scare or something along those lines. When he nodded again, she faced away from him, feeling her face warm up at how stupid she was to not figure things out sooner. “I’m sorry, but I can’t walk out of the lives of everyone who was there for us when we needed it.”

“No one said we’d be walkin’ out of anywhere, don’t be silly! Look, I’ve been talking about this with Shuichi, and he thinks that it’s a good idea. They’d miss us, but it’d be what’s best for us at the same time.” Now that she was looking away, Kaito turned back to facing where the guests would be walking in from, just to make sure he didn’t miss anyone. He could hear Maki working through his suggestion, but he didn’t want to keep pushing the issue and make things worse, since she already seemed to disagree with it.

She wasn’t in complete disagreement, but she also wasn’t exactly keen on starting their lives over again. That feeling of not wanting to leave stuck with her the whole day, but it was strongest when they went inside after the last guests had arrived, entering into a completely decorated dojo that usually looked to be so empty when they’d come by. Streamers of every color of the rainbow hung from all available surfaces, with the balloons the kids had been given sticking to them at random. In one corner was a beautiful piano, where Kaede was playing music for some of the children, chasing each other in circles until she stopped, and directly across the room from it was the face-painting station that Angie had set up, a line of kids waiting patiently for her to decorate their faces. Another corner was blocked off by curtains, but they could hear the cheering coming from the other side, that being where Himiko was treating kids to a bit of a magic show. The final corner of the room was where the snacks had been set up, as well as chairs for the parents to sit in as they watched their kids having a great time.

Most notable of all, though, was the group in the middle of the room, taking advantage of the owner’s special talents to learn some basic self-defense. That was where Tsukia and Luka both were, among several other children who looked to be in awe at whatever it was that Tenko was telling them. “I’m going to go see what they’re doing, see if she’s teaching them useful things or just to beat up boys,” Maki told Kaito, after realizing that the only boy among the group was Luka. “I doubt parents would be happy with us if their daughters learned that from this party.”

“Yeah, you do that, I’m gonna…chill or something,” Kaito replied, looking around for someone to go talk to. “You have fun dealing with Tenko, she was the least-happy to have to do something for today.”

Maki gave a hollow laugh, starting to head towards the group of kids. “That doesn’t surprise me at all. Go have fun with whoever, I’ll have plenty of fun with Tenko.” He waved her off as she walked, and she came up to the group of kids trying her best not to still be laughing at Kaito and his behavior.

She seemed to have walked up right as the conversation stopped and the demonstration began, as no one was talking and Tenko was standing in front of all of the children, one hand resting on her hip and the other dramatically stroking her chin. “I need a volunteer to help me with this part, because I can’t do it all on my own,” she told them, looking over each and every one of the girls that was there (even giving Maki a quick nod to acknowledge that she was present), before her eyes fell on Luka in his chair. “Normally I don’t pick boys, because they’re icky, never forget that ladies, but I think I’m going to have Luka come here to help.”

All of the girls watched silently as Luka rolled his chair up to being next to Tenko, carefully maneuvering it to face her with his typically blank stare. “Okay bud, here’s what you’re going to do. Just follow me, okay?” Since there was never any response from the boy, she glanced over at all of the young girls before pulling both of her arms up in front of her, holding them in a defensive position. “This is a good starting stance for if you need to protect yourself. Luka, will you show everyone how to do this too?”

Everyone’s eyes fell onto the boy, who was clearly looking at what Tenko was doing but wasn’t making any movements of his own until he shakily lifted his arms, getting as close to what she was doing as he physically could. They all erupted into cheers, some of the girls making comments to Tsukia about how _cool_ her brother was, while the birthday girl was jumping up and down, cheering loudest of all. Maki felt her heart soar at the way these girls were being so kind about a boy who was not able-bodied like they were, but what got her most was that Tsukia clearly referred to Luka as her brother, if that was how the other kids knew him. He’d been in their life for just over a year and yet the girl felt strongly enough about him to tell everyone they were related, and that was the cutest thing.

There was more to the demonstration, some of which Luka was able to do alongside Tenko’s direction, but a lot of it he wasn’t capable of due to being in his chair. It didn’t matter, though, because being included was making him the happiest any of them had ever seen him. He was actually smiling, making excited noises and trying his hardest to say anything to the people around him, and even as the group of girls all got to practice what he had been doing he was still having the time of his life. That didn’t change when the demonstration was over and they were allowed to disperse to other stations in the room, Tsukia and a couple of her friends walking alongside Luka as they went on their way.

“I want you to know that I was going to use him as my buddy before I even saw you there,” Tenko claimed, hunching over to catch her breath after having used the last of the high energy of the group of girls required. “He was…really going to be my choice, he deserved it…damn it that tired me out. How am I going to keep doing that all day?” She stood back up, arching backwards as she stretched her back and arms, before straightening up. “I knew that I’d be exhausted at the end, but after group one? Kill me now!”

“You’re the one who insisted you do something beyond lend us your place,” Maki reminded her, as they started to head towards the part of the room filled with chairs. “Which, by the way, thanks for doing that. I doubt this would be going half as well if we didn’t have so much room to use for it.”

The second there was an empty chair within reach, Tenko grabbed it and sat down, letting herself slide down until she was barely on the chair, her back arched to try stretching it once more. “I know, I know, Kaito really had to bug me to get me to let you use it, but now I’m thinking I really should’ve given that degenerate exactly what he wanted and nothing more. I think I, uh, might be a bit too pregnant for this…”

As impolite as it was, Maki snorted as she took the chair next to Tenko’s, keeping her eyes off of what her friend was doing and instead watching the groups of children wandering around the room together. “I still can’t believe you went through with it for them, and now you understand why I didn’t think you’d do it, don’t you?” She got a sputtering whine in response, which made her snort again. “It’s only going to get worse for you, I hope you know. Especially if doing some basic self-defense moves is tiring you out right now, how are you going to keep working through it?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think it would be like this when I agreed to fully commit to doing it for them. Plus, like, you can’t talk to me about how bad it’s going to be, you had things relatively easy up until it ended. I’ve already told Kaede she can’t give me any advice, now I’m banning you from doing it too!” Sitting properly in the chair, Tenko let her hands idly rest on her lap, her thumbs brushing up against the curve of her still-small stomach. “This is going to go differently than things did for either of you, especially since I…I don’t know, I don’t have any attachment to the little parasites? All I hope is that they don’t _both_ belong to Angie, I’d have to get attached to them real quick if they do.”

“You’re a lot stronger of a woman than I could ever be, Tenko, putting yourself through that for someone else. Or, I guess, two someone elses, if it all works out?” Shaking her head, Maki looked for where Tsukia was among everyone, and when she found her still at Luka’s side, over at the face-painting station, she then looked for Kaito and saw him hanging around the curtain with the magic show. “As much as I love my child, I wouldn’t have ever had her if it had been my own choice, so you making that choice for others is…”

“Crazy? Stupid? Bat-shit insane? Yeah, I’m aware, but it’s me or no babies at all and I guess I’m not using my body too much to not offer it to them.” There was a moment of silence between the two, before Tenko grumbled and got back to her feet. “I should go make myself available for if more kids want to learn to fight, hopefully I don’t manage to get more tired from here, huh?”

Watching her continue stretching before she moved, Maki shook her head and said, “It’s not going to magically get easier for you, you know. Just don’t overwork yourself, there’s other lives you’ve got to focus on now, and since they’re not yours, something going wrong might hurt you more than you’d expect.”  
“Thanks for the advice that I didn’t ask for. I said you’re banned, remember?” That got both of them laughing, and it was nice to see that Tenko was finding ways to have fun with the situation she’d been so hesitant to get into in the first place.

That interaction lingered on Maki’s mind for the rest of the day, as the kids wore themselves out running between the different stations, then moved on to snacks and presents for the birthday girl, only to go back to the activities. It was evening when everyone was gone, and later still when everything was cleaned up (minus the piano, as it was too big for any of them to move, and the streamers, which the ladies of the dojo insisted could stay hanging), but when they were on their way home with both kids asleep in the backseat, Maki looked at Kaito with a new perspective on what he’d presented to her before. “I think moving might not be such a bad idea after all,” she told him, “and if it’s what you think you want to do, I’m willing to give it a shot. No point in saying no when it’s not going to be the end of the world if we leave this place.”

“We’ll haveta talk about it with the others, see if they’ve got any suggestions for where we can go,” he replied, smiling at how her view had changed in such a short amount of time. “It’s not like it’s a decision we’ve gotta make right now, we’ve got all the time in the world to make that choice.”

* * *

They finished moving their furniture into their new home on the one-year anniversary of the flight that had changed their lives, something that neither of them had realized until one of their friends brought it up as a coincidence. It was too far of a drive for them to have moved everything on their own over several trips, but it was close enough that many of their friends volunteered their time and their energy to helping complete the move in one go. Leaving the home they’d shared so many memories in had been hard, but seeing the new place filled with boxes and the beginning stages of organization with the furniture gave them both the reminder that what they’d decided to do was best for them, giving them somewhere to make new memories.

“It’s getting late, I’m sure all of you want to head back to your own homes, but thanks for comin’ out here to help us get all this here,” Kaito said to the group gathered in the bare-bones living room of the house, everyone listening to his every word. “We might not be as close to ya as we were, but we’re still all gonna be friends for life. We’ll come visit whenever we can, you guys should come out here to visit us too.”

There were some mumbles of agreement, but what was more notable was Kaede’s cry of, “I’m not sure how I’m going to live without being able to drop by whenever! Can’t you guys just move back, find somewhere closer or something? This is going to be hard!”

“If you miss us so much, just come out here, we’ll have the space for you,” Maki told her, leaving Kaito’s side to hug her friend. That was a mistake, as the moment they began hugging Kaede started crying, which in turn made Maki start tearing up, and soon nearly everyone there was crying to some degree. The only ones who hadn’t fallen victim to the waterworks were the four children off to the side, talking amongst themselves like they didn’t know what was going on. That changed, though, when it was time to leave and Sonata, much like her mother, couldn’t handle the idea of leaving Tsukia and Luka in their new home and started blubbering like a baby.

“We’ll all be friends forever,” Tsukia assured her, pushing her own cheeks up into a smile. “Me and you and Conan and Luka, we’ll all be the bestest friends anyone could ask for!” It wasn’t enough to get Sonata to stop crying, but it was enough to get her brother to start sniffling, and that was where the goodbyes kicked up until it was only the family left at their house, ready to start their new lives.

The following years were kind to them, the change of pace and scenery enough to give them all motivation to try new things and go new places. Tsukia loved her new school that she went to, quickly making friends with almost everyone in her class and frequently inviting students over to spend time at her house. Her classmates all loved Luka almost as much as they loved the friend they were there for, and after a while it was impossible to tell if the kids were coming over for one child or the other. Referring to him as her brother became the norm, a choice that was solidified when the family legally, officially adopted him, having gotten tired of only being recognized as his legal caretakers.

As for the adults themselves, they spent most of their time around home, caring first and foremost for the children but also taking on new interests of their own. In lieu of his dreams of going to space, Kaito decided to devote his spare time to setting up a makeshift observatory behind the house, but he only got as far as building a small deck before getting bored with the project. There was enough room on it for a couple of benches and a decent-sized telescope, which he spent many nights out at, showing the kids different objects in the dark sky. He thought that the quiet little town they’d found was perfect for doing some stargazing, there being few lights around to disrupt the view.

Maki, on the other hand, began working with Luka as much as she could to see how much he could learn. He’d changed so much in the first year they’d had him around that she knew, without a doubt, that there was more potential within him that could be unlocked, and she spent several afternoons a week walking around the town with him, testing his physical and mental capabilities. He wasn’t ever able to walk, or even stand on his own, but he did figure out how to use his hands rather well and even began grasping basic language to the point that they could have very simple conversations on their walks.

At first, visiting their friends back home was a regular thing, but as they grew more comfortable in their quiet lives that slowly tapered off, until at most they’d exchange a call or some messages every month or two with someone that they’d left behind. It wasn’t that they didn’t care, but rather that there was so much there in their new lives that they couldn’t exactly put it all down for a weekend back visiting old friends. Those kinds of visits required planning, actual thought put into them, and it wasn’t something they did often.

It was a few months before Tsukia’s thirteenth birthday when they got an envelope in the mail, addressed simply to the Momota family. She was the one who saw it first, and when she took it to her parents she jokingly suggested that it was an early birthday card for her, something that was shot down by how it was addressed. “I know, jeez, I was just making a joke, don’t we like jokes around here?” she replied, pretending to be offended. “I saw that it’s from the Saiharas, I just…I kinda miss them.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long time since we last saw them, hasn’t it?” Kaito asked, looking to Maki for an answer while she was investigating the envelope. When she said nothing but merely began opening the mail, he chuckled. “I mean, it _has_ been a long time, I know that. Pretty sure last time we were all together, none of us really had any gray hairs, and now…”

He trailed off as he reached up towards his head, where the sides of his hair were speckled with little gray patches, which he always claimed made him look cooler than he’d ever been.

That was in contrast to Maki’s hair, which had a couple spots where she had several inches worth of gray strands hidden here and there, something she had embraced after everything she’d survived. “I’m sure that neither of them have any, shut up,” she said, getting the envelope open and pulling the contents out. It was an invitation, written in a lovely font, asking them to attend a graduation ceremony for one Sonata Saihara. Attached to it was a picture of the girl, her having grown up to look like a dark-haired version of her mother, down to the way her eyes looked when she smiled. “She’s old enough to be graduating, huh? I can’t believe it, there’s no way that’s possible.”

“It’s gotta be, they wouldn’t send us a lie in an invitation.” His attention turning to the picture that Maki was holding, Kaito looked from it to Tsukia, at how she was staring at both of her parents waiting for her turn to see what they had. “I mean, last time I talked to Shuichi, he was telling me how she’s doin’ super well with her animal classes, and how her brother’s been getting invites to different major choir performances, and how he was proud of both of them.”

“Maybe we’ll get treated to some singing if we go, if the boy’s so good at it.” Maki noticed that Tsukia was waiting as well, and she lay the invitation flat so that she could see it for herself. “What am I saying, if we go? We’re going, I’m not missing the chance to make them feel older than they probably already do.”

“Mom, that’s rude,” Tsukia scolded, her eyes taking in all they could of the girl in the picture. “If her parents feel old, what does that make you? Old too, right?”

“She is not old,” another voice added into the conversation, and they all looked away from the picture to see Luka rolling in, his eyes focused on making sure he didn’t hit anyone but his ears on what they were saying. “That is not nice.”

Tsukia gasped at how she’d been told off, flipping her hair out of her eyes and glaring at her brother for what he’d said. Maki saw the interaction and smiled. “He’s right, I’m not old, but if they’re old enough to have a kid graduating from high school, they definitely are.”

“C’mon, let’s just agree that we all are, I think it feels nicer that way,” Kaito said, grabbing Maki with one arm and wrapping himself around her, nearly making her drop the invitation that she was still holding. “We got to grow up old together, and sayin’ that after everything just makes me all warm and tingly inside. Isn’t that better than fighting that we aren’t old, Maki Roll?”

Her smile still on her lips, and the feeling of love that hearing him still use that nickname for her after everything they’d been through together, inspired her to reply, “I guess it might be, maybe a little.”

“You know, it’s really funny. Here I was, always thinkin’ that I wanted to grow old and find a place for love up among the stars, somewhere that maybe someday we’d be able to go together but…” Kaito shook his head, hugging Maki tighter. “All I ever needed was to find a quiet place here on Earth with our family, and with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OVER WHAT  
> okay but seriously this is the ending I've been working towards since I started writing this fic, I'm so glad I got to make it here and I made it here with the support of a lot of friendly readers! thank you for choosing to read my fic, I appreciate all of the love you've given me <3<3


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